What do I really want in life?
Monday
Arrived at the medical centre early again for my second blood test. Really don't know why they couldn't just use my blood from the first test, and really don't know why I didn't ask that question of the doctor.
Anyway, this time was much of the same, although the doctor saw I was waiting too long and did it himself. I feared he wouldn't be as gentle as the other lady, but he was, although he was kinda rough when he pulled it out. It actually doesn't hurt as much as people make it out to be, but the soreness afterwards can be pretty uncomfortable.
Tuesday
An extremely early start to meet Nick at the KGV courts for some bball training. Despite my best efforts, I was still 15 minutes late. Don't know about him, but it was a good workout for me to shake off the rust, despite having played the previous week on Mike's team. I just felt like I needed to start from the beginning for everything.
We started off with some dribbling drills, then worked on our shots. I was really puffed out, not sure if it was due to the shots, or rebounding for Nick. Also, my arms actually felt weak from shooting. Remember what I said ages ago? Your arms can't get tired from shooting. But now, it was happening. What the hell?
I was actually glad when we got to sit down, have a drink and rest. That's how exhausted I was. As we rested afterwards, I told him about my product idea, the one about the under-shirt. He said it's got legs. I just need to think of a way to market it, including a catchy and effective name.
At lunch I met up with Genie. This was on her request over the weekend. I thought I had said something wrong on Friday night, but turns out she wanted to talk about the trustworthiness of Mel C. She seems really naive as to the politics that goes on in and around the office. I feel sorry for her.
During the day, I had decided to go see Honey again. I decided that she was so hot, I just needed to see her naked. So after work, I called up the shop, and they told me the earliest booking was 6:40pm. I said I'd think about it, and then ended up calling them back to take it.
So I had heaps of time. And a tiny bit of 'spare' cash. So what does one do? Go to the casino of course.
I figured I wouldn't have much time by the time I got there, so I also figured there'd be no harm done. Besides, I could 'only' lose a maximum of $100 anyway. So I went in, got four $25 chips and played the outside bets. Down $25 almost immediately. Missed out on a big in when I bet on black, third column and middle dozen and it hit on 15. I did the same thing on next spin and it hit 5 - lost everything. And you know, 5 is right next to 24. FML.
So after that I walked to the massage place. I was shown to the room and waited for a while until Honey came in. I said "long time no see" and she said "nice suit". I said I got a headache from work (true, it was from doing nothing all day) and needed a massage. I started stripping and she did the same. She apologised if she was a bit blunt the day before, and I said it was ok as she was just translating and she said she meant her input. I didn't really care.
Once we got into the shower, I realised she looked totally different to how I had imagined. She didn't look like Christina at all. She didn't even look like the Honey I saw the night before. She was shorter, and her face definitely wasn't as hot. She was average at best. What the fuck?
Probably the major turning point was when I brought up the lotto later that night and we were talking about what we'd do if we won. Then she talked about her goal in working, she said she had to reach a certain amount. It was just a huge turn off to hear something like that.
During the massage we talked a bit, but I mainly just kept quiet. Flipping over, she went down on me, then finished me off with her hand as per usual here. After that she said she noticed some bumps on my member, and suggested I have it checked out. She said she had seen other guys with it too, and it's a disease but taking a pill will make it go away. I was like, what the, but I had only seen Jin before. Hmmm.
Anyway, that rounded off the whole turn off experience with her, and I told myself I'd never see her again. She said at the end "now I'm scared", referring to me seeing her on consecutive days, and I said "fine, I won't see you tomorrow then".
I left looking forward to seeing Yuna again.
Wednesday
At lunch time I went to see Margy. There were lots I wanted to tell her, but she started off with my GP and the referral stuff, asking me what I'd do. I really didn't know. Finally I got a chance to tell her how I felt, like how I felt I didn't have a goal in life, and she quickly chimed in with "your goal is to get rid of your debt". She asked me what I learnt from all this and I said never to give money to anyone. She asked what else and I couldn't think of anything, even though I think she wanted me to say never to see a prostitute again. She later commented that I had to be careful with seeing sex workers.
