She has cancer
As the day flowed along yesterday, I didn't get a message from her, and thought "maybe this will go ahead after all". I had booked a Japanese restaurant nearby, and figured I'd walk by her office a bit late, make her wait a bit.
Then at about 5pm I get a message from her.
Her @ 16:56 - Hi [insert name here], can we meet in Bondi Junction?
Me @ 16:56 - You're not at work today?
Her @ 16:57 - No I'm not working today
Hmmm...maybe I can pick her up then and then we can go to whatever in Bondi?
Me @ 17:00 - Alrighty, can I show off my driving skills and pick you up? :)
Her @ 17:01 - Actually I was hoping to have dinner here? I had a car accident few days and I'm not feeling too well.
God, you make the most inappropriate jokes. Seriously, what were the odds that you'd make a driving joke and she'd just recently had a car accident?
And what does she meant by "have dinner here"? At her place?? Nah, that can't be it. That'd be moving WAY too fast.
And is she trying to bail again when she says she's not feeling too well? Does she want me to offer to cancel it?
I decided to do the 'caring' role and rush to her place without further ado. The only 'further ado' I did was go buy a bus ticket and a pack of mentos because I feared I might have bad breath. So I didn't even reply and got on the bus after visiting the supermarket. Luckily there was not too much traffic, although I mentally deemed everyone an idiot who stopped the bus to get off.
At 17:50 she called me but I didn't answer. I got home, went straight to my garage and drove off to her place. I called her at 18:06 outside her place wanting to surprise her. But when she asked me where I was and where I wanted to meet, I chickened out and suggested to meet at the shopping centre across the road. Then she goes "I can hear your voice outside".
Oops. Busted.
So she came out soon after that. She gave me a bottle of champagne and I put it in my car. I half joked that I was expecting a birthday kiss. She didn't say anything.
We started walking off slowly and she started explaining why she didn't come to my birthday. She said it must've been something she ate in the morning, because after she went to her friend's birthday, she felt stomach pains and went home. She thought about coming to my birthday to drop the present off but she was in too much pain. I teased her a bit about me now expecting her to bail now every time and she said she didn't want me to think like that.
She told me about her car accident. She said she was alright but a bit shaken up. She said she was near Moore Park on a week day and a car rammed up behind her. I asked what she was doing driving on a week day and she said her mother had asked her to get something from Australia. She showed me photos of her rear bumper completely smashed. She said she told her mother but not the full extent.
She asked me what I wanted to eat. I told her I had actually booked a restaurant in the city, and she asked me which one, and I told her Yayoi. She said she was about to come out but at the last minute she wasn't feeling well so she wanted me to come to Bondi instead.
She suggested Mexican at first, and I said I didn't want that to upset her stomach. Then she suggested Japanese because there was a good sushi train, so we started walking there but then she said it wasn't really premium or anything. I suggested we go into the shopping centre to check out the restaurants there, and we agreed to do dinner in the Chinese restaurant there.
She asked me how I went in the PP exam and I told her about that stupid question on waiving the service of a statement of claim. She asked me to repeat the question and I could tell she was trying to listen intently to try to help me. When we got to the restaurant she said it seemed a bit empty, and I joked she should've said she had it all booked out for me, and she joked along saying yes, that was the plan.
We were shown a table near the window and she commented on the view, so I offered to sit with my back to the window so she could have the view. When we sat down I asked her how she went in the Ethics exam, and she said she thought she may have made a few mistakes. She said there were some questions repeated from past papers, and how she struggled on one question asking about how evidence from an additional sexual assault charge could be adduced on top of other sexual assault charges. I said it seemed like an Evidence question to me.
We decided on the banquet, and I was going to go with the most expensive one, which was like $50 per person or something, but she said it was too much food, so we went with the $35 one. When the chicken and corn soup came, I told her it was my favourite, and halfway through, she told me something really personal.
She started by telling me she really didn't sleep well before the exams, as she kept having nightmares about a "doomsday" she had experienced before. She later told me that about five years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer in her stomach area, and that the doctor said she had 30% survival and only a few months to live. She said they decided to have the surgery anyway, but is now constantly required to return to Korea for a check up. She said that is the cause of her stomach pain at times.
I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. I told her that I had tried to guess what her personal issue was ever since she told me that in her car when she was driving me home. I said it couldn't have been money or relationship issues, because you don't seek out religion for that. I said I narrowed it down to health, but I didn't think it was her.
I felt sad immediately, but she said she didn't want to make me depressed. She said she doesn't tell people because she sees it as a weakness and she didn't want people to use it against her. She said only a few people know about it, and I am the only person from the bar exams who knows about it because she trusts me.
She said this is the reason why she thinks life is short and that you should try to enjoy it as much as you can.
