Lismore

On Friday afternoon I met up with Malay at Gurang's house. When I called Malay he was there so I asked if I could go over, since he had told Gurang I was leaving anyway. When I got there I told them about the fight earlier, and then I went downstairs with Malay to help wax his car. The polish he had used was a crap one he said, which didn't make the surface smooth, but he just wanted to do a rough wax job before it got any worse.

Whilst doing that Gurang would talk to us from his balcony. I noticed he had put on some muscles on the arm and had a tattoo on his left upper arm. He said he was cleaning the house for inspection by the landlord, and also that he was going to China for a holiday after quitting his job.

Library guy called me, just to talk about the Fright Night photos he was trying to send me. After finishing the wax job, we decided to go hang out in the city. Gurang sounded like he had other plans but said he'd come anyway. I wanted him to go with his other friends though because I knew how aggressive he could get when drunk.

I went to my car first, and tried to return V's call but he didn't pick up. I drove home, then walked to Malay's bus stop where I found Gurang waiting. We talked a bit more about him leaving his job and what his tattoo meant. It was four Chinese characters having something to do with honour, integrity and stuff.

When Malay turned up we caught the bus out to the city, and bumped into Michael L and Eva on the bus. After telling them about the fight, conversation got a bit awkward because it was kinda like a different group of friends - Gurang didn't really know them and Malay was never considered close to them. I also wondered if they would tell Ele they saw me. Well, probably, but what I would really be wondering is what she would think of me spending my last day with my friends and not her.

When we got off the bus we walked to the cinema and saw Shuing waiting. Michelle had texted me earlier asking me why I was being rude to her, when I gave her a one word response to her message saying something like "today is a beautiful day for the beach". I didn't want her to think I was being rude so invited her out with us, and while we waited, we had coffee courtesy of Gurang, and then hung around the arcades a bit. We won more toys, but we failed again in getting a PS3.

When Michelle arrived, we went for dinner at Mamma's Kitchen, which has now changed to Mamma's. Usually I don't notice the difference but this time I noticed that the servings were a lot smaller for the same price, if not higher.

Malay and Gurang sat on one side, Michelle, Shuing and I sat on the other. We just talked about work and high school. Gurang had an alcoholic drink and I noticed its effect when he slapped Malay on the face a few times in quick succession, as if to pass it off as a joke. I was glad to see Malay slapped him in the back of the head as if to indicate he wasn't taking any of it. This was when I wanted Gurang out of the group because it would only get worse as he drank more and more. He was in talks with some friends over the phone about meeting them, and because I wanted him to go, when he asked what we were doing afterwards I said probably just more video games because I knew he didn't like it.

Dinner was split amongst everyone except me. It's pretty good to have all these freebies as a farewell, but I feel bad about feeling good about it.

After dinner we did head back to the arcades, and afterwards we decided to go for ice cream. Malay had to go meet other friends, so we said goodbye there. To my dismay, Gurang went with us to ice cream saying he'd only sit for a while and not eat whilst waiting for his friends to call. So we sat there eating ice cream for a while before Gurang finally left.

When it was just Michelle, Shuing and I, I felt more free to discuss topics closer to heart, like the topic of Ele without saying her name. Michelle just thought we were talking about relationships in general, but Shuing knew what I was talking about. Michelle actually questioned why Ele didn't have a boyfriend because she was at an age where people should marry. I told her she did.

After we finished our ice cream, we sat there talking when I saw Nigga Ho stand behind Shuing and put his index finger to his lips looking at me. He then shook Shuing which frightened him. We invited him to join us and he did, and we had a pretty good catch up session. I've bumped into him before over the years after we finished high school, but I was still amazed at how much he had changed - he had become so much more sociable. Shuing said quite the opposite, saying he looked like he hadn't changed, always so sociable.

Around midnight we decided to call it a night and caught a taxi back home. I got dropped off first, and even though I asked Shuing if he wanted any money for the fare (to which he obviously said no), I knew I didn't have any cash and that I'd have to use my card. Lucky he said no.

Yesterday morning I woke up and finished up packing. I nearly forgot my passport and stuff, which I need to show my new place of work. Imagine if I had forgotten about that! I guess I was a bit slow in packing because part of me didn't really want to leave. Even at the last minute, I was having second thoughts as it really hit me then that I was leaving home. It's a lot easier said than done.

When I was finally satisfied that I had 99% of everything I needed, I drove out to the city to get the rent money from my credit card. After parking and on my way to the ATM, I messaged Ele:

"Ele, I am leaving now, thanks for the dinner. I want to see a lower cholestorol Ele when I get back!"

She called me immediately, and I wasn't ready for it. I couldn't ignore it, so I answered it. She said goodbye and I asked her what she was doing. She said she was still sleeping. I said thanks again for the dinner and then said that I'd let her know when I got there.