I actually started crying when I said I needed to be a better son. It was the first time I had ever reached for that box of tissue with her. She didn't really react or say anything. She just said later that I seemed more flat today than usual.
She rounded off the session by saying, the ultimate question I always had to come back to was, what do I really want in life? And then to ask myself whenever I make a decision, is this helping me reach that goal?
I thought that was really helpful. I think somewhere along the line, I lost focus of what I wanted in my life, distracted by all the vices in this world.
She also said, "everything we do has consequences", which made me think as well.
I noticed when we ended the session, that she didn't invite me to call her if I ever needed anything. She just told me how she'd finish off the notes and how long they'd be kept before being archived.
After work I went to see the GP. He said there were only partial blood results. Apparently I don't have iron deficiency, I just have smaller red blood cells, and the final results should show why. He asked me to come back to see him on Monday, and I know Margy told me to stick with it, but I was getting really fucking sick of this. I just feel like he's trying to make me come back as much as possible so he can get more money.
Anyway, shortly after I got home, I received a call on my mobile from a private number. It was the guy who wanted to buy my old Windows 3.0 manual. He asked me where I lived and I lied and said the Wick. He wanted to meet me now to buy it, and I asked him where he was and he said Bankstown. I said that was a bit far for me now, and asked if he could meet Friday. He was very pushy, saying he was very busy and didn't know where he'd be on Friday. I felt like saying "well fine then, fuck you". But I knew a sale might be hard to come by after this.
So I agreed, and he asked what time and I said "7 or 8" and he was like "no, tell me exact, not 7 or 8, let's just say 7:30". Wow, fine ya dickhead.
As I drove out there he called me several times but I couldn't answer. I thought, you better not change your mind. When I got there I had to wait for his call as I didn't have his number. Finally I told him I was outside the library and then a few minutes later he came out.
He was a small Asian man, maybe Vietnamese. Wearing a cap and a school bag. Maybe around 40-50 years of age. Did not look like he was the extremely busy type. Looked kinda like the mature age student type.
In hindsight, his first question should've rang alarm bells for me. He asked, "so this is for Windows 7 right?"
Uhhhh no fuckwit. Look how old the cover is.It's Windows 3.0...like 20 years ago.
I told him it wasn't, and that it was meant to be a classic that might be treasured by someone who was collecting and was a Windows fanatic. He flicked through it and said it was useful. I mentioned I was a lawyer and he asked me where. I just nonchalantly said government and he seemed like he instantly became interested. He asked me if it was AGD's, and I said no. He kept pressing me and I finally lied and said another agency that was similar. He became even more interested and started asking me questions. He took out a pen and paper and asked me to write my name. I was like, no, you already have my first name and phone number. He was like "but you can change your number" and I said I've had this number for like 15 years and all my contacts are on it. He was persistent and I finally had to say I wasn't comfortable giving my last name.
By now I was a bit freaked out. I didn't even want him to buy the book any more, for I feared he'd report me for misleading him or something. So I started saying it was ok if he didn't want to buy it, I understood he thought this was something else, and I didn't mind driving out here. He said he felt guilty that I made my way out here, and then asked to see my other book - the purple MS DOS book. He said that was useful and flicked through it.
I tried to elicit some information from him and asked him where he worked, and he said "just let me look through the book first". He later said this book would be useful for an IT Technician. I asked if he was one and he said no.
He ended up buying that book for $5, and then started asking me questions about 'my' work. He asked if I could help him follow up a complaint if he made one and I said no, that he just had to submit the information and let the agency do their thing. He was like "but don't you need my help?" and I said no. He asked me what methodologies we had for investigating and I said I couldn't tell him. He kept fucking trying to get information out of me and trying to get me to help him. I said that was corruption if I did, because he'd have an advantage that the rest of the public didn't have. That seemed to hit his logic a bit, but he persisted.
