Thursday comp: 2-16-1

Hi.

I just came back from the courts. I had planned to do some sprints and jump roping, but as I was warming up some dude named Ian asked me to play two on two. One guy was called Jimmy and I forgot the other guy's name. They weren't that good, they looked like they just played socially, but I thought I'd just use it as a chance to get warm and work on my shot.

I tried to hype myself up mentally into an aggressive mood and go black mamba on them, but I still passed it quite a bit, although I did socre when we needed to, and won both games on my shots.

Ian got tired after that, don't know why you'd ask someone to join you and then quit. I went to another court to shoot around and run fast breaks. There were a few drops of rain, but it never got more than that.

Earlier, I had been to the casino and lost $600. I was up by $100 at first and then just slowly lost after that. My table became crowded as this Taiwanese guy kept betting $25 chips everywhere. Soon, another regular which he knew came along, saying he had half an hour and that afterwards he'd have to change into a suit and see a client.

He lost a few hundred dollars almost instantly, and then headed off. He came back in a few minutes, saying his client had called and that she'd be late. Hmmm. He gambled some more, and they won a lot of spins. The guy who said he'd have to work was up by about a few thousand. The inevitable happened, and he lost it all back. I guess in comparison, I shouldn't feel as shitty as him.

But as I gambled, I felt like I wanted to cry right there and then. I was hating myself as I stood there. But why was I there? Why was I being someone I didn't want to be? Why was I doing something I didn't want to do? I felt so, so dirty afterwards.

I know it's worth nothing now, but I had decided earlier that that would be my last time. I'll be compensated a little by the stimulus package, and that was really my own justification for going at all today.

We'll see how I go.

Because of the super-duber long weekend, yesterday I went to the beach with Malay and Brain. I met with Malay first at his bus stop and we caught the bus there together. He asked me why I didn't want to hang out with Bobby anymore, apparently he didn't get my email, and so I told him. He said Bob has gotten into an argument with everyone.

Anyway, Brain was late because he was trying to wake Scope up, so Malay and I went to Macca's for breakfast. Brain joined us and then we walked over to the beach together.

I told them I hadn't been to the beach for ages, but I believe the last time I went was when I took leave from work and went there to recover from the Emilee thing.

I didn't have swimming shorts on, so I could only go knee deep into the water, while they went out to the big waves. I walked along the beach and back, and by then they came back to the sand. We returned to our spot and pretty much spent the remainder of the day sitting around. For me at least, I spent my time trying to bury Malay's legs in the sand.

There was this girl walking around selling ice blocks, and we contemplated for a long time as to whether we should get some. Finally I said I'd go get my wallet from the locker, and when I came back, sure enough, she was nowhere to be seen. I even went for a jog, I left my money there and returned to put my wallet in the locker, and still she never came. We did not end up having ice blocks that day.

We packed our stuff up in the afternoon and then went to a fish and chips shop nearby to eat. We decided that we'd go home to change and then head out to the movies. But on the bus trip back Malay and I were so tired, that by the time I got home I called it off because I wanted some rest.

Library guy called me, which reminded me that I had semi-promised to meet up with John last night. I thought he was calling me about that, but he called to say he had picked up some new clients, the ones that made the paper a couple of days ago about the huge drug bust. He asked if I wanted to meet for a drink, and because I hadn't seen him for so long I said yes.

So I drove out to meet him and we went to a pub where I shouted him a beer and I got a coke. We talked mainly about work related stuff, and then he wanted to go whoring, but the place he thought was a whoring place actually wasn't, so that was the end of that.

On Thursday it was our last day of court before the break. We only sat for half a day. My para experience that day was when I was leaving the courtroom, she was standing in the doorway, and I stood aside to let her in saying "after you" and she smiled and said she wasn't going in.

I stayed back a bit to get some work done, then went home and got ready for bball. Dunnycan made a surprising visit. We played that #@%! team, which I thought was beatable. We were in it in the first half, down by only nine at half time. I scored four early points and heard a girl cheer.

Great, now we're getting sympathy cheers.

I looked over and it was Fab's girlfriend, so I was wrong.

We got flogged in the second half, and I went very quiet in terms of scoring. I did make a few defensive plays. Sometimes it's the simplest of things. Like this guy got a fastbreak and I was in front of him running back. He tried to do that thing where he goes to my right, goes to my left, goes to my right and so on, and as I was running I spun around to face him so he couldn't do it, which made him lose the ball. I remember I'm always shouting at Mike to turn around when he's running back but he never does.

And then the same guy had a fastbreak later on, and I just wildly jumped out in front of him as he went up, causing him to miss the lay-up. Then again, the same guy (yes, he has the ball a lot) started doing some fancy dribbling and I just got in his face and he lost it.

As the clock wound down I hit a flukey three which banked off the glass.

I drove Mike home and found out that his dog was actually blind. Geez, that makes swinging him even worse.

As I drove back, I was somewhat relieved that this season was over. It was like I never realised what a toll a season can have on you. It wasn't just the losing, it was also the length of the season. I felt glad to be able to take a break from it. I also thought about what it'd be like on the day I finally call it quits. When would that day be? How would I feel knowing that I had played my last game? How would I feel knowing that I'd never play another game again? Would it even be my choice? I mean, would an injury be my way to go out?

On Wednesday, I had lunch with Twish. I find that she talks a lot. Even for a girl. It just never stops. She asked me if I was doing anything over the break, and I said I had planned to go to the easter show. She told me how she hadn't been in a long time and really wanted to go. I wonder if she was hinting for me to ask her.

After work, I went to that massage place and saw the girl (Emily) which one might call my regular. She asked me what I was doing on Sunday, and told me that she had to pick up a friend at the airport. I wonder if she was hinting for me to drive her there.

Gee, that's a big call, to see someone like that outside of 'work'. I don't think it can ever have a happy ending.

Anyway, as things stand now, I won't be going to the easter show with them on Sunday. I don't think Bobby is going, because Linda is going, but I've already cancelled so I don't want to be seen as a liar and turn up. Besides, Claire will be there and I don't really want to see her.

I've decided to just chuck a Ryu on everyone. I want to focus on basketball and work. I don't want to be distracted and waste time with hanging out too much with friends. I want to be like Ryu - walk the lonely path, be the "wandering warrior".

However, one might also ask: do I have the capacity to be the Evil Ryu?