Maybe, again, I didn't know what to say so I told her how I had thought about these things before, especially how I might get skin cancer since I spend a lot of time out in the sun, and how a mole on the back of my neck has stopped growing hair, but I figured that when I look at other disadvantaged people, I have had a pretty good life and I can't complain. She seemed to agree with me but I was unsure as to how appropriate it was for me to say that.
She said she wanted to travel but other than Korea, US and Australia (where she has lived), she hasn't really travelled much, and added that she has never even been to Melbourne and Brisbane. I told her the important thing was to be happy, and suggested we could travel together at the end of the year. I told her about my initial plans to walk the Great Wall of China were shot down once I discovered that it would take eight months.
She said she wanted to go to Spain, and I said we could go there. She said it wasn't that easy, and I joked I could book on expedia when I get home. She said she would have a hard time explaining to her parents about travelling with a guy.
I asked if she was a good travel companion and she said she didn't know because she has never travelled before. This led me to tell her a bit about the whole Nunjo and Vanuatu story. I only told her about the swearing at the casino and how it got awkward at work after that, but I said it worked out well because I got a job I liked with a pay rise. She said she believes in karma.
There was plenty of food, and while I would periodically give her some food, I noticed she didn't really reciprocate as usual. The only time was when she offered to give me more rice, and she also kept giving me more tea.
She noted how she had never been to this restaurant before for dinner, but had been here for yum cha with her friends during day time.
She told me that the day before, she had met up with a 40 year old friend of hers, who had travelled the world recently, and told her about how she was living by herself and needed someone to take care of her. She said she did feel lonely given her brother is away, and that she agreed with this friend, who suggested she needed a boyfriend. So, she told me she is meeting with a guy the next day for brunch, who she has known for five years, and he has told her he has feelings for her. She did say it would be weird, given how they have been friends for so long, and wondered how it could 'switch' just like that.
I got sad immediately, wondering if she had only seen me as just a friend all this time. I dipped my head down looking at my food and went silent, before thinking I shouldn't make this awkward and told myself to battle on. A small part of me also wondered if she was trying to make me jealous.
She then asked me what I was looking for, whether it was a serious long term relationship. I joked that I see a different girl each night, and added that tonight it was her, tomorrow it was someone else, the next night it was someone else etc. She asked me to be serious in a playfully annoyed tone, and asked me what I liked in a girl and I said "big........eyes". She asked me what else and I said talkative, but doesn't nag. She seemed to enjoy hearing what I was saying, and I was wondering if she was trying to set me up with someone, or if she was asking for herself.
We had a lot of food left over, and she said "see? Told you you wouldn't have room for dessert" and I said I still wanted to go to Messina but she didn't seem too keen on it.
She also said she wanted to get the new iphone 6 when it comes out, because her current one has a really poor battery life. I said speaking of batteries, if she was interested in the share market, that the thing that's popular now is graphite mining companies because graphite is used in cell phone batteries and batteries for electric cars. I told her about how one stock I had bought at 60c was now 90c, and she asked me how much I bought and I said $2000.
After we were done eating, I went to the bathroom, and when I came back she said Albert had called and her friend had messaged her. I told her to call him back but she didn't. I think he is pursuing her, but I'm pretty sure she isn't interested.
I asked for the bill, and when it came, I tried to get to it quickly in fear of her wanting to fight for it. But to my surprise, she made no effort or mention of it at all and quietly acquiesced as I paid for it. Hmmm?
We walked slowly through the empty shopping centre as she talked about the origin of Max Brenna and googled it to find out the answer. We stood there for a bit looking at her phone (it was Israel). I noticed she was wearing a coat too, so there goes my plan of giving her my coat in case it was cold.
She did offer to buy me chocolate at Max Brenna but I politely declined. I joked I would walk her home as my car was parked in front of her house anyway, but not sure if she got the joke as she just nodded and said ok.
When we were at the traffic lights, we saw some cops talking to a civilian about being on bail. We had spoken earlier about this type of stuff and I said it wasn't random as the police targeted people they already had information about. She joked that this wasn't random. While waiting at the lights, she said she didn't know that I didn't drink, and said I could have the champagne with my friends. I half joked again that a birthday kiss would've been better, and I again noted her silence.
We stopped near her house and talked for a bit. She thanked me for dinner, and I thanked her for coming out and sharing with me her personal issues. Maybe it was just me, but I thought I saw her glancing at my mouth as I was talking. I read somewhere that girls look at the mouth if they are thinking about a kiss. I was thinking but maybe I didn't see an opportunity, or I was too scared, so I didn't do it. We somehow got talking about abs and she was saying how it was easy to get them but hard to maintain. I gently poked her in the tummy and asked "how do you know, do you have abs?" She didn't nudge or flinch and stood there as I poked her two or three times.
We said goodbye and she walked into her house.
