Maybe...I'm wrong about her?
Still in a state of panic this morning, I went to wait for JB Hifi to open in the morning. I didn't want to look suss by standing right at their entrance, so waited at Town Hall station. I had about a ten minute wait, and ended up mostly just watching the digital clock tick along. It made me think about life. Just...seconds keep ticking away which we will never get back. What do we do with it? How much money can you earn each second? What are we all aiming to achieve? What's the rush?
Anyway, when the shop opened I went in and asked for the Samsung S4. They had it. I asked if it used the micro-sim or the normal sized sim which I had. They said it used the micro-sim. I said I kinda needed it urgently, and she suggested I go on the month to month plan for $60.
Ummmm...yeah right.
I said then I'd have to switch numbers and carriers and even she agreed that'd be a hassle.
She did suggest cutting the sim card to size, which could be done next door but they weren't open yet. She also added that they had the S2 for sale, which is the one I broke. I wanted to buy that (much cheaper) but they didn't have any in stock. I said I'd try to come back and left.
At work, I realised I could just get my sim card cut and then use my mum's spare HTC phone. That'd save me $750. The only 'cost' was waiting until the end of the day. I decided to bear it.
I met up with Genie, Ogre, Canda, Evissa and her boyfriend for lunch. We were to meet at the Laksa Laksa place at 12:30pm, and I got there first on time, which was a bit annoying. I wanted to look for a pay phone to call Erica, but had no coins. I went on the look out for a hobo thinking I could give him my $5 note if he gave me $4 in coins, but none were in sight.
Great, the one time you need a hobo, there's none around!
I ended up going into a Vodafone store to check out some phones and then waited on the street before I spotted Genie. She saw me and tried to quicken her pace but it looked like she could only go as fast as the group.
Lunch was alright, I sat at the end of the table with Genie and Ogre on either side of me, and Evissa's boyfriend sat on the other end. I felt like a bit of a snob for not talking to him after introducing myself, but I was kinda the furthest one away from him. I did manage to get a bit of conversation going when we were talking about The Bachelor.
Apparently Ogre's going to India for four weeks from this Friday. Also had to tell Genie my planned trip to the US is no more, with the excuse that I couldn't find a third person. Real reason was I gave away $15k.
After my hour was up I said I had to go, and Ogre left with me. I now had some coins and went to a pay phone to try to call Erica. The phone rang but there was no answer.
Is this really the end? Is she avoiding private numbers because she knows it's me? Shouldn't she tell me it's a break up and not to contact her again? Or is she just doing the disappearing act?
I went back to my office. The thought of trying again using my office phone was tempting, but I resisted. I couldn't risk having my work number show up on her phone. Then I thought about it: what if I call my mom and ask if the number shows up?
Only problem was, I wasn't sure of her number. I tried, and got it wrong, but ended up asking the girl who answered if my number showed up and she said no.
Bingo!
So I called Erica and there was no answer. I tried again and no answer. It was around 1:40pm and I tried again. This time a girl picked up and answered in Korean, but it didn't sound like her. I asked "Jin?" and she asked who was calling. It wasn't her. I said my name, and she said Jin was sick. I said to tell her I lost my phone and she said ok.
I then wondered: was that a lie? Did Erica just hand the phone to her friend, telling her that if it's me, then to just say that she was sick?
Why do I always assume the worst? Why not just take the facts as they are? Why base your assumptions on your insecurity?
Good questions. It's moments like these that makes me want to see a psychologist.
Later in the afternoon, my mindset changed. Although earlier in the morning I had the desperate need to access a phone to see if she had sent me any messages, now I was feeling a sense of freedom. The freedom to do as I like with my time, and the lifting of the burden to go into $40,000 worth of debt for her. I realised the logic of my plan - that is, it was better to pay $15k than $40k to find out if she was genuine or not. If she's not, then at least you got your answer and $15k is much more manageable. If she is genuine, then good for you too.
After work I went home and tried the micro-sim. It worked. Apparently she sent me a message at 1:25pm today saying she was sick and her mother needed surgery again.
A huge wave of relief came over me.
She's not breaking up with me. It's still not over.
