More relapse
"Wouldn't even be taking this shit if deshaun didn't die
Oh ya there's an excuse you lose proof so you use"
-- Deja Vu, Eminem
This morning at my bus stop, I saw that really hot model looking chick. We ended up catching the same bus. She stood near the door, and I kept waiting for her to turn around and look in my direction, hoping I'd catch her eye. But something, maybe her body language, told me she wasn't looking. Then I spotted it. She had a ring on her left ring finger. Oh well.
Despite getting to the office at like 8:45am, I was the first one there. GS and IN came in at the same time. GS had a huge cut on his head, apparently he had cut himself while throwing up after a bike race. IN showed GS the newspaper and asked if he recognised who the lady in the photo was. GS said she looked familiar and asked for the answer, but IN said he'd tell after he showed it to SB, who had just come in.
SB recognised her as Twish's boss' "offsider". The article linked her to some underworld figure, and SB said it was never a good thing to be with a woman who was too good looking, as she then attracts all sorts of men. I agree. But therein lies the challenge: how do you find someone you find attractive, yet not too attractive so other guys will go for her and testing her fidelity?
I wondered how the hot para would rate on that scale. Well you know she's got the attention of one juror at least.
As I was headed up to court, I walked past Twish's room and made a comment about her interview, as she had earlier told me that she emailed her referees to the lady and the lady responded with something like "you must have a lot of fun in your life!!". I told her that was a good sign, and that they, or at least she, must've liked her. She was modest and said I'd probably get the job because I was more professional, and I seemed more like a prosecutor than she did.
I agree with the professional bit. However, that will never, let me repeat that, NEVER, override the fact that the interviewer likes you. I told Twish that I just felt some animosity from her, for whatever reason. She seemed to like girls more.
When I went upstairs, I looked at the clock on my right as I walked out the lift. As I turned left, the hot para and her friend stood up to approach me.
"Oh, you're waiting for me".
Ambush you idiot, the word is 'ambush'!
She was just giving me something. I said thank you and smiled at her friend.
Smile at HER you idiot, HER! The one you like! Fucking hell...
I turned to her as I continued my smile. She looked at me differently than how a normal person would look at me. It was as if she was trying to hold my eye contact.
Today was the first day of an accused giving evidence. We seriously wasted more than an hour because the prosecution had complained that they weren't given notice of the accused giving evidence. Part of the delay was the judge siding with the prosecution. Wow, hundreds of years of practising and enforcing the right to silence, wiped out in 60 minutes by this judge. Good stuff.
There was probably some excitement in the courtroom as the accused left the dock, but I think that was soon overtaken by boredom as we all struggled to understand what the hell he was saying, since his English ain't that good.
During an afternoon break, I was standing at the docks waiting for my client with my laptop. I turned around and looked at the public gallery. The hot para was looking straight at me. It's hard to describe that look. It's almost like a mischievous and flirty look. God I would pause that moment and treasure it forever if I could.
I caught the train back to the city after work, and it was like the devil overcame me. I went to the casino and lost $600. Fark me dead. You've gotten to a stage where you can't blame depression anymore. Your gambling addiction turns anything into an excuse, but at the end of the day, it's just a lack of self control.
As I was walking down the stairs out of the casino to get my bag from the cloakroom, I heard a loud slap. I turned to my left to see an Asian couple on their way down an escalator. The girl tried to slap her boyfriend again. I wondered two things: 1) whether the massage girl would ever do that to me if we went out; and 2) whether the girl was angry at her boyfriend because he lost money.
Presuming the latter, I walked past them again after I got my bag. They were at an ATM withdrawing cash, and she slapped him again. Damn, I wouldn't put up with that. I'd just walk away. I hate how some women hit men thinking they can geta way with it because we won't/can't hit them back.
The hit felt pretty real to me. I mean, it felt close to me. It was almost as if I had lost her money and she had slapped me. It made me realise, at that moment anyway, how important money was. Particularly to women.
On the bus back home, I saw a lady who was crying or sobbing. She obviously saw me see her, so she kinda turned away. When I had the chance, I walked deeper in the aisle to get behind her as I was sure the last thing she wanted was feeling like someone was staring at her. I ended up sitting next to her when the person next to her got up. If I had a pack of tissues I would've offered her one. That's one mini-flaw I've always criticised myself for - not having a pack of tissue with me at all times. It can come in unbelievably handy when you least expect it.
It wasn't like I thought about hitting on her or something, but I've felt like that before, and sometimes the best thing is to talk to a complete stranger about it, knowing you will never see each other again.
But then I do wonder, what do people want? To be left alone? Someone to talk to?
In a way, it's good to know that there are other people out there with their own problems too. Maybe even bigger than me losing my whole fortune due to gambling problems. Maybe she had a loved one pass away. Maybe she caught her husband cheating. Maybe her husband called and said he didn't want her anymore. So I guess, put in perspective, money can always be re-made. I just hope you appreciate all other aspects of your life.
Today is Ele's birthday. I don't know whether she's having a party, or if she had it yesterday or whatever. But my paranoi broadcasts into my mind a party where everyone is there. I was sure if she was going to invite Bob and them, then she would invite me. So if she has deliberately left me out, then, well, she can fuck off.
Of course, if a girl is not interested in me, by all means I think she should express her disinterest by ignoring me. That way I get the message. But don't expect me to keep acting like a puppy and throwing away my pride after that. Like that idiot who keeps posting messages on Ele's facebook, even wishing her happy bloody birthday.
In fact, you should expect whatever treatment you give me. I treat people the way they treat me. If you ignore me, I will do the same to you. Tell me how that is unfair.