I drove home, feeling incredibly sad about what she had told me. I felt confused, and the only thing I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep.
Then at about 5pm I get a message from her.
Her @ 16:56 - Hi [insert name here], can we meet in Bondi Junction?
Me @ 16:56 - You're not at work today?
Her @ 16:57 - No I'm not working today
Hmmm...maybe I can pick her up then and then we can go to whatever in Bondi?
Me @ 17:00 - Alrighty, can I show off my driving skills and pick you up? :)
Her @ 17:01 - Actually I was hoping to have dinner here? I had a car accident few days and I'm not feeling too well.
God, you make the most inappropriate jokes. Seriously, what were the odds that you'd make a driving joke and she'd just recently had a car accident?
And what does she meant by "have dinner here"? At her place?? Nah, that can't be it. That'd be moving WAY too fast.
And is she trying to bail again when she says she's not feeling too well? Does she want me to offer to cancel it?
I decided to do the 'caring' role and rush to her place without further ado. The only 'further ado' I did was go buy a bus ticket and a pack of mentos because I feared I might have bad breath. So I didn't even reply and got on the bus after visiting the supermarket. Luckily there was not too much traffic, although I mentally deemed everyone an idiot who stopped the bus to get off.
At 17:50 she called me but I didn't answer. I got home, went straight to my garage and drove off to her place. I called her at 18:06 outside her place wanting to surprise her. But when she asked me where I was and where I wanted to meet, I chickened out and suggested to meet at the shopping centre across the road. Then she goes "I can hear your voice outside".
Oops. Busted.
So she came out soon after that. She gave me a bottle of champagne and I put it in my car. I half joked that I was expecting a birthday kiss. She didn't say anything.
We started walking off slowly and she started explaining why she didn't come to my birthday. She said it must've been something she ate in the morning, because after she went to her friend's birthday, she felt stomach pains and went home. She thought about coming to my birthday to drop the present off but she was in too much pain. I teased her a bit about me now expecting her to bail now every time and she said she didn't want me to think like that.
She told me about her car accident. She said she was alright but a bit shaken up. She said she was near Moore Park on a week day and a car rammed up behind her. I asked what she was doing driving on a week day and she said her mother had asked her to get something from Australia. She showed me photos of her rear bumper completely smashed. She said she told her mother but not the full extent.
She asked me what I wanted to eat. I told her I had actually booked a restaurant in the city, and she asked me which one, and I told her Yayoi. She said she was about to come out but at the last minute she wasn't feeling well so she wanted me to come to Bondi instead.
She suggested Mexican at first, and I said I didn't want that to upset her stomach. Then she suggested Japanese because there was a good sushi train, so we started walking there but then she said it wasn't really premium or anything. I suggested we go into the shopping centre to check out the restaurants there, and we agreed to do dinner in the Chinese restaurant there.
She asked me how I went in the PP exam and I told her about that stupid question on waiving the service of a statement of claim. She asked me to repeat the question and I could tell she was trying to listen intently to try to help me. When we got to the restaurant she said it seemed a bit empty, and I joked she should've said she had it all booked out for me, and she joked along saying yes, that was the plan.
We were shown a table near the window and she commented on the view, so I offered to sit with my back to the window so she could have the view. When we sat down I asked her how she went in the Ethics exam, and she said she thought she may have made a few mistakes. She said there were some questions repeated from past papers, and how she struggled on one question asking about how evidence from an additional sexual assault charge could be adduced on top of other sexual assault charges. I said it seemed like an Evidence question to me.
We decided on the banquet, and I was going to go with the most expensive one, which was like $50 per person or something, but she said it was too much food, so we went with the $35 one. When the chicken and corn soup came, I told her it was my favourite, and halfway through, she told me something really personal.
She started by telling me she really didn't sleep well before the exams, as she kept having nightmares about a "doomsday" she had experienced before. She later told me that about five years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer in her stomach area, and that the doctor said she had 30% survival and only a few months to live. She said they decided to have the surgery anyway, but is now constantly required to return to Korea for a check up. She said that is the cause of her stomach pain at times.
I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. I told her that I had tried to guess what her personal issue was ever since she told me that in her car when she was driving me home. I said it couldn't have been money or relationship issues, because you don't seek out religion for that. I said I narrowed it down to health, but I didn't think it was her.
I felt sad immediately, but she said she didn't want to make me depressed. She said she doesn't tell people because she sees it as a weakness and she didn't want people to use it against her. She said only a few people know about it, and I am the only person from the bar exams who knows about it because she trusts me.
She said this is the reason why she thinks life is short and that you should try to enjoy it as much as you can.
