"There's not much to talk about"

If you ever wanted modern proof that I am a fucking idiot, you got it today.

I went to the gym in the morning, I find that it helps a lot more these days because I'm just not looking forward to work like I used to, so it's like it prepares my mind for peace before I drag myself to work.

Shortly after I arrived at work, Mary came and asked me if I wanted to join the team for a coffee. Needless to say, for political reasons, I said yes. I joined Mary and Sarah in the corridor, and then Moira joined us. We stood in the doorway talking for a while. I talked to Moira a bit about our weekend, before we tuned into Sarah's ABBA weekend or something.

Michael joined us as well, and I wondered if this was a regular thing. If it was, they all seemed pretty cool. My level 10 people would never do something like this.

We went to a cafeteria in another building. I thought we would just get take away and slowly walk back to the office, but we merged two tables together and sat down. I sat in between Jennifer and Sarah, which was probably the best I was going to get. I was mainly quiet throughout the whole thing, which stood out like a sore thumb.

At one stage, I think it was Michael, asked me if I had anything to say. I scratched my head and said "there's really not much to talk about".

YOU SAID WHAT?????????

Fark me dead!!!

The Wikileaks, Poor Dad Rich Dad, car hitting and killing eight people - and you had nothing to talk about??!?!??!!?

I sat there as they awkwardly laughed it off. To make things worse, CN and SM arrived, and I awkwardly greeted them, not knowing whether I should introduce them to my colleagues or not. I didn't.

So for a while I sat there, feeling like I was in the middle of no man's land, before Sarah suggested we go because she had to meet Deone for coffee.

Thank god.

We paid (individually thank god) and walked back to the office. I could so see myself as Scope right then. You can tell he's shy, not the rude quiet, and lacked social skills. I just wondered why now?

I sat at my desk, cringing for the next 20 minutes about what had happened. I could barely focus on my work.

I felt like telling someone about it, but who? In the end, I sent a cryptic message to Bush.

I emailed Alanna asking her why she'd come back from court without Junar, as well as tagging on a more work related question. She replied saying she was just about to email me to say how weird it felt not to have me to talk to about court. I guess she misses me :)

I went down to see her, and we talked a bit before I said I was going to see Wendy F. She was busy with Amy, so I returned to my room.

I didn't go out during lunch today, instead opting to stay in and eat my take away box which dad had brought home.

At the end of the day (or night) I went down to see Wendy F about my hearing on Wednesday which is my fuck up. Wonder if it was deliberate that she and Wendy A didn't reply to my emails about it.

No matter what, I had such a strong feeling about missing level 10.

After that I went home, then took the car to the gym. I was actually pretty eager to get home because I'm getting paid on Thursday and I can't decide whether to buy silver or shares in TEN. I'm leaning towards silver because it's sky rocketing up now, whereas TEN is approaching ex-dividend date, which might explain why the price is rising, but hopefully after that it will go back down and I can get it then. Hmmm...this is beginning to feel like an addiction.