Oh ya there's an excuse you lose proof so you use"
-- Deja Vu, Eminem
This morning at my bus stop, I saw that really hot model looking chick. We ended up catching the same bus. She stood near the door, and I kept waiting for her to turn around and look in my direction, hoping I'd catch her eye. But something, maybe her body language, told me she wasn't looking. Then I spotted it. She had a ring on her left ring finger. Oh well.
Despite getting to the office at like 8:45am, I was the first one there. GS and IN came in at the same time. GS had a huge cut on his head, apparently he had cut himself while throwing up after a bike race. IN showed GS the newspaper and asked if he recognised who the lady in the photo was. GS said she looked familiar and asked for the answer, but IN said he'd tell after he showed it to SB, who had just come in.
SB recognised her as Twish's boss' "offsider". The article linked her to some underworld figure, and SB said it was never a good thing to be with a woman who was too good looking, as she then attracts all sorts of men. I agree. But therein lies the challenge: how do you find someone you find attractive, yet not too attractive so other guys will go for her and testing her fidelity?
I wondered how the hot para would rate on that scale. Well you know she's got the attention of one juror at least.
As I was headed up to court, I walked past Twish's room and made a comment about her interview, as she had earlier told me that she emailed her referees to the lady and the lady responded with something like "you must have a lot of fun in your life!!". I told her that was a good sign, and that they, or at least she, must've liked her. She was modest and said I'd probably get the job because I was more professional, and I seemed more like a prosecutor than she did.
I agree with the professional bit. However, that will never, let me repeat that, NEVER, override the fact that the interviewer likes you. I told Twish that I just felt some animosity from her, for whatever reason. She seemed to like girls more.
When I went upstairs, I looked at the clock on my right as I walked out the lift. As I turned left, the hot para and her friend stood up to approach me.
"Oh, you're waiting for me".
Ambush you idiot, the word is 'ambush'!
She was just giving me something. I said thank you and smiled at her friend.
Smile at HER you idiot, HER! The one you like! Fucking hell...
I turned to her as I continued my smile. She looked at me differently than how a normal person would look at me. It was as if she was trying to hold my eye contact.
Today was the first day of an accused giving evidence. We seriously wasted more than an hour because the prosecution had complained that they weren't given notice of the accused giving evidence. Part of the delay was the judge siding with the prosecution. Wow, hundreds of years of practising and enforcing the right to silence, wiped out in 60 minutes by this judge. Good stuff.
There was probably some excitement in the courtroom as the accused left the dock, but I think that was soon overtaken by boredom as we all struggled to understand what the hell he was saying, since his English ain't that good.
During an afternoon break, I was standing at the docks waiting for my client with my laptop. I turned around and looked at the public gallery. The hot para was looking straight at me. It's hard to describe that look. It's almost like a mischievous and flirty look. God I would pause that moment and treasure it forever if I could.
I caught the train back to the city after work, and it was like the devil overcame me. I went to the casino and lost $600. Fark me dead. You've gotten to a stage where you can't blame depression anymore. Your gambling addiction turns anything into an excuse, but at the end of the day, it's just a lack of self control.
As I was walking down the stairs out of the casino to get my bag from the cloakroom, I heard a loud slap. I turned to my left to see an Asian couple on their way down an escalator. The girl tried to slap her boyfriend again. I wondered two things: 1) whether the massage girl would ever do that to me if we went out; and 2) whether the girl was angry at her boyfriend because he lost money.
Presuming the latter, I walked past them again after I got my bag. They were at an ATM withdrawing cash, and she slapped him again. Damn, I wouldn't put up with that. I'd just walk away. I hate how some women hit men thinking they can geta way with it because we won't/can't hit them back.
The hit felt pretty real to me. I mean, it felt close to me. It was almost as if I had lost her money and she had slapped me. It made me realise, at that moment anyway, how important money was. Particularly to women.
On the bus back home, I saw a lady who was crying or sobbing. She obviously saw me see her, so she kinda turned away. When I had the chance, I walked deeper in the aisle to get behind her as I was sure the last thing she wanted was feeling like someone was staring at her. I ended up sitting next to her when the person next to her got up. If I had a pack of tissues I would've offered her one. That's one mini-flaw I've always criticised myself for - not having a pack of tissue with me at all times. It can come in unbelievably handy when you least expect it.
It wasn't like I thought about hitting on her or something, but I've felt like that before, and sometimes the best thing is to talk to a complete stranger about it, knowing you will never see each other again.
But then I do wonder, what do people want? To be left alone? Someone to talk to?
In a way, it's good to know that there are other people out there with their own problems too. Maybe even bigger than me losing my whole fortune due to gambling problems. Maybe she had a loved one pass away. Maybe she caught her husband cheating. Maybe her husband called and said he didn't want her anymore. So I guess, put in perspective, money can always be re-made. I just hope you appreciate all other aspects of your life.
Today is Ele's birthday. I don't know whether she's having a party, or if she had it yesterday or whatever. But my paranoi broadcasts into my mind a party where everyone is there. I was sure if she was going to invite Bob and them, then she would invite me. So if she has deliberately left me out, then, well, she can fuck off.
Of course, if a girl is not interested in me, by all means I think she should express her disinterest by ignoring me. That way I get the message. But don't expect me to keep acting like a puppy and throwing away my pride after that. Like that idiot who keeps posting messages on Ele's facebook, even wishing her happy bloody birthday.
In fact, you should expect whatever treatment you give me. I treat people the way they treat me. If you ignore me, I will do the same to you. Tell me how that is unfair.
posted by toey | 20:16
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