Me vs The World

"Maybe"

2011-07-19T20:33:00.002+10:00

So last night, I went to bed with my phone, having turned off all the lights. I held it up, drafting a reply, deleting it, then drafting another one. I wanted to indicate I'd come, but also I wanted a reply.

Eventually I replied with this:

Me @ 22:23 - How about I come see you Friday at about 11pm?

That's good. You specified a time this time and phrased it as a question.

I put my phone to the side, telling myself not to expect a reply, yet at the same time, waiting for the message tone was like throwing a grenade and waiting to hear the explosion. As I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, it went off.

Oh my god!

Naby @ 22:24 - Ok.. See we then..

Ok...maybe she means "we see then".

I wanted a bit more. What had just occurred seemed a bit 'plain'. I felt flirty...and maybe even a bit daring.

Me @ 22:25 - Miss me? :)

Not getting a reply to this would've been lethal.

Naby @ 22:26 - May be.. Kkk :-)

I smiled. I decided it was best to leave it at that. Now that I knew that "kkk" meant something like "hehehe", it was a good sign. However, the negativity and insecurity in me wondered if it was just a "gentle no". I dozed off to sleep thinking about it, but mostly gushing inside.

Woke up today and went to work, bought some food from Breadtop for breakfast. Bummed around a bit before heading off with Moira to do the list. The courtroom opened just as we got there, and things started almost immediately.

I was really surprised at how fast and nonchalant Moira was doing the matters. She didn't need help. She was completely competent. But part of me thought maybe she was going a bit extra hard to put on a show for me.

I did mention my two matters when the courtroom was pretty crowded.

We got through most of the matters before 11am, so had an early morning tea break. We went to the cafeteria for a coffee and we talked about the list. When conversation was dying, I thought it would be best revived by gossip, so we talked about our work and office politics. I learnt that she recently applied for a job at the SLA. I was kinda shocked. I never saw her staying here long term, but now? Damn. It'd be sad to lose someone as competent as her, but at the same time, I guess that narrows down the candidates for possible promotions.

We went back at noon and did a few more matters, and then headed back to the office at lunch. I returned by myself as there were only two matters left. At the very end, I said "that completes the list" and the mag said "you have a very soft voice or I'm going deaf. I think it's the first" lol.

I walked back to the office dragging my suitcase, relieved it was all over. I was tired, but spent my time writing up the files and following up on a few things. I left the office at about 6pm. I wanted to do something, maybe go for another walk. But it was raining so I just went home.

Thinking about the texts exchanged last night, I was in a more upbeat mood today. Seriously, last night I thought there was a chance that her "may be" meant "not really" or a polite way to avoid an answer. But thinking about it, with the "kkk" I was more confident it was flirty.

Feeling pretty good right now!

Emotions cut off

2011-07-18T20:10:00.002+10:00

"There's a switch, I flip, emotions cut off"
-- Welcome 2 Hell, Eminem & Royce Da 5'9"

Although I told myself yesterday not to message her until about Friday, I couldn't help myself and went to bed with my phone. As I laid there, I texted a message.

Me @ 22:31 - Are you ok? Is everything ok??

I laid there, half trying to fall asleep, and half waiting for that Ryu ringtone of mine. I never got it.

This morning, I didn't feel ready for work. I had a sort of a big weekend. I mean, I went punting for three nights in a row and blew a load of cash. On top of that I met with two girls who were complete strangers. It was a hangover, just not the alcoholic type.

However, I got into work easier than expected. Preparing for the upcoming week and tomorrow's list assist kept me very busy. So busy in fact, that I went to lunch at a bit past 1pm, whereas a lot of my office days I'm waiting for the clock to strike 12 to go eat.

I turned my phone off silent waiting for a message to come through.

My plan was kinda to call the shop after work. I was fairly confident she'd be working by now, and I was thinking back and forth whether I should see her if she was.

In the late afternoon I was in Moira's room preparing the files for tomorrow. She seems to take an extremely casual approach to it. I don't even think she looked at any of them. She said she just deals with it on the day. I, on the other hand, like to make sure I know everything ahead and that everything is ready to go. However, I think it'll be interesting tomorrow to see us in action, both being ex-defence lawyers. You saw a hint of it today, when we were both making fun of some subs someone else did, lol.

Mary stopped by for a chat, which usually means at least 10-20 minutes taken out of your time. I walked back to my room after a while and checked my phone. There was a message. I obviously didn't hear it whilst in Moira's room. I wondered who it could be. A small part of me hoped it would be Naby, but I knew better. I had already set my expectations so that she'd send me a message later in the week, if at all. Anyway, I read the message.

Naby @ 16:04 - Yeah.. I am ok.. May be I go to work this week Friday and saturday. Because I go to school ever week 5 days.

I was surprised she replied, even though it was so much later. I didn't know what to say. I mean, obviously I was going to say something like I'll see you on Friday/Saturday, but I didn't want to reply straight away.

As time passed, the message sunk in a bit more. I wasn't sure if I should be so happy she replied. It obviously seems like she only wanted to see me at work, not outside of work. That really put a downer on me. What Shuing said about "feeling empty" really hit home to me.

It was so bad, that after work (I left at 5:30ish) I took a walk towards the casino, thinking about it. I first headed to Town Hall. I then crossed the road and walked towards Darling Harbour. I figured it'd be good to sit down on the water side and read that message some more. But then I found myself walking through the shops on my former usual route to the casino. When I got through the shops, I figured I'd sit by the water nearby, but I ended up walking towards the casino.

I made my way in there. I really think the type of air they ventilate in there is very synthetic. It really gets the heart pumping. I first checked out the baccarat tables, then went to the roulette tables. I did think about withdrawing some cash and dumping $800-$1000 on one spin, but when I watched one spin and pretended I placed a bet on black and the third column, the number was 19...I would've lost all my money just like that.

I walked around a bit, but mainly stayed around the roulette tables. I watched as a black man in a business suit lost all his chips and walked away lonely. I knew that feeling. And what's more, I knew he was feeling it. I watched another guy exchange $500 for chips, then lost it in one spin. I watched as he took another $500 out and lost it in the next spin. I overheard a guy talking to another guy behind me saying "he just lost $1,000". Wow, that could've been me.

I eventually made my way out. One thing I noticed about the unfinished refurbished casino is that there are no seats for people to just sit and do nothing. All seats are attached to some game. If you're not playing, then you're standing.

As I walked back out, I figured it'd be much safer to just buy shares in the casino. It's good to have the house advantage.

I went to the supermarket nearby and bought a 'limeade' drink, which was pretty sour. I then went through the Harbour shops again and bought a large fries from Macca's. I was thinking about the Naby message in the back of my mind. I felt conflicted now. As I walked back to the bus stop, I would wish I could be like Eminem - just cut off my emotions. I wished I could be cold.

Now, I didn't like her so much. Maybe it wasn't so much about the content of the message. Maybe I just didn't like being ignored, and I just wanted to prove something. Now that she had replied, I knew I hadn't been ignored and felt like the 'power' was in my court again. Another part of me didn't really want to spend another $220-$270 given my recent splurge. And then another part of me queried whether I'd even have time on Friday and Saturday to see her.

Having had more time to think now that I'm home, maybe it's not as negative as I thought. Again, I seem to impose on her my untold words. How would she really know you wanted to see her outside of work? Did you expect her to ask you out? Also, if you don't go, how would you even try to get her back? By text messages?! I think if I want any chance, I'd have to see her in the shop at least once more.

I also wonder whether ensuring just one customer such as myself is such a big deal for her. Surely if I wasn't there she wouldn't lost out on much. Also, it's kinda surprising that she still wants to see you, even if it's just as a customer, after all this time when this year you would regularly go 3-4 weeks without seeing her. If she was really money hungry, she probably would've left you behind a long time ago. Also, I can now see why previously she never sent me messages such as "long time no see, when are you coming next?" because it was sooooo obvious as a money making tactic. Maybe she didn't want to come off as that? Maybe at least a small part of her wants to see me because she likes me? Or at least, doesn't find me repulsive?

Tiffany / She really is sick

2011-07-17T19:40:00.003+10:00

I don't know why, but I got up at about 6:30am today, grabbed my dad's phone and used it to dial Naby's number. It rang out. I didn't want to use my home number as she might start thinking it was always the same person (ie. me) calling, so I thought revealing a number would alleviate some suspicion.

Anyway, I went back to sleep, woke up at 8ish. I had breakfast and jumped on the net and then had a further nap, waking up at about noon. I bummed around a bit half waiting for my dad to come back with the car.

I had decided: I was going to Naby's shop or my old massage place. I wanted either to see Crystal or Amy in the line up, or find a new girl to 'pursue' from the massage shop. I figured the massage shop method would be a lot cheaper in the long run. I called the shop and the guy said Naby was "day off" today.

I told myself that maybe after a bit more than a year, this thing had to end somehow. I semi-accepted it. I believed that she was eluding me for whatever reason. I told myself that I had a good run, but sometimes relationships just end. Maybe it was time to find a new one. I needed to take my mind off Naby and the best way to do it, right now, was to see Crystal or Amy whom I have had a start with, or meet a new massage girl who I could see potential with.

My dad came back at 2pm. I hurriedly got changed and left. I drove to the shop, parked, got some money out and went in. No security guard. I was greeted by a new guy, definitely not the usual guy I used to see. I wonder what happened to him. But then again, I come here for the girls, not the male receptionist.

I went to the bathroom and then returned to the main waiting room. I was shown four girls. One I think I have seen in a previous line up. None looked at me. One looked kinda older. After they left I asked if there were any other. The guy said there were two upstairs, would be ready in half an hour. I asked what their names were, hoping it'd be either Amy or Crystal, but nada.

I went with the girl in the middle whose hand covered the number. I later walked out to see her, thinking she wasn't much to look at, but maybe I was just still in with Naby. I walked up first and she indicated left on the second floor. I saw she was holding a Domo handbag and I said "domo" when I walked in. She confirmed I was referring to her bag and laughed.

She went out to get the towels, and when she came back I asked what her name was. She said Tiffany. As I was taking my shoes off I saw that she was wearing badge #99. We both got undressed and had a shower. I asked how long she'd been working here and she said 10 months.

Bingo, so you must know Naby.

Shower had a bit of talk. I said "choar" when the water was cold, and had to say it a few times before she knew I meant "cold". After the shower I said "kamsa-hamnida" and she laughed. I dried off, then gave her a towel when she finished.

I pointed to a notice on the wall which said something about taking the condom off was rape. I said that was new and she just laughed and shook her head.

I laid on my tummy as she got on and wiped my body some more with a towel before kissing the back of my body. After that she asked me to turn around and so I did, and she licked my nipples before going down on me, then doing the fire and ice thing.

Then she put the condom on and got on top of me. She placed her hands on my chest and abs, so I tried to bend up a little so she could feel how hard it was. I eventually sat up to suck her breasts and she didn't know what position I wanted and we both laughed. We changed and I got on top of her.

I started sucking her breasts before entering her. Maybe it was because I already had sex the previous night, but it took me a while to finish. I was going at it hard which caused her to moan a lot. Part of me thought it was fake, but her legs would spread really wide and then grip my waist. Then we switched to doggy where I eventually finished. She actually said "thanks" as she was breathing hard when I pulled out. Hmmm...maybe she did enjoy that.

I laid down with my left arm stretched out and she put her face on it, wanting to go to sleep. I decided to ask about Naby. After a bit of chit chat, I said I used to come here a lot. She was surprised. I asked if she'd ever seen me and she said no. I said I only see one girl, Bibi. She was like "ah, Nabibi" and I was like "huh?" but yeah, she knew who I was talking about. She said Bibi is very tall. I said she was about her height. She said Bibi was about 170cm and she was 168cm, and I made a "urrnn" sound as if to say that was negligible.

Anyway, I said I used to see Bibi but she's disappeared. She said she was sick!

Oh my god!! She IS sick!!!

I asked if it was like a cold and she said yes. I told her about how Bibi had left Australia and come back, and how I hadn't seen her since she came back. She didn't seem to understand at first, but said she came back for one day. I thought about asking if that was a Friday but didn't. I don't know why. Stupid me.

I told her not to tell Bibi I was here and made a "shhh" gesture with my finger and lips. She understood and smiled. She asked if I liked her with a bit of a knowing smile on her face and I said I did. I told her I messaged Naby but she didn't reply so I thought maybe she doesn't like me. She said that wasn't the case.

We went to another topic, and I asked her about what she did in Korea before. She said something about answering the telephone but drinking a lot so that customers could smell the drink. I asked if she had a boyfriend in Korea and she said yes. I asked if he knew she was working here and she said no, then she broke out candidly and said she was joking. She said she had one about two years ago but he was with many girls. She tried to find the word for it and I said "player" and she was like "yes!"

We talked about Sydney and Korea. She asked me how long I'd been here and I said 23 years. She asked if I liked it and I said it was ok, but there were too many people. I asked if she drank "choonga" and she said no because it was too expensive. She said $10 here was $11 in Korea.

She asked if I had a girlfriend and when I said no, she asked if I was married. When I said no she asked why. I said I'd been seeing Bibi for more than a year. Not sure where I was getting at. I remember asking her again not to tell Bibi.

By now we were both laying on our tummies talking. I could see from before how far apart our hips were, so I guess this was a good indicator of how close two people were. At one point I stared blankly at a bottle of Listerine thinking about Naby until she clicked her fingers in front of me. I just told her too much Listerine was not good for the mouth and also that the ice cube was not good.

As we were talking, her little alarm started going off and she reached for it and turned it off, and we continued talking until the buzzer went, then we went for a shower. I went first and got the water temperature right before having the shower, then I handed it to her.

I walked down the stairs first and then waved goodbye to her at the bottom. As I was leaving the receptionist guy asked if it was good service. I said "good, very good".

So now my mind was back to normal. I wasn't going crazy anymore. I wasted $730 over three days just because I am insecure. If only I had believed that she was sick. Trust. The key word is trust. And I didn't trust her.

Dinner with two strangers / Mimi

2011-07-17T12:51:00.002+10:00

Man, seriously, I woke up today with the "what the fuck happened last night?" feeling.

So I met this girl on Oasis called Phoebe. We chatted on MSN a bit and swapped numbers. We text sometimes when she asks me out and spoke on the phone once about meeting. I think I posted about this. Despite all that, last night was the first time I met her.

Yesterday morning I went to the Wick to drop off my suit at the dry cleaners, hoping the Fitness First chick was there, but she wasn't. I then went to buy a cake for my physio since it had been a year since my surgery. I called up the physio section but there was no answer, so I fugred maybe it was just the receptionist area that was closed.

I bought a mango cheesecake and spoke to Phoebe on the phone as I walked to the hospital. She asked if I was doing that night and I said no, so we agreed to meet up for dinner.

I went downstairs to the physio but they were closed :( No one in sight in that section. So I took the cake home and shared it with my family.

I then got a lift off my dad to the city for bball training at KGV. I was half an hour late, getting there at 10:30am. When I got there, Nick was shooting around. Phil messaged me saying he'd be late. We suspected Bo had been drinking on Friday night.

Anyway, there was a comp game going on on the other court and some guy came over and asked if one of us wanted to play. I suggested Nick so he went. I just kept shooting, trying to focus on driving to the basket. Then Bo arrived and we shot around until Nick finished his game. Then a girl came over and asked if one of us wanted to play in the next game cause they were short of players, so Bo went. I didn't see the need to play to risk my knee.

Then Phil arrived, and we spent the time between shooting around and watching Bo play. Nick told me that Bo really hated Angelo, lol. I really wanted to add my two cents (or 100 dollars) to it but held back. I wanted him off the team now, but I think I'll just have to put up with him till the end of the season.

After Bo finished, we played a four on four half court game. I tried to drive it but Bo was marking me and usually backed off on defence to give me room. Also, when I did drive it, I found Nick at the center in my way. It was a bit dumb I suppose. Here I was telling myself to drive it 100% of the time, yet I then realised that Bo would keep backing off until I hit some outside shots to make him an honest defender and start coming out at me.

Nick left at about noon and we continued playing. I did back down one small guy (who used to play at Moore Park and had now seemed to bulk up a bit) and faked to my left before turning around back to my right for a fadeaway. It felt ok and was surprised it went in.

One of our last games was against a team that had just played in the other comp. It was Bo, Phil, me and some kid wearing a Kobe jersey. We got off to an amazing start, like 6-0, before the other team started scoring.

I was hitting my outside shots and everything seemed good, but after a while I noticed Bo and the fat Indian guy he was marking were getting a bit physical. At one point the guy said to Bo "really?", took the check, and drove it straight at him. This wasn't going to end well, I knew.

Later things came to a heat when both were talking, and Bo said he was just going to leave. Phil and I had no choice but to leave with him. Bo came back in and argued with the guy more before we got changed on the sidelines. The guy came over and sort of apologised, saying we didn't need to leave. I was being diplomatic and just said we were old and tired, unlike them. I reckon they would've been about 17 or something.

I thought it was sensible of Bo to walk away, but at the same time, I wondered why he always attracts trouble.

We walked back to the city and Bo suggested eating. I initially agreed, but then looked at the time (1:30pm) and said I needed to go home. The real reason was because I wanted to see if Naby was working.

As I walked to the bus stop, I called the shop and asked. The guy said she had "day off". Hmmm.

I went home, had a shower and then at about 4pm I dropped my dad off at work and my mom at the nearby RSL club. I went back home to get ready to go out to meet Phoebe.

I left home at a bit after 5pm and drove out to Bankstown. I found her address, which was very close to where I used to work. I called her and she said she'd be coming down in a bit. I couldn't believe I was doing this - waiting for a stranger in my car. I also couldn't believe she was up for it - to be picked up by a stranger.

She called, and then I saw a figure up ahead standing there. I turned on my lights and she came over. She got in my car. As it was dark, I didn't get a real good look at her, but she did resemble the picture she had shown me once.

I started driving off towards the city and we just made small talk. I had Bad Meets Evil playing at a low volume, but loud enough to make out the words if there was silence. I couldn't help but go quiet a bit at times. She said we would meet her cousin later and told me not to be too quiet. Hmmm. As the drive went on, I came to realise that she was quite a demanding, picky and snotty person. I should've known when she asked if my car was older than five years old and if it had air conditioning.

I had her call the restaurant to make a booking, but they were all booked out for the night. Unbelievable. We agreed to just walk around and find one. I got to the city and parked in the car park behind the cinemas. As I was driving onto that street she saw some Spanish restaurants and suggested we have Spanish, so we ended up at one on Liverpool St.

We were shown to a table for two, and when we sat down I got a good look at her. She was ok I suppose, but she had this arrogant aura about her. She said she didn't eat most seafoods. I forgot about this and asked about the prawns as an entree. She said yes, but later pointed out it out to me. Silly me, but she did say yes. I didn't care too much because I didn't really feel like I wanted to impress her. She told me her real name was Cecilia, so I was not to call her Phoebe when I met her friends. Also, in the car, she said if anyone asked, we met through work.

She wanted to move to a bigger table, so she told the waiter another friend was coming, and had us moved to a four seater table. I thought she was lying, but her cousin did end up coming.

The prawns came first which was a bit awkward. She encouraged me to eat them and I had a couple before I decided to wait for an additional entree I ordered for her, which were the scallops. I noticed she didn't invite me to eat the scallops. She also asked for bread, and so we just chomped on them before she started whinging about the food not coming.

Sometimes I'd go quiet and look out the window behind her. She asked me what I was thinking and I said a lot of things. She said that wasn't good because it was like a girl. She said her ex-boyfriend used to just "space out" and think about nothing, which was what guys were supposed to do.

When she went out to get her cousin, I had the waiter check on the food and he came back to tell me it was coming. I was a bit nervous waiting for her to bring her cousin back. I couldn't believe I was going to have dinner with two complete strangers. Her cousin when she walked in was a bit of a stunner. Short, petite, but nice hair and face. Her name was Julia, or Jude or something.

Julia did seem a bit happier to see me. I noticed constant eye contact. At one stage Cecilia even asked her what she thought of me, having sensed a bit of a connection between us. She said I had a nice feel, lol.

As we ate, we talked about what to do next, and I noticed they mainly just ate the bread with the sauce on the meals. Cecilia didn't like the steak and didn't touch the chicken at all, saying there were many parts of the chicken she didn't eat.

Julia and I seemed to strike a better connection when I mentioned chilli crab with bread in Cabramatta. It was even better when Cecilia knew nothing about it. We suggested trying it next time. There was also talk about meeting up the next night for dinner at a Brazilian restaurant, and we talked about meeting up for me to wash their cars. I wasn't sure if they were serious, but I played along and said sure, even though in the back of my mind I would've preferred to go into the office.

I could tell Cecilia was going sleepy from the wine, as she got more and more quiet. She also didn't seem to want to do anything after dinner, wanting to go home instead. Julia wanted to play pool at Cheers. I suggested the arcades which Julia also seemed open to.

After some reluctance, Cecilia agreed to pool. We got the bill and it was about $143. I put my $50 down. There was no way I was going to shout this one.

We went out and walked to Cheers. I couldn't believe I was walking into a place like this with two girls. I reckon other guys would've looked at me and thought "what does this guy have?" We went downstairs and they went to the bar to order drinks, and I went to the bathroom. When I came back I saw they had ordered shots and had them at the bar. We then went over to a standing area with their drinks. Julia wanted to dance but Cecilia didn't want to.

