People-pleaser
At work today, I wasn't in court so had a full office day, got to talk to Ben a bit because he finished court pretty early. We seem to get along really well, I wonder if I am as good a male companion for him as he is for me. During one conversation, he asked me whether I could see myself being with a white girl or an Asian girl. I am pretty sure he has asked this at least once before. Even today, after the initial question we dragged the conversation into another topic and then he asked the question again. I wonder what he is up to. He has told me his wife runs a modelling agency...is he trying to set me up with one of her models???
I saw an email setting up a meeting for Thursday, and one of the agendas was a welcome thing for me. God I feel so bad, I'm going to have to sit through that and the Christmas dinner knowing that I'll have to resign soon.
I also told Cole today that I lost my trolley, and was ready to bear the brunt of it, until he told me that he took it on Friday from court. Phew! Later, when he saw Ben and I talking, he walked past and made a comment about a trolley, haha, and Ben and I just looked at eachother like "what a cunny funt".
I got home today and saw that I had received the package from the CDDP. The wheels were already in motion.
I spoke to Bush (finally!) today after work. I told her about it, and her ultimate advice was to take it, mainly cause it's a two year contract, and it's back in Sydney. She seemed pretty busy, cause I could hear her typing in the office, so I didn't keep her for long.
But it made me think: why was I so worried about breaking the news to these people? Like Bush said, it wasn't like they were family, and at the end of the day I had to look after myself. Put it this way: come the end of your contract, they may have absolutely no qualms saying goodbye to you, so why should you worry about the same? The other thing is I've realised you're a people-pleaser. You like to please everyone, and you hate doing things that upset people. So in effect, you live, not for yourself, but for others. And where has that gotten you? Well, in terms of career, if I end up moving to the CDDP, quite far. But in terms of girls, you are still at the stage you were at on your very first day of life. So maybe it's time to face the fact that you just have to put yourself first at times.
Fucking hell it's hot in here. I bought some KFC for dinner, and ate with Kim in the backyard, she had her pizza. Had a bit of a chat, whilst she was on her laptop looking up stuff to pay off her fines. She told me that she thinks Pandy is a lesbian with the person to whom I send the rent to. What a relief! And here I was thinking that she may have been fancying me.
She once hinted that she wanted children, and her ring tone is of a child giggling. My worst nightmare was she'd want me to give her a baby. I know, far-fetched. But I guess this is how sensitive I am to things. Maybe now I can stop distancing myself from her.
For the past two days I have been listening to 仍然在痛. I swear that is THE saddest song of all time. Everytime I listen to it and watch the video it makes me want to cry. I think I have an affinity for sadness as romance. I listened to it with earphones today and you could hear the flute playing along with it, which was just beautiful. I love that bit where the camera's rolling through the tunnel as Sunny walks through it to meet Calvin, and Calvin's backing away. The way Calvin is looking at Sunny is just so goddamn memorable...it's like in one look he encapsulates the whole "so you're the one idiot who ruined my entire life" attitude.
God I love that song. I keep seeing myself as Sunny, the loner who lives his entire life longing for the girl he can never get.
I saw an email setting up a meeting for Thursday, and one of the agendas was a welcome thing for me. God I feel so bad, I'm going to have to sit through that and the Christmas dinner knowing that I'll have to resign soon.
I also told Cole today that I lost my trolley, and was ready to bear the brunt of it, until he told me that he took it on Friday from court. Phew! Later, when he saw Ben and I talking, he walked past and made a comment about a trolley, haha, and Ben and I just looked at eachother like "what a cunny funt".
I got home today and saw that I had received the package from the CDDP. The wheels were already in motion.
I spoke to Bush (finally!) today after work. I told her about it, and her ultimate advice was to take it, mainly cause it's a two year contract, and it's back in Sydney. She seemed pretty busy, cause I could hear her typing in the office, so I didn't keep her for long.
But it made me think: why was I so worried about breaking the news to these people? Like Bush said, it wasn't like they were family, and at the end of the day I had to look after myself. Put it this way: come the end of your contract, they may have absolutely no qualms saying goodbye to you, so why should you worry about the same? The other thing is I've realised you're a people-pleaser. You like to please everyone, and you hate doing things that upset people. So in effect, you live, not for yourself, but for others. And where has that gotten you? Well, in terms of career, if I end up moving to the CDDP, quite far. But in terms of girls, you are still at the stage you were at on your very first day of life. So maybe it's time to face the fact that you just have to put yourself first at times.
Fucking hell it's hot in here. I bought some KFC for dinner, and ate with Kim in the backyard, she had her pizza. Had a bit of a chat, whilst she was on her laptop looking up stuff to pay off her fines. She told me that she thinks Pandy is a lesbian with the person to whom I send the rent to. What a relief! And here I was thinking that she may have been fancying me.
She once hinted that she wanted children, and her ring tone is of a child giggling. My worst nightmare was she'd want me to give her a baby. I know, far-fetched. But I guess this is how sensitive I am to things. Maybe now I can stop distancing myself from her.
For the past two days I have been listening to 仍然在痛. I swear that is THE saddest song of all time. Everytime I listen to it and watch the video it makes me want to cry. I think I have an affinity for sadness as romance. I listened to it with earphones today and you could hear the flute playing along with it, which was just beautiful. I love that bit where the camera's rolling through the tunnel as Sunny walks through it to meet Calvin, and Calvin's backing away. The way Calvin is looking at Sunny is just so goddamn memorable...it's like in one look he encapsulates the whole "so you're the one idiot who ruined my entire life" attitude.
God I love that song. I keep seeing myself as Sunny, the loner who lives his entire life longing for the girl he can never get.
posted by toey | 20:10
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