$2000 later...
Fuck...where do I start?
On Thursday I went to Campbelltown to instruct in a sentence for Helen. How hard could it be, right? Sit there, hand stuff to the barista etc. Cinch.
If only. Turns out the barista PH was a total prick. First he told me off for not telling the other side I was sending the docs to the court (fair enough, but he didn't have to ramble on about it), then he accused me of losing a folder he gave me, which it turned out was with the defence. Then he pressured me at the bar table to get him a copy of the SOF which I didn't even have!
Fucking hell.
He asked if I was catching a train afterwards and I said I was going to meet a friend for a coffee, which was true, but when I called Shady he wasn't available. So to avoid the dickhead on the train, I went to have a meal all by myself, which turned out to be quite nice, filling and cheap. Quarter chicken and chips...yum.
When I got back to the office at like 6:30pm, I stayed till 10pm angrily typing up all my notes from the day. I kept telling myself I'd go gambling afterwards to release the stress, but because I finished so late, I never did.
Jim had messaged me asking if I was free, but I said no because I had to stay back at work.
So on Friday I messaged him asking if he wanted to meet up for work, and he said ok. I stayed back a bit after 5pm (even though I wanted to go) because it was the last time I'd see Robert so I wanted to say goodbye. I went to his room and he jokingly called me a traitor (again), we shook hands and he said to get as much management experience as possible before applying again.
Hmmm.
So then I left and went to meet up with Jim. It must've been in my subconscious for a long time, because I just blurted it out - let's go to the casino for the all you can eat. But first we went shopping because I wanted to look for gifts for some people at work, didn't find anything but Jim did give me a good idea - a gift voucher at a restaurant for a dinner for two. Beautiful.
Then we headed to the casino. I was having second thoughts now, but I couldn't think of a way to back out. While he was talking, I kept thinking of an excuse in case I got pulled up. I went with, pretend I don't know anything, and that the last time I came although I won I didn't know I had gotten extra cash. I even deliberately told Jim that I hadn't been to the casino for a long time to set up my story.
I suppose it was a good way to test things out - in case I did get pulled up then at least I had a friend there and wasn't by myself.
As we approached, it was a bit like walking through airport security. I put on a brave face and walked through confidently only to be stopped.........because they wanted to check Jim's ID. Jim said this was because I was in a suit, but I think they have tabs on me and know I'm a regular.
Anyway, I almost couldn't believe it as we were in! I took in the familiar sight of everything. Not much had changed in the almost five months that I had been gone. We headed to the buffet area, only to turn around when we found out it was $43 per person. Fuck that.
So we went to the food court area. It was kinda hard to decide what to eat, mainly because 1) there didn't seem to be much choice 2) we didn't know where to order and 3) the food on display was irrelevant to the stuff on the menu - cakes...I mean cakes?? God, as a shareholder I must say something.
So we ate and talked about our lives. I told him I had a crush on my Korean teacher and also about the date I had with Katie, and he had concerns about his age as he wanted to pick up on some younger chicks, about 22ish. I told him I didn't think he was too old, but it depended on the way he played it. He seemed to naive preferring to tell it straight up like "I'm 31" whereas I was trying to say he should say something more mysterious like "old enough to drive".
After we ate we went to the blackjack table where Jim doubled his money and won $100. We then had to decide if I wanted to play. I told him I wanted to celebrate getting a new job by playing. He asked me how much I was thinking of. I said $1000. He quickly said that was too much. His reaction made me realise just exactly how much $1000 was. I mean, this was coming from a guy who I heard has nearly enough saved up to buy a house. That made me feel ashamed of myself.
So we left, walked back to the car park and he drove me home. Only to have me get my car and drive out for a punt. I withdrew $200 and went to a shop I had never been to, called Sakura's Palace. It was very busy, since it was a Friday night. I was asked if it was ok to be put in a waiting room with someone else, and I said yes. I walked into a room with a bald, slightly tank/fat white guy sitting there. I gave him a 'gangster nod' as I walked in and he didn't react. But when I sat down he started talking to me.
