Must resist...the dark hadou...

In the morning I went to the courts for a shootaround. That bum looking guy with the bike was there again from last week. Last week I was about to set up on the other side of his court and he said he needed a full court. Fair enough, I thought, as sometimes people like me like to run up and down a full court. But then he really only used half a court at a time, not doing any running at all. Hmmm.

Anyway, this time as I was walking past his ball was coming towards me. I thought about hitting it back to him but he was close enough to it, so we just stared at eachother. I realised he's a lot older than I thought.

I started off with suicides, and already I could feel my knee in pain. I thought I almost came off limping towards the end. I shot around, telling myself I couldn't last long like this, and also that I better tell Bo that I wouldn't be ready for May. I had no idea it was this bad, I thought I had recovered during the week. But as I went on, the pain disappeared and everything returned to normal (well, as normal as it's been since surgery).

I had fun shooting around, and thinking about the science of Ray Ray's shot kept me motivated.

After a while I made myself hit a three before I left. I had a shower and breakfast before catching the bus out to the city. I went to the office to do some work. I had planned to take my gym bag so I could go to the gym afterwards, but then decided to leave it at home just in case I decided to go to the casino.

I was surprised to see my level was unlocked, but figured someone like Mary probably left it like that on Friday. I took a walk around the floor and saw Melanie working. We talked a bit, and I found out she has swapped her list again on Tuesday with Christina. I wonder why.

Anyway, I went to my room to work, and a short while later I heard some noises nearby. I figured it was Melanie, but later she called saying she was leaving but Sarah had arrived, so it must've been Sarah. She had her door closed so I didn't disturb her, but then she came in and we talked a bit.

She asked me what I was doing at work, and I said "I should be asking you that". She said she was studying on level 7 but came up to check her emails. We talked about some of the matters she had left me, and then towards the end she just kinda walked off, looking at me and smiling. I've found that about me and her thus far - we can't find a way to say bye, we just simply walk off at the end of our coversations, lol. I don't think that happened with Alanna.

I finished at about 2pm and left. I had decided to go to the casino. I was set for it. It'd be $500, and I told myself I could cop that even though my credit card debt had gone to $10,000 now with the glasses.

But first I decided to go check out some possible Valentine's Day present for Naby. I went to Morning Glory and took a walk around. I saw a cute domo tissue thing and put that on my 'maybes' list. I thought maybe it would be a good idea because I could use it to make fun of Naby's teeth:



I then walked up along the main street of the city, heading for the ATM to withdraw my money out. But then I decided not to go. Instead, I wanted KFC. The main thing stopping me was the thought that the police might obtain CCTV footage of the casino for some money laundering case, and I could just feel the embarassment now if a lawyer from my office was watching it and recognised me. That was enough to stop me.

So I went to have lunch at KFC, got disgusted by it midway through. It's funny how the mind works. It makes you really want something, but when you actually get it, you really wonder why you wanted it in the first place. Maybe I would've felt the same way had I gone to the casino.

After that I went to Kinokuniya to look for more potential gifts. They still sell those tiny music boxes, and I thought that would be a good idea to be presented inside the Domo.

My current fantasy is booking for half an hour, telling her I'm tired and just want to talk. I'd sit on the bed against the headrest, and have her sit in front of me. I'd cover her with my jacket, and then pull the domo out, and have her find the music box within. I'd spend the rest of the time leaning against her back with my eyes closed, just enjoying the moment.

I thought about walking home, feeling Ryu-ish again after managing to defeat the dark hadou within me (for the time being). But it was starting to rain so I caught the bus home.

The car was home, and again the dark hadou struck within - thoughts of driving to the casino started occupying my mind, but then I got changed and drove to the gym to do my knee exercises. I also did some weights and really tired my arms out. I had taken my ball, wanting to go to the courts but it was raining.

At home, I watched one of the Street Fighter animes and returned slightly to peace within. Gambling suddenly seemed like a distant and stupid idea. It's amazing what this addiction can do. It's even more amazing that it's striking me now, almost seven months onwards. I thought I had put it behind me, but I guess it's become too much for me to handle.

Must...fight this...dark hadou...