I got so fucking annoyed, I finally said "look, I don't want to talk about this any more, I have to go" and started walking away.
Fucking weirdo.
My biggest concern now is what if he fucking contacts that agency and says I told him I worked for them? Then I've committed a fucking fraud! Fucking cunt. For five bucks, that was not worth my career. What were the fucking odds I'd meet a nut job huh? I called Hung as I was driving back to tell him the story.
Earlier in the day at work, an idea struck me from the back of my subconsciousness. Usually these are evil ideas derived to get back at Jin, but this one actually made sense and was designed to help.
What if...I contacted her Aunty to tell her about the situation, not for the purpose of dobbing her in, but to seek help? I mean, what if, and this is a big IF, but what if, I went to Korea to try to find the Aunty? Show up on her door, prove to her I am Jin's boyfriend, tell her the situation, and ask for help? Tell her that she can't tell Jin about it, give me the money to give to her.
Fucking crazy huh? And how the fuck am I supposed to find her with just a number anyway? That is why I need the results from the private detective.
Anyway, as I was about to go to bed, I saw that I had a missed call from Jin.
Hmmmm.
And now she was calling again, but I couldn't answer as my parents had just come back. I was worried. Had she found out that I hacked into her phone account?
I went out to my backyard to call back. She didn't answer the first two calls but picked up on the third. She asked me why I was calling from private.
Oh shit, forgot I was hiding caller ID.
I said something about a friend, and she asked me to call back. So I turned caller ID back on and called her. I asked her how she was and she said she had many drinks. I didn't really know what to say. She asked me what I was doing and I said sleeping. I think that put her off a bit as she told me to go back to sleep. All I could think of was to say I missed her. She said ok and goodbye. I waited for her to hang up but it seemed like she waited an eternity before she hung up.
When I went back to bed, I texted her saying I missed her and "goodnight". No reply. Well, at least now I know she's unblocked me.
Did that drunk call mean anything?
Thursday
Bank credit card
Flight Centre
Arrived at the medical centre early again for my second blood test. Really don't know why they couldn't just use my blood from the first test, and really don't know why I didn't ask that question of the doctor.
Anyway, this time was much of the same, although the doctor saw I was waiting too long and did it himself. I feared he wouldn't be as gentle as the other lady, but he was, although he was kinda rough when he pulled it out. It actually doesn't hurt as much as people make it out to be, but the soreness afterwards can be pretty uncomfortable.
Tuesday
An extremely early start to meet Nick at the KGV courts for some bball training. Despite my best efforts, I was still 15 minutes late. Don't know about him, but it was a good workout for me to shake off the rust, despite having played the previous week on Mike's team. I just felt like I needed to start from the beginning for everything.
We started off with some dribbling drills, then worked on our shots. I was really puffed out, not sure if it was due to the shots, or rebounding for Nick. Also, my arms actually felt weak from shooting. Remember what I said ages ago? Your arms can't get tired from shooting. But now, it was happening. What the hell?
I was actually glad when we got to sit down, have a drink and rest. That's how exhausted I was. As we rested afterwards, I told him about my product idea, the one about the under-shirt. He said it's got legs. I just need to think of a way to market it, including a catchy and effective name.
At lunch I met up with Genie. This was on her request over the weekend. I thought I had said something wrong on Friday night, but turns out she wanted to talk about the trustworthiness of Mel C. She seems really naive as to the politics that goes on in and around the office. I feel sorry for her.
During the day, I had decided to go see Honey again. I decided that she was so hot, I just needed to see her naked. So after work, I called up the shop, and they told me the earliest booking was 6:40pm. I said I'd think about it, and then ended up calling them back to take it.
So I had heaps of time. And a tiny bit of 'spare' cash. So what does one do? Go to the casino of course.