Maybe, again, I didn't know what to say so I told her how I had thought about these things before, especially how I might get skin cancer since I spend a lot of time out in the sun, and how a mole on the back of my neck has stopped growing hair, but I figured that when I look at other disadvantaged people, I have had a pretty good life and I can't complain. She seemed to agree with me but I was unsure as to how appropriate it was for me to say that.
She said she wanted to travel but other than Korea, US and Australia (where she has lived), she hasn't really travelled much, and added that she has never even been to Melbourne and Brisbane. I told her the important thing was to be happy, and suggested we could travel together at the end of the year. I told her about my initial plans to walk the Great Wall of China were shot down once I discovered that it would take eight months.
She said she wanted to go to Spain, and I said we could go there. She said it wasn't that easy, and I joked I could book on expedia when I get home. She said she would have a hard time explaining to her parents about travelling with a guy.
I asked if she was a good travel companion and she said she didn't know because she has never travelled before. This led me to tell her a bit about the whole Nunjo and Vanuatu story. I only told her about the swearing at the casino and how it got awkward at work after that, but I said it worked out well because I got a job I liked with a pay rise. She said she believes in karma.
There was plenty of food, and while I would periodically give her some food, I noticed she didn't really reciprocate as usual. The only time was when she offered to give me more rice, and she also kept giving me more tea.
She noted how she had never been to this restaurant before for dinner, but had been here for yum cha with her friends during day time.
She told me that the day before, she had met up with a 40 year old friend of hers, who had travelled the world recently, and told her about how she was living by herself and needed someone to take care of her. She said she did feel lonely given her brother is away, and that she agreed with this friend, who suggested she needed a boyfriend. So, she told me she is meeting with a guy the next day for brunch, who she has known for five years, and he has told her he has feelings for her. She did say it would be weird, given how they have been friends for so long, and wondered how it could 'switch' just like that.
I got sad immediately, wondering if she had only seen me as just a friend all this time. I dipped my head down looking at my food and went silent, before thinking I shouldn't make this awkward and told myself to battle on. A small part of me also wondered if she was trying to make me jealous.
She then asked me what I was looking for, whether it was a serious long term relationship. I joked that I see a different girl each night, and added that tonight it was her, tomorrow it was someone else, the next night it was someone else etc. She asked me to be serious in a playfully annoyed tone, and asked me what I liked in a girl and I said "big........eyes". She asked me what else and I said talkative, but doesn't nag. She seemed to enjoy hearing what I was saying, and I was wondering if she was trying to set me up with someone, or if she was asking for herself.
We had a lot of food left over, and she said "see? Told you you wouldn't have room for dessert" and I said I still wanted to go to Messina but she didn't seem too keen on it.
She also said she wanted to get the new iphone 6 when it comes out, because her current one has a really poor battery life. I said speaking of batteries, if she was interested in the share market, that the thing that's popular now is graphite mining companies because graphite is used in cell phone batteries and batteries for electric cars. I told her about how one stock I had bought at 60c was now 90c, and she asked me how much I bought and I said $2000.
After we were done eating, I went to the bathroom, and when I came back she said Albert had called and her friend had messaged her. I told her to call him back but she didn't. I think he is pursuing her, but I'm pretty sure she isn't interested.
I asked for the bill, and when it came, I tried to get to it quickly in fear of her wanting to fight for it. But to my surprise, she made no effort or mention of it at all and quietly acquiesced as I paid for it. Hmmm?
We walked slowly through the empty shopping centre as she talked about the origin of Max Brenna and googled it to find out the answer. We stood there for a bit looking at her phone (it was Israel). I noticed she was wearing a coat too, so there goes my plan of giving her my coat in case it was cold.
She did offer to buy me chocolate at Max Brenna but I politely declined. I joked I would walk her home as my car was parked in front of her house anyway, but not sure if she got the joke as she just nodded and said ok.
When we were at the traffic lights, we saw some cops talking to a civilian about being on bail. We had spoken earlier about this type of stuff and I said it wasn't random as the police targeted people they already had information about. She joked that this wasn't random. While waiting at the lights, she said she didn't know that I didn't drink, and said I could have the champagne with my friends. I half joked again that a birthday kiss would've been better, and I again noted her silence.
We stopped near her house and talked for a bit. She thanked me for dinner, and I thanked her for coming out and sharing with me her personal issues. Maybe it was just me, but I thought I saw her glancing at my mouth as I was talking. I read somewhere that girls look at the mouth if they are thinking about a kiss. I was thinking but maybe I didn't see an opportunity, or I was too scared, so I didn't do it. We somehow got talking about abs and she was saying how it was easy to get them but hard to maintain. I gently poked her in the tummy and asked "how do you know, do you have abs?" She didn't nudge or flinch and stood there as I poked her two or three times.
We said goodbye and she walked into her house.
I drove home, feeling incredibly sad about what she had told me. I felt confused, and the only thing I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep.
posted by toey | 13:59
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