Thursday comp: 0-1-1
Man I was so out of it yesterday. In court I was struggling to keep my eyes open because I was so tired.
I hope I didn't offend Twish by saying no to her lunch invitation since I had brought my own. I just don't want people to think there's something going on between us.
As I caught the train back to the city after work, I had this huge headache. I had decided to go home to get some sleep, but another part of me decided to go to the casino. That latter part of me soon took over, and my headache was merely something in the background. It was like I was on auto-pilot as I maneuvered my way through the traffic of people towards the casino.
I lost $700, not believing that the stupid little ball wouldn't land in my zone within those spins. And it didn't. I hated the dealer, but more importantly, I hated myself.
As I made my way back to the main area of the city, I called the gambling helpline just as I was on the bridge. I spoke to a man named Leo, and I sat down on a bench as I just broke down, telling him about my problems.
So there I was, in the middle of the bridge with all these people who had just finished work walking past, pouring my eyes out, on the phone, with my head down. Talking to Leo and letting it all out, being completely honest made me feel a lot better, but in a strange way. He referred me to a counselling service, but I don't think I'll go. I really think that phone call made the difference. Sometimes it's unbelievable how much impact talking to someone can have.
He told me that, put in perspective, I wasn't the worst case scenario - there were people who would gamble for years before even admitting they had a problem. He kept saying that it was good that I was at least trying to do something about it. I know it was just positive reinforcement, but maybe it was what I needed.
I headed back home after that, wondering if people passing me could tell I had just been crying.
Our game was at 10, so I tried to get as much rest as I could without actually sleeping, but no matter what I did, my headache wouldn't go away. I had no intentions of playing tonight, not just because of my headache, but because we have a full roster of 10 and I thought maybe it was a good time to be coach and let Macro and Jeff get better and more experience at the PG position. In any case, I got dressed just to prepare for the unexpected.
On my drive there, I seriously felt so sleepy that I knew it was dangerous. I felt like I was going to fall asleep at any moment. Every blink became heavier, and the chances of me not opening my eyes again increased ever so slightly.
I felt like it was such a struggle, and when I reached that long road that leads to the stadium, it was 9:30 so I decided to park on the side of the road to take a short nap. I laid down in the backseat of my car, and before I knew it I dozed off to sleep. Then I woke up later, and everything was so quiet.
Damn, did I die in a car accident?
No wait, you just fell asleep.
Shit, it's 10:30!
I drove down the road a bit more and turned into the stadium car park, walked into the game and saw that we were in the last minutes of the first half, trailing 11-18. I was glad to see everyone could organise themselves without me, and I was also glad to see Mike managed to bring Carter to the team. I watched as this guy grabbed so many 'normal' rebounds - something we aren't normally able to do, and I realised how much that changed the game for us.
I sat on the bench the whole game, never wanting to play, because I was confident that they'd do alright. I watched as they slowly clawed their way back, and got the same frustrations with Mike as he threw a bad pass to Jeff which could've lead to an easy basket, and as he missed a point blank shot that could've given us the lead.
In the last minute Abi hit a long two to tie the game, which got all of us excited on the bench, and the game ended up being a tie.
The drive back wasn't nearly as exhausting, as I had gotten my rest, but I was just wondering about what I had become. I mean, I am not the type of player you'd think would miss a game because he fell asleep. Like, would you ever see a headline "John Stockton misses game - fell asleep"? No, because he's such a good boy, and that's the image I give off. On the other hand, it probably wouldn't surprise anyone if there was a headline "Stephon Marbury misses game - fell asleep", and that's not you.
And we all know why you fell asleep.
Maybe, this is the low point of my life, and I'll change because I'm on the brink?
I hope I didn't offend Twish by saying no to her lunch invitation since I had brought my own. I just don't want people to think there's something going on between us.
As I caught the train back to the city after work, I had this huge headache. I had decided to go home to get some sleep, but another part of me decided to go to the casino. That latter part of me soon took over, and my headache was merely something in the background. It was like I was on auto-pilot as I maneuvered my way through the traffic of people towards the casino.
I lost $700, not believing that the stupid little ball wouldn't land in my zone within those spins. And it didn't. I hated the dealer, but more importantly, I hated myself.
As I made my way back to the main area of the city, I called the gambling helpline just as I was on the bridge. I spoke to a man named Leo, and I sat down on a bench as I just broke down, telling him about my problems.
So there I was, in the middle of the bridge with all these people who had just finished work walking past, pouring my eyes out, on the phone, with my head down. Talking to Leo and letting it all out, being completely honest made me feel a lot better, but in a strange way. He referred me to a counselling service, but I don't think I'll go. I really think that phone call made the difference. Sometimes it's unbelievable how much impact talking to someone can have.
He told me that, put in perspective, I wasn't the worst case scenario - there were people who would gamble for years before even admitting they had a problem. He kept saying that it was good that I was at least trying to do something about it. I know it was just positive reinforcement, but maybe it was what I needed.
I headed back home after that, wondering if people passing me could tell I had just been crying.
Our game was at 10, so I tried to get as much rest as I could without actually sleeping, but no matter what I did, my headache wouldn't go away. I had no intentions of playing tonight, not just because of my headache, but because we have a full roster of 10 and I thought maybe it was a good time to be coach and let Macro and Jeff get better and more experience at the PG position. In any case, I got dressed just to prepare for the unexpected.
On my drive there, I seriously felt so sleepy that I knew it was dangerous. I felt like I was going to fall asleep at any moment. Every blink became heavier, and the chances of me not opening my eyes again increased ever so slightly.
I felt like it was such a struggle, and when I reached that long road that leads to the stadium, it was 9:30 so I decided to park on the side of the road to take a short nap. I laid down in the backseat of my car, and before I knew it I dozed off to sleep. Then I woke up later, and everything was so quiet.
Damn, did I die in a car accident?
No wait, you just fell asleep.
Shit, it's 10:30!
I drove down the road a bit more and turned into the stadium car park, walked into the game and saw that we were in the last minutes of the first half, trailing 11-18. I was glad to see everyone could organise themselves without me, and I was also glad to see Mike managed to bring Carter to the team. I watched as this guy grabbed so many 'normal' rebounds - something we aren't normally able to do, and I realised how much that changed the game for us.
I sat on the bench the whole game, never wanting to play, because I was confident that they'd do alright. I watched as they slowly clawed their way back, and got the same frustrations with Mike as he threw a bad pass to Jeff which could've lead to an easy basket, and as he missed a point blank shot that could've given us the lead.
In the last minute Abi hit a long two to tie the game, which got all of us excited on the bench, and the game ended up being a tie.
The drive back wasn't nearly as exhausting, as I had gotten my rest, but I was just wondering about what I had become. I mean, I am not the type of player you'd think would miss a game because he fell asleep. Like, would you ever see a headline "John Stockton misses game - fell asleep"? No, because he's such a good boy, and that's the image I give off. On the other hand, it probably wouldn't surprise anyone if there was a headline "Stephon Marbury misses game - fell asleep", and that's not you.
And we all know why you fell asleep.
Maybe, this is the low point of my life, and I'll change because I'm on the brink?
posted by toey | 10:40
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