Turns out he was just "waiting for a mate" - lol. He said they were from QLD and came down for the races. He said his mate had lost some money already and so felt like a punt. I said that was a vicious cycle I used to adopt, and so we started talking about gambling. He said he doesn't gamble or go to these shops now as he has a family. I said I respected that. We got talking about money and work as well. We were interrupted by the introduction of a Japanese girl and then we kept talking. To be honest, whilst I was talking to him, I kinda felt like I just wanted to leave and go home - both to save money and because I already had my loneliness cured.
But then he was asked by the receptionist guy to wait outside as his mate was nearly finished and there were others waiting to come in. He laughed at getting kicked out. I waited for him to say bye, and just before he left I said "see you mate" but he didn't respond. I thought we had a good bond going there but apparently not. Hmmm...it made me think about how I was too vulnerable to starting an emotional bond.
Anyway, he was replaced by a much younger guy, looked almost like a university student. I decided not to talk to him, as I had exhausted my share of my extroverted energy. He played with his phone and so did I until we were shown more girls. The receptionist asked me to pick and I went with a Taiwanese girl called Sophie. He didn't ask the other guy to pick so I assume the girls were then shown to someone else.
I waited a bit more until Sophie came to get me. I went to the bathroom first and then she led me upstairs. There was a really dark corner to turn around the stairs before some light was seen. When I saw the room, I realised why this place was only $160 per hour - the room was filthy. The bed wasn't made up, the light was swinging, the carpet was dirty. It looked like a room you would hold a hostage in.
She asked me to shower so I proceeded to strip. We showered together and she barely rubbed me, only wanting to make sure I cleaned my "little brother" as she called it. Then I got on the bed and she laid down next to me and kissed my face, and there were a few pecks on the lips. She was a bit touchy, as she didn't want me touching her breasts or her face, and so I just wanted to get this thing done.
After we finished with her giving me a handjob, we talked. She talked about money and said she was a student, studying accounting. I couldn't tell whether she had a bitchy attitude, or if it was just the "cold first time encounter" type of attitude.
She kept looking at the clock as we talked, which made it only more obvious she wanted me out. I said I came in at 10 to 11 and she said the clock was slow because the boss was too stingy to replace the battery. Then we got up and I got dressed. She helped me put my jacket on and I said thank you in Korean, and she laughed and said she wasn't Korean. She said thank you in Japanese and I said goodbye in Japanese, only to have her say it is not goodbye, just good night. Hmmm...funny I said that to Erica as well.
I then left, and decided to go...gambling. Yes, the urge was still there, and now I was alone and had my car.
I withdrew more money and went. I wondered for a sec whether my earlier trip there with Jim was just an oversight by the security people doing the cameras. Maybe I was on their watch list but they missed me. Now they'd pick me up and I'd get caught.
However, again I was allowed to walk straight in without even an ID check. I sat down at a table and slowly won $360. So that was my punting money back and more. By now it was 1:15am and I decided to leave, so I just went home and slept.
Saturday
Funny thing I noticed when I woke up on Saturday - Erica had Kakaotalk back on her international number, and had added me back. Whether that was intentional or automatic, I do not know. But she did also send me a game invite.
Hmmm.
Anyway, I went out to work a bit in the office until 2pm. Then I went shopping for gifts for everyone. I ended up buying Genie a smaller version of Rich Dad Poor Dad (but contents were exactly the same) and a cook book for Moira. I then went to the Westfield and bought Alanna a gift card for a dinner buffet for two. It cost $170, and although it hurt, I thought about how I wouldn't have gotten this job without her help, so that made it easier to swallow.
I then caught a bus to Newtown to look for a present for Mary. I went to that buddhist looking store but found nothing suitable, so then decided to get some perfume for Mary. I went back to the city and went to Myer, where I got her a Chanel fragrance which cost $160 and then got Alex a pair of cufflinks which cost $40.
I thought it was funny that Genie's gift only cost $10 yet she was my closest friend in the office, and also it could turn out to be the most valuable. I still need to get gifts for Clare, and maybe Melissa. It's hard with her, because she gives me presents yet I feel like I only know her through Genie. Hmmm.