There were some guys there trying to start a dance on the dance floor, who just looked sad to me. I could see them checking out Julia because she was wearing a tight white dress.

Eventually we left and met a couple by the name of Rob and Jenny. Rob was an older Caucasian guy, whereas Jenny was a younger Vietnamese girl. The first thing I noticed was she had two different eyes. I think she lost one eye and so one is fake. She would be absolutely stunning if she had both real eyes, and I doubt she'd be with Rob.

We went to the Star Bar. At the bar, they were ordering drinks and I again went to the bathroom. When I came back, I offered to hold their stuff for them as I didn't want to dance. They piled their stuff onto me so I happily sat on a stool and just browsed the net on my phone. Sometimes I'd think about Naby. I looked around and half expected her to be there.

Later Julia came over and asked me to go over to where they were. I said I'd come in a moment and did. I walked over to see that there actually weren't that many people dancing on the dance floor. Just people standing around with their drinks, watching two people hired to dance on some platforms. I watched the dancers as I minded their stuff. It enthralled me to see how creative they were. If it was me, I'd have some sort of cycle where I repeat my moves, but they never seemed to do it.

So that went on for a while, with one of them coming over occasionally to check/get their things. There was a bit of an issue of what to do after. Cecilia wanted to go home and I said I'd drive her, but she kept saying I should stay with Julia. I figured that I picked her up, so I was obligated to take her back. I did offer to come back for Julia, but when Cecilia wanted to leave, Julia was nowhere in sight, so that was the end of that.

Cecilia wanted to get a cigarette so I went into the arcades. Spent $10 and didn't get anything. We then went to my car and I drove her home. I semi-needed her guidance but she fell asleep and I figured out the way anyway.

When we got there I nudged her awake. She looked around and fell back asleep a few times before getting out. Can't remember if she thanked me or not but she didn't say much when she got out. Oh well.

I then drove to Naby's shop. I was crazy. I'll admit I'm not in the right mind frame right now. I needed to crap and went into the shop where the security guard opened the door. I went to the toilet almost immediately and chucked a relieving crap.

I returned to the main waiting room. It was quite busy. Indeed, a lot of older Vietnamese men as one forum described.

I was shown four girls. One of them was Mimi, on the far left. I think I remember seeing her in the lineup when I chose Crystal. She kept looking at me, so I chose her, even though she was not that great looking. In fact, none of them were.

I waited a while before I was invited to come out. I walked up the stairs first and we went to the third floor. I was pretty quiet, not really in the mood to talk. We got naked and showered. I asked her how long she'd been working and she said three weeks, so I figured she probably didn't know Naby.

After the shower I laid down on the bed. She was a lot better at sucking the back of my body than Crystal. When I turned around she went down on me for a while and was pretty good at it. She asked something about the condom and I just said ok. She put it on and got on top. Don't know why but I was pretty close to finishing so I quickly said "change" and got on top. I licked her nipples a bit before entering her and finishing like that.

She cuddled up to me and I held her and we slept like that for the rest of the session. I actually fell asleep, noticing when my hand would fall off her and placing it back there again.

We were woken by the buzzer and quickly showered and got changed. Her English was pretty bad, but I got the feeling she kinda liked me. She thanked me for sleeping and then pecked me on the lips before we walked out the door.

I walked out $270 broker.

First DC sentence / No Naby / One year sobriety coin chip!

2011-07-16T07:35:00.004+10:00

I got to work at 8:15am yesterday to finish preparing for my sentence. I realised I had probably left it a little late - next time I need to put a whole day aside to prepare. I could hear people like Mary talking and I hoped that they wouldn't come over because I really needed peace and quiet to prepare. Luckily, they didn't.

I eventually left for court. There were only two matters in my courtroom, so it was pretty certain that it'd be going ahead. Part of me wanted to beg for an adjournment. But I know that even if I got one, the same thing would happen next time.

Kathy arrived and we talked a bit about the matter before waiting around. Then the cop Tricia arrived and we had a little chat, then waited for the judge to come on. When he did, he gave judgment/sentence in another matter first. I sat in and listened as the dude was sentence for, amongst other things, armed robbery. I looked at him and thought what he did was pretty bad, as the judge read out the facts, maybe even worse than what my guy did (import). But of course, it was apples to oranges.

As I sat there, sometimes I thought about meeting Naby later that night and making love to her.

That matter finished at about 11:30am, just in time for the morning tea break. The judge asked us to hand up our papers informally so he could read over them during the break and asked us to come back at 12:20pm. I just stayed in one of the conference rooms to read some further material, and before I knew it, it was time to go back. Time really flies when you're busy!

Anyway, I went back at 12:20pm and we managed to get a start. We got our papers back. The def had been brought up into the dock. Kathy asked for him to speak to his family, and it was a bit sad, so I tried not to look.

It seriously was my first DC sentence as a pros, but I didn't tell anyone here. I started reading an outline before the judge stopped me to ask if the def adhered to his plea. I continued, and then formally handed up my papers. At times I was questioning if I was doing the right thing, or if there was a next step in the process that I wasn't aware of.

But it all went rather smoothly. I told myself not to xx the def, but I did ask him a few questions because the judge seemed interested in the money aspect. I think I did ok. My questions were:

1. I'll take you back to 4 August ok?
2. At that time you owed x?
3. And you were told if you did this, then y would be cleared off the debt?
4. And do you remember telling the police that z told you if you did a few runs then that would clear the debt?

I was obviously trying to force him to say yes to all those, which he did. Phew.

The judge adj to 3pm for judgment and it was only about 1pm, so I decided to go see how the celebration lunch was doing. I went to the Civic and saw Ogre, Clare, Moira, Mary and Michael at a table. They were waving me over. I went there and they were in the middle of their meals. I went to order and then went back to the table.

It was pretty bad seating position for me. I was next to Moira, and there was too much noise to hear what Mary and Michael were saying at the head of the table. I'm sure it was gossip and/or funny stuff, which I think was the main reason they wanted the lunch anyway. Damnit, I really wanted to hear it.

I feared my lunch would come too late and I'd have to eat it when everyone was leaving, but it came just in time I suppose. I was, however, the only one eating as everyone else had finished. I felt a bit left out as everyone talked and I just ate my prawn pie (which wasn't really that good).

Later Trent's dad Steve and Frank arrived. It was a bit funny, because earlier Michael was teasing Moira about how good looking Frank was, lol. I was glad I wasn't the only one who thought Frank was a fuckhead. Just looking at him made me feel sick. It's not so much his look, but he just has sleaze written all over him, and he's an over-confident prick. I remember seeing him in Wick once with his Asian girlfriend. Another case of "why can't I get a girl like that".

Luckily we left soon, and we all went back to the office. I bummed around until 2:30pm when I left for the court again. It was an easy ride from here, although I was mindful that the judge may still ask me questions. As I listened and wrote down what he was saying, I thought that he had a really nice steady voice, and he did a good job as a judge. I remembered the time I volunteered to be a judge, and it was pretty hard, so now I appreciated his job that much more.

When he read out the sentence, I couldn't help but glance over and look at the def to see his reaction. I thought maybe it was a tiny bit harsh, but not an error. He didn't have any reaction. He looked a bit like John actually, lol.

You read about sentences all the time, but it's not until you're actually there and writing it down that it really hits you as to how long it really is. This guy will come out in 2014. Damn. That's a long time. I don't know what I'd do if I had to be sent away until 2014.

Afterwards I saw him smiling at Kathy, so I guess he was happy with his result.

I left with Tricia and she said she would've liked more. I reminded myself that she had a very pros view.

I went back to the office, glad that I had done my first DC sentence smoothly and also that it was near the end of the day. I went to tell Mary about it without much planning or thinking. I told her how the judge had said something about fixed terms and I "gave him a 'I don't know what you're talking about" look. As soon as I said it I knew it didn't sound too well. She looked at me and I caught a glimpse of her look which indicated that she now thought I was dumb.

God, I really should think about things before I open my mouth. I kept mentally banging my head after that.

I just bummed around and talked until 5pm when I left. I had messaged Ele at 4pm asking her if she was doing anything after work, and I didn't get a reply so I thought I'd go for a walk. I had thought about going to the casino. Part of me wanted to place one big bet to celebrate my one year anniversary of my surgery and also being gambling free. I had placed this thought on a gambling addiction forum and one person gave an analogy of robbing a bank, getting caught and going to jail. Would I celebrate two years released from jail by robbing another bank? Good analogy.

But I wanted to go for a walk along that usual path I always took to the casino as I felt a bit sad about the sentence. Even though it was along the main street, walking in the context of my gambling addiction days brought some old feelings back. And I didn't like it. I remembered how I used to rush through the streets to get to the casino. I also felt that old familiar feeling of telling myself to "win one bet, and leave" and how I never adhered to it. Oh god.

I got to the QVB and checked my phone. Ele had rang. I called back and she said she was near the cinemas, and we agreed to meet. That probably saved me from going to the casino.

I walked through the drizzling rain to meet her. I thought she was near the sushi restaurant but as I walked in she spotted me at the entrance and waved. I walked over to her in my long coat. She was dressed rather casually with a white jacket. I wanted to tell her straight away about my sentence but I didn't want to come off as selfish, so we talked a bit about her day at work. I eventually told her about it as we made our way down the main street.

She was very interested, and I really wanted to talk about it, so it was good. We stopped inside a small mall to avoid the heavy rain. We talked a bit about raising kids these days (and she also told me about how people are stuffing alcohol into their vaginas/anuses which was a bit weird) before I felt hungry and thought about the food stalls in Chinatown on a Friday night. I suggested it, although she said she wasn't hungry, but she said she would accompany me.

We went there and I felt like it was a bit like a date, only I was sure she didn't feel the same way. I saw her speaking on the phone to Yang to tell him where she was. I bought a box of fried calamaries and she took a piece. She asked Yang if he wanted anything. She said she wanted to go buy some meat so we went to the butcher in Market City as I ate my stuff. She said they had the best pork.

We passed the Morning Glory where I had bought the Totoro and I asked if she thought it was cute. She said it was ok, lol. I waited for her as she bought her meat and then we walked off. I started telling her about one of my cases where there was a raid recently on Chinatown on people selling fake stuff, and she said she was there when it happened. Wow, how coincidental I thought.

We walked to Central and when we got there we started talking about superannuation and the share market. Then I said I'd let her go. She didn't seem like she wanted to go, and asked if I wanted to play table tennis with Yang and Samuel. It didn't really appeal to me so I said no. She just stood there and I was like "ummm...you should go to the gates" and then she went, lol.

I caught a bus back home, got changed and bummed around on the net waiting for my dad to get home. He got home at 10:30pm. I got changed into my suit and got down to the car at 10:40pm. I called the shop and asked if Bibi was working. He said she was sick. My heart sank. I asked if Naby was working and he said there was no Naby.

My mind was spinning.

Sick??

What was up with that? I would've thought if she wasn't working she'd tell me. What's the point of telling me to meet if she wasn't working? Was this deliberate? Was she trying to avoid me? Was the shop lying? Or was she really sick? I thought maybe she was working under a different name, so I sent a message:

"Are you sick? Shop said you were sick"

I didn't get a reply. Not an instant one anyway. So I thought that was the case and maybe she was with a customer. I told myself to 'decide' after an hour. I drove towards the casino. I thought about going in to check, but I knew it wouldn't be a good look to be seen there after being a pros in a gambling/drug matter on the very same day.

I stopped, fixed my mirror, checked my phone, and drove off to the shop. I figured I might watch from the outside until the hour was up. I was really disappointed. I had shaved, I had the Totoro ready and I had gotten a haircut for this. And now it wasn't happening. Very, very disappointed.

Maybe she was working earlier, and she was waiting for you, but you didn't come so she left? Maybe she thought you meant 6 or 7pm?

What were my options? I could go to another shop, or I could see another girl in the shop. The latter, of course, might cause a problem if Naby ever found out.

When I got there, I saw a security guard standing outside. This was new.

Maybe an incident happened earlier? Involving Naby?

I parked across the road and gave him a nod as I walked in. The door was opened and I was directed to the first room on the left. I asked the guy if Bibi was working and he asked another, and he said no. I mentioned the security guard and said that was the first time I'd seen one, and he said there has always been one. I asked for the line up. It came in sooner than I expected, and I sat back with my arms crossed, expecting to see Naby.

I was shown about five girls. One kept looking at me. I know I should've picked her, but for some reason I picked a girl called Crystal. I don't know why. None of them really appealed to me. I wanted Naby. I paid for an hour. I was told to wait a few minutes as she was eating. Whatever. When I was finally told to come out, I had my glasses on and looked around. I caught a glimpse of a tall girl with dyed orange hair walk by and I heard a bit of a squeal. My mind told me that was Naby seeing me but I don't think it was. She was too tall, and Naby didn't dye her hair all orange.

I followed Crystal up the stairs. I noticed she was wearing any shoes. When we went into the room, she went out to get the towels. I said "no shoes" and she thought I said "nice shoes" and laughed and said thanks. I asked her how she was and she said good. She seemed a bit reluctant to get undressed so I just nonchalantly took my clothes off, with a bit of "let's get this done with" feeling.

When I finished, she was naked and in the shower. We showered together and I noticed she looked a bit like a younger Amanda. She wasn't ugly, some may think she was quite cute, but it really wasn't my cup of tea. I wanted Naby. She had my rinse with a bit of Listerine. I jokingly asked if I should swallow it.

I dried myself and then laid on the bed face down. I was looking forward to this as I hadn't had it in a while. She kissed my back and down to my legs. I felt like she was rushing it. She didn't "DD" though, which I was looking forward to. She asked me to turn around. Before she went down on me, she asked me a question about my dick, which was a bit weird. Then she proceeded and I must admit, she was good at it. She then put the condom on, saying to be careful as it was a bit big, and then got on top of me. She rode me for a bit as I felt her breasts, and then asked to switch. I asked if she was tired and she said yes.

I stared licking her nipples causing her to moan softly. Then I entered her. I was closer to finishing quicker than I thought. I slowed down to last longer, but that didn't work too long, so I finally finished.

I laid down and she laid next to me. I sort of had my left arm spread out. If this was Naby, she'd wrap my arm around her and sleep on it. Crystal placed it back next to me so she could lie down. It was quiet at first as I thought about Naby. But eventually we made some small talk.

She asked me where I was and I asked her to guess. She got China after a few guesses and then I told her HK. She asked me how old and I had her guess. She said 25 at first and made her way up to 29, and then said I looked young. She then asked what I did for work and I asked her to guess, and she laughed and said it was hard because there were so many. I didn't really want to, but I told her. She wanted my business card, but I had her pass my phone to me and I asked for her number. She said no, so I just typed in my number and told her to remember it.

I asked her about her work. She said she'd been here for four days and this was her first day working. I asked what she did in Korea and she said just play and go clubbing. She had never worked before. After I told her about my sentencing matter and the case where a guy had his eyeball pulled out, she told me a story about her friend who was a working girl, who had a boyfriend but a customer fell in love with her, and the customer and boyfriend had a fight and the boyfriend was killed.

I took the opportunity to ask if a working girl here could have a boyfriend. She said no, because if they had a boyfriend they had no need for money. I asked why. She said girls thought differently - she added that a handsome guy with no money might be fun for a while, but ultimately the girl would choose the guy with money. She said if the boyfriend had money then there was no need to work.

I didn't mention Naby, as I didn't want any of the girls connecting who I was.

As we talked, we held hands, but I could feel the distance between us as I noticed how far apart our hips were as she had her right leg bent and away from my body. Sometimes she would squeeze my fingers. Sometimes I'd just put my right hand over my head, thinking about Naby, as I held her hand with my left.

She asked if I had a girlfriend or was married. I said no and showed her my left hand. She asked why not. I never know how to answer these questions. She asked if I had one a long time ago and I said yes.

I asked her if she drank and she said yes. I asked if it was soju and she said it didn't taste good, but I should ask for "choonga" next time I was at a Korean restaurant.

Her timer sounded and I asked "finished?" and she said five more minutes. We talked a bit more before another buzzer sounded and she said shower. She showered me, and looked up at me for a moment which made me think maybe she fancied me a bit. I didn't feel the same way. I wanted Naby.

I got dressed and she waited for me. I asked her what her badge number was and she said 555. I asked her how to say bye bye in Korean and she said it was the same and laughed. We walked down the stairs. I think she looked in the mirror to see if I was looking at her.

I walked out of the shop as a few older men walked in. I drove home, feeling Naby-less.

My insecurities always win out.

5-8-1

2011-07-14T21:01:00.001+10:00

Some more thought on those messages. I posted them on a forum to see the feedback, and one person said it didn't sound like she was my girlfriend. Then it clicked - of course she wasn't my girlfriend! I was supposed to have known this all along! But somewhere along the lines, my mind, I came to think that she was my girlfriend, and I, being disillusioned, incorrectly expected her to be.

So stepping away from that perspective, those messages aren't too bad. She didn't find out about Amy. She isn't going to dump you. There's no trap involved. Seriously, if it was anything bad, would she even reply? Would she even agree to see you?

Ugh...

Anyway, on Wednesday morning I got up really early to go to Newcastle. I felt like I had a lot of wax in my left eye and kep trying to get it out. Even in the shower, I felt like I couldn't get rid of it. Then when I looked in the mirror, I saw that my left eye had swollen up. It was pretty ugly to have one eye bigger than the other. Now I knew how Lewis feels. Or at least a micro-fraction of how he must feel.

I drove off a little after 6am, listening to the Dr Dre CD Malay gave me. It's ok, some skits are funny, but I still prefer Eminem.

When I got there, I walked around looking for a public bathroom. I asked a girl if there was a shopping centre, and she asked what I was looking for. For some dumb reason I was too embarassed to say toilet, so I was like "uhh...shops, mall..." and she pointed me in the direction of a mall. I found two bathrooms - one was out of service and one was locked. Great. So I just had to wait till court opened.

I went back to the car to get a ticket and then went to court. I quickly used the bathroom and then waited near the courtroom. I thought my cop would be there already so kept an eye out for him. When the courtroom opened, I saw Maria and she introduced me to her husband, who was on the other side.

We went out for a chat, and he was surprisingly friendly. I always imagined she married some old fart for money, but I could see this guy was a good match for her. As we spoke, the cop walked up to us and the three of us had a chat. The matter was later mentioned and stood down to noon, so I just sat in the courtroom waiting. I got so tired, not sure if it was because I woke up early or because of my eye.

When it was finally our turn, we did it, but the mag wanted some more material from both of us, and so we have to go back in a fortnight. Great.

I went to have Subway for lunch. I noticed that the cashier girl was really friend towards the customers before me, but was kinda cold when it was my turn. Hmmm.

I ate my sandwich outside, went to the candy store to get something back for the office, and then drove off again. Midway through the drive, I felt so sleepy I turned off the freeway and stopped in a residential area to rest my eyes. I thought about Naby and dozed off. I'm not sure how long I was out for, maybe 20 minutes, maybe 40 minutes, but I resumed my drive wide awake.

When I got back to the office, it was about 4pm. I didn't do much - got caught in a long four way conversation with Mary, Moira and Clare, which somehow turned into gossip talk about how sleazy guys are in the legal profession. I just stood there awkwardly, wishing I could find an excuse to get out. I wonder how Steve deals with it.

I also spoke with Genie at the end of the day. She actually noticed my disproportionate eye, even though it had recovered fairly well throughout the day. She asked me what happened and I just said I woke up like that, adding that maybe I touched my cats before rubbing my eyes.

Afterwards, I went looking for a gift for Naby. I had come up with a solution - I didn't (couldn't) want to get something too expensive like jewellery, but then I thought a soft cuddly toy could do the trick. It's cheap, and all girls like it. I still remember the last time when I got her that Domo, seeing that sparkle in her eyes.

I went to Morning Glory and looked for something. There was a real monkey, one of those that sell for hundreds of dollars. I'm sure she'd like that, but I wasn't going to sneak that into the brothel. Imagine.

I ended up buying a monkey puppet, the type where you can slip your hand inside and control its mouth. I thought it'd be cute to play a character with her. I could picture it - I'd wrap my arm around her shoulder, having the monkey on the other side, and me saying in a cartoonised voice her name, asking her how she was, and telling her I missed her.

I went home, somewhat glad I didn't have to go to basketball. For one, it wasn't fun anymore with Angelo around. Two, I got to rest my finger (the doctor had called on Tuesday saying no fracture, but I should rest it 4-6 weeks). Three, I wasn't in the mood anyway, since I hadn't been to the gym all week.

I had my computer ready and poured myself a cup of grape juice, when my phone rang. It was Bo. He said they might not have five, saying that Any said he was sick. I called Abi and he messaged back saying he was at work so he couldn't make it.

I told Bo I'd go, but I'd just watch if they had five. I met up with him at Town Hall and we caught the train together. Turns out Phil was there, so they'd have five. But then white Mike said he could only play the first half, so I guess I was needed for at least the second half.

When the game before ours ended, Nick and Bo made a concerted effort to take the bench on the left. I don't know why, but put my stuff there anyway. Angelo had gone to the other side to shoot, while the team we were playing were already shooting on the side Nick and Bo had gone to. I don't know why, but Nick and Bo insisted on shooting there, so I just stayed in the middle doing push ups.

When the game started, I was on the bench. It was soooooo cold! I didn't make any effort to come on until the last few minutes of the first half when white Mike wanted to come off so he could play for his other team.

