The Victoria aftermath...

I spent Saturday at the basketball courts, enjoying a three hour run around in the sun. I didn't play too good, but just wanted to run up and down. After one game, I held my hand out to this NZ guy for a handshake, but he didn't shake it. I held it there for a while, maybe he didn't see it, but 99% sure he did.

After that, I made a conscious effort to play hard D on him every time he had the ball, and it worked on one occasion where he drove it and I stripped it off him. See what you can do when you try?

I went home after that and rested a bit, before changing to go out to meet someone at 3pm to sell my M&M's sunglasses to. I had crossed the road to buy a travel ten when he messaged me cancelling the meeting. I wasn't too disappointed, kinda glad I wasn't on the bus already and also that I got to keep the sunnies.

I spent the rest of the day playing Last of Us.

On Sunday afternoon, I decided to go out for a drive. I went to the water side but it was so full there was no parking. I then drove out to the water side near the casino. Lucky I had taken my bank cards out of my wallet. I found out that my redraw facility had come back (evil, evil banks) and that I was about $2000 ahead of my payments, so I had enough to withdraw for a gamble.

I sat in my car and tried to sleep, tried to cry. The most I could manage was a sizeable tear, as it rolled down my face. I was really sad that Victoria hadn't worked out. I thought she was perfect - my age, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, likes basketball, is a lawyer. The more frustrating thing is, I don't know what went wrong. If only I knew...

I got so emotional, I ended up calling Jin twice on my new phone. I made a vow to never call her on this phone, but here I was, desperate to call her. She didn't answer.

I thought about messaging Lina, but then realised the ironic position of texting my 'girlfriend' to tell her how sad I was because I had been rejected by a girl I truly liked. I did end up texting Lina later in the day, just to say "life is hard..."

When she asked about it I just said I'd tell her next time.

When I went home, I just played Last of Us, but my mind was on the casino. In the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't too hard to drive out there, have a gamble, win a bit, put it back in the bank, and then ask to close the redraw facility.

But I didn't. For some reason I thought about my cat, and how if it was sick, I would at least have money for it. So that held me up for the night.

Then today, I called up the (evil, evil) bank to close my redraw facility. It was finally done.

I haven't been sleeping well the past two nights, always half away ready to check my phone. I even had  a dream that I was at some function with Victoria, who I was hugging, but when I looked at her, it turned out to be Karen.

Then some time during the middle of the night, my mind concocted this weird theory that Victoria was turning down our study sessions so that I would be forced to ask her out in order to see her. How sick can my brain get?