I really didn't know what roads to take and that, but I just followed signs that pointed me in the general direction. It was supposed to be just one main road anyway. I drove for more than two hours before stopping at Bulahdelah for a break. The first thing I noticed amongst all the people sitting outside the pub drinking was that I was the only Asian. I got myself a sandwich and a bottle of water, ate it on some bench, and then continued on my way. Already my internet was out of range.

I told myself I'd stop every two hours for a break, but I could never do it because everytime I reached a rest area I'd just tell myself I'd stop at the next one, and it kept going on and on. Finally I stopped at a place for petrol (second time, first time was when I got lost and headed towards Maitland) and then got some Macca's. Again, not one Asian in sight. I felt a bit like a black man walking into a white neighbourhood.

I continued on my way after that, telling myself I'd stop once it got dark because I didn't want to drive in the dark. But when it did get dark, I found myself saying the same thing - that I'd stop at the next rest area but never did. I had a chance to stop at Grafton and sleep in my car, but I thought the next area was quite close, but when I passed it, it was just miles and miles of road, so I had to keep driving. I mean, I could've stopped on one of the rest areas on the road, but I told myself that I'd get fucking killed, being all alone in a car next to the woods.

When it got really dark, I started trying to tailgate others for vision. Most people were going too fast for me, so I eventually lost them. One Commodore wagon I followed was going pretty slow, but after a while I think they got sick of me so they went extra slow when I could overtake, so I did. I ended up following a large truck for the rest of the way, and even the truck had to use its high beams for vision because it was so dark. I did the same, turning it down only when there was a car approaching.

I parted with the truck when there was a sign pointing to the left with "Lismore". It led me onto one very long and narrow road, in between fields and fields of wheat. I was pretty scared. I wanted to stop and change CDs, but pictured some ghost getting into my car like they do in the movies. I was going pretty slow, so maybe that's why it took so long, but when I saw a car come out from a driveway, I eventually pulled over and these two guys asked if there was anything wrong. I asked them for direction and they said they were going to the same place and said I could follow them. They were really nice and eventually led me to Lismore, even though I had been on the right track.

The place they led me to was the main street. I walked around a bit, went into a pub to use the bathroom, did more walking before returning to my car. I found my house with a bit of help from my phone GPS map, and pulled up in front of it. It was too dark to make anything out, but it looked alright I suppose. I jumped into the back seat and tried to squeeze in with my luggage to sleep. At that point, I got the same feeling as I did on my first night in Hong Kong - I felt alone, and scared. I wondered if I was doing the right thing.

Every few hours I'd wake up when my position became too uncomfortable to bear. I'd change and sleep a few more hours. I woke up at about 5:30am to the sounds of birds chirping. I jumped into the front seat, lowered it and went back to sleep. I think I should've done that in the first place. I slept till about 8:30am before driving to the shopping centre and using the bathroom, getting something to eat and using the internet. Nothing much happened on fb while I was gone, except Jennifer posting a happy birthday video with her in a bikini. I thought that was a tad revealing, but what was more important was how much attention she seemed to want. That red flag just keeps getting bigger for me.

I parked back in front of my house until I received a call from Pandy asking if I was outside. I asked her how she knew and she said a neighbour called her. She said she'd arrive in about 2 hours, and asked me to check out the markets. EVen though I said I'd just stay put in fear of getting lost, I changed my mind and went to find it. Apparently it was a lot closer than the first mini-shopping mall I had been to.

I also got my second ever racial remark. At a roundabout these kids were crossing, and I thought they'd give way (as they're supposed to) but when I passed them the girl said "damn Asian". It stung for a while.

Whilst walking through the markets, I yawned and heard a male voice say "you're sleepy". At first I thought it was just some friendly guy, but it turned out to be two older men who I had suspected were trying to convert me for religious reasons. What struck me more was how odd they looked. I can't say pedophiles have a certain look about them, but these two just looked like pedophiles. They must've thought I was a lot younger than I was (they asked if I was a student). After some light attempts to try to convert me, I just decided to play polite and go quiet and see how long they could last. Eventually they gave up and fucked off.

I went back to the house to wait for Pandy, and she showed up right on time. She showed me the house, and I must say, it was pretty damn nice. It was just as it was in the photos. The girl who currently lives here as well won't be here until the weekend she said. After showing me the house and doing the paperwork, I paid her the advance rent and she said she'd be back to show another person the third room. I went off to get some bread, butter, orange juice, a pillow and sheets, and when I came back she was here.

It was an old lady who was inspecting the place, kinda a hippy type. She seemed nice enough, but I wondered if she would talk too much. She left without really making a decision, but I don't think she'll take it.

And so here I am now, after a shower, some bread and a shave, all alone in this house, and starting a new job tomorrow. I miss home. I miss my friends. I miss Ele. I want to cry.