I basically played with the "eh, whatever" attitude. If Angelo wanted the ball, I'd give it to him, stand there and watch. I liked it everytime he missed or lost the ball.

It was a close game until Nick fouled out, leaving the four of us. I sort of thought we could win it and actually tried to give the ball to Angelo to score, but alas we couldn't do it. I still finished the game with the "eh, whatever" attitude. What annoyed me was I heard a guy from the other team say to Angelo towards the end "thanks, good game, you're the only one who..." and I didn't hear the rest as I was walking away. It made me so angry, because now everyone thinks he's the only one who can play. I was just showing that he couldn't win without the team. I can score if I wanted to. Fuckers.

Nick, Bo, Phil and I went to a pub afterwards to talk about it. We didn't labour on it too much, but the general consensus seems to be that Angelo (nor Any) will be playing after this season.

I caught the train with Phil, as Nick drove but could only have one passenger. I got home at around 11:30pm. I wondered how many people were thankful I came out, despite being injured. Certainly not Angelo I bet.

Today at work I spent the first half of the day preparing for next week, and the second half preparing for the sentence tomorrow. Probably should've started earlier as I didn't get to finish, despite leaving at 7pm.

At lunchtime I went to another Morning Glory. My thoughts on the puppet had changed. The main thing was, I wanted to give her a cuddly toy, but a puppet was slightly different. You can't really hug it.

So I went and bought a medium sized Totoro. I thought I could hide it under my jacket, but when I got back to the office, I had a go and there was no way it was gonna fit. Guess I'll just have to walk in with it in a plastic bag.

Ah, she's gonna love the Totoro.

Distant

2011-07-14T08:09:00.001+10:00

That's the word to describe those messages: 'distant'.

But why is she being distant? Is it because after I said "sareng hai" that she had time to think about it, and felt that we should keep this a 'professional' relationship? Maybe she should've just told me to call the shop?

What if she knows?

2011-07-13T06:04:00.000+10:00

While I was falling asleep last night, it came to my mind.

What if she knows I went to see Amy?

...

Some more thoughts on those messages

2011-07-12T21:23:00.000+10:00

It seems a bit plain. Of course, it indicates a lack of interest. But I wondered today if maybe she was just sad. Maybe she had issues with her mother in Korea? I must admit, it had a bit of a 'break up' flavour to it - if we were in a relaitonship, it would seem like she wants to meet up to break up.

Anyway, I've thought of a good gift idea for her on Friday - a soft cuddly toy. She seemed to like the last one.

The Naby messages

2011-07-11T20:16:00.002+10:00

Going to work and preparing for my sev appeal in the morning helped me take my mind off Naby. I went to court and sat in the 3.1 room waiting to be re-allocated. I sat next to Rachel from my office. We'd never spoken before, but I think DC knows her.

She introduced herself and we talked a bit, before I was re-allocated. When we got to the new courtroom, we were told not before 11:15, so instead of hanging around defence, I went for a walk around the block - thinking about Naby.

When I got back, we started. Reading the info onto the record, it reminded me of my Lismore days. I sometimes wonder what things would be like now had I stayed there.

When the judge was reading out the sentence, my mind inadvertently went to Naby...and surprise surprise, I missed something. So I had to get the judge back onto the bench after he went off so I could correct it. Fark. He was nice enough, but we all knew it was my fuck up. I just kept telling myself it was better to correct it now than to do it later.

I was pretty happy when I got back to the office. I think the office week I had last week didn't do my court confidence much good. So it was good to get out and about now.

I was in fact so happy, I decided to send Naby a message. I was excited, and look, in hindsight, at that very moment, I probably shouldn't have done it. I to and fro'd, and decided. I figured if she was not going to tell me about her return, then I might as well find out sooner than later, instead of letting it drag on into infinite, so I can move on faster.

But first, I had to phrase it so that I was still uncertain as to whether she had returned to Australia.

Me @ 12:30 - Hi...let me know when you come back?

From there on, I must've checked my phone a gazillion times. I went to the bank to deposit my coins, and checked my phone constantly. As I lined up in the queue, I caught a glimpse of myself in the CCTV monitor, and realised just how far back my hair had receded. It's funny, because seriously, when I look into the mirror front on, it looks like it has just receded a bit. Maybe even not at all. Maybe I haven't changed since high school. Talk about being disillusioned. It really is unbelievable. I can't believe it. It's like someone's playing tricks with the mirrors.

I went to the supermarket to get my lunch for the week - and I checked my phone there. I bumped into Antonia and walked back to work with her. As we were going up the escalator, she rubbed her nose like a little kid, which was kinda cute. In the lift, I noticed she kept looking at my suit and tie. I wonder why. Eh.

I was now desperate for a message. I checked the net on my phone as I ate my lunch, but after that I was sooo desperate for a message. I had even changed from silent to normal so that I could hear any messages that came through. I was this desperate.

A small part of me said she was probably asleep. But by and large, I started telling myself that I'd give her until 5pm to reply. Otherwise, it was clear she didn't want any part of me. Maybe she stopped working and wanted to study, and wanted to get away from her customers. I had decided if that was the case, then fine, I'd move on too. I began to think about going to see Amy.

Yes...that'd be my plan. Amy cane be my next.

I mean, people do break up, it's something everyone goes through. So it shouldn't come as a surprise if you and Naby don't last the distance.

And then, my message tone of "I'd like some pound cake!" yelled out.

Naby @ 13:49 - May be this week friday..

How's u been?

Me @ 13:59 - I'm sad because haven't seen you for too long :( if you want, I can pick you up from airport

I only said this to keep up the appearance that I didn't know she had returned. So of course, it was natural to expect a rejection to that.

Naby @ 14:00 - No thanks. Because with my friends together..

Ok, guess you didn't miss me...

Me @ 14:04 - Ok, how have you been?

Naby @ 14:04 - Im good. Kkk

Not sure what that means. But ok, obviously she wants to end the conversation there.

Naby @ 14:05 - Maybe I go there work friday start.

Me @ 14:07 - You should rest more...but if you start, let me know and I will come see you Friday night

Naby @ 14:08 - Ok.. Friday start work. U can see friday night?

Well, this seems a little bit encouraging. Maybe she wants to know when I'm coming because she has a present for me?

Me @ 14:09 - Yeah, I will come Friday night then

Naby @ 14:09 - Ok .. See u then.

I was very cheered up after that. I even spoke to Alex in the photocopying room, and I usually don't talk to him much because he's so quiet. I couldn't believe how fast my mood had changed.

But at the same time, I realised the danger that my previous mood could've put me in. I needed a solution. I liked her too much. So I decided to go see another girl to take my mind off her. I needed to prove to myself that there were other girls out there.

I left work at about 5:30pm. I bumped into Melissa at the lifts and we walked along the street together. We had a pretty cool conversation, but as we talked, I kept thinking "can't believe I'm about to go have sex..."

I went to the ATM to get some cash out and then walked to the shop GF. I was greeted by a friendly guy who showed me five girls, including Sha Sha who I saw a long time ago.

I picked a girl called Irene, which turned out to be a mistake. No hand holding as she led me to the room. She had a cold and was coughing every now and then. We took a shower and I asked her a bit about herself. She said she had been here for a few weeks, but before that she was in Korea and before that she had been working here. She asked me where I was from and how old I was. She guessed I was from China and 30.

After the shower, I dried myself off and laid on the bed. She took her time in the shower, which was another downer. When she came over, she told me she had a cold so couldn't give me natural oral. Whatever, fair enough.

She started kissing my left nipple which felt really good because it was itchy. I felt like asking her if she could do that for an hour, but figured she'd probably get tired. She did that for a while before going down on me, and then she got on top of me. One really bad thing was she sometimes coughed, and sometimes turned her head to watch the tv!

By now I realised this was definitely a dud. She asked if we wanted to swap and I said yes. She asked if I wanted doggy and I just said me on top. I tried to kiss her breasts and she nudged me away.

Yep, dud.

I entered her and thought "goddamn, this is such a dud, screw this" and went hard. I eventually finished, and she patted me on the face.

After that we had a pretty long and frank conversation. At first I was just looking at the mirror in the ceiling. She asked me what I was thinking. She asked me that several times, and she said I thought too much. Was it that obvious?

I asked her about herself. She said she worked in an office in Korea. I asked her if she liked it. She said it was good if she was older, married and was stable, but for now she wanted to travel. Her English was actually pretty decent. I asked her about this line of work in Korea and she said there were a lot of shops, lots more than here, but they were illegal.

She kept asking me what I was thinking. I told her I usually go to AT, and I only see one girl there. I told her I've been seeing her for more than a year. She asked if I liked her. I said yes but I didn't think she liked me. She asked why. I said I've asked her out but she said no. I said I was babo for liking someone who didn't like me. I kept looking at the ceiling, and she said I loved her. I said "sareng hair". Maybe I did. Despite being naked with this girl, I was still thinking about Naby.

She was lying on her tummy next to me. Sometimes she'd press her sides into me. Sometimes she'd put her head on my tummy. She seemed to admire me at moments, but all I could think of was Naby. I actually felt like pushing her off me.

She asked me what I did and I told her. I told her about the eyeball case I had before, and she was scared, but asked me to tell her more stories, lol. I wish Naby was that excited to hear my stories.

The hour seemed like an eternity. I began to think that maybe the guy had forgotten about us. We talked for so long, seriously. Finally she said something in Korean. I asked what that meant and she said shower. I went and she joined me.

After the shower, we got dressed. I wasn't looking forward to the cold, but made my way to the bus stop and got home.

Do I regret doing that? Probably not. It's put things more into perspective. I really went out of control today, and I needed to put things into perspective.

Woken up by insecurities

2011-07-11T06:49:00.002+10:00

I wasn't woken up today by my alarm clock, but by my insecurities.

As I laid in bed, I thought "I must receive a message today".

When I went for a shower though, I seemed to have calmed down a bit.

She's back. That's all you need to know.

If she can't be bothered sending you a message, I doubt she remembered to get you a present.

Thoughts of leaving my phone entered my mind, to prevent me from sending her a stupid message.

This is the earliest I've woken up this winter.

Naby's back...

2011-07-10T20:09:00.003+10:00

Yesterday morning I went to the Bra to get my xray done. I thought I knew where it was, but when I went there, I couldn't remember if I'd been there before. The receptionist had to take down my details, so maybe not.

I waited a bit before getting the xray for my left pinkie. This must be the easiest scan I've ever done - I just sat there and put my hand on the platform. Usually I hurt my legs or back, which means I need to get onto the platform.

After getting it done, I asked for it to be sent to my doctor as he instructed. I returned to my car, and there was still a bit of time left before meeting Malay and Brain, so I went to check out the route to the auto store I was planning to take them. I ended up being short on time, but didn't matter cause Malay was late anyway.

I picked him up (he gave me three CDs as a birthday present) then went to pick Brain up, and off again I went on that route to the auto store. Pretty much as soon as we walked in a lady asked if we wanted any help. I told her Malay was looking for touch up paint. He bought a pen of paint, and some towels, while I bought a steering wheel cover cause my dad wanted a new one as the old one was wearing out.

Malay gave me two of the towels as we headed back to my car. We talked about where to go for lunch. Brain wanted to go to the fish market. I wasn't too keen as it would be hard (or costly) to park, but when we were close, Malay suggested Balmain, so off we went.

We took a walk along a street in Balmain and checked out a market sale going on. It was kinda cool to do something different like this, and it was good to get away from Shuing and his obsessive talk about G and Sally.

We bought a lotto ticket and then decided on a take away store for lunch. I had a chicken schnitzel and chips with gravy, which would've been absolutely delicious had the wind not been so cold as to freeze my meal within minutes.

We talked about work, finance (I brought it up), Brain working out and the other guys. It was getting pretty damn cold after a while so we decided to head off. I dropped them off at home and then went home.

Today
I drove to the office at about 10am, prepared for my sev appeal tomorrow and saw Junar come in. We talked for a bit before I resumed working. I had to go at 12:30 because that was when my parking expired. There is so much work I need to do, I don't know how I'm gonna get through it, especially since I have two significant court matters this week.

After I left I drove to the Wick for gym. I did five sets of everything again. I was really in the mood for gym. I just felt like being by myself and clearing my mind. I think I am still recovering from Wednesday night.

After gym I went home to work on my car a bit. I added some touch up paint to that left front corner where I had previously used touch up paint that was too dark. I think I did a decent job this time. As I sat there on the ground working on it, I felt like I could really spend my time doing stuff like that. It was peaceful, it was cheap, and I was doing something useful.

I went back up to eat and watched Saving Private Ryan with my dad, before going for a bit of a nap. Just before I napped off, I was thinking about Naby. I realised I was missing her. Today was supposed to be the day she came back, and since I hadn't gotten a message from her, I was starting to think that maybe she wasn't coming back. That made me really sad.

When I woke up maybe an hour later, I thought maybe I should try giving her phone a call, just to see if she was back. So I stupidly went to call from my landline, and...it rang! I hung up straight away feeling so stupid and insecure. But now, my brain was thinking.

Why didn't she message me?

Maybe she had literally just gotten off the plane. Or maybe she wanted to hang out with her friends first.

Or maybe she didn't want to message you on a weekend in case you might ask her out again.

Maybe she lost your number.

Maybe she knows it was you who called?

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe!

So many maybes.

I went online to distract myself, strangely looking forward to the coffee with Shuing and G now so that my mind wouldn't wander, even though I knew it'd be boring as batshit to hear them gossip about Sally and the other guys.

G picked me up at 5:30pm and we went to pick up Shuing. We went to Chinksford, the coffee shop. I was a bit put off by the guy making my hot chocolate and sneezing. Anyway, we grabbed a table near the front and caught up a bit. G seemed to have issues with Sally, but didn't talk about it. In the car while we were waiting for Shuing, he asked me if I preferred a virgin or a girl with experience. So it must relate to that.

Sometimes my mind would wander off to Naby as I stared out the window.

Shuing did say he suspected Gnat spent half his money on escorts, and added "what an empty life". It made me think about my own.

We stayed there till about 7ish and then left. Shuing wanted to get some takeaway so we walked to a restaurant. On the way, I saw a blue sports car, done up in a way which to me indicated the owner was Asian. Out of nowhere, my imagination came up with the image of Naby giving some guy a blowjob in the car. I realised then that my insecurity was starting to get out of control. There was no basis for that. Absolutely no basis at all.

We took a walk around the streets as we waited for Shuing's takeaway. He said none of these restaurants were prepared for the depression coming within the next ten years.

G drove us back home. I noticed he dropped me off first, presumably because he wanted to talk to Shuing alone. I didn't care. I had enough on my mind right now.

I was relieved a bit when I earlier checked my blog to see that when Naby came back in January, she texted me the day after she returned - not on the day of her return. So maybe I'll get a text tomorrow.

Also, at dinner earlier, I was watching 60 Minutes which showed a stuntman recovering from a stunt gone wrong. He was working so hard just to walk and talk, and I told myself I should be lucky I had my health. If Naby didn't want to contact me, I could always go find another girl. There were plenty around.

I also told myself that maybe I should give it a week or two for her to text me. Maybe I'll text her then. I don't know. Or maybe I'll just look for another girl. Or maybe this is a good chance for me to save some more money.

I guess at least I know now where I stand: somewhere that doesn't deserve a message on the first day back.

5-7-1 (team implosion)

2011-07-09T20:57:00.000+10:00

Seems like such a significant event has happened since my last entry.

On Wednesday after work I had to go home first before going to the game, as I had court the next day and needed to take my suitcase with me. Nick was out, and so was Foz, but to my surprise Any was in. I have this slight suspicion that he's not really happy with the team (but not me).

I met with Any at his bus stop and it was really really cold. I wore my skins (underneath my long socks) because I didn't like how the short shorts revealed my white thighs, but it was also good because it was so cold.

We met Bo at Town Hall and then caught the train. I forgot to go to the ATM so Any paid for my train ticket and I said I'd get him KFC afterwards. On the train I took out my whiteboard and we all discussed some plays. I showed them the proposed box and x defence I wanted to do, and Bo showed us his way of making the defence move.

When we got to the courts, I started warming up by jogging. At first I didn't feel too confident, but as I jogged, I slowly felt 'bigger' inside. I was confident I could shut down their main guy.

White Mike didn't end up coming either, I asked Angelo and he said he might be watching the football. We tried to work out the plays as a team before the game. Bo talked through his play, and everyone was listening, except Angelo. I didn't think too much of it, but I just thought it was rude of him to keep dribbling the ball as Bo talked.

Angelo kept disagreeing with Bo's play, and Bo kept explaining it. I tried to be the compromise and said we'll just try both their ideas.

During warm up, I saw that Any wanted to get us warmed up by rebounding and getting a guy to continuously shoot until he was warmed up. But Angelo pretty much ignored it and just did his own thing. I could hear Any and Angelo disagreeing about how to warm up.

Any wanted to start off the bench to see how we were doing. On one of the first plays, the guy I was guarding got a fast break and drove it towards me, and I fouled him, slapping the ball out of his hands. He hit one of two free throws.

I thought I was doing a decent job on him (but after the game I was told otherwise). He was scoring, but the points really came from free throws when other people fouled him.

We tried to run a play, or at least do what we said was good against a zone, by keeping the ball up top, and during it I saw Mike run out to the three point line, nearly intercepting my pass with his head, which really pissed me off. I called a timeout and let off some F-bombs, and I could see Bo's shocked reaction. I knew maybe I had gone too far.

We were down at halftime, and we switched back to a zone defence. The second half was when things really got...'interesting'. Phil got called for three seconds two plays in a row, which set Angelo off. I could hear him yelling at Phil (and later learned Bo told him to shut up). Angelo kept telling me to get closer to the zone to draw the defender and then dish it off. I kept trying it and was really shaky at it, ultimately because I knew I didn't want to shoot (if they laid off me). And they saw that so they didn't pressure me that much. I did drive it in once for a floater and took a jumper, but that really wasn't enough. I'm just not a fan of shooting first when taking the ball up.

So Angelo kept harping on at me about that. Even when he took the ball up, dished it to me and I hit a shot, he said "it's that easy!" and I thought it was a bit shit of him to take credit for my own fucking shot. Anyway, I decided not to make a big deal out of it during the game, and instead focused my anger on the other team.

So much so that, when I tried to break up a long pass but didn't touch the ball, it went out and I yelled at the ref "I didn't fucking touch it!" and apparently they changed the call in our favour. The fat ref was telling me to calm down and I was about to go off, saying if the call was changed then it meant I was telling the truth. I was about to go off even more but told myself to calm down. By then the game was over, but I was just frustrated.

I got a steal and Bo was ahead of me so I passed it up, only to suddenly realise he couldn't run and I watched as the ball went out. Then I got another fastbreak where their tall center was running with me. I tried to draw contact by jumping towards him, but he avoided me and I missed the lay up. Any went to save the ball and managed to throw it back in - to the other team, and he yelled out "follow me!"

We lost by more than 20 points. After the game, I missed the 'hands in' thing because I went to get a drink. I noticed Angelo just went to the other side of the court to get changed and then left without a word.

On the way back to the train station and also on the train, we all talked about what had happened. I probably bashed Angelo the most, and Any agreed with me. Phil was noticeably silent, and I saw that his eyes were red. He was obviously upset with how Angelo had yelled at him. I could sense that, although Bo didn't like what Angelo had done, he didn't want to jump on the bandwagon of bashing him, so I did hold back a bit.

Bo, Any and I went to KFC to eat, even though I had court in Parra the next day. I was just shocked at what had happened. The whole team had virtually imploded because of Angelo, causing everyone to yell at eachother. I couldn't believe that Nick goes away for one night, and this happens.

Any and I caught the bus back home and talked more about it. I particularly remember how, with two minutes left in the first half, I took Angelo off. He looked at me startled, and gestured at his own self, as if to say "me?" I was like "just take a break" and had to gesture for him to get off. And Any said he remembers seeing that. He said that was a good sub because Angelo obviously gets tired. I said the last two minutes of the first half was really rubbish time, so I thought it'd be a good time to rest him. Even now, I still can't believe he refused to go off.

But what really bugs me now is the way he spoke to me when he wanted me to draw the defenders. I think it was a fair point, but the way it was delivered was not easy on the ears. I remember how as we walked out of the building, Bo said something about how in his younger days he was better, but now that he was older and slower he understood he didn't get the same level of respect and hence the way people (ie. Angelo) spoke to him now.

Just thinking about it makes me not want to see him again. But then I tell myself, this is the team I created with Nick and Bo, so I shouldn't be the one to leave.

Also, on the bus I asked Any if he noticed anything wrong with my left pinkie, as I seemed to have finally realised it was hurting as the adrenaline wore off. It stems from that day I met with Nick and Phil at the courts near me. I still remember Nick shooting, and I jumped up to get the rebound, mis-timed the catch and jarred the pinkie. Any said he didn't notice anything wrong with it, so I didn't think too much of it.

Thursday
I went to Parra court. I thought I was going to be late but got there with a good amount of time before court started. I was looking for the cop in my case and didn't see her. There was a girl who sat opposite me who I thought may have been it, but she didn't have that usual black folder they always carry. There were some kids running around and one ran into me and I smiled at the kid, and then looked at the girl opposite me, and she smiled at me. I was really hoping that'd be the cop because that seemed to be a pretty good 'start'.

