How to not cry on your birthday?

Got a bit of a scare in the early afternoon as my dad had called me saying the car wouldn't start so I had to call road side assistance, but then later someone helped him jump start it. I got dressed in the new outfit I had bought just for this occasion, and went down to get the car.

I knew I shouldn't have, but I checked my old phone and........nothing. Good, I guess?

I went to pick up Thai and Eva from the city, then drove to the lawn bowls place. It was alright, we had as much as we could with six people on a very windy day. I think everyone put up well with it. Afterwards we sat inside the pub for drinks to wait for 6pm to roll around.

Shuing had to head back to Canberra tonight and wanted to make it to dinner earlier, so I finally had to tell him why I wanted to wait till 6pm - because Victoria was coming. They started teasing me and stuff, and Shuing managed to prolong his patience for a bit more but still insisted we go a bit earlier.

We left the pub at 5:30pm and I drove slowly over there, arriving at the restaurant at like 5:50pm. I told the waitress I had made a reservation for seven people, and she showed us our table. I then checked my phone and saw a message. It was from Victoria. I read the word "sorry" and decided not to read anymore. I knew what it was.

I told everyone that she had cancelled. I swear, I could've cried right there and then. I felt like bursting into tears. On top of the usual severe disappointment I'd feel from something like this, there was the fact that I had to announce it to my friends as well. It was like saying "she doesn't like me" in front of everyone. Everyone there except Eva knew I liked Victoria, so it was that much more humiliating.

However, I did my best to press on and enjoy the night. We (Shuing, Eva, Thai, G and Brain) all got along fairly well and I enjoyed the meal and the occasion. After I finished eating, I went to the bathroom and checked the message. It read:

"Hi [insert name here], I'm very sorry. I don't think I can make it tonight. Hopefully I can pass on your present sometime this week. Have a lovely birthday dinner!"

We didn't do anything after dinner, probably because it was too cold, and Eva wanted to go home to play video games. So I drove Eva home first, then Thai. I thought (hoped) Thai would ask me about Victoria once Eva left, but he didn't, and we talked about gaming, internet and delivering things you get from online shopping.

After dropping him off, I drove home thinking about things. I was extremely depressed, and angry at the same time. I was thinking "am I really destined to have to pay for a girl? Am I destined to fork out $50,000 I don't have to Jin?"

I had semi-decided to ignore Victoria from now on. I don't ask for much, and I think I am very considerate of others, sometimes to an extent where it is not in my best interests, but I figured, on my birthday, people might show me a bit of respect, you know? Then Ele pulls out, and Colin pulls out. Even Malay couldn't take a day off work for it. Alright. Ok. But I still had the one person I really wanted.

Right?

No. That person turns around and stabs me in the heart, in public. Was it really that hard to come to my birthday? Yes, maybe it was a bit daunting to meet my friends, a bunch of new people you'd never met before, but for me? On my birthday? Can't do that?

I'm someone who only looks at the bottom line. I think if someone really wanted to see you, they'd move heaven and earth to be with you. So no matter what the message says, the fact is she didn't turn up to your birthday.

And that hurts.