So I was close to having spent $500. And you know what happened next? Yup, I thought about recuperating it from the casino. I dropped off the presents in the office and then went to the casino.
I was never up. And I lost it all in a relatively short amount of time. A streak of four or five non-sectors had killed me. I never thought it was possible, but this has happened to me so many times before. I just never learn.
I walked away feeling like shit. Not only did I have to pay $500 for the presents, but now also $1000 for the loss. How could I be so stupid? Why didn't I just cough up the $500 out of my own money? I told myself it was 'just' $1000 and shook it off. I also shook it off as a celebratory thing for getting a new job.
That familiar feeling of guilt and shame started sweeping over me as I walked away from the casino.
Sunday
I woke up in the early hours of the morning, not sure if it was because I was thinking of Erica, or if the gambling bug had invaded my mind. I played around with my phone and ended up sending Erica a game invite about 40 minutes after she had sent me one.
I thought about going to the casino, but went back to sleep.
I woke up at about 6am and had thoughts of the casino again. I drove my mom to Chinksford at 8am and then drove to the casino. I was up about $200, then a change of dealer led to four straight non-sectors, and because I was now putting $200 per spin, it meant I died earlier.
I had lost $2000 in two days. Fuck.
I walked out feeling like a complete idiot. All I could do was think of ways to explain these transactions to my new job if asked. The only way I could explain it was to say one of my cats was sick and I had to take it to the vet whose credit card machine wasn't working. Then it made me appreciate how healthy my cats were.
I went to the office to get my things, which took longer than expected. Then I went home, determined to cleanse myself. First I went for a jog around the park. I took my phone with me using the app Bo had introduced to me ages ago. Surprisingly, it only takes me 20 minutes to do a lap. I always thought it took 45 minutes. Not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing. The other thing is, I realised I will need to do FOUR laps if I want to do City 2 Surf non-stop. Fuck.
Then I went home, had a shower and vacuumed. I felt fresh again.Guess all this money will be coming from the annual leave pay out.
On Thursday I went to Campbelltown to instruct in a sentence for Helen. How hard could it be, right? Sit there, hand stuff to the barista etc. Cinch.
If only. Turns out the barista PH was a total prick. First he told me off for not telling the other side I was sending the docs to the court (fair enough, but he didn't have to ramble on about it), then he accused me of losing a folder he gave me, which it turned out was with the defence. Then he pressured me at the bar table to get him a copy of the SOF which I didn't even have!
Fucking hell.
He asked if I was catching a train afterwards and I said I was going to meet a friend for a coffee, which was true, but when I called Shady he wasn't available. So to avoid the dickhead on the train, I went to have a meal all by myself, which turned out to be quite nice, filling and cheap. Quarter chicken and chips...yum.
When I got back to the office at like 6:30pm, I stayed till 10pm angrily typing up all my notes from the day. I kept telling myself I'd go gambling afterwards to release the stress, but because I finished so late, I never did.
Jim had messaged me asking if I was free, but I said no because I had to stay back at work.
So on Friday I messaged him asking if he wanted to meet up for work, and he said ok. I stayed back a bit after 5pm (even though I wanted to go) because it was the last time I'd see Robert so I wanted to say goodbye. I went to his room and he jokingly called me a traitor (again), we shook hands and he said to get as much management experience as possible before applying again.
Hmmm.
So then I left and went to meet up with Jim. It must've been in my subconscious for a long time, because I just blurted it out - let's go to the casino for the all you can eat. But first we went shopping because I wanted to look for gifts for some people at work, didn't find anything but Jim did give me a good idea - a gift voucher at a restaurant for a dinner for two. Beautiful.
Then we headed to the casino. I was having second thoughts now, but I couldn't think of a way to back out. While he was talking, I kept thinking of an excuse in case I got pulled up. I went with, pretend I don't know anything, and that the last time I came although I won I didn't know I had gotten extra cash. I even deliberately told Jim that I hadn't been to the casino for a long time to set up my story.
I suppose it was a good way to test things out - in case I did get pulled up then at least I had a friend there and wasn't by myself.
