Misha at casino / rock bottom

I started the day pretty good, telling myself that this was a new beginning, and that I'd stop gambling for a while, to recoup some of my losses and save up for the big one before Misha leaves Australia.

I got a lot of work done in the first half of the day, and at lunch went to get a $4.50 Vietnamese roll to save money. I was feeling good.

Then the end of the day came. I had planned to just go home and play video games, but all of a sudden I began missing it. It was almost as if seeing everyone at the casino had become a daily routine, a habit, and I needed to go.

And just like that, I decided to go. And just like that, I withdrew the remaining $1500 from my personal loan account.

I went, and decided to win $100 at baccarat, then try roulette, and keep moving in between those two. I lost my first bet at baccarat, then doubled down and won $100. I went to roulette, and won $500 pretty quickly. At the next table, I saw Julie had taken over from the dealer. She didn't look over, but when I cashed out and the dealer yelled "fifteen hundred" I noticed she looked over at my chips.

I went back to baccarat spotted Misha, Angel and the guy near the baccarat tables. I hid behind a pillar and walked the long way around to the baccarat tables. I slowly lost a lot back. Pretty unbelievable. Why am I so much worse at baccarat than roulette, when it has a lower house edge??

Anyway, I found a table where some guy was betting big and I decided to follow. There was only standing room but I had pretty good position standing, being able to easily place my chips. The driver was betting like $2000 per hand, and I bet $100. It started to go on a 14 banker streak The driver would sometimes bet $2800, and at most I would bet $200.

I caught up and was back at $1500. When the streak ended, the driver left, which was pretty smart, as he had won quite a lot.

I stayed, and there was another mini banker streak, but I didn't play much of it. I started to lose again, and no matter which table I went to, I would lose. It was just so frustrating.

After a bit of walking around, I was standing at a table and saw those three walking towards me but to another table. Misha looked at me and smiled, and I nodded at her but stayed where I was. I lost more and cashed out $25 I had left for the taxi.

I just feel like...rubbish. Just so stupid. Useless. I wanted to cry as I left the casino. Have you ever lost so bad that you wanted to cry? Why do you keep doing it?