Now, I felt like the power had shifted back to me. I didn't feel the need to answer. I actually felt like I wanted to stay 'hidden' a bit longer; contrast this to the feeling this morning when I so desperately wanted to contact her.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Anyway, when the shop opened I went in and asked for the Samsung S4. They had it. I asked if it used the micro-sim or the normal sized sim which I had. They said it used the micro-sim. I said I kinda needed it urgently, and she suggested I go on the month to month plan for $60.
Ummmm...yeah right.
I said then I'd have to switch numbers and carriers and even she agreed that'd be a hassle.
She did suggest cutting the sim card to size, which could be done next door but they weren't open yet. She also added that they had the S2 for sale, which is the one I broke. I wanted to buy that (much cheaper) but they didn't have any in stock. I said I'd try to come back and left.
At work, I realised I could just get my sim card cut and then use my mum's spare HTC phone. That'd save me $750. The only 'cost' was waiting until the end of the day. I decided to bear it.
I met up with Genie, Ogre, Canda, Evissa and her boyfriend for lunch. We were to meet at the Laksa Laksa place at 12:30pm, and I got there first on time, which was a bit annoying. I wanted to look for a pay phone to call Erica, but had no coins. I went on the look out for a hobo thinking I could give him my $5 note if he gave me $4 in coins, but none were in sight.
Great, the one time you need a hobo, there's none around!
I ended up going into a Vodafone store to check out some phones and then waited on the street before I spotted Genie. She saw me and tried to quicken her pace but it looked like she could only go as fast as the group.
Lunch was alright, I sat at the end of the table with Genie and Ogre on either side of me, and Evissa's boyfriend sat on the other end. I felt like a bit of a snob for not talking to him after introducing myself, but I was kinda the furthest one away from him. I did manage to get a bit of conversation going when we were talking about The Bachelor.
Apparently Ogre's going to India for four weeks from this Friday. Also had to tell Genie my planned trip to the US is no more, with the excuse that I couldn't find a third person. Real reason was I gave away $15k.
After my hour was up I said I had to go, and Ogre left with me. I now had some coins and went to a pay phone to try to call Erica. The phone rang but there was no answer.
Is this really the end? Is she avoiding private numbers because she knows it's me? Shouldn't she tell me it's a break up and not to contact her again? Or is she just doing the disappearing act?
I went back to my office. The thought of trying again using my office phone was tempting, but I resisted. I couldn't risk having my work number show up on her phone. Then I thought about it: what if I call my mom and ask if the number shows up?
Only problem was, I wasn't sure of her number. I tried, and got it wrong, but ended up asking the girl who answered if my number showed up and she said no.
Bingo!
So I called Erica and there was no answer. I tried again and no answer. It was around 1:40pm and I tried again. This time a girl picked up and answered in Korean, but it didn't sound like her. I asked "Jin?" and she asked who was calling. It wasn't her. I said my name, and she said Jin was sick. I said to tell her I lost my phone and she said ok.
I then wondered: was that a lie? Did Erica just hand the phone to her friend, telling her that if it's me, then to just say that she was sick?
Why do I always assume the worst? Why not just take the facts as they are? Why base your assumptions on your insecurity?
Good questions. It's moments like these that makes me want to see a psychologist.
Later in the afternoon, my mindset changed. Although earlier in the morning I had the desperate need to access a phone to see if she had sent me any messages, now I was feeling a sense of freedom. The freedom to do as I like with my time, and the lifting of the burden to go into $40,000 worth of debt for her. I realised the logic of my plan - that is, it was better to pay $15k than $40k to find out if she was genuine or not. If she's not, then at least you got your answer and $15k is much more manageable. If she is genuine, then good for you too.
After work I went home and tried the micro-sim. It worked. Apparently she sent me a message at 1:25pm today saying she was sick and her mother needed surgery again.
A huge wave of relief came over me.
She's not breaking up with me. It's still not over.
Now, I felt like the power had shifted back to me. I didn't feel the need to answer. I actually felt like I wanted to stay 'hidden' a bit longer; contrast this to the feeling this morning when I so desperately wanted to contact her.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
posted by toey | 00:12
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