As we approached, it was a bit like walking through airport security. I put on a brave face and walked through confidently only to be stopped.........because they wanted to check Jim's ID. Jim said this was because I was in a suit, but I think they have tabs on me and know I'm a regular.
Anyway, I almost couldn't believe it as we were in! I took in the familiar sight of everything. Not much had changed in the almost five months that I had been gone. We headed to the buffet area, only to turn around when we found out it was $43 per person. Fuck that.
So we went to the food court area. It was kinda hard to decide what to eat, mainly because 1) there didn't seem to be much choice 2) we didn't know where to order and 3) the food on display was irrelevant to the stuff on the menu - cakes...I mean cakes?? God, as a shareholder I must say something.
So we ate and talked about our lives. I told him I had a crush on my Korean teacher and also about the date I had with Katie, and he had concerns about his age as he wanted to pick up on some younger chicks, about 22ish. I told him I didn't think he was too old, but it depended on the way he played it. He seemed to naive preferring to tell it straight up like "I'm 31" whereas I was trying to say he should say something more mysterious like "old enough to drive".
After we ate we went to the blackjack table where Jim doubled his money and won $100. We then had to decide if I wanted to play. I told him I wanted to celebrate getting a new job by playing. He asked me how much I was thinking of. I said $1000. He quickly said that was too much. His reaction made me realise just exactly how much $1000 was. I mean, this was coming from a guy who I heard has nearly enough saved up to buy a house. That made me feel ashamed of myself.
So we left, walked back to the car park and he drove me home. Only to have me get my car and drive out for a punt. I withdrew $200 and went to a shop I had never been to, called Sakura's Palace. It was very busy, since it was a Friday night. I was asked if it was ok to be put in a waiting room with someone else, and I said yes. I walked into a room with a bald, slightly tank/fat white guy sitting there. I gave him a 'gangster nod' as I walked in and he didn't react. But when I sat down he started talking to me.
Turns out he was just "waiting for a mate" - lol. He said they were from QLD and came down for the races. He said his mate had lost some money already and so felt like a punt. I said that was a vicious cycle I used to adopt, and so we started talking about gambling. He said he doesn't gamble or go to these shops now as he has a family. I said I respected that. We got talking about money and work as well. We were interrupted by the introduction of a Japanese girl and then we kept talking. To be honest, whilst I was talking to him, I kinda felt like I just wanted to leave and go home - both to save money and because I already had my loneliness cured.
But then he was asked by the receptionist guy to wait outside as his mate was nearly finished and there were others waiting to come in. He laughed at getting kicked out. I waited for him to say bye, and just before he left I said "see you mate" but he didn't respond. I thought we had a good bond going there but apparently not. Hmmm...it made me think about how I was too vulnerable to starting an emotional bond.
Anyway, he was replaced by a much younger guy, looked almost like a university student. I decided not to talk to him, as I had exhausted my share of my extroverted energy. He played with his phone and so did I until we were shown more girls. The receptionist asked me to pick and I went with a Taiwanese girl called Sophie. He didn't ask the other guy to pick so I assume the girls were then shown to someone else.
I waited a bit more until Sophie came to get me. I went to the bathroom first and then she led me upstairs. There was a really dark corner to turn around the stairs before some light was seen. When I saw the room, I realised why this place was only $160 per hour - the room was filthy. The bed wasn't made up, the light was swinging, the carpet was dirty. It looked like a room you would hold a hostage in.
She asked me to shower so I proceeded to strip. We showered together and she barely rubbed me, only wanting to make sure I cleaned my "little brother" as she called it. Then I got on the bed and she laid down next to me and kissed my face, and there were a few pecks on the lips. She was a bit touchy, as she didn't want me touching her breasts or her face, and so I just wanted to get this thing done.
After we finished with her giving me a handjob, we talked. She talked about money and said she was a student, studying accounting. I couldn't tell whether she had a bitchy attitude, or if it was just the "cold first time encounter" type of attitude.