Anyway, I walked off to check the list again and noticed a lady walking across the other side of the lobby. I thought she may have been it. When I returned, she sat a seat away from where my suitcase was. I approached and asked, and she smiled and asked if it was me.

She was strangely pretty, with extra wrinkles on the side of her eyes that aged her unfairly. I wasn't expecting her to be attractive at all. On the phone, she sounded a bit like an old lady. As I spoke to her, half my mind was wondering whether she'd be suitable to me. Or maybe I just find all female cops hot.

We talked a bit about the matter before we went into court. I stood around for a bit as she took a seat, and then saw a guy I used to work with a bit. I forgot his nae at the time but now I remember it to be Serge or something. He was with the SLA. We shook hands and talked like we were old mates. I was quite proud to show the cop that I was 'acquainted' with other people. Maybe I'm just being immature. Our conversation was broken up only when the cofficer called me to see which matter I was in.

I walked back to the public gallery and looked for a seat next to the cop, but there was a handbag there so I sat somewhere else. After a while I went out to make a call to see if the other side was showing up.

When I came back, she asked me if they were coming, and then sat behind me. I wondered if I was balding on the top or back for her to see. I didn't think so.

Anyway, when the other guy showed up I confidently went to greet him, because I sorta know him from past dealings, and he always looks like he's lost. We talked a bit at the bar and then mentioned our matter. I probably came off as a bit blunt - need to work on that.

Afterwards we walked out and I met the cop outside. We walked out the building together and she asked if I wanted a lift (she had also asked if I wanted a lift there the day before). I thought we had to maintain an independent image, so I said no. I had to offer a reason, so I said I liked to sleep on the trains. She broke out a laugh, which I felt was more of a "this guy is funny, I may be interested" laugh. But maybe it's just me.

I did joke with her and ask if she could drive with the siren on, and she said not this time.

I went back to the train station, only to find out my train was delayed for about 20 minutes. Maybe I should've taken that ride.

Friday
I had an office day, and during lunch I went to get a haircut at that place I got it from last time. The walk was longer than I expected, and I was about five minutes late for my booking.

I had to wait a bit before the chick cut my hair. I think it was the same one as last time. It's really similar to the haircuts I used to get, but I noticed this one is a bit more 'rounded' at the corners, not making me look like GI Joe. I paid her and then went to get lunch to eat back at the office.

I had to make a small financial decision during the day. I thought Naby was returning and was half (ok, maybe three quater) expecting a text message from her. But I figured if nothing came before the end of the day then I'd put the money into the high interest bearing account. Then I realised that I had the date wrong - she said she was returning on the 10th, not the 8th. The 8th was the date she left in June. I was getting confused. And here I was starting to feel like she wasn't returning, or that she was back but for whatever reason didn't want to let me know.

After work I went to the doctor's to get my finger checked out. The usual rule applied - no matter if I have a booking or not, no matter how early I get there, everyone there before me is always seen before me.

Anyway, when he did see me I told him what the problem was. He lined up my two pinkies and told me if I noticed anything wrong with them, lol. And even though I'd done it before, that seemed to really emphasise how fucked up my left pinkie was. He said "look how swollen it is!"

He sent me to do an xray and prescribed something to reduce the swelling.

After that I went to the gym. I really felt like clearing my mind by working out. I did five sets of things this time.

I walked home because I had run out of bus rides. It was pretty damn cold, but I managed.

Money maneuver

2011-07-05T21:56:00.000+10:00

Got to work a bit late today, about 9:10am, damn I really need to get out of bed.

I had to decide how I was going to buy my bus ticket. It costs $26.40, and I had about $70 in my bank account but $54 of that was dividends I had just received, and I really wanted to put that into my high interest bearing account straight away instead of spending it. The alternative was using my credit card, but I didn't want to do that either.

Then I figured I'd just use my coins, so I shook all my coins out of my coin box and got $26.40 exactly. I was headed to the newsagency near me with the old lady who looks at people like they've got AIDS, so I wasn't looking forward to how this was going to go down.

I apologised for the coins and to my surprise, she smiled after she counted it. That was unexpected. So it was all good - I got to transfer my dividends into the high interest bearing account and I didn't have to use my credit card.

I got a lot of work done today. Didn't go out to lunch, which saved a lot of time for me to do work. I finished a draft of that extradition statement, a draft of a brief to barista, and a minute in the late afternoon. On top of all that I had to deal with a late ball variation at 5pm for tomorrow.

I also configured my new higher interest bearing account, which I was quite proud of. I plan to eventually move all my money there to earn even more interest. I was finally taking care of my finance.

I left work at 7ish and went to the gym. I felt a bit funny in my left shoulder and told myself not to go too hard on it, but after I cycled I wondered if there was anything I could do that didn't involve me left shoulder or my front abs (as they were sore from yesterday). In the end I did a normal workout, benchpressing barbells and doing curls, and now I'm starting to regret it because I can feel my shoulder totally locking up tomorrow. Fook.

When I got changed in the change room, I saw I had a missed call on my phone. It was from an unfamiliar number. In fact, it was from an overseas number. My first thought jumped to Naby.

Maybe she was calling me to let me know she was coming back?

Maybe she was having trouble coming back?

As I walked out of the gym, I called the number back. By the ringtone, it was definitely an international number.

A lady with an Asian accent picked up. Instantly, I made the connection to Naby. This had to be it. But it didn't sound like her. I said I was returning a call from this number, and the lady said no. I wondered if Naby had borrowed someone's phone to call me. She asked me what number I called and I said this number, then the call cut off.

I walked to my bus stop wondering. I googled the country code and saw that it was from Malaysia. So it was probably just the wrong number. But for the rest of the bus ride, I realised I missed Naby. I began really thinking about her and wanting to hold her. It made me think about how that guy in Secret of the Heart pondered about Ada even after she died (though he could never confirm it).

I then thought about Fam and how he could smile and just walk away when his girlfriend wanted to break up. Damnit I wanted to be like him. But I wasn't. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

Transformers 3

2011-07-02T20:44:00.003+10:00

I drove to Petersham this morning at around 9am to buy Secrets of the Jury Room from someone G found on ebay. I got there early and waited in my car a bit, listening to Eminem's new CD Hell: The Sequel. I read the lyrics to the songs, and as always, I was amused at how clever he and other rappers can be.

After a few songs I decided it was time. I approached a two storey house at first, but that was apparently next door. The owner certainly didn't seem like they needed the money from an $8 book. Next door looked a bit more like it - the entrance was a little unkept, and the front was a bit old.

I pressed the bell and shortly after an old lady (just as I expected) opened the door. She greeted me and thanked me for being patient, and went to get the book from a table just inside the house. She said to come in. Even though I had told myself not to (those stories of strangers on the news being bludgeoned suddenly came into my mind) I took a mini-step towards her. She handed me the book and I gave her a $10 note and said not to worry about it. She said in a bit of a pedantic voice that it mattered, and gave me $2, saying it could get me half a coffee. I told her I actually had the book but lent it to my boss and forgot to get it back when I left the job.

I then left and went back to my car, and enjoyed the drive listening to more of the new CD. My initial plan was to go home and then go to the gym - but then I realised I could just go straight away, since I had already gotten my gym bag from the office earlier.

So I did, figuring if I went home (which there was no need for) then I'd be late to meet Ele and co. I drove to the Wick and parked in the shopping centre. I took a quick glance at the dry cleaners and saw it was the older lady. She saw me look and must've been wondering wtf.

I cycled, did the benchpress, curls and abs at the gym. The last three doing four sets again. I then got changed and went home to return the car. I got a lift off my dad to the city.

Ele called me shortly after I got out of the car, and said she would be about 15 minutes late, and that only her and Yang were coming. I then realised that there woudlnt' be much of a group - Brain, Colin and I. I questioned my 'star power' to bring people together.

I went to Market City and walked around a bit before I spotted Colin. I greeted him and we started talking. He said his friend Bruce was also coming. Brain arrived shortly after and I introduced them to eachother. We chatted for a bit about Colin's new job before his friend Bruce arrived.

Then we went up to the Chinese restaurant in case we needed to wait. Indeed we did. As we waited, I talked to Brain and Colin and Bruce talked to eachother. After the initial catch up, I found Brain to be boring vanilla again.

After a while we were given a table right close to the entrance, which was good I suppose, because it'd be easy for Ele to find. We started ordering some dishes and talked a bit before Ele and Yang finally arrived.

It was a good meal. Some observations:

- that Bruce guy seems to exhibit some of the traits of a criminal. Ele mentioned his friend going to the casino, getting $5,000 worth of chips and not really caring if he lost or not because it wasn't his money. Then he said he was thinking of starting a business selling plastics or something. Like yeah, very innovative. Sounds like the typical drug case.

- Ele is really good at balancing conversations. It seems like if she finds someone to be quiet, or hasn't talked for a while, she'll try to get them involved, although I don't think even that helped Brain.

- Colin talks really, really loud. Not only that, but he really borders on being a racsist. He was saying (loudly) that Australians could not handle our chilli sauce, lol. I looked around and saw an Australian guy looking at us. God I wish he'd lower it down a little.

- I ate a lot of the vegetables, mainly because no one else seemed to eat it.

Colin had to go to work, so we finished at about 2pm. We were waiting on the change and it was funny watching Colin get impatient, lol. He hurried off when we left, and then we walked halfway to the cinema with Bruce before he left.

So Ele, Yang, Brain and I went to the cinema. We saw a huge line for the tickets, and then Ele said she knew how to get the tickets. She pointed to the VIP queue, and I said you had to book online first. She said to follow her so we reluctantly followed her. Turns out she went to the food area and she said tickets could be bought there. I was seriously doubting her and was prepared to be rejected.

We lined up and Ele walked away for a moment, and Yang and I had to plead with her to come back because neither of us knew you could buy tickets from there. So she came back, tried unsuccessfully to use the voucher, and then bought the tickets there.

It was AMAZING!!!

Yang and I were so surprised. Yang started calling out "dodgy" and I joined in, lol. But I was very impressed. She was very clever.

That probably saved us the entire movie, as I doubt we would've gotten tickets at all if we lined up.

We went to the bathroom first before going into the cinema. We sat in the fifth row. Although it was designated seating, when we got to our seats, it wasn't like we sat where our tickets said - instead, Ele told us where to sit. Yang sat on the aisle, then her, then me then Brain. I thought it was somewhat of an ironic symbol.

I didn't take much of a liking to the new girl in the trailer, but she was quite hot in the movie. Or at least, she had a hot body. Not so keen on her face. But everytime I saw her, I just thought "this is what money can buy you". I don't know why people keep denying it, but money can buy you beautiful women.

The movie was ok, maybe 6 or 7 out of 10. I found myself to nearly fall asleep in the middle, maybe because I was tired, or maybe because it was just something that's already been done in the previous two movies. Ele kept asking me questions during the movie. Sometimes I said I didn't know. Sometimes I wondered why she didn't ask her husband.

I also wondered about G's jealousy issues with his girlfriend. Shuing had sent me a message earlier about it. I wondered if G would be jealous if Sally kept asking me questions like Ele did. I'm sure it would. But here, was Yang feeling anything? Anything at all?!? It sure didn't seem to affect him, and I guess that's what's admirable about him. Or one could say he's a bit of a dumbass for not knowing I like Ele.

We pretty much parted after the movie. I think Brain wanted to go check out DJ's Industrie since Yang had said earlier there was a sale ending tomorrow. So we went there while Ele and Yang went to look for a warm cup holder.

I was in the "I'll buy something if it's really cheap" mood when shopping, but nothing much appealed to me, except one black tie, but it was $198. Yikes.

I had Brain try on a suit, since he said he wanted a slim fit one. That's when I realised that no matter how well the suit fitted him, he still needed the body to fill it. His chest was completely flat, and it just made the suit look too big for him, even though it was a good fit around the waist. Damn, I can't wait until I've paid off this damn credit card so I can start getting decent suits, wallets and ties.

After that we just parted and went home. On the bus I decided to reply to Shuing's message. I said "send me", knowing full well he wouldn't. He said something about client confidentiality. I pressed a bit further and said I sent him Patrick's emails, which really, is fair enough. But he still refused - which is what I wanted.

I wanted to show him, and set up for later, that there was NO FUCKING POINT in telling me to join these 'interventions' if you're NOT GOING TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!

I'm getting tired of him sitting at home analysing everyone else's life to bits. Maybe he should look at himself. Maybe he shouldn't spend so much energy on us. Maybe he should do something more productive.

Anyway, now I have the perfect excuse not to go to these 'interventions'. I'm just going to say I don't know what's going on, so no point. What's the point of having me go if he's not going to tell me? It's like telling me he knows a secret, but he can't tell it to me. Fuck's sakes.

Permo

2011-07-01T22:20:00.002+10:00

I felt refreshed as I walked from my house to the bus stop this morning. Almost as if I was grateful to be able to do it. I guess all it took was a day for me to appreciate what I currently have.

I went into work as normal. Pretty much as soon as I sat down, my phone rang. It was the cop for the brothel matter. She was telling me about what further things were to come, and made a comment about girls being shown like meat. It made me feel a bit guilty, and I thought about Naby. It also made me wonder whether she knew what I'd been up to.

After catching up on the emails and phonecalls I missed, I resumed work on the extradition stuff. I had lunch in the office - I felt like cup-a-soup and salmon sandwiches anyway.

In the afternoon, Clare came and told me that Judith was making her way around the floors telling people about the recruitment results! I was excited but I went back to work. It was a bit hard to concentrate as I was always waiting for Judith to show up. I kinda wished Clare didn't tell me.

It was getting late in the afternoon, like about 4:40pm, and I was about to send Clare an email saying I guess we would have to wait over the weekend. Then I got a call from Judith. I listened eagerly to her tone to see if it would be good or bad news. She said I had gotten both ongoing LO1 and LO2!!!

I was thinking, like, wow, but how the hell does this work?!? Apparently I had to turn down the LO1 to accept the LO2, lol.

After the call I went to tell Clare and that she should be getting a call soon. She was excited and congratulated me and said I deserved it. I wasn't ready for that, I just thought I'd tell her it was coming soon. I went to tell Mary and thanked her for the reference, and added that it was a good late birthday present. She finally understood why I took yesterday off. I wondered what she thought. Maybe I had gone on some sort of sex trip?

Mary said since it was also Ogre's birthday last week, that we should go out for lunch. I said we should wait to see what Clare gets.

Anyway, it wasn't long before Clare got her call - she got a permanent LO1. I could hear her laughing loudly on the phone, lol. She came to tell me and I offered a high five. I went with her to look for Mary and saw her coming out of the photocopying room. They hugged eachother and were pretty loud, causing Jim to come out to see what was happening, lol.

I went back to work, somehow feeling more dedicated and devoted. I was still waiting for it to sink in. I couldn't believe I got a permanent. I was thinking that it'd be good if I just got another two year contract at the 2 level.

After Mary left, I got a message from Zena asking me how I went. Apparently she got the same. I was starting to feel uneasy at the thought of having come out on top, but apparently it seems everyone else got the same - Lewis, Dugon. We decided to go for drinks, so I went to see what Junar got.

Clare was with her waiting for the call, and Zena had come up as well (yes, she came up pretty damn quick). Junar was really losing it, lol, waiting for the call. She was swearing and everything. I could understand, but I'd never seen her like that. Even Clare was dropping a few F-bombs. I heard some bitching going on between Zena and another girl on her floor about who got the office with the window view. Seriously, who cares.

We were in the room for a while and then Lewis even came up, and we talked a bit more. Apparently Gonaz and Heath didn't get permanent. I was really surprised about Heath - he's been here for about five years or more. Apparently his supervisor gave him a scathing reference. Shit.

We waited a very long time until Junar got a call, at which time we all left the room and closed the door. I went to pack up and then returned to see that Junar got a permanent 1. We all went to the bar across the road for drinks.

I bought drinks for Clare and Zena. We just talked about who got what, but no one knew anything about Yoshi and Katie. Zena left after a while, so the four of us kept talking. I could tell Clare and Junar were still pretty excited. I'd never really seen Clare this talkative and 'open', and Junar was still swearing her mouth off, lol.

I was feeling it should be time to leave. I had decided to reward myself with KFC, when Clare asked if I was catching the bus. I thought I might as well. I initially thought maybe she didn't want to catch it with me.

Anyway, we walked to the bus stop and caught the bus together. We talked about DS a bit, about how he has a negative, dark sense of humour but was a pretty nice guy. She still seemed pretty excited. I had to control myself and not let my mouth loose, in case I become her supervisor. I often wondered how Alanna would've handled this situation. Would she have gone for drinks at all?

So, now I'm a permanent burden on the taxpayer.

5-6-1 / The day I turned 29

2011-06-30T21:52:00.003+10:00

How I spent my birthday yesterday.

I woke up yesterday and before even getting out of bed, I told my parents it was my birthday. They had forgotten. They said they'd get a cake. My mom asked me to go to Myer to buy a shirt for my dad and I as a birthday present.

I went to work a bit late. I was quite happy in the morning. Although it was just another office day, I told myself it was my big day and I should be happy, so I was. I spent the whole day working on the extradition thing for Mary, and the first half of the day also emailing with Ele back and forth. I was careful to go quiet during lunch because I didn't want her to suggest lunch. I figured she was a married woman after all, and I didn't want to get too close. Although I'm confident she finds me just as a friend, I can't help but wonder what she subconsciously feels.

I went out to buy a quarter chicken during lunch and made a sandwich back at the office. Yummm.

I left work at about 5ish and went to Myer. I bought the shirt for my dad but didn't buy one for myself. I don't know why, I just wasn't feeling it. I looked at some shoes and wanted to buy a pair, but wasn't prepared to dish out $70 for it, even though it was a bit of a bargain. I figured I'd just bear these school-boy shoes till the end of the year, and there'll be the christmas sales by then.

I called Malay and organised to meet up. On the bus ride home, nurse lady got on the bus.

Great.

I was already seated, and had my eyes on these two pretty girls who had gotten on. They sat in front of me, and behind them was nurse lady. She sat across the aisle from them. At first I wasn't sure if she saw me, but then it was later confirmed as she kept turning her head sideways to try to see if I had noticed her. I don't know why on earth she'd care, since she's married now. Obviously I felt more the loser than her - I had fallen into a gambling addiction and was somewhat involved with a prostitute, earning the entry level money for a lawyer. But of course, she didn't know all that I suppose. I did sit there feeling a bit embarassed I was wearing my 'crappy' black suit - the one where the shoulder pads I was once proud of now seem more like cardboard slices. I wished I'd worn my slim and slick one. But other than that, I didn't really care, checking my phone or turning my mind elsewhere for most of the time.

I went home, and started eating my birthday cake when Malay called. I went to meet him and we walked to Ole together. He bought me Bad Meets Evil, but I already bought that :(

We went to Ole and shared a large chips. I told him the reason I wanted a place with outside seating was because...and I pulled out a cigar I'd bought during lunch. They were $15 each and I bought two. At first I was shown the vanilla ones, but they were thin as a pencil. I wanted one like Wolverine's. I also bought a cigar cutter.

Anyway, Karl jogged by and we started talking. I thought it was just going to be a quick stop-by chat, but after a while it seemed like he might as well sit down. He told us Marc had cancer in his arm...damn. No wonder he seemed a bit angry at the world via his fb status updates.

Anyway, we agreed to do dinner one time and then he left. Malay and I then proceeded with the cigar. After we cut it, we didn't even know which end to smoke, lol. It really wasn't anything special. The taste was kinda...dark and heavy. Definitely not chocolatey like it seems. I don't know why it's worth so much. I barely tasted it at all. I really needed to focus.

We smoked half of it and then I put it back in the container. He told me about a date he might go on the next day. I had asked if he wanted to meet up so that's how he told me about it. I told him to go, but I felt like I was a jealous friend with a secret crush. I guess it wasn't a good feeling to realise that one of my last single friends was beginning to hook up. However, I felt saved a bit when he told me she seemed to fob him off a bit.

Anyway, I left after that and went home to get ready for bball. I went there by myself because Any didn't feel like it. I had a feeling he didn't like playing with Angelo. Any tries to emphasise team ball, but Angelo is a bit of a hog.

I wore my tracksuit pants for the first time since...like I was in uni or high school. I'm still not very comfortable with the short shorts.

When I got there, Phil and Nick were already there. We sat down and I found myself mainly wanting to talk to Nick. I didn't mean to snub Phil, but 1) I find it hard to understand him; and 2) we don't seem to have that much in common.

It feels like Nick and I can talk about anything, kinda like how A and I are. We talked about Any and Angelo, the NBA, and work.

We had everyone tonight except Any and Mike. I started, leaving Phil and Bo on the bench. I scored the first two points - a jumper off the backboard from the left side of the court. When it left my hands, I knew it was off. But then I realised it was so off that it might just hit the backboard and go in, lol. I felt confident after that.

I didn't play as aggressive D as I wanted. That anger from last week had died down a bit. Or maybe I just didn't get the opportunity. They never really came at me, they seemed to pass it as soon as I got up to them.

We did good in the first ten minutes or so, going up by eight, then I went off for Phil, and I had Bo go on for Nick a few minutes later. That's when I first noticed the change. We just stopped scoring, stopped rebounding, and committed bad fouls. I told myself it was only the first half, so we had plenty of time to recover.