I figured I wouldn't have much time by the time I got there, so I also figured there'd be no harm done. Besides, I could 'only' lose a maximum of $100 anyway. So I went in, got four $25 chips and played the outside bets. Down $25 almost immediately. Missed out on a big in when I bet on black, third column and middle dozen and it hit on 15. I did the same thing on next spin and it hit 5 - lost everything. And you know, 5 is right next to 24. FML.
So after that I walked to the massage place. I was shown to the room and waited for a while until Honey came in. I said "long time no see" and she said "nice suit". I said I got a headache from work (true, it was from doing nothing all day) and needed a massage. I started stripping and she did the same. She apologised if she was a bit blunt the day before, and I said it was ok as she was just translating and she said she meant her input. I didn't really care.
Once we got into the shower, I realised she looked totally different to how I had imagined. She didn't look like Christina at all. She didn't even look like the Honey I saw the night before. She was shorter, and her face definitely wasn't as hot. She was average at best. What the fuck?
Probably the major turning point was when I brought up the lotto later that night and we were talking about what we'd do if we won. Then she talked about her goal in working, she said she had to reach a certain amount. It was just a huge turn off to hear something like that.
During the massage we talked a bit, but I mainly just kept quiet. Flipping over, she went down on me, then finished me off with her hand as per usual here. After that she said she noticed some bumps on my member, and suggested I have it checked out. She said she had seen other guys with it too, and it's a disease but taking a pill will make it go away. I was like, what the, but I had only seen Jin before. Hmmm.
Anyway, that rounded off the whole turn off experience with her, and I told myself I'd never see her again. She said at the end "now I'm scared", referring to me seeing her on consecutive days, and I said "fine, I won't see you tomorrow then".
I left looking forward to seeing Yuna again.
Wednesday
At lunch time I went to see Margy. There were lots I wanted to tell her, but she started off with my GP and the referral stuff, asking me what I'd do. I really didn't know. Finally I got a chance to tell her how I felt, like how I felt I didn't have a goal in life, and she quickly chimed in with "your goal is to get rid of your debt". She asked me what I learnt from all this and I said never to give money to anyone. She asked what else and I couldn't think of anything, even though I think she wanted me to say never to see a prostitute again. She later commented that I had to be careful with seeing sex workers.
I actually started crying when I said I needed to be a better son. It was the first time I had ever reached for that box of tissue with her. She didn't really react or say anything. She just said later that I seemed more flat today than usual.
She rounded off the session by saying, the ultimate question I always had to come back to was, what do I really want in life? And then to ask myself whenever I make a decision, is this helping me reach that goal?
I thought that was really helpful. I think somewhere along the line, I lost focus of what I wanted in my life, distracted by all the vices in this world.
She also said, "everything we do has consequences", which made me think as well.
I noticed when we ended the session, that she didn't invite me to call her if I ever needed anything. She just told me how she'd finish off the notes and how long they'd be kept before being archived.
After work I went to see the GP. He said there were only partial blood results. Apparently I don't have iron deficiency, I just have smaller red blood cells, and the final results should show why. He asked me to come back to see him on Monday, and I know Margy told me to stick with it, but I was getting really fucking sick of this. I just feel like he's trying to make me come back as much as possible so he can get more money.
Anyway, shortly after I got home, I received a call on my mobile from a private number. It was the guy who wanted to buy my old Windows 3.0 manual. He asked me where I lived and I lied and said the Wick. He wanted to meet me now to buy it, and I asked him where he was and he said Bankstown. I said that was a bit far for me now, and asked if he could meet Friday. He was very pushy, saying he was very busy and didn't know where he'd be on Friday. I felt like saying "well fine then, fuck you". But I knew a sale might be hard to come by after this.
So I agreed, and he asked what time and I said "7 or 8" and he was like "no, tell me exact, not 7 or 8, let's just say 7:30". Wow, fine ya dickhead.
As I drove out there he called me several times but I couldn't answer. I thought, you better not change your mind. When I got there I had to wait for his call as I didn't have his number. Finally I told him I was outside the library and then a few minutes later he came out.
