17 years

Yesterde I wanted to go shoot some hoops, but my knee was aching and I kept asking myself "do you really think you can play with a knee like this?" which deterred me.

I ended up washing my car and finished just in time as I felt a few drops of rain towards the end.

Later I went to rent a video. Maybe because it was Valentine's Day, or maybe because I'm beginning to fall for Katie, that I felt like watching Romeo and Juliet. But they didn't have it, so I rented Inglourious Basterds instead. After that I went to the shopping centre near me to buy a lunchbox for work and a small jar to hold lollies in, as well as a can of Pringles for the movie.

I returned home to watch the movie, and had a jolly old time eating Pringles with coke during it. It was a pretty good movie, was a bit more violent than I had expected (I sure as hell didn't expect to see scalps being cut off), but that was more than offset by the story, the performance of Brad Pitt, and the two blonde ladies.

I find that I'm really beginning to like Pitt now. He's very versatile as an actor. I think he doesn't get as much credit as is due because he's seen more as a poster boy than as an actor.

I went to sleep last night trying to think about the past 'experiences' with Katie, with the help of my blog. I think her interest is quite high.

I woke up today thinking about going for a jog even though it was raining, but then decided to give my knee a bit more rest.

I packed my lunch and went off to work holding my lunchbox and lolly jar in tow on the bus. It felt like I got to work early because the lights on my side of the office hadn't even been triggered on by anyone yet, but it was as late as 8:15am.

I got to work pretty much straight away, broken only once by a visit by Alanna. Just out of courtesy, I asked how her hearing last week went, and she started going on and on about it and telling me a full story, when I only really wanted to know the short version. But she speaks in such a way that I feel I can be good friends with her, which may be a mistake.

She also told me that our boss Stevens didn't mean to be rude that day when he told me about not talking about my old case, and I said I didn't think he was.

Throughout our conversation, I realised she wasn't actually as pretty as I first thought. I was probably just taken aback by the fact that she was blonde with a nice body - not exactly the type of person I get to talk to everyday. But I was seeing her more as a person now, and not just another hot girl. I saw the bright personality she possessed, and throughout I kept wondering whether I should offer her a gummi bear.

I knew I shouldn't, because the mood just didn't seem 'right'. But as she left my office, I made the stupid mistake anyway. When she declined, I was mentally slapping my head, saying I had ruined it. All this time she had kept it professional, and now she thinks you're trying to hit on her. She thinks you like her, when all she was doing was being your supervisor.

I really wasn't. I just wanted to start the whole lolly jar thing again.

I ate my lunch staring out my window. That took about half an hour, and I returned to work. I didn't even go outside. I finished the file at the end of the day. I had to go to Alanna's room to get a folder to photocopy. She took me through it briefly when all she could've done (and what I had expected) was to shove me the folder. But I guess at least she doesn't think I was hitting on her? Cause I really don't want her to think that.

I spent the late afternoon photocopying the folder. I guess I could've put it in the para tray and asked them to do it, but I wanted to return the folder to Alanna as quickly as possible.

I kept checking the roster and saw that Katie was still at work, but she left at 5:30pm.

I have this totally unreasonable suspicion that she's going out with a guy in her section. It is totally unfounded. I have never even seen them together in one spot. I have seen her twice since my arrival, and I met the guy today. Seems like a nice enough guy.

The only reason I have my suspicion is because his name is close to hers on the roster (and so is mine) which is arranged alphabetically. See how fucking paranoid I am? Maybe this all stems from the whole Emilee thing.

I get so paranoid that I note the times that they both go to lunch and come back, and picture them sneaking out together.

God I'm awful.

I also keep telling myself that, on the one hand, I should approach her to talk to show my interest. But on the other hand, I should abstain and refrain, and to let her come to my office if she was really interested.

Then in further support, I tell myself that I'm at work, and I have to be professional, and I can't start anything with someone at work. That seems to give me strength.

In the middle of the day, DC called me and told me what our client got.

17 years to serve.

It hadn't hit me then, but it hit me after he hung up (or, disconnected rather, hopefully by a bad connection).

Seventeen years. Damn.

I calculated that I'd be 44 when he gets out, and he'll be 42.

That's a very, very long time.

I kept working but it nagged me in the back of my mind. It was like the back of my mind wanted to cry. But I kept the working facade on.

It hit me more when I got home. How does it feel to sleep knowing that you had a hand in someone's demise?