The Way I Feel

On the train right now. Been meaning to blog about this because it's been on my mind a bit.

I'm going to Shuing's birthday dinner this Saturday. No doubt, I'd see Bobby and Claire there. Claire hasn't replied to my Luna Park invitation. I'm disappointed that she hasn't replied, yet I know better than to expect one. How do I plan to face her on Saturday? I thought about playing the 'act cozy around her but avoid contact with her when she's not around' card, but I think I'm just going to ignore her. By that I mean if I get seated next to her at dinner I'll just ask to change seats; if I get a toy in skills tester I'll just give it to Michelle; and I won't talk to her at all. She better not try to message me ever again because I'm going to be forced to ignore it.

I'm not really doing this out of spite, because I don't feel I like her enough to spite her. Rather, I just feel that it's rude to ignore people's calls and messages. I mean, who do you think you are? Really. I like to think of myself as a fair person - I will treat you how you treat me. So no complaints when I do to you what you do to me, yeah?

And with Bob, same thing, I'm just going to try to avoid him. I'm sure I can get through one night and then go nomadic again.

One thing I forgot to blog about was that last Friday, when I was writing up Michael D's client's information in a notebook on the train, I saw that he was born in 1984. Here's what went through my mind:

84, so that's just two years younger than me, which is 25. Wait, I'm not 27. Oh my god, I AM turning 27 this year!

I don't know how, but I always seem to forget my real age and just walk around thinking I'm like 25 or something. 27 sounds so old. I would really really want a stable job and just to find a girl to settle down with. I was willing to settle for second best with Claire, but I guess it's her loss. Maybe it's better for the long run that I don't go with someone who I feel is second best. I feel a little bit different with Ele, but just a little bit. I wonder if it could turn out to be like Nom's alleged story where we didn't like eachother from the beginning but yet managed to end up with eachother.

I also think about my upcoming birthday a lot. I've been thinking about these alternatives:
1) Spend the time by myself, maybe go to a desserted place and just think.
2) Ele and Tracy will call me and ask what I'm doing, I'll say nothing, they'll ask me to dinner and I'll just have dinner with them.
3) I'll organise a dinner inviting a small circle of Shuing, Ele, Tracy, G, Malay, with the notable exception of Bob, and then by that time everyone would've figured things out.
4) I'll do 4 but combine it with other circles of friends like Fat Pat and Bush.

Still undecided. Still a while to go.

I've also been thinking about the game last Sunday. I wonder if I should've gone for a T-Mac 13 in 35. I mean, to everyone watching I was red hot with threes, so why didn't I go for it? Initially I thought it was because I feared failure, but I don't think it is. What I fear is reprisal and alienation from my team for being selfish. I'm still trying very hard to find the right balance between being offensively productive for the team and coming off as selfish.