Erica - what have I done?

Messaging Erica back and forth yesterday, finally convinced her to meet me. Apparently she's working at a shop in Villawood right now, and asked me to go there. So after work, I went home, got the car and went.

Driving there, I told myself if worse came to worse, I'd just ask something like "do you love me?", she'd say no or something that's not a 'yes', which would give me an out of this shit I randomly brought myself into. And what if that doesn't happen? I started thinking about getting a personal loan to help her...

It took me a while to find this shop. I had heard of it before but never been. Driving through this industrial zone disgusted me. I could only imagine what sorts of guys would come to an area like this.

I parked outside and called her. She said she'd come out in five minutes. After a while I saw her looking around and she called me - obviously didn't see my car. I flashed my lights, and the car in front of me which had just arrived, left, lol.

She got in my car. I asked if she had had dinner and she said yes. I asked where she wanted to go, she said to get a beer. I asked her what time she had to be back, and she said whenever we finished talking. So I drove, in almost entirely silence, looking for a pub. Not sure if it was the closest one, but ended up going to the one on the corner in Bankstown on Hume Hwy.

We went in, took a seat at a high table with stools. I bought her a henieken and a lemonade for myself, and then we started talking.

Asked her why she was in debt - hesitated a long time before saying her mother has cervical cancer. I could see her eyes were swelling up and getting red.
Asked her how much she owed in total - $80,000. She said she has $30k saved up, so needed $50k.
Asked her what happens after I give it  - what if she leaves? She said she won't, and I said but I don't know that. She said if I can't trust her then I shouldn't do it.
Asked her what plans are after quitting job - study, go to university and find job. Reluctant to share expenses, said not Korean way, but said she'd cover her own drinks, cigarettes etc.
She said we think very different, I asked for fresh start.
She said reason she broke up with me was because I think too much, told her only because she said she wanted to live together and her visa was expiring.

I may have come off a bit aggressive, felt like I was xx a witness, but later reached out my hand across the table. She did not take it. I went over, held her hand. She let me, good sign. Managed to sweet talk her into it. Started to get a bit closer, more laughs and jokes.

She called her mom, and let me say hello. I said hello in Korean, and she said hello back. After she hung up, she said her mother was happy as she hadn't had a boyfriend for a long time. She also called her friend to ask if it was ok for me to live there. She said the rent was $900 per week divided by four of us.

She asked when I could get the $50,000 by. I said three to four weeks. She said she was going to Melbourne in about two weeks and asked me to try get it before then. I said I'd try. She said if I gave her $2500 then she could stop work for the next two weeks. I agreed.

Sometimes we'd go to the outdoor area so she could have a smoke. It was freezing cold for me, but I decided to bear it. I held her as she smoked. Then she went in to play the poker machines. I watched as she put in about $90 or $110, got up to $200, then lost it all. Afterwards she said she was happy as she hadn't played for a month.

I drove her back to the shop. I asked if I could drive her home, and she said no because her friend is at the shop. I said I could drive both of them, and she asked how we could explain being together. So I dropped her off, and that was that.

I left, wondering what the hell I had done.