She kept looking at the clock as we talked, which made it only more obvious she wanted me out. I said I came in at 10 to 11 and she said the clock was slow because the boss was too stingy to replace the battery. Then we got up and I got dressed. She helped me put my jacket on and I said thank you in Korean, and she laughed and said she wasn't Korean. She said thank you in Japanese and I said goodbye in Japanese, only to have her say it is not goodbye, just good night. Hmmm...funny I said that to Erica as well.
I then left, and decided to go...gambling. Yes, the urge was still there, and now I was alone and had my car.
I withdrew more money and went. I wondered for a sec whether my earlier trip there with Jim was just an oversight by the security people doing the cameras. Maybe I was on their watch list but they missed me. Now they'd pick me up and I'd get caught.
However, again I was allowed to walk straight in without even an ID check. I sat down at a table and slowly won $360. So that was my punting money back and more. By now it was 1:15am and I decided to leave, so I just went home and slept.
Saturday
Funny thing I noticed when I woke up on Saturday - Erica had Kakaotalk back on her international number, and had added me back. Whether that was intentional or automatic, I do not know. But she did also send me a game invite.
Hmmm.
Anyway, I went out to work a bit in the office until 2pm. Then I went shopping for gifts for everyone. I ended up buying Genie a smaller version of Rich Dad Poor Dad (but contents were exactly the same) and a cook book for Moira. I then went to the Westfield and bought Alanna a gift card for a dinner buffet for two. It cost $170, and although it hurt, I thought about how I wouldn't have gotten this job without her help, so that made it easier to swallow.
I then caught a bus to Newtown to look for a present for Mary. I went to that buddhist looking store but found nothing suitable, so then decided to get some perfume for Mary. I went back to the city and went to Myer, where I got her a Chanel fragrance which cost $160 and then got Alex a pair of cufflinks which cost $40.
I thought it was funny that Genie's gift only cost $10 yet she was my closest friend in the office, and also it could turn out to be the most valuable. I still need to get gifts for Clare, and maybe Melissa. It's hard with her, because she gives me presents yet I feel like I only know her through Genie. Hmmm.
So I was close to having spent $500. And you know what happened next? Yup, I thought about recuperating it from the casino. I dropped off the presents in the office and then went to the casino.
I was never up. And I lost it all in a relatively short amount of time. A streak of four or five non-sectors had killed me. I never thought it was possible, but this has happened to me so many times before. I just never learn.
I walked away feeling like shit. Not only did I have to pay $500 for the presents, but now also $1000 for the loss. How could I be so stupid? Why didn't I just cough up the $500 out of my own money? I told myself it was 'just' $1000 and shook it off. I also shook it off as a celebratory thing for getting a new job.
That familiar feeling of guilt and shame started sweeping over me as I walked away from the casino.
Sunday
I woke up in the early hours of the morning, not sure if it was because I was thinking of Erica, or if the gambling bug had invaded my mind. I played around with my phone and ended up sending Erica a game invite about 40 minutes after she had sent me one.
I thought about going to the casino, but went back to sleep.
I woke up at about 6am and had thoughts of the casino again. I drove my mom to Chinksford at 8am and then drove to the casino. I was up about $200, then a change of dealer led to four straight non-sectors, and because I was now putting $200 per spin, it meant I died earlier.
I had lost $2000 in two days. Fuck.
I walked out feeling like a complete idiot. All I could do was think of ways to explain these transactions to my new job if asked. The only way I could explain it was to say one of my cats was sick and I had to take it to the vet whose credit card machine wasn't working. Then it made me appreciate how healthy my cats were.
I went to the office to get my things, which took longer than expected. Then I went home, determined to cleanse myself. First I went for a jog around the park. I took my phone with me using the app Bo had introduced to me ages ago. Surprisingly, it only takes me 20 minutes to do a lap. I always thought it took 45 minutes. Not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing. The other thing is, I realised I will need to do FOUR laps if I want to do City 2 Surf non-stop. Fuck.
Then I went home, had a shower and vacuumed. I felt fresh again.Guess all this money will be coming from the annual leave pay out.
posted by toey | 16:59
1 Comments:
I know, tell me about it.
Hope you're doing alright Josh, the best we can do is try!
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