What I underestimated was how damaging these 'experiments' in the first half could be. Before I knew it, I walked off at halftime looking at the scoreboard and seeing that we were down by two.

Angelo was pretty vocal during halftime. I didn't mind, I tried to listen to what he was saying. He wanted us to spread out 3-2 on offense. So we did. Although it created more passing, it was the same result: him driving it and missing, or taking tough shots and missing.

I scored two more points on a drive. The other team seemed to take the view (rightly) that I wasn't going to shoot, so when they were just blocking my passing lane, I basically walked in and hit a little floater.

We lost by about ten.

Nick was espcially pissed because he thought (like me) we could really beat this team. I still don't know how they beat us.

Phil, Nick, Bo and I caught the train back. Nick didn't seem too convinced about Angelo being the problem when I raised it with him before the game, but now things were different. He said he was going to have a talk with him during the week. Apparently when Abi made a bad pass to Angelo, Angelo said "nowhere near me, nowhere near me". Wow. It's one thing to be vocal and aggressive against the other team, but when you start speaking out against your own teammates, it's a different thing.

So I felt a bit dejected as I walked from the train station to the bus stop, because 1) we lost; 2) it was late and cold; and 3) I had planned to buy KFC with Any, but now it was no KFC :(

I went home and ate something and stayed up late, even though it was past midnight and therefore no longer my birthday.

So that's how I spent my 29th.

Today I woke up late, hehe. I drove my parents to my dad's work, and then returned home. I prepared my hair and then went to renew my driver's licence. It was going to be for five years, so I didn't want a bad hairstyle.

Here's the thing: after I prepped my hair, I played around with taking a photo with the cigar. In EVERY SINGLE photo I took, my hair came out different to how it looked in the mirror. For some fucked up reason (maybe I'm just dis-illusioned) whenever I look into the mirror, but hair is pefect. Just the way I want it - somewhat spiked, but the front is combed to the side.

I take the photo, and it looks COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! My hair is swayed all the way to one side, like it's some sort of short haired feminist look. So gay. Fuck. Lucky I did that. So then I changed it again and just made it a more conservative comb over. Ah I am so shaving it off when winter is over.

Anyway, I went to the Bra and to the motor registry. A somewhat cute Asian girl served me, but seemed a bit abrupt. She was at least nice enough to let me keep my old licence when I asked for it. When I took the photo, she told me to take my glasses off and not to smile. The glasses thing was my main concern. And to think I unncessarily struggled last time with the eye test without my glasses.

I then went to pick up my suit from the dry cleaners in the Wick. I parked in the shopping centre. I walked past the shop because I wanted to use the bathroom and eat something first, but I noticed the girl at the shop was talking to someone. She wasn't the usual lady who was there, she was a lot younger. Maybe even attractive, I don't know, it was just a quick glance and I didn't give it much more thought.

So after using the bathroom, I bought a cheeseburger meal to eat as I looked over my new licence. It was a bit of a mug shot since I wasn't smiling. But I definitely had aged since my last photo.

After that I went to pick up my suit. The girl was by herself now, playing on a laptop. I gave her the ticket and said I was picking up a jacket. That's when I realised, holy shit, she was the hot receptionist from Fitness First!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOOK!!!

I watched as she went looking for my jacket. After a short moment, she finally found it and picked it off the rack. She nearly stumbled over her chair as she came over to me. I said thanks and paid, and she said no worries. As I took it from her I said thanks again (totally stupid) and she said no worries again. I noticed a ring on her right hand but just missed her left hand. I thought about saying "sorry but didn't you work at Fitness First?" but damnit I didn't. Goddamn. Maybe next time.

But I walked off feeling like another opportunity had arisen. I drove off, towards the city and onto the bridge. I wanted to go for a drive. I was headed towards that nice scenic drive I went for a while ago on my way to court.

I only had half a tank of petrol left, which was pretty stupid. So once I got off the highway and onto one lane roads amongst farms and trees, the thought of running out of petrol started weighing on my mind. I thought about turning around, but when I missed a turn, I figured I'd just continue onto either Gosford or Newcastle.

I ended up back on the road to Sydney, so at least I'd have enough petrol for that. I filled up when I got back to Sydney. Malay asked if I wanted to meet up. I thought about it, but then just wanted to be by myself. I wanted to reflect on reaching 29.

I think a goal I had was to be debt free by this birthday. Although I hadn't reached it, at least I am in the positive now - a far cry from my financial position last year. I had also checked my high interest savings account in the morning - the interest I have earned this month is more than the interest I earned for the whole of the last financial year! That's disgusting.

I ended up driving to the shopping centre near me. All of a sudden I had an urge to watch Saw 7. So I went to JB and bought it. I thought about going to the seaside to polish my car, but it was starting to look like rain so I just headed home and watched like half of Saw 7, even though I haven't finished X-Men 2.

I had secretly hoped Naby would send me a happy birthday message from overseas, but wasn't really expecting it, so it didn't hurt that much when nothing came through. Can't believe she'll be back in a week or so.

When I turned down Malay's invite today, he said the girl had ignored his messages. It made me wonder about how Naby would stop with the messages after a few exchanges. Was that the same? Were they comparable? I mean, Naby did give me her number. She does reply most of the time. And we have said "I love you". Hmmm.

So, I am now 29.

The pre-birthday lunch with Ele

2011-06-28T21:35:00.003+10:00

Yesterday after work I went to the gym. I could feel my left shoulder starting to have that familiar pain, so I stayed away from the weights, and just did the bike and four sets of abs.

Late yesterday I sent an email to Ele asking her if she was ok from Saturday. She replied today saying she was and asked if I was free for lunch. I said yes and we tentatively agreed on around noon, just before I realised I was to have a conference with a cop sometime today (didn't know when exactly, I told the cop to drop in whenever).

Luckily the cop came at around 11am. She was...a lot more beautiful than I expected. Because the matter had progressed somewhat sloppily, I thought it'd be some old, tired cop sick of her job. But she was young and seemed to be full of enthusiasm.

As I walked her to the door, I walked into the damn blue bins they line up on the side of the wall. Damn, I must've looked like an idiot.

I probably wasn't prepared, or maybe she was indeed that beautiful, but I wasn't very good during the conference, looking like I hadn't gone through the brief. At one point we were looking at a CD on my computer, and she moved next to me. She bent forward to point to the monitor, and that's when I realised her gun was like 10cm from my face.

I don't know why, but there was something EXTREMELY sexy about that. Such danger...such proximity...such beauty.

I was kinda glad when the conference ended, cause I didn't want to miss the lunch with Ele.

We met at Home Thai, a restaurant on the street of her office. I nearly walked past it but she called out to me. She had already gotten a table. She said she called ahead but they wouldn't let her book as they needed four or more persons, so she got there and waited first. Wow.

She asked if today was my birthday, and I said it was tomorrow. We talked about property investments at first, and then we talked a bit about Friday night. We both agreed that Victoria was a bit of a control freak, lol.

Then she told me about how Evonne had lied to her about her grades, failing a course because she wanted to go clubbing instead. She also developed a habit of getting guys to pay for her meals, and asked me how she should 'fix' this problem. I told her my story of how when I was young I was a bit like her - I took her back to that dinner a while ago at Doma, where the girls had to guess the guys' high school scores, and how I turned out to have the lowest. I told her I didn't care much about school, until I felt like I was humiliated by guys from the better school.

She had a bit of a smirk on her face, but didn't say anything. I think usually people, especially girls, get a bit freaked out if I told them that, because then I seem like some sort of psycho ultra-competitive guy. But who knows what she was thinking.

I told her because of that, Evonne needed to be tested in life.

She caught me glancing at my watch (doh!) and we ate for a short while longer because I suggested leaving (it had been past an hour). We hugged once out on the street, and she said she wanted to have lunch tomorrow on my birthday. I didn't really want to, so I said I might have a conference on, but we did agree to organise to watch Transformers on Saturday.

I hurried back to the office. I always fear the worst when I go out for an hour lunch, so was surprised to come back to...nothingness. Nothing had exploded, no one was angry, and I felt a bit...ignored, lol.

I realised I had forgotten to thank her for lunch, so I sent her an email thanking her. To my surprise, what came back was an email of about four full paragraphs. It started by saying how I should just take it for granted, because we were such good friends. She went on about how good of a friend I was and thanked me for being her friend. It was actually a bit too much for me, and I felt that "shit, run away" feeling.

I skipped the gym tonight. I stayed back at work late then used the internet there to send out a group email about Saturday, and by then I figured it was probably a bit late. Hmmm...so it'll be my birthday tomorrow.

5-5-1

2011-06-26T08:44:00.003+10:00

On Monday and Tuesday I went to the gym after work. I can't believe I'm getting back into it despite the cold. Maybe it was just my sickness followed by the heavy rain that put me out for a bit. I thought I would be out of it the whole of winter.

On Wednesday after work I met up with Any at about 7pm in the city to go to bball together. He said he was about to not come to the game, saying he just didn't feel like it. I asked if he had been doing nothing all day, because I'd feel like not playing if I did nothing all day too, but he said he had been doing a lot. Hmmm.

The second half of our train ride just lapsed in silence. He started listening to his music and I just looked out the window, half thinking about what to say and half thinking of Naby when we passed the amusement park.

Once we got there, we watched Turkcrock and JO play. Turckrock was winning most of the game but JO ran it late in the second half and came back to win it. But the thing I noticed was that the fat guy on Turckrock really needs to be stopped. He's like Shaq.

I warmed up a bit by jogging around. We were playing Laters. It would be our first meeting even though we have played one team twice now.

Nick asked who wanted to be starting five, which I thought was a bit odd. I mean, just pick any five and we'll go with it. I nominated myself which I also thought was a bit odd. Guess I wanted to be more assertive.

I was really focusing on playing harder defense. We played a 3-2 zone to stop their threes, so I covered a lot of the perimeter. Early on, I picked up a couple of fouls. Then at one point, I was screened to my left, I yelled out "moving scream" and the cunt who screened laughed and said "yeah right".

Ok. That did it.

It went to the left corner where I hustled, and when it went back to him, I said "shoot it, shoot it!", and he was about to so I jumped, but instead he leaned into me and the ref called a foul on me, saying I had been aggressively in the corner.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!

So he called a foul not for the contact that just happened (which wasn't even a foul on me) but for what I did seconds earlier!!! FUCK!!! It just sounded like he didn't like me playing D. So apparently now I'm not allowed to play D.

I was about to lose it, but then with what little self control I had left, I took myself out of the game. I already had three fouls and didn't want to do anything drastic.

I sat on the bench. Nick told me I had been rorted. I was silently fuming inside. That cunt Vietnamese guy had just earned my ire.

We were up about eight to ten for most of the game. I started in the second half, and tried to play the same intense level of D, but for some reason Angelo called me back off the perimeter, like he had said during halftime. Then they hit some threes.

I took myself off after about five minutes and never went back on. It became close, and I just didn't know who to take off. I thought about Any because some of his drives were crazy off, but he was so built I felt like I couldn't replace his intimidating presence.

They slowly started to catch up. And before we knew it, it was a tied game with 13 seconds to go. I told them during a timeout to get the ball into Nick first, and if not, then Angelo could drive it in.

What happened was Any took the ball up, passed it to Angelo, who didn't even look for Nick, but waited for the clock to run down before driving it in. The ball was stripped and it was given to the other team with a fraction of a section left.

Tie game.

I couldn't believe there was no foul, and I couldn't believe the ref said it was their ball. Wow. Fucking wow.

I decided not to be the small man and went to shake each of their hands, but there was a lot of complaining afterwards.

Nick just seemed to rush off, not sure if he had to go or if he was pissed.

Any, Phil and I walked to the station together. I was still fuming about stopping me from playing D. Any was regretting that three he took towards the end which rattled in and out.

We saw Nick at the train station. He said he missed his train.

I told him Angelo was a good player, but could not understand why he would call us to drop back when all they could do was shoot threes. I just could not understand it. Any said the same, though he later suggested maybe it was so we lower the fouls. I don't know about that.

I went to sleep massively pissed off.

I woke up the next day massively pissed off.

Although it was hidden on another side of me when I was dealing with things in the office, I felt like it could come bursting out at any moment. I was so pissed off I went for an angry run during lunch. I ran to KGV and up the hill. All I could think off was that cunt of a Vietnamese guy laughing. I had thoughts of smashing him. I had thoughts of strangling him. I wanted to make him feel sorry for doing that.

I don't normally run back to the office, but this time I did. I even sprinted when there was enough space on the footpath.

In the afternoon, we had a bit of an afternoon tea as it was Ogre's and Cameron's birthday the day before, and also to welcome Rat to our branch. I went to say hello to her on Wednesday and she started talking about one of her cases and I was stuck there for the next 30 minutes. Far out.

Anyway, it was interesting to watch on during the afternoon tea. I was careful not to disclose that my birthday was next week, as I didn't want any attention. I watched DS out of the corner of my eye, initially wondering if he'd even show up for this at all. His heavy eyebrows seem like they are always pulling him down, and his sleepy smile acts as a comforting reminder of his younger years when he was probably not as much of a pessimist.

Mary was very chatty as usual, talking with Anne and Clare. I silently admired Anne's ability to respond and say things as quickly as she did. Maybe because I'm an introvert, but I'll never know how when someone talks about one thing, her mind will just click and she'll either add onto it or talk about something else but still come off as smoothly talkative.

After work I went to Myer just to see what was going on. I ended up buying a Van Heusen shirt for myself and my dad. It said it was $40 each, but I forgot about the 30% discount they had, and then when I used my MyerOne card, it was a further 10% off, so I got each for a little over $25!

On Friday I was still pissed off. I was to meet Ele and co for dinner and bowling after work, but dinner got cancelled and instead they decided to eat at Cargo Bar. I pictured people sitting around with expensive drinks trying to make small talk, and I've never been a bar type of person, so I told Ele I'd go to the gym first and get there later.

So after work, I went to the gym and worked out to my anger again. I kept picturing that cunt of a Vietnamese guy whenever I needed some extra boost. After gym, I went back to my office to change.

As I was nearing the bar, Ele called and asked me where I was. I said I was nearly there. I remember feeling like I didn't want to go at all, because of my anger, I wasn't in a mood to socialise. I just wanted to be by myself. But after Ele's call, I felt soothed a bit, and I looked forward to seeing her.

I went to the wrong place, which was pretty embarassing. They asked me if I had a reservation and got turned away when I said no.

Anyway, found the place and them at a table right next to the entrance. Don't know why, but Samuel, the guy I dislike the most in that group, I always seem to greet first. I greeted him, Yang and Bill. A girl with very short hair and glasses introduced herself as Victoria. They had apparently finished eating. I said I'd go get a drink, glad that I had managed to skip the cost of a meal, but unglad that I now had to pay a premium for a lemonade.

While I was waiting in line, Ele and Yang came to get me, saying we were going to bowling now and I could get food and drinks there. As we walked towards the exit, Ele said something about my appearance and told me to go into the toilets quickly.

I thought I must've had a boogey showing in my nose (as that is what I'm most paranoid about) and so I went in and cleared my nose. Yang came to get me and I asked if he knew what she was talking about. He laughed and said no. I said his wife was crazy. It hurts me a tiny little bit everytime I have to refer to her as "his wife" to him.

When we went out, I asked her what was wrong, and she said my hair was sticking up. I had checked my hair in the bathroom and it was like how I wanted it. I told her it was supposed to be that way, and nudged her head. Geez...

We went to bowling, as I walked with Yang and Samuel. We talked a bit about the discounts that they (Ele) told me about.

When we got there, I realised the white guy was part of our group and was actually Victoria's boyfriend or husband. That was pretty surprising. He seemed like a fairly good looking bloke, and she was...look, she probably looked older than she was with that hairstyle, but it just seemed like an odd match. But it made me think: if something like that could work, then why not Naby and I?

As we were standing around waiting to pay and to get our shoes, I introduced myself to Peter as earlier he had given me a nod which I had inadvertently ignored. Daniel was also there and we just talked a bit about bowling balls.

There was another girl (Shirley) I noticed there who I'd never seen before. Ele tried to introduce her to me, but she seemed to get distracted when Ele couldn't pronounce her name correctly. "So much for that", I thought.

Apparently someone had organised the lanes, so I sat there wrongly thinking I'd be in Ele's lane. They started first as our lane was still being occupied by a couple who were clueless that we were waiting for them. Instead of bowling, they spent most of the time talking to eachother.

On my lane were Shirley, Samuel, some lady called Wan or something, Bill and Victoria. I didn't talk to Shirley much at first, but when she sat next to me I thought maybe I should talk to her. I find that girls have their backs to you and don't initiate conversation, but once you start talking to them, they're pretty ok.

Later on Ele asked either Bill or me to go help her bowl, as she was doing pretty poorly. Bill didn't make a move so I went for it. Funnily enough, after I gave her some basic instructions, her bowl was waaaaay off, which made Victoria point and laugh at me. I had my face in my hands, laughing.

Unbeknownst to me, I was actually bowling pretty well. I got either a nine or a spare for most of my bowls, and ended up with a score of 118 at the end of the first game.

Ele fell really badly on a bowl, and was down on her bum for a bit. I decided to let Yang go attend her, and not increase the humility by going over there. Some insensitive guy was laughing very loudly from another lane - he was lucky my anger had been subsided by being around Ele.

She was ok, which was good to see. But I was still a bit concerned, since she seemed to fall pretty hard. She resumed bowling after a bit of a break, which was good to see.

The second game was more of the same of the first, although I wasn't doing as well till the very end, and got a score of 124.

After bowling Ele asked what I wanted to do, and I said Norita. She seemed to be up for it, but others wanted to go home, so that was the end of that. I walked with Bill, Daniel, Vivian and William to Town Hall. I thought Ele might have asked if I wanted a lift with Samuel and them, but she didn't. Maybe she knows we don't like eachother. I wouldn't have accepted it anyway.

After parting with them, I went to my office to retrieve my gym bag, and then bought some KFC to take home. What pissed me off was the bus not coming as per schedule, making my KFC a lot colder than it should've been.

On Saturday morning I went to the courts to train. I was still angry. I'd heard about people talking about the small guy on the other team saying he was quick. I wasn't as quick, but I told myself I could be as quick. So I went to the court to do sprints, and ended up doing three sets of fast suicides.

After that I walked to the office, and Genie was there. We talked a bit twice before she left at about 3pm. I left a bit later after that having completed one large part of my minute.

I went to the gym. I was still feeling it, and remembered what Any had told me about his workouts - he did ten sets of everything. There was no way I could do ten, but I decided to make a move and do four sets of what I usually do. I realised the mentality is so much different. For example, after having done two sets, I was of the view that there was still a long way to go - after all, I'd only gone half way. But if this was the day before, I only had one more set to go and had done 66% of the work. The thing was, I wasn't tired after my third set, because I knew I had one more to go, and it felt like my body was preparing for that. But if I'd only set out to do three sets, my body would've felt exhausted after three sets.

After gym, I went to the supermarket to get some food to eat at home, like pies, sausages and chips. I had initially decided to catch the bus, but then I figured it might be good training to walk home carrying the grocery. I pictured Ryu walking home alone with his resources for the week.

I didn't realise it until close to the end, but the plastic bags were really hurting my fingers. I guess my music helped take my mind off things. I was listening to angry music, which only provoked further thoughts of strangling the Vietnamese cunt.

When I got home, my legs were pretty tired.

I sent a message to A cancelling swimming for the rest of winter. I just didn't feel like it in the cold, and also, the last time when I felt pressured to swim fast wasn't very pleasant. I felt bad for bailing, but he seemed ok with it.

Today, I waited until my dad came back from swimming, and then at 11am I went down to wash the car. I noticed some new light scratches with blue paint at the rear left corner of the car, which really annoyed me. I spend so much time trying to keep the car nice and he seems to drive it recklessly.

I then drove to Bondy to pay my phone bill, and ended up buying 'Bad meets Evil' - Eminem's new album, and X-Men 2. I know I shouldn't have, but it was Eminem, and I've been wanting to watch X-Men 2 for a while now, having lost the copy Dunnycan gave me.

I went to Myer to check out their shoes, as I needed a new pair cause the ones I'm currently wearing look a bit nerdy, but the cheapest they had was $99 and I wasn't ready for that. At the end of the year, when I pay off my credit card, I told myself.

I was eager to listen to the new album so went back to my car and put it in, and went for a drive to get petrol and also to the beachside. It seems ok, but I will need time to digest it.

I changed when I got home, and went to work on my car again. I spray painted the large paint job on the left front corner I had botched a while ago with very dark paint. It looked a lot better now, but still regret having botched the job before. Next time, if the paint is too dark, don't do it!

I felt it was the perfect weekend - I got to go to the courts, got some work done, and worked on my car. Although I am starting to miss seeing the guys a bit. Also miss Naby, as I think about her every night I go to sleep.

Mean streak

2011-06-25T10:45:00.002+10:00

Somewhere between the rejection by Rhiannon, being looked down on by the guys from Sydney Boys and being turned down by the multitude of law firms, he developed a mean streak.

So this is what cheaters must feel...

2011-06-19T20:59:00.001+10:00

Yesterday I really didn't do much at all, intentionally. I just felt like I wanted to do nothing. I stayed at home and when my parents came back with the car in the afternoon I drove to the Wick. I handed my black suit jacket in for dry cleaning (the old one) and donated two pieces of clothing I could not see myself wearing ever again. It was something my mom bought me while I was in uni - I just felt like I needed to make room for new stuff, stuff that I bought for me, to suit me. Besides, it always feels good to do something charitable. There is something genuine and kind about the guy's smile as I hand in my items of clothing.

