State of mind throughout the day
Earlier today I was kinda in a soft, mushy mushy, romantic mood, thinking about Ele, listening to Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On". I started looking at the wedding photos, and then looked at her fb profile. She had apparently logged in on Friday, seemingly for the first time in ages, replying to really old messages.
Saw one message where some guy said he saw her on the streets but wasn't sure if it was her, and she replied saying she'd like to catch up. My first reaction was "who the F is this guy", but later on told myself that it was probably the same as Bush and me having a catch up session.
But despite my logic, my emotions seemed to go downhill from there. I got so sad and depressed I didn't even feel like waxing my car tomorrow, as I had planned. Instead I read some of my old blog entries involving her, and I felt like staying in bed, being disgruntled about how hopeless the situation was for me.
I ended up having a nap, only to be woken up by a phone call from Shuing. He asked me if I was still up for the speed dating thing, and I thought it'd be a good way to at least keep the whole Ele thing in perspective mentally, so I said yes.
He also asked if I had spoken to her, and I said no. He asked if I followed that ice cream thing up and I said no, although what he doesn't know is that I sent her an email on Friday, just with a link to a funny youtube video Malay had sent me. I'm not really expecting a reply cause it's not something seeking a reply, but it'd be good to get one.
Shuing kept encouraging me to go for it, and I told him that nevertheless, technically she still had a boyfriend. He said that it didn't matter, cause that was "finido", since he was overseas and never coming back. But one question of his really made me think. He asked if I liked her.
I thought about it, and even now I still cannot answer that. Do I like her?
I don't know.
I mean, I reckon, if she called me up right now, asked me to meet her now, and then she told me she liked me, I really wouldn't know what to do and I'd probably back off. I'd start asking myself whether I was really ready for a girlfriend, and whether I could ever replace the guy overseas.
What does it mean to like someone? Does thinking about them suffice? Does the want to have sex with them mean you like them? Sometimes I look at the photos, and find myself realising that she actually isn't that good looking at all. Rather pedestrian actually.
Shuing and I talked about possibly going to next week's football game. I told him I didn't want Bob to come, and when he agreed, I thought about inviting Ele along.
After the call, I decided to watch the football on tv instead of going for a movie, so I went out to get some bread, chips and KFC. I returned home to watch the game, and as I did, my mindset changed again.
I no longer wanted to invite Ele to football. Hell, I didn't want to go at all. I was beginning to see how I was falling into the position of Bobby. He too thought he was in with a chance with Ele, only to be shafted, or gazumped by her. How do I know I am any different?
Saw one message where some guy said he saw her on the streets but wasn't sure if it was her, and she replied saying she'd like to catch up. My first reaction was "who the F is this guy", but later on told myself that it was probably the same as Bush and me having a catch up session.
But despite my logic, my emotions seemed to go downhill from there. I got so sad and depressed I didn't even feel like waxing my car tomorrow, as I had planned. Instead I read some of my old blog entries involving her, and I felt like staying in bed, being disgruntled about how hopeless the situation was for me.
I ended up having a nap, only to be woken up by a phone call from Shuing. He asked me if I was still up for the speed dating thing, and I thought it'd be a good way to at least keep the whole Ele thing in perspective mentally, so I said yes.
He also asked if I had spoken to her, and I said no. He asked if I followed that ice cream thing up and I said no, although what he doesn't know is that I sent her an email on Friday, just with a link to a funny youtube video Malay had sent me. I'm not really expecting a reply cause it's not something seeking a reply, but it'd be good to get one.
Shuing kept encouraging me to go for it, and I told him that nevertheless, technically she still had a boyfriend. He said that it didn't matter, cause that was "finido", since he was overseas and never coming back. But one question of his really made me think. He asked if I liked her.
I thought about it, and even now I still cannot answer that. Do I like her?
I don't know.
I mean, I reckon, if she called me up right now, asked me to meet her now, and then she told me she liked me, I really wouldn't know what to do and I'd probably back off. I'd start asking myself whether I was really ready for a girlfriend, and whether I could ever replace the guy overseas.
What does it mean to like someone? Does thinking about them suffice? Does the want to have sex with them mean you like them? Sometimes I look at the photos, and find myself realising that she actually isn't that good looking at all. Rather pedestrian actually.
Shuing and I talked about possibly going to next week's football game. I told him I didn't want Bob to come, and when he agreed, I thought about inviting Ele along.
After the call, I decided to watch the football on tv instead of going for a movie, so I went out to get some bread, chips and KFC. I returned home to watch the game, and as I did, my mindset changed again.
I no longer wanted to invite Ele to football. Hell, I didn't want to go at all. I was beginning to see how I was falling into the position of Bobby. He too thought he was in with a chance with Ele, only to be shafted, or gazumped by her. How do I know I am any different?
posted by toey | 22:44
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