He was a small Asian man, maybe Vietnamese. Wearing a cap and a school bag. Maybe around 40-50 years of age. Did not look like he was the extremely busy type. Looked kinda like the mature age student type.
In hindsight, his first question should've rang alarm bells for me. He asked, "so this is for Windows 7 right?"
Uhhhh no fuckwit. Look how old the cover is.It's Windows 3.0...like 20 years ago.
I told him it wasn't, and that it was meant to be a classic that might be treasured by someone who was collecting and was a Windows fanatic. He flicked through it and said it was useful. I mentioned I was a lawyer and he asked me where. I just nonchalantly said government and he seemed like he instantly became interested. He asked me if it was AGD's, and I said no. He kept pressing me and I finally lied and said another agency that was similar. He became even more interested and started asking me questions. He took out a pen and paper and asked me to write my name. I was like, no, you already have my first name and phone number. He was like "but you can change your number" and I said I've had this number for like 15 years and all my contacts are on it. He was persistent and I finally had to say I wasn't comfortable giving my last name.
By now I was a bit freaked out. I didn't even want him to buy the book any more, for I feared he'd report me for misleading him or something. So I started saying it was ok if he didn't want to buy it, I understood he thought this was something else, and I didn't mind driving out here. He said he felt guilty that I made my way out here, and then asked to see my other book - the purple MS DOS book. He said that was useful and flicked through it.
I tried to elicit some information from him and asked him where he worked, and he said "just let me look through the book first". He later said this book would be useful for an IT Technician. I asked if he was one and he said no.
He ended up buying that book for $5, and then started asking me questions about 'my' work. He asked if I could help him follow up a complaint if he made one and I said no, that he just had to submit the information and let the agency do their thing. He was like "but don't you need my help?" and I said no. He asked me what methodologies we had for investigating and I said I couldn't tell him. He kept fucking trying to get information out of me and trying to get me to help him. I said that was corruption if I did, because he'd have an advantage that the rest of the public didn't have. That seemed to hit his logic a bit, but he persisted.
I got so fucking annoyed, I finally said "look, I don't want to talk about this any more, I have to go" and started walking away.
Fucking weirdo.
My biggest concern now is what if he fucking contacts that agency and says I told him I worked for them? Then I've committed a fucking fraud! Fucking cunt. For five bucks, that was not worth my career. What were the fucking odds I'd meet a nut job huh? I called Hung as I was driving back to tell him the story.
Earlier in the day at work, an idea struck me from the back of my subconsciousness. Usually these are evil ideas derived to get back at Jin, but this one actually made sense and was designed to help.
What if...I contacted her Aunty to tell her about the situation, not for the purpose of dobbing her in, but to seek help? I mean, what if, and this is a big IF, but what if, I went to Korea to try to find the Aunty? Show up on her door, prove to her I am Jin's boyfriend, tell her the situation, and ask for help? Tell her that she can't tell Jin about it, give me the money to give to her.
Fucking crazy huh? And how the fuck am I supposed to find her with just a number anyway? That is why I need the results from the private detective.
Anyway, as I was about to go to bed, I saw that I had a missed call from Jin.
Hmmmm.
And now she was calling again, but I couldn't answer as my parents had just come back. I was worried. Had she found out that I hacked into her phone account?
I went out to my backyard to call back. She didn't answer the first two calls but picked up on the third. She asked me why I was calling from private.
Oh shit, forgot I was hiding caller ID.
I said something about a friend, and she asked me to call back. So I turned caller ID back on and called her. I asked her how she was and she said she had many drinks. I didn't really know what to say. She asked me what I was doing and I said sleeping. I think that put her off a bit as she told me to go back to sleep. All I could think of was to say I missed her. She said ok and goodbye. I waited for her to hang up but it seemed like she waited an eternity before she hung up.
When I went back to bed, I texted her saying I missed her and "goodnight". No reply. Well, at least now I know she's unblocked me.
Did that drunk call mean anything?
Thursday
Bank credit card
Flight Centre
posted by toey | 20:58
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