After that I went for a drive to the sea side. I had fantasies of taking Naby there for dinner one night, and maybe if it's not too cold, we can go watch the waves. I missed driving. I hadn't drove for about a fortnight I think. I really don't like how I always find the car with rubbish inside and new scratches on the outside. I want to buy a cheap car for my dad to use, but they are against it.

I returned home, fixed up a patch of dark paint on the front left bumper, and then stayed at home the rest of the day.

Today, I walked to work and got there at about 11am. Junar and Melissa were also there, though I only saw Junar. At lunch I went to the gym, did cycling, worked on chest and abs. I thought about KFC for lunch but they didn't have the meal deal I saw at the Wick, so I ended up buying Macca's. I worked until 4pm and then walked home.

I was working on a minute for a sex case I have. It relates to a shop I've never been to. I don't know if this is bad of me (is it bad that I don't know?) but I was turned on a little as I read the statement of the girl. I kept relating it to Naby. My body told me to go to a shop afterwards, but I knew if I did, I would feel bad about myself having cheated on Naby, cheating on myself.

Also, the girl in the statement had a boyfriend who would drive her to work. I just thought he was a bit of a loser for driving his girlfriend to work to have sex with other guys. But then again, I wondered, am I headed that way?

Anyway, ever since the Amy thing, I have been thinking. Her words "I am lucky to find you" (or something like that) and "maybe when you are not tired you can come back" have got me thinking. Part of me feels that Naby will turn down my offer for dinner, and hence she only wants me as a customer. Amy, on the other hand, seemed to appreciate me, and her being a nurse, made it seem just a little more probable that we could have a decent future together.

Part of me thinks I should ask Naby out to dinner, and if she refuses, I should stop seeing her and start seeing Amy. But is that really what I want to do? On the one hand, I stopped seeing Lily just like that, and never really gave her much thought when Naby returned. Moving on from Lily was easy. But on the other hand, if I had my time again, I would not have stopped seeing Jenny just because she turned down my movie invitation. I may have seen her more to ask her once more. I felt like Jenny and I had grown too strong of a connection to just stop like that. With Naby, the connection is even stronger, and it might/would be wrong of me to just cut things off like that.

But the very act of thinking about moving on from Naby to Amy must be what it feels like in the initial stages for people contemplating cheating. They, like me, must think there is greener grass on the other side. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. But I have sort of made a decision and I would like to sort of stick with it.

It's been nearly two weeks since she left, and I'm starting to miss her. The first week, maybe not so much, but I am starting to feel it now. One of the most memorable moments is when I asked her to sit down and close her eyes, and she stuck her lips out for a kiss. Soooooo adorable!

5-5 / Mock Trial

2011-06-18T21:15:00.002+10:00

On Wednesday I left work at 4:30pm to go to that mock trial thing at the girls school near me. I was nervous because it'd be my first one. I also thought about how it was the same school that Gene and WY went to. If people knew, would that show I had any bias? Either in favour of or against? And how about the fact that I went to the public school which was looked down on by their boys' counterpart?

The rain had stopped and I hoped it would hold off. I went there in my coat and had my fitness first bag with me. I was surprised when I got there because the whole room was set up with parents and teachers. I was quickly greeted by the teacher who told me it was supposed to start at 4:30pm. She was pretty nice about it.

I didn't even have time to look around the room before I was told to go outside to formally walk in. As I was walking in, I couldn't believe it was already starting!

I looked up and saw the contestants. Six girls who were probably also nervous as fuck. It started like driving a new car. I sorta knew what to do but it felt new. Being the judge was very different. It was definitely a lot harder than I thought. For one, I had to really focus and concentrate, especially since they were reading and talking too fast, it was hard to take notes.

It also made me see myself through the eyes of a judge. You start forming opinions on their appearance, their demeanour, and how they respond. Sometimes you get distracted with irrelevant thoughts.

The main thing was that I had control. I controlled everything, from the pace, the structure of things, and of course, the rulings. It was very different to being at the whim of a judge. I realised I am not very vocal when it comes to control, so this was definitely a good thing for me.

I also thought about how judges were people, just like you and me. Looking at them from the bar, I always look at them on a pedestal. But sitting here made me realise that they must have their own idiosyncracies, which could range from being angry, to being not so smart, to being understanding.

I was yearning for a break just to catch up on my notes, so cherished every few minute gap when statements were exchanged. At the end, the pressure was on me as I had to write judgment and decide on the winner. During one break I heard a parent say I hadn't even given feedback. It stung me a bit, but watching Tommo the previous night, I was sure I had followed the same structure and wasn't supposed to give feedback until the very end.

When I added up the scores, I realised the girls school near me had won. I thought I had been giving out fairly equal scores, and the total was 265-242...it's for you to decide if that's "close" or not. I gave them feedback before announcing the winner. I told them a bit about myself and then said they were on par with the baristas I had in my trial. I heard some loud pleasant surprise noises and forgot how easy it was to make a child happy.

When I announced the winner, I took a quick look at the losing team and didn't like the look of disappointment on their face. I wish I didn't have to, but I guess that's how the world works. If I could do it again, I would've said beforehand "if you don't win tonight, please do not let that deter you from pursuing a career in law, everyone will win and lose cases".

I offered individual feedback if they wanted, and afterwards the girls from the winning team came up to me for it. I actually wasn't prepared - I saw Tommo do it and no one went to him for feedback, lol. I just made up some stuff, which turned out to be "things you could improve on" which I noticed during the mock trial.

I left with the teachers and walked home, thinking I could probably make it home by the time a bus arrived, and it would also save money as well.

I got changed for bball and headed out again. Lucky we had a late game tonight. I went out into the cold, feeling a little uncomfortable in my short shorts. I liked the uniform, but these shorts were a bit too short.

I figured I'd get there right on time, and the delayed trains didn't help. I ran a bit when I got off the train, and ended up being there about 10 minutes early.

We had everyone except Bo tonight, and it was an interesting game because we were playing that red Untouchables team which delicately sliced us up in the first meeting. I wanted revenge.

We got it, but I didn't like it. They only had four players. We got off to a good start with Any hitting some outside shots, and held an eight point lead for most of the first half. However, I wasn't happy with it, and told them the lead should be bigger since they only had four.

Maybe it's just me, but I found myself really hating number 14 on the other team. He was tall, young, and an extremely good shooter. Better than me. Maybe I was just jealous, but I found myself calling him a cunt on the bench. I felt like knocking him out.

I played about ten minutes in the first half, scoring two points. White Mike chucked a ball up ahead to me, and their chubby guy was the only one back in front of me. I slowed down and did a floater which went in. But most notably, I got a few deflections, especially one where I just randomly decided to mark up on the inbound passer. I jumped and hit the pass and caught it for a steal. Wow. Maybe my reflexes are starting to come back.

I didn't play the second half at all, although it wasn't planned. It was the same starting five, but the other team started catching up and I was wondering who I could take off and then decided maybe I should just sit. Part of me also thought we could hold on without me, so I didn't need to risk my knee.

I watched on as the other team slowly started catching up, and then watched as Nick got fouled out. Uh-oh. We only really won because we held onto the ball in the last three minutes or so, but winning by four against a team with four was NOT GOOD. Nick praised our defence but I think we need to work on it. They out-ran us so many times it wasn't funny.

But I guess, a win is a win. I wasn't happy taking it, but it felt good to be at the .500 level. The train ride was good because we were all positive after a win, although it got a bit quiet as Nick texted on his phone.

Any and I went to KFC as usual. He said the five cents was useless because he went to pay at Macca's with it and they didn't like it, lol. I told him about the coin machine at the bank near my office.

Thursday
Mary wasn't in the office on Thursday or Friday. I had a few questions, and went to ask Steve, but he was busy in a hearing. He was nice enough to say he'd answer it during lunch, but then I didn't want to burden him during lunch, and then he probably forgot about it on Friday. I felt a bit neglected.

Anyway, after work I went to the gym and then met with John and library guy for dinner. We went to that dumpling place behind KFC, same place Mary, Moira, Ogre, Sarah and I went to once. I got there first so had to sit at the table for about 20 minutes waiting for them. I could feel the pressure of the waitresses wanting me to order, eat, and get out. But I calmly sat there sipping my soy bean milk and playing on my phone.

It was good to see them when they finally arrived. We talked about work, John's married life, and library guy's upcoming wedding. Seriously, at this rate, I'm really going to be the last to get married.

In the middle of the dinner John suggested going to a massage place. I half jokingly said he was married, and he said "so what? That doesn't change anything". I always wondered beforehand if he'd keep doing it after he got married, but I guess I got my answer. Library guy, on the other hand, didn't seem too up to it. The other thing that surprised me was John saying he wanted a kid next year.

Anyway, after dinner is covered by my earlier post.

Friday
After work I went to the gym and then met up with Phil at KGV for some ball. I'm starting to get eager for the gym again because I really want to strengthen my knee, and I felt it helped during the first game when I went for a rebound, and this chunky guy bumped me in mid-air, causing me to use my right leg to stop the impact. Gee that could've been disastrous.

In the second game onwards that Dennis guy arrived. I wasn't sure if it was him at first, cause I thought he was whiter and wider, but afterwards I asked him, lol. He had his girlfriend play as well, and it made me wonder what I had to do to find a girl who played ball.

My focus wasn't to score and win games, rather, I wanted to focus on my defense, and especially blocking the shooter. I didn't care if we won games or not, but in the last game I started wanting to win just to finish things off. I even blocked that chunky guy's shot, which was my only block of the night.

Phil and I hung around a bit after most people had dispered. I taught him a bit of D with a drill, and then we played a shooting game.

When we parted, I went to buy a quater pounder because I was just so hungry, then I went into the office to change and go home. It was too cold, and earlier I had bought a pair of long red socks just to keep my legs warm. I figured it was also a possible colour combination given that our uniforms had red pinstripes.

Amy

2011-06-16T23:13:00.002+10:00

So I went to the shop tonight.

But no, it's not what you think.

I met up with John and library guy for dinner. John mentioned a massage at first, and for some reason I pictured the joint I used to go to. I thought I'd go along and just talk to the girl. I didn't really feel like being with another girl, as I wanted to keep my promise to Naby.

But he drove us off in another direction. At first I thought it'd be Nadira. Then I thought it'd be the place near Brain's place (never been there, only seen the ad for it), and then finally it dawned on me - he was taking us to Naby's shop. He said he hadn't been there for a long time, like six months. Library guy said he hadn't been there since the last time we were there, like about two years ago.

Thoughts started rushing through my head. Would Naby be there? Maybe she lied about going to Korea? Would that receptionist guy be there and say something to imply I'm a regular? What impact would there be if I was exposed to all the girls there in a line up?

We went in, and was greeted by another guy. I think I've seen him before, but he wasn't the regular. We went to the main waiting room, and flicked through magazines as we talked. We talked about some important things, like whether I should pay off my mortgage or start saving for a property. John said to do the latter. I actually hoped the girls wouldn't come in soon so we could explore this a little more. John felt the same way, saying he liked meeting up because he learnt something from library guy tonight.

Then the girls came in. One by one I watched, fearing Naby would come in.

She didn't.

I looked at the line up and remembered that cute girl I saw on my way out once. But she wasn't there. The girls here looked kinda...ugly. Maybe it was just me. John had said he wouldn't pick one if he didn't like any of them. I was hoping he wouldn't.

The girls started filing out. I remembered a few names, but caught the number 90 of one just in case. John picked some tall girl on our right. I picked number 90. Library guy was faithful to his fiancee and didn't pick, so he waited in the waiting room.

The girl didn't hold my hand up the stairs. I walked up first. It was different to Naby. We went into the room and she went back out to get the towels. I took my shoes off as I waited. I sat on the bed. When she came back in, I said I just wanted to talk. She asked why, and asked if I didn't like her. I said no, that I was just tired. I asked her for her name, and she said Amy.

I wondered in the back of my mind whether I should confess my thing with Naby. I laid on the bed and she sat up. I noticed the distance between us and it made me think that the thing between Naby and I were more real.

She said this was a sex shop and asked why I didn't want to have sex. I said I was just tired. She asked again and I said I only meet those friends once every six months, and they want to go, so I go along. I still wondered if I should confess.

She asked if I smoked. I said no but she could smoke, so she did. She laid next to me on her tummy as she smoked. I had said "chincha?" in a conversation and at first she didn't get it, but then realised what I was saying, and asked how I knew. I said I knew a few words.

I asked her how long she'd been here and she said a month. She asked me where I was from and I said Hong Kong. She said that was a girl's dream, because of the shopping.

She finished her cigarette and laid on her back next to me. I could feel her shoulder pressed next to me. She said "this is Amy's lucky night" and I knew she meant she was lucky to have a customer who didn't want sex. We talked more and she said she was in it for the money. She asked what I did and I said lawyer. She said her brother is a lawyer in Korea. She said she studied nursing at university and became a nurse, but there was no money in it, so she came here. I asked how long she planned to be here and she said four to five years.

She asked me what type of law I was in, and I said crime. She started to spell it and I said she was clever. Earlier she had asked what something was, pinching me on the arm. I said "shirt?" and then she said "pinch" and spelled it with my help.

I asked if she had a boyfriend. She said "of course not" because of her job. I asked how about in Korea and she said no. She said she broke up with him about six months ago.

We talked about customers, and she said people from Hong Kong were the nicest as they were gentle. She said Japanese were ok, but Koreans were rough, and Indians didn't have manners. I said I thought only Asians could come in and she said others could come in with their Asian friends.

She seemed curious about me and the fact that I didn't want to have sex. She said it was her first time. I kept thinking about Naby and the promise I made to her. I wondered if I should tell Naby about this.

The first few times it went quiet, she would start a conversation. But then I decided to just rest my eyes and it was quiet for the rest of the session until the buzzer went. I got up to look for my shoes and she had moved it near me. I said I forgot how to say thanks and she reminded me. She asked me to come see her next time I wasn't tired.

I don't know how strong of a hint you need - I think she likes you a bit.

But for now, I was with Naby, so I laughed, knowing she didn't know the whole story, yet I knew the possibility that she may find out sooner or later.

I walked down the stairs first and pretty much left her in the dust as I went to find John and library guy who were already in the smaller waiting room. We left and John drove me home.

4-5

2011-06-12T20:29:00.002+10:00

So turns out we won on Wednesday night, by about 30 points. Nick sent me a message after the game. We played that small team, coming second last. Maybe it was a good thing I didn't play, as I was secretly afraid I'd get burnt by the younger smaller guards.

On Thursday I made the trip up to Newcastle. I left home at 6:30am, thinking that may have been ok on the basis that it took just a little over two hours to get there. Near the beginning I even thought I could stop later for a toilet break, but as I drove on, it became apparent that time would be a challenge.

Once I got there I had to find the actual place, and then parking. I parked in a paid car park building, and got there about ten minutes after 9am. I went to file some documents and then waited in court. One thing I hate about coming to these rural courts is that you feel like an outsider.

Anyway, as I sat there feeling fairly nervous, I saw Dugon walk across and sit next to me. I remember seeing she had a matter there, but didn't actually think she'd be coming. We talked a bit before she was sent to another courtoom.

I waited for a while before doing my matter. I was so scared I'd stuff up. It was my first arraignment as a pros. At one point after doing the main thing, the judge looked at me, expecting the next step. I didn't know what the next step was, lol, so I looked at the other side, and he asked "five days?" and I knew, haha.

So I managed to get it done without a kerfuffle, even though this judge was a bit grumpy in general to others.

I walked outside to look for Dugon. I thought I'd offer to drive her back, but feared it may seem sleazy of me and I could just picture her saying "no thanks", yet at the same time, it would've been pretty rude if I just drove off without saying bye. As I looked around, there was this really hot blonde who smiled at me. I wasn't expecting it so didn't smile back, but dayum. That was enough to lift my confidence for the rest of the day.

Maybe I'm not bad looking after all? Maybe I'm actually a catch for Naby?

I found Dugon walking in from the outside, and she said they had been sent back because the matter wasn't ready to proceed. So I sat around waiting for her to get a date, and then we left together. I needed to find an ATM to get some cash for the parking ticket, and then went to buy some lollies for my level.

I feared that there'd be awkward silences during the drive. I mean, after all, what the hell could we talk about for two hours? But it turns out that we managed to pull through ok. We started by talking about promotions in our office, then the work we did. It was mainly about work, though she did tell me her dad bought a new car recently. I noticed her yawning later on, and thought about asking her to sleep if she wanted to, but then didn't want any potential harassment claims.

Anyway, we made it back by like 2pm, and I was pretty tired. There was a lot to do back at the office, and it's always a burdening feeling to see 10+ new emails, but I worked through stuff slowly and made it through the rest of the day.

Friday was a bit of a stressful day. I had to wait for instructions from DS about a matter. He was supposed to get it from Jim at 10am, but I felt bored and asked Ele out to lunch, and she surprisingly agreed. So by noon, I still hadn't gotten instructions and was questioning how appropriate it'd be to go out for a one hour lunch...

I waited for her outside Citibank, a bit annoyed that even though I was late, she still hadn't arrived. I finally spotted her across the road waving at me. I gestured for her to run across, lol. When the lights changed, I watched as she walked over. She always has this shy smile when we first see eachother. I like.

We started walking towards the Japanese restaurant we had been to before. She asked me why I assumed she wanted that, lol. I said I thought she liked it, and she said maybe she doesn't want to have it everyday, lol. It was full anyway, she suggested food court below, I thought it was a bit dirty for her, we checked out a Japanese place that Shuing had taken me to before behind KFC, but that was full as well. She suggested Pepper Lunch but as we walked across the cinema she seemed to succumb to me idea of the cineme sushi train.

So we went there, and I ordered a hot green tea for her because that was what she wanted. I got a drink from the fridge and we started eating. We talked about investing in properties mainly. I knew the outline of what she was saying, but I did learn a few things. Also, she said she earned $70k, which made me quiet because that is more than me. She said they were looking for an apartment and would move there for six months then move back to rent it out. I got that feeling again that I was coming last amongst my friends, because of my gambling addiction.

Towards the end, I had my eye on the time as I didn't want to be seen to be going out for more than an hour lunch when something urgent was happening. She ordered a few more custom dishes, and I was thinking "ohh god", but I told myself to put up with it because...well, I liked her. She asked if I needed to go and I said yeah, but we waited for the dishes to arrive and I finished mine quickly.

I paid for the meal, saying she paid last time and it was her birthday the day before. She said she had gone to a German restaurant and had a big dish of meat, lol.

She said she liked the sushi train place, even though she didn't get a good first impression last time she went. We parted outside and I rushed back to work.

To my surprise, everything was normal when I got back. No urgent emails, no notes left on my chair, no DS screaming and asking me where I was. In fact, he was out at lunch himself. I wondered if he had been looking for me.

Later in the afternoon, he came to my room to talk about the matter. He had closed the door as usual. He went through some of the paperwork in the file, and made jokes about the movies involved. Turns out he is a bit of a movie buff and video game fan. He reassured me this wasn't a test, and told me about how when he just started out he was kinda like me, feeling like every question from a supervisor was a test.

I saw Mary walk around outside and I waved her to come in. We all discussed the matter, and when it was clear that we had come to an end, I thought it was about time for DS to get up and leave, but he remained in his seat and his body language suggested he was waiting for Mary to leave. When she did, he continued talking to me, which I found to be a little strange. Just a little.

At the end of the day, he was still around. I was actually working on my finances, completing my fortnightly spreadsheet as usual. I seem to have a little more money than I've budgeted. Don't know how that works out. Maybe I've forgotten to count something very crucial. Anyway, I noticed that when I turned my computer off and went to return a suitcase, DS was leaving at the same time. Had he timed it? Nah, I'm just being paranoid.

I must admit, I started feeling a bit lonely after work. I had started chatting with this girl online and had swapped numbers. She had asked in the morning if I'd be free after work and I said yes. She sent me a message asking me in the afternoon, so I decided to call her. No pick up. She called back, and that was the first time we spoke. She had a friendly voice, maybe a bit annoying/bitchy. She asked me to come out for a drink, and I said yes, then she mentioned it was with her cousin and friends.

There was no way I was going to meet a bunch of strangers and effectively be in 'her territory'. I went through that with Wendy Z and didn't want to go through it again. I hated being surprised like that. I said no but she kept pushing, so I said yes, knowing I'd just make up an excuse later not to go.

I thought about the casino. I thought about going to a 'shop'. But I told myself, goddamn, Naby hadn't even been gone for a week and you already want to cheat on her???

Then I figured it out - I'd go to the gym! I felt like it anyway, I was really in the mood. It was perfect. I had all the time in the world, and wouldn't feel constrained like those lunch time sessions. Also, it was a Friday night so it'd probably be empty.

As I walked to the gym, I came up with a solution. I messaged that girl, saying I had been dragged to drinks by colleagues, and asked her to come over, thereby flipping the situation and giving her a taste of her own medicine. Needless to say, she declined. See bitch?

I went to the gym and did 20 minutes on the bike. Far out, after not having gone to the gym for a while, that kinda shocked my legs. When I got off the bike, my legs were like stiff, like they were stuck in the cycling position.

I did some weights and worked on my abs as well. Good workout. Good way to spend my Friday night.

Saturday
Yesterday I was to meet Nick and Any for bball at KGV. I was late but was the first to get there. Turns out they were polishing the courts, so that was the end of that. I called Any and told him to meet us at Central. I waited around for Nick. I saw him when I started walking off in the direction I had came, assuming he'd come from the same direction.

He gave me my uniform, which was one of the things I was looking forward to the most. I was soooo happy inside to receive it. It looked and felt decent, not sure what his complaints were about. Most of all, I was just happy to see my name on the back. So this is it really, this is my 'second' team after the Pandas. I couldn't wait to try it on.

We walked to Central together, and it was a bit of a walk, but we had more than enough to talk about - bball, his trip to Thailand, work. We got to Central seeing Any shooting around. It was good to see him after not seeing him on Wednesday.

We shot around a bit before this guy just came and joined us. He seemed a bit weird. We shot around a bit more before the weird guy suggested a game. It was Nick and I versus him and Any. We were doing alright, but I noticed the weird guy went pretty hard at Nick. I thought he was trying to prove he was good enough for our team, since he said he wanted to join one.

He could definitely play, but he just didn't look like a basketball player. He looked a little too happy.

We later got a game of three on three going, even though I had to go in about 20 minutes. It was Nick, Any and I versus the other three. We had a really good pick and roll going with me and Any and Nick. I really liked it. I just wished Mike would be able to figure it out.

Towards the end, I came back with a loose ball, faked right then dashed left, crossing my defender over and went in for a floater. It went in as I heard the guys cheering. It put a smile on my face. Any came over and said I was like a 20 year old Jason Kidd, lol. I would've preferred Allen Iverson, but I'll take that compliment.

Some other guys wanted to play so I took the chance to leave. I walked off feeling pretty good that I was able to pull off a cross over again after my surgery. I realised I was now heading towards the 11 month recovery period. But I also told myself that the guy I crossed over wasn't exactly a top defender, and I may well not have been able to pull that off in a game.

I went to meet the guys in Chinatown for yum cha. I saw Brain and Malay there already waiting. We stood around and talked while waiting for Shuing. When he called later, he got a bit upset that we had waited instead of getting a table first. I had actually deliberately waited because this isn't the first time he's done it. I just felt it was rude of him to always come late and have us set things up ready for him.

Moreover, he said he had to leave at 1pm for work, but I reckon he just needs to get home to place bets.

Anyway, we eventually went to Zilver, and while waiting for a table, Shuing arrived. Brain and I waited for a table while the other two went to see if Marigold involved any waiting. Anyway, we got a table first and so I called them back.

I thought it was a bit rude of Shuing to dominate the conversation about G when Malay had been BLOODY ATTACKED a few days ago. Sheesh. Shuing really wanted to talk about G and Sally. Don't get me wrong, he had juicy stuff, like how G is now grounded by his mom, lol, and how I got him into trouble by cancelling movies last time. Apparently he had told his mom he was coming to movies with us, but when I cancelled, he went to see Sally. His mom waited outside the cinema and never saw him, so found out he lied, lol.

I did try to steer the conversation away by asking Malay about his incident. He didn't seem too shocked about it all, which I guess was good. But I just wished it had happened to Bobby instead of a nice guy like Malay. This world is so unfair.

But Shuing eventually kept coming back to G. I think he gets too obsessed with other people's business.

Anyway, after a while Shuing paid his share and left. The rest of us decided to go watch X-Men, so we upped and left. It was a bit less than $20 for each of us, which I thought was pretty good. I didn't like how Brain took all the change, cause I felt like we should've left a tip, but later I realised why, as he offered to pay for some of Malay's parking fee.

We went to the shopping centre near me. I had messaged G, and he asked what time but heard nothing back. I called him and he said he was coming. I said thanks for telling me, and he said he was contemplating.

Contemplating my ass.

So we checked our Rebel for a weapon Malay could hide in his car while we waited for G. Eventually he arrived and we met him at the cinema.

We bought our tickets and went in. I noticed G signed up for the membership reward thing. We sat down near the front, and went through some previews. G went out holding his phone and then came back. Before the movie actually started, he got up again. He said to me he didn't realise the movie was this long and left. Malay said he was a bad liar.

What G didn't know was that Shuing had already told us about stuff earlier, so we now knew he had left to see Sally. I thought for a moment and told myself: anything that makes you a liar cannot be a good thing. For G it was Sally, for me it was gambling.

Anyway, I tried not to think too much about it even though I felt a bit used, but I enjoyed the movie more than I thought I would. I was a bit hostile towards the new cast, but I really enjoyed the guys who played Xavier and Magneto. My favourite bit, of course, was the Wolverine scene where he tells them "go fuck yourself" LOL!

I didn't like the selection of the mutants though - surely they could've picked more exciting and powerful mutants. I mean, a butterfly and sonar guy? Seriously??

It was a bit sad at the end when Xavier got shot. I felt like crying but kept telling myself not to because I was with Malay and Brain.

After the movie Malay drove us both home.

Naby departs Australia

2011-06-08T19:51:00.002+10:00

Mary returned to work today. I like how she manages to touch base with everyone before she even catches up on her emails and her own work. I'm different - I like to see what needs to get done first. Different personalities I suppose.

I stayed busy for most of the day, and went to a bullying seminar with Genie in the morning. What a waste of time, seriously.

I had lunch in the office - chicken noodle soup again, but this time with tuna and bread. I can't seem to get bored of that chicken noodle soup...yet.

At the end of the day, as I was packing my stuff to go to Newcastle tomorrow, he came around and asked me if I had been or was going. I thanked him for doing my minutes so quickly, and he said they were easy to read and joked about one of them. I must admit, the guy does have a sense of humour.

After that I went to Ogre's room to ask her a question about tomorrow's procedure, and DS came walking by again - I hope he wasn't after me. I'm not sure what his view towards Ogre is.

Anyway, so today Naby leaves Australia. I had mostly decided not to send her a farewell message, mainly because I could just picture her getting caught at the airport or something, and the authorities going through her phone and seeing my message and thinking it was some sort of code. But then I resiled from that a bit and considered it. And then I decided not to (again). I did have a bit of "if she liked me she'd send me a message" mentality, but I must admit, in these situations, I think it's the one who is staying who sends the message.

Also, I've wanted to blog this for a while now, but I do feel that our 'relationship' has moved on. Those jokes of mine where I tease about seeing other girls no longer seem to be funny. It seems more disrespectful than anything. We seem to have entered the 'boring' phase of the relationship, where we just accept eachother as is and do whatever it is that we're supposed to do. This was the impression I got last time when I saw her just laying on the bed waiting for me as I tried to turn the shower off.

Also, I sometimes think about how I gave a playful evil laugh as I got on top of her, scaring her a little, soaking in her playful laugh. It made me think about how she might not get that from other customers - with others, she probably just goes through the routine. So maybe with me there is a degree of being genuine.

The ultimate question, however, remains: did she mean it when she said "me too" to your "I love you"? Although I'm tempted to say no, I've pondered this: even if this were a normal relationship, how would you ever prove she meant it?

Clearer mind?

2011-06-07T19:52:00.002+10:00

Maybe it's keeping my mind busy with work, but I feel like I've managed to step back a bit from the whole situation.

I spent the day working pretty hard, because I've got some urgent things coming up, and Mary hasn't been around the last two days. I was in court quickly today and then stayed in the office until close to 6pm. I didn't even go out for lunch, though I did ask Ele. She said she was free but it was too cold. I kinda admired her for being honest - she could've just said she was busy.

Anyway Ele sent me a message saying David Jones was having a sale on Industrie stuff, so I went to check it out. I browsed through a bit and ended up buying a sweater for $18, which was pretty cool.

As I left and walked to the bus stop in the cold, I thought about Naby. I figured I'd wait for her to come back and see if she brings me back a present. Whether she does or not, I think I will ask her out to dinner, either on that occasion or the one after. I mean, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt - she had to have dinner with her manager and her friend, ok.

But when she returns, I'll ask her if she wants to have dinner on her day off. If she says no, well, then I guess I've got my answer right there. It'll be obvious that she's not what I'm after, and I suppose, let's face it, it'll be easy to find another one...just pick another girl from the same shop. If she can't give you what you want, then just move on.

That made me feel better...it made me feel easier. It's hard when you think that someone is special and they can't be replaced. It makes you that much more desperate.

But then I thought about how we did seem to get along fairly well. I guess I'll hate going through that building process again with another girl.

In the meantime, don't think too much.

A little bit cheered up...

2011-06-05T20:32:00.002+10:00

Dunno why, but my thinking has changed a bit, mainly due to two new thoughts:

1. When I said "I'll miss you", she said "me too", so she obviously meant, or wanted me to think she meant, that she'll miss me too. Because she said the same thing when I said I loved her, it can be inferred that she meant or wanted to mean the same thing. Capisce?

2. When I asked if her manager was the guy downstairs, she was quick to say it was a woman, probably knowing that if it was a guy, then I'd get the wrong idea, so she wanted me not to have the wrong idea.

Ok, feeling a little better now.

Anyway, today I went to pick up Malay at about 2:30pm. G said he'd meet us at 3pm, so we had a bit of time. Because neither of us had eaten, we decided to change the venue to the shopping centre near us so I could get a can of tyre spray as well.

We drove there, then shared a Macca's meal. It was $16, so $8 each. I have a $20 note and he offered a $10, but I said to hold onto that. When I got the change, I gave him $2, and I noticed he just sort of kept it. Then moments later he asked if he had given me the $10. I didn't want to outright say no, so just said I don't know, but ended up taking it anyway. Hope he didn't think I ripped him off.

As we were eating, G found us, so we started talking a bit before I finally asked him about Sally. He didn't open up at first, but finally later he was willing to talk about it over coffee. He said his parents had a problem with her because she was Vietnamese and her dad has been missing since she was a kid.

We talked about that for a while before Shuing wanted to join, but Malay had to work so I drove him home and met Shuing and G at Chinksford. We ended up at Macca's and as Shuing-usual, every little issue to do with G's issue was fleshed out, analysed and scrutinised.

The end conclusion after hours of debate? Do nothing, everything's fine.

Hmmm.

Reviewing my feelings

2011-06-05T12:45:00.003+10:00

I went into the office at about 7:30am today to do some work. Junar came in at about 8:20am and we talked a bit. I worked until 9am, then went to get some pies, and drove home.

I watched the replay of Game 2 Finals of Dalls vs Miami. Loved it. Even though I already knew the result. I really don't like Miami and don't want them to win, mainly because they beat Boston, and also because they're likeable to hate.

Watching the game and seeing how in shape the guys were really motivated me, so afterwards I went for a jog and did a lap. It started off feeling a bit easy, but then I think I realised how much further I had to go and mentally it got a bit harder. It was good, I got to clear my mind a bit.

I kept thinking about posting an update in facebook with my failures. I was thinking something like:

I've been rejected by x number of law firms.

I've asked x number of girls out, and all have said no. The girl I liked ended up marrying another guy.

I led my basketball team for x years, all to losing seasons.

I blew out my knee in a game that didn't matter.

These are my stats.

I'm sure I did something like that years ago in this blog, but can't find it. I kept thinking about that as I jogged. Thinking about money also made me feel a bit better about what had happened yesterday with Naby.

I completed the lap with not too much trouble, even though I could feel a little shortness of breath.

Heading home, I thought some more. Some may say seeing her yesterday was a bad financial decision, but looking back on it, from the time she came back to yesterday, I only really saw her once every 2-4 weeks, which was quite an achievement, given that my plan was to start seeing her weekly in May and June.

At times, I would feel down about her declining my dinner invitation.

If she really liked you, she'd make time for you.

It was almost an irresistable conclusion that she only liked me as a customer.

But then another side would chip in.

Wait and see if she texts you upon her return. Wait and see if she brings you a present.

A small part of me hopes she might text me farewell before she leaves. An even smaller part of me hopes she'd change her plans and ask me out to dinner. Maybe, as reading a case about her shop revealed, she really isn't allowed to go out with customers - do you really want to get her into trouble?

A vengeful part of me thought about, after she returns, asking her out again, and almost hoping she'd say no, so I could deliberately pick another girl from a lineup in front of her to hurt her. That was the vengeful me. Why does a vengeful me exist? Would that hurt her? Should I do it?

I've also given thought to going to see another girl rather soon. My reason? So I remain 'objective' and don't fall too deep into this thing with Naby.

Great, she hasn't even left yet and you're already thinking of cheating. Great habit you're setting up for the future.

Hmmm. I guess you're right.

I keep thinking about how after she declined my invitation, she was touching me a lot, feeling the curves of my chest and arm, and running circles with her finger around my nipple. It really felt like she knew how I felt and was trying to make up for it. But does that mean anything? It goes back to, if she really liked you, she'd make time to see you. But what if she's not allowed to see you?

I wonder what she meant by "me too" when I told her I loved her. Was it just an uncomfortable "umm yeah ok..." or was it a "I love you too"? The fact that her English isn't great doesn't assist the inquiry.

Also, what can be drawn from her end by the fact that I didn't say anything like "have a safe trip"?

I'm thinking too much. Best thing to do is to do nothing. I guess I'll wait to see if she comes back with a present.

Final June Naby

2011-06-04T17:36:00.008+10:00

I woke up early in the morning before my alarm, not sure why, not sure if it was because I had been anticipating today being the last day I'd see Naby before she left for Korea.

I had breakfast, a shower and then got changed to go into work. My plan was maybe to stay there until it was time to see Naby. I got there just after 9am, half expecting to see Junar there because yesterday she said she'd be coming in on the weekend.

I started working and caught up on some stuff, but by 11am, which was when my parking expired, I had to go and so the file for Monday in court remains unfinished. I'll have to go in early tomorrow to finish it.

I actually extended my parking for an hour and then went to withdraw money to see Naby, and also went to the QVB to get some chocolate for her. I ended up getting two pink hearts, which were only about $1.40 each, which is pretty cheap.

I still had lots of time so I drove home and washed my car. It was pretty dirty, and I was in the mood to do it. After I washed it, I realised I had run out of that tyre shine stuff, and my touch up paint had also pretty much hardened up, so I figured I'd go to the auto shop to get both.

But when I got there, they didn't seem to have the tyre shine stuff, so I just bought the touch up paint in a spray can. It took a while for the guy to mix it, so I just browsed and stood around.

When I finally got it, I walked home and put it in my car. I called up the shop, and I could tell it was a different guy who answered the phone. He said Bibi was already working, so I made a booking for 3pm.

I went on the internet to check again how to say "pogo sheepoyo" and "sarang hae". I got them down pat and then drove off. I tried a new route which Malay showed last time, but couldn't find it and went another way. I could see I had a bit of time and as I was passing those warehouses I decided to stop by and check them out.

Despite Oxford claiming a 50% off everything sale, I found the stuff to still be pretty expensive. I checked the shoe store next door, which looks like the stuff is really cheap, but a decent pair of shoes still costs around $100 - out of my current budget.

I headed back to the car and drove off. I think this way is shorter, not sure. I got to the suburb at about 2:40pm but couldn't find parking nearby, so had to drive around a bit. I finally found parking on a side street a few blocks away.

I walked to the shop, and my suspicions were right. The door was opened by a guy I hadn't seen before. I walked in and he pointed me to the furthest waiting room at first and then asked if I had a booking. I said yes, Bibi. He wondered who it was before I said 3pm, and then he knew and said my name. I went to the waiting room and he asked how long and I said an hour.

I was careful to take my chocolates out of my pocket so as not to crush them. I flicked through a magazine briefly before I went to the bathroom and returned. There was a guy in the netx waiting room. I saw a line up of girls being shown to the main waiting room, and then heard a guy say something like "me and Sunny are brothers". The voice and the way he spoke sounded like that Peter guy who I met at John's wedding. I sure hoped it wasn't him, and if it was, that we wouldn't see eachother.

I wondered if Naby was shown in that line up. I bloody hope not.

The guy in the next room went off with a girl, and then he was replaced by another guy on the phone. At first I thought it was the guy who I thought sounded like Peter, but it wasn't. This guy seemed to be talking to a female from a shop, and then he seemed to be talking to a guy who was interested in buying a bike on the internet. His name was Matt I think. Kinda stupid to talk so loud in a place like that.

I waited a while and flicked through an entire magazine. I wondered if she was with someone else, but that possibility was negated because I remember after I told the guy who I had booked for, he yelled out, as if to her, and then now I heard him say "Bibi" in a following up, what are you doing kinda tone. So she was definitely available. Maybe she was just getting ready...

Finally the guy came and got me, and I saw her. We smiled at eachother and I said hey, and she started walking up the stairs. I noticed she did not hold my hand. She was wearing jeans shorts and a checkered bra. I thought maybe halfway up the stairs she'd remember to hold my hand, but nope.

We went into a room on the second level, the one with the large open shower. I saw a girl getting towels, but couldn't see her face.

I touched her on the back and asked if it was cold and she said no. I asked Naby how she was and she said good before walking out to get the towels. I sat down and started untying my shoelace when she came back. I said I had a present for her and tapped the bed for her to sit down, which she did. I said to close her eyes, and she did. I leaned in for a kiss but she opened them and then leaned forward to kiss me.

She looked at the pack in my hand and I started getting it out. She put both hands out and I dropped one out into her hands. She examined it and then took a bite. She was surprised by the insides and then seemed to pick something out. She said it was sour or something. I bit into mine and tasted it. The cream inside was a little sour. I asked if she liked it and she said yes. She took the packet from me when we finished, and I noticed she pushed my shoes under the bedside table. She seems like a neat person.

I took off my clothes and hung them behind the door and then went to hold her as she began stripping. I asked her where the other guy was (meaning the receptionist). She misunderstood me and said she was working today, tomorrow but then had Monday and Tuesday off, and then would be leaving on Wednesday. When I realised what she was talking about, I asked again and she repeated it. We went to the shower where I was silent for a bit, thinking about what to say. I had a lot in my mind thinking about this day, and now I had nothing.

Don't just stand there, do something!

I asked her if she was happy to be having her last day tomorrow and she said yes. I asked her what time she started today and she said 2pm, finishing at 4am. I said "bogo sheepoyo" and she said the same. I asked if I said it right and she said yes. She asked what I did today and I said I went to work and washed my car. She asked something else but I couldn't make out what it was.

We pecked eachother on the lips during the shower, she played with my body a bit and I played with hers. She asked why I hadn't shaved, and I said I was lazy. I asked if she remembered last week how there was a line up of girls as I left, and she said yes. I said she was the most beautiful, and she said chincha? And I said yes. I raised my little pinkie and said they were that. I went to dry off first, and when she finished I helped her dry off. She had already dimmed the lights but I switched them off. She said it was too dark so I turned them back on.

I held her from behind as we made our way to the bed, but I heard the damn shower tealking so I went to shut it off. It took a moment and when I returned, I saw her lying down on the bed. I dried my feet and then made a scary laugh as I approached her on the bed.

She started laughing and telling me to shave, so I deliberately brushed my light beard against her lips, making her laugh even more. I said when she comes back from Korea, my beard would be very long, indicating my hand brushing an invisible beard. She asked "like grandpa?" and I said yes, haha. I think she was playfully pretending to be scared.

We kissed, a bit more than usual. To me, there was a different vibe to it, a bit of finality urgency. I could feel her willingly kissing me back. I moved down and started kissing and licking her nipples. She started moaning softly at first, but then got louder. I was into it with more passion than usual. I felt like I could do that all day. I sucked on it a bit and she said something in Korean. I asked what and she said softly, so I resumed licking it and she continued to moan.

I moved to her right breast and did the same. She had reached down and was stroking me. I thought last time she did it to prevent me from entering her without a condom, but I could see now that she was actually actively stroking me. We kissed again and I could feel her putting the condom on, and using some lubricant.

I entered her and we began making love. I kissed her while doing it and she kissed back. We were kissing a lot this time, and one time I even slipped my tongue into her mouth, only to be eagerly greeted by her tongue. At one point we looked eachother in the eye. I could feel the heat being generated by our bodies. Her fingers were digging into my sides lightly. She lifted her head up to kiss me and my chest. This was really, really passionate. She was moaning softly if I wasn't kissing her, and then I'd move to kiss her some more.

We kept going like that for a while, as I changed pace a few times, and then she whispered that she'd get on top. We switched and she got on top. She didn't do any of that grinding that hurt me last time, but just went up and down. I was rubbing her breasts and after a while I came. She remained on top and jiggled around looking for my reaction. I said "an dei" and she kept asking me why with a smile. I didn't want to say it was uncomfortable so I just didn't say anything. She got off me and cleaned up.

She laid down next to me as usual, and I had my left arm out. I asked what she was going to do on Monday and Tuesday, and she said shopping. She then said she was going for a cigarette, and she turned over to reach for one. I said "we can go have dinner if you want". She mumbled and I was a bit disappointed at first, fearing that she felt like I had pressured her and didn't know what to say, but then I realised she was lighting her cigarette.

She rolled back onto her back, smoking, and said on Monday she was having dinner with her manager, and on Tuesday she was having dinner with her friend from the shop. I asked if the manager was that guy downstairs, and she said the manager was a woman. She said again she was then having dinner with her friend, and I half jokingly asked if I could come. She said something about being tied with her friend which I didn't understand. I had gotten my answer, and now I was letting it sink in. I tried to act casual and said "you don't have time for me" and she didn't say anything.

I decided to sleep it off, feeling a little depressed. I had my right arm over my forehead, my left arm was still laying behind her, and my right leg was bent up. I had my eyes closed. She finished her cigarette and then leaned into me, placing her head next on my chest and playing with my nipple.

I'm sleeping with a liar...someone who doesn't like me.

I felt pretty sad.

Maybe it's true...money can't buy you love.

She kept playing with my right nipple which was ticklish. I eventually grabbed her hand and held it, our fingers intertwined, and we slept for a bit like that. Her face was pressed up to mine, as we were facing eachother, and I could feel her eyelashes flutter against my face.

We slept like that for a while, and then she started tickling my ribs again. I shuffled, indicating it tickled. She asked if tickle and itchy were the same, and I said no, that tickle kinda meant someone was doing it, but itchy was just by itself, and I tried to tell her about mosquitoes, by doing the annoying sound near her ear and telling her the red mark was a bite, and she knew.

She said she only had four hours sleep. I asked her when she slept, and she said at 6:30 last night. I asked "6:30 today?" and she said yes. She then said she woke up at 10am. I asked her why and she paused, then said "because thinking of you", and I made an exagerrated sound not believing her and said "chincha?" and she said "chincha". I said I had eight hours sleep and she said that was good. In hindsight, I wondered if her lack of sleep reflected my early wake up today.

I asked if she would be staying at her mother's place in Korea, and she said yes. I asked if she had any other family, and she said she has a sister in America. I was going to ask what she did, but didn't, just in case it was the same line of work.

She kept feeling my chest and my arms, and kissed me on the cheek a few times. I wonder now, in hindsight, if she was trying to make me feel better for turning me down. Finally, I turned towards her and draped my right leg over her, bringing our bodies much closer.

I told her I would miss her and she said "me too". I then decided to say it, not really sure if I was going to mean it or not. I said "sarang hae" and she said something in Korean. I asked what that was and she said "me too" (having googled it now, it's "nado"). I asked her if I was saying it right and she said yes. I said it again and she said "me too". I drew on her back the "I [heart] U" letters, and she drew on my back. I said I didn't get it, and she did it slowly. I understood the "L-O-V-E" and she said understand? And I said yes.

We held eachother and half slept and half talked. I deliberately didn't mention anything about bringing me a present from Korea, to see if she'd remember it. She said she was coming back on 10 July. I deliberately didn'task her to message me when she returns, to see if she'd do it, because last time she said she would. I said I'd come to shop on the 9th, and she repeated the 10th, and I said yes, so I'd come before. She knew what I was teasing her about and playfully hurt me. I raised my pinkie and said I'd promise not to come to the shop. She didn't seem to know what I meant at first although she had her pinkie wrapped around mine. When she realised, she said something and offered her thumb. So with our pinkies wrapped around eachother, our thumbs pressed together as if to seal the promise.

She grabbed my tummy which tickled, and then she grabbed hers. She said she was fat, and I said that was normal. She had also said that she was very hungry. I hugged her and told her to leave work and we could get something to eat. She didn't say anything. I told her everytime I saw Hungry Jacks I thought of her. Not sure if she got it, because she said something about a burger. I offered her my right arm and she said it wasn't a burger, but when I insisted, she bit down on it, a little hard.

I asked her when she was going to give me a baby, and she said something in Korean. I asked what that meant and she said she didn't know (google shows it to be morunda). I thought it was funny how she thought I was serious, lol.

I put her left hand, which I had been holding in my right hand, on my chest. I asked her if she felt it. She said no. I moved it to the right a little and asked. She said yes (feeling the beat). I said it went "Naby, Naby" and she said "chincha?" and I corrected myself to "Hyejung, Hyejung", and she corrected my pronunciation.

Her timer started ringing as I was telling her about how my knee swelled up after surgery and I asked her if her breasts went big after her surgery. Not sure if she understood what I was getting at, but she laughed and said no and playfully covered her chest as she went to turn the timer off. I noticed she was in no hurry to turn it off as I was talking, as she kept listening to me.

Eventually we made our way out of bed and to the shower. She led me by the crotch and said "gotcha" and laughed. I didn't know what to say and we pecked on the lips. I got dressed and watched as she got dressed, even though I noticed a bit of water on her side. She opened the door and we went out, but there was a couple walking up, so we backed off to let them go first.

It was a middle aged man who wore glasses. He made a sleazy sound as he saw us. I thought he was pathetic, and I hope I never end up like him. The girl with him though, was kinda hot. We then walked down the stairs. Just before we reached the bottom, she started to turn around and smiled at me. I smiled and walked past the guy with a nod, into the cool street, retreating back to my car.

As I drove to Chinksford Macca's (because I was hungry), the thought of saving money from not seeing her for a month and possibly in the future given how she didn't want to go to dinner with me and had just given me a "me too" when I said I loved her made me feel a bit better. Not quite at the stage where I'll stop seeing her, but I was a small notch in that direction.

I drove to Macca's and bought a small McChicken meal, and ate it on the roadside before going home.

First sickie / NSBA 3-5

2011-06-02T20:12:00.002+10:00

So yesterday I decided to chuck a sickie, I think my first in like, three to four years. My cold wasn't even that bad, definitely not as bad as the one I had earlier this year. But the main reason I didn't want to go to work was because I didn't want Mary to feel like I was spreading my germs around, especially after that embarassing incident.

I felt like I would have all the time in the world. I pictured myself taking a long walk down the street. But I spent most of my time on the computer, then had a nap. I woke up and spent more time on the computer, before walking to the Wick to go to the gym. I really wanted to cycle to work on my knee, so I did that, then the benchpress and some weights and abs.

I then bought some wicked wings from KFC to have with bread for lunch back home. It got a bit cold, but it was still nice.

I spent more time on the computer. I thought finally I could experience day trading, but my internet wasn't at its best. Before I knew it, it was time to get ready to meet Any for bball. Time flies. I actually felt a bit worse having stayed at home, it felt like boredom made my cold worse.

I got changed and went out to meet Any at his bus stop. My eyes were so bad I thought he was a white guy. Sheesh. We made some initial talk about basketball and stuff, but then it got a bit quiet on the bus. Part of me didn't feel like talking because of my cold.

We met Phil in the city, then met Bo on the train. I swear once Bo comes onto the scene, everything lights up, and it's like we couldn't stop laughing. We were four giggling guys in sports gear amongst a crowded train.

We walked from the station to the courts, and saw Angelo shooting around while Mike seemed to have been sitting down somewhere else. I called Mike lego man because of the way he did his hair.

We didn't have long before the game started. I had just finished stretching and hadn't really taken any proper shots. Bo told me to fix the starting five, and I just benched Phil,m, which was a no-brainer.

We played the team coming first, JO. They were in nice white and blue uniforms, giving them the white princely knight image. Straight off the bat they hit a tonne of threes on us. They were all tall and lanky, but I could sense a few of them couldn't really dribble properly.

Abi came a bit later in the first half. Angelo was really aggressive offensively, and because of that, I think he scored like 90% of our points. Defending a fast break at one point, I mis-timed my jump and when I went for the block, instead of getting the ball, I slapped the guy in the face, lol. I heard him complain, but I had already shook his head to show I didn't mean it.

Angelo really tried to motivate us at half time, and I could see where we really failed - we let them get ahead of us when we didn't get back on defense. I said that was the number one basic rule every kid in basketball is taught, which is to get back on D.

In the second half I got a fast break and was chased from behind. I proceeded to lay it up from the front, and just as I took off, my left hand flew back to balance myself and slapped someone in the face, lol! I heard the guy complain about that, haha.

We made a bit of a serious run in the middle of the second half, coming within 13 at one stage, but then we seemed to let off, most notably when Phil decided to pass it under his legs...to the other team - fook!

But in the last few minutes, we pressed them and forced a few turnovers, which was really inspirtational. We ended up losing by 19.

I was pretty disappointed and frustrated after the game. I found that my frustrations were mainly directed at Mike. I try to tell him to focus on rebounding properly, instead of slapping the ball into the ground. He told me he couldn't jump. I said he didn't need to, and pointed out to him when Abi grabbed a rebound in traffic barely jumping.

I just don't know how to get through to him. He really is the definition of a loser. I find that he has an excuse for everything - from not being able to keep a job, to not passing his driving test, to playing poorly in basketball. I want to show him that playing half court basketball on the weekends is not going to make him a better full court player. It's not practice, but he seems to think it is. I just don't know what to do. I want to tell him that if he tries, he can be better. I want to show him the difference between successful people and failures.

I watched the next game with Abi as Bo reffed and Phil did duty with Mike. I was starting to cough regularly, and I put my hood on to keep warm. Everytime I coughed, my head hurt, and I could feel like I was getting worse. At times I felt a chill through my whole body and I thought "this is it, I'm going downhill from here", but then I told myself to stay strong and mentally I shook it off. Any patted me on the shoulder and asked if I had taken any medicine. I thought about Mike, and wanted to say something about how he missed a game with a cold, but I played without any excuses or complaining.

We all walked back to the station, and I think Mike felt a bit left out and/or made fun of. He crossed the road when the red light was flashing and the rest of us waited, and he waved and walked off to where he normally gets picked up. I felt sorry for him, but I wondered what else I could do.

The conversations on the train mainly dominated around AFL and girls between Bo and Any. When Any and I got off the train, we went to KFC as usual for him to buy his dinner. He did pay me back $10 which I knew he would.

From walking to the bus stop to being on the bus, we talked a bit about how judgmental people in Sydney were. He said he could feel people giving him weird looks just because he was black. I said I often feel like people are suspecting I'm there to steal something when I'm in shops. He also opened up about being depressed about struggling to learn written English.

I had a bit of a hard time sleeping. Maybe it was because I was sick. Maybe it was due to the nap. Or maybe it was because I had been contemplating in the back of my mind saying I love you to Naby on Saturday. I've also been thinking about asking her out to dinner. I just feel like she was telling me her days off for a reason. I could be wrong. In the end, I concluded I shouldn't think about it too much, and shouldn't put too much weight on her response. I should just ask it casually, and if she says no, then I'll just shake it off.

Today
I did consider taking today off. But I figured I'd at least attend the meeting I had with Mary and the police, and then take the rest of the day off if I wanted to.

I got in quietly and started catching up on my work. Mary said/joked that she may have caught my cold. Geez I'd feel so bad if she did.

I couldn't believe how occupied I was, so much that I ended up having lunch at around 1:20pm (normally around 12:30pm) and I didn't go to the toilet all day until the end when I left.

In the afternoon, DS came to my office and said "I know I've probably asked you this about seven times, but are you an LO1 or LO2?" I told him LO1 and he said something about giving me an acting LO2 - I think even he was surprised I was an LO1. I appreciated it.

I noticed he must've had a haircut during lunch, but instead of his usual all-around cut, he seemed to have only cut the sides - very similar to how I cut mine. Hmmm. And then I remember once seeing him eating an apple as he stared out the window - very similar to what I used to do on level 10. Hmmm.

Ele had messaged me and we agreed to meet after work. She said because of my cold, she wanted to give me some manuka honey.

I went to our usual meeting place and got there about 5:10pm. She called and said she'd be late and asked if I wanted to meet tomorrow. I said I wanted to go for a walk in Myer anyway so I'd wait. I went to check out Myer and David Jones. I didn't see much that I liked, and everything was still pretty expensive.

She called and said she was ready and so I went back to the meeting place. I waited for around 20 minutes. At first I was really confident, standing right at the corner of the kerb, in the midst of the bustling human traffic, waiting for her. But as time passed, I felt like maybe she wasn't coming after all, and slowly retreated against the wall of the supermarket.

Finally I called her and she said she was coming out of the supermarket. I looked in and found her. We met at the door and she offered a hug. I didn't lean in but just sort of wrapped my right arm around her. She seemed happy to see me.

She gave me a small bottle with little lollies inside. I asked if that was the manuka honey and she said it was. I opened it and offered her one. She said after me, so I took one and offered her one and she took it.

We started walking slowly down the street. I noticed that it was a natural pace for me, whereas I usually walk pretty fast. We talked about my cold, she said it seemed like I always get colds and she asked why. I silently wondered if I had HIV which weakened my immune system.

She said she got the honey manuka from Linda, and I teased her about this being the second time she re-gifted, the first time being the blue toy. She was surprised I remembered, and was laughing as I teased her. We talked about her birthday, the fishing trip Bill is organising (don't think I'll go since she said they will all be speaking Chinese), her husband going for an accountant interview just for the experience, and shopping.

We agreed to have lunch tomorrow, and she had earlier said on weekends the place we went to was $3 for a plate. I said if it wasn't then she has to pay, but if it was then I'd pay. I pretty much decided I'd pay anyway.

When she told me about it, I wondered if I could take Naby there if she said yes to dinner.

Despite the recent Naby experience, sometimes I'd watch Ele speak and I'd tell myself that at the end of the day, she was still the one I wanted. I really felt a connection with her, and I silently cursed the way things had turned out.

Positive reference, then embarassment

2011-05-31T21:30:00.003+10:00

Despite lying to A that I had a cold on Sunday, I really do have a cold now. I think it started yesterday, but it was pretty much in full swing today.

Mary could tell I had a cold and said I didn't look too well. I didn't say anything other than it was self inflicted (I think it was caused by shooting my threes in the cold on Sunday).

Anyway, DS came into my room today to talk about the reference he was giving me for my job app. He basically said not to worry if I thought it was too short or wasn't positive enough. He said he thought very highly of me, thinks I'll go to the bar (why does everyone think that??) and said he remembers seeing me in Parra in the big trial (I certainly don't remember seeing him - I wonder what I was doing when he saw me, hope it wasn't joking with DC, lol).

When I got the report, it was indeed short, but it was very flattering. I immediately sent Alanna an email thanking her, letting her know I couldn't have done it without her. She was humnble and said I did it all myself. Sometimes I wonder if I over-achieve without knowing it.

The other thing that happpened today was I was in the photocopying room with Mary as she had printed something off for me. All day long I've been trying not to talk to her too long because I could feel my runny nose starting, but this finally killed me.

Without ANY notice, a drop from my nose leaked out and landed onto the floor.

Faaaarrrk me dead...

She didn't look, but I think she saw it out of the corner of her eye, as she said I should go home if I wasn't feeling well (it was like 4:30pm anyway, no harm staying a bit longer). But I was so friggin' embarassed. She then said maybe I should get germs on the brief to give to the barista.

Fuck. So. Embarassed.

Can't even believe I lasted the whole day. I really felt like leaving halfway through, but I was determined to finish the brief.

Shohoku 3-4

2011-05-29T19:49:00.005+10:00

Man, totally forgot to blog about the game on Wednesday night. We have seven guys, as Abi and Phil couldn't make it due to work.

Nick made a decision to start both Bo and Mike on the bench, even though I was against it cause I reckon they're too similar and we should keep them apart as much as possible.

We played the Mario Brothers, and I must admit, I was a little distracted because one of the guys has a girlfriend who has eyed me a couple of times, but she didn't seem to be present.

We got off to a pretty good lead and never really gave it up. I only took one shot which was a three and missed. I tried to run our play at the beginning of the second half, but forced it and turned it over. Nick was arguing with the other team's centre, about who had the higher IQ, which I thought was pretty weird for trashtalking. I tried to stop him by telling him that they were coming last, so it didn't matter, so we shouldn't waste our time. But I don't think logic and reason work very well with him when he's angry.

Any poked the ball away in a very nice defensive play, and I picked it up but he got called for the foul. I got so angry I slammed the ball to the ground. I meant to catch it, but didn't, which meant it bounced way up into the air. The ref told me to watch it, and I thought he was going to tech me, but he didn't. I apologised and Bo made fun of me from the bench, lol.

We won the game despite them pressuring us and making a little run in the end. That was probably the only solace for me, because I was quite upset that we only had one ref, which was a player from the duty team! Fuck, first they lied to Nick saying they provide two proper refs, then they tell us sometimes they'll have one ref, and now they have none!

Nick, white Mike and Angelo went to watch the State of Origin, and Nick wanted the rest of us to go, but I had to wake up early for Maitland the next day, which meant Any came with me, and Bo didn't want to spend any money on alcohol, which I thought was a sensible decision.

I lent Any $10 for KFC as he forgot to bring money out, and I knew he was hungry. I was pretty hungry too, but didn't want to spend any money. I have a feeling that somewhere down the track, he and Angelo won't get along. I remember during the game, while we were on the bench, he kept telling me how Angelo wasn't playing as a team. That's what I like about Any - he has a real team focus. I think he should be a coach.

Today
I lied and told A I didn't want to go swimming because I had a cold. I didn't want to go swimming for two reasons: 1) I wanted to save money (used up my ten visits); and 2) I wanted to work on my shot.

I got to the courts just after 8am and started working on my threes, continuing where I left off yesterday, where I thought was the 31st shot, but instead I made a mistake and started at the 21st shot.

Anyway, I did 40 shots, bringing me to finishing the halfway mark. I had planned to finish off the whole thing, but somewhere after my 31st shot I started feeling a bit of a slightly nagging sensation in my right calf. It was a small version of that same pain I used to get when my legs would cramp up. I think my legs needed more rest from yesterday, and since I'd be playing later, I didn't want to risk it. I especially didn't want to risk taking myself out of Wednesday night.

I went home, had an instant noodle, and then waited for my parents to come back with the car. I drove off at noon, and went to pick up Phil and his friend, James. Phil had just messaged me today saying he'd be bringing a friend along. I guess I was ok with that, but what I didn't like was how both of them just got into the back of the car, giving a real chaffeur feeling.

We went to pick Mike up, and he said he was bringing his brother, so great. I could picture after the game, five sweaty guys squashing against eachother in my car.

It was a bit of a relief to have Mike in the car, as he always has something to say, even though it may be dumb.

We got to the courts at 1:30pm, parking was bad because there were netball games on and also the finals in the Chinese comp. We walked in to find the finals of the premier league playing. I kept looking around to see if there was anyone I'd recognise, but I didn't have my glasses and everything was too blurry.

We shot around in court three for a bit before going to court one where Alex the guy booked the court. We started a game quickly and I must admit - I felt a bit bad, even ashamed, to be playing in non-uniforms with guys who were pretty crap, whereas on the other court my former comp was celebrating the finals. It felt like I was a reject. Kinda like I had gone from the big league to the small league. I'm sure no one, or at least not many, could recognise me, but still.

My team was me, Mike, Phil, James, and Mike's brother Kevin. I told Mike to focus and work on his rebounding, that we knew he could shoot and play, but he needed to rebound, and to forget about winning the games today because we knew we were better. I didn't really feel like playing hard anyway, probably because I was tired.

I noticed Mike really improved his rebounding, which was good. It's good to see he can improve if he really tries. Other than that, I was pretty pissed off with things. I was pissed off that Phil had brought along a guy who completely could not play. I mean, he said he hadn't played for five years, but even given that, I could see he was not a basketball player. And why the hell did he play in pants and not have a bottle of drink???

Then there was Mike's brother. I thought, being his brother, he'd have at least a bit of game, but nope, he was nervous as fuck. I was playing with a team of non-basketball players. Great.

Carter stayed after the finals, and he joined our games. I did play a few games with him, but while watching I noticed how good he actually was. He would glide from one end of the court to the other to make a basket. Or maybe these guys were just really that shit.

I was kinda glad when it was all over, as I wasn't in much of a mood to play anyway, again, probably because I was tired. I dropped Mike and his brother off at home first, and then Phil and James. Found out James is a tax accountant, so that may come in handy in the future.

I went to get petrol and then did a bit of grocery shopping in the Wick, then went home.

Bogo sheepoyo

2011-05-28T18:55:00.002+10:00

So I was googling how to say "I love you" in Korean (sarang mae) and came across how to say "I miss you" in Korean. I then got the idea to send it to her as a text.

Me @ 18:48 - Bogo sheepoyo :)

I wasn't really expecting a reply, and didn't care if there wasn't one. I guess seeing her in person has convinced me she likes me enough, and that ignoring my text didn't really mean anything.

To my surprise, she replied instantly.

Naby @ 18:49 - How a u honey? Ms too.. :)

I didn't really want to get into a long conversation back and forth.

Me @ 18:49 - I'm good, don't work too hard =)

Naby @ 18:52 - Yeah.. What a u doing? Did u have dinner?

Me @ 18:52 - Not yet, I will eat soon...have you eaten?

No reply, but no worries, I think my phone is fucked up. It's saying I'm low on memory so maybe the message hasn't come through yet.

Ah, happy man.

Happiness

2011-05-28T13:43:00.003+10:00

I just came back from the courts earlier. I started shooting my threes, and after 10, I was asked by that Damian guy I met last Sunday for a game of two on two. He grabbed another guy called Yung from another court.

I had seen them shooting around earlier, and Damina's friend was a big guy called Michael. I thought he looked like a prick.

Anyway, the teams were me and Michael. My shot was really on, and the pick and roll with Michael worked so well we scored like six points in a row, and won like 11-1. Fuck.

We later played three on three and then four on four. I was on Michael's team most of the time, except a few games where he sat out, and I realised he was actually quite a funny guy. He joked around a lot, his hair was funny in a blown out way, and his clumsy moves were also funny.

My shot was really, really on today, so much that the Yung guy kept trying really hard to block me, and everyone was saying how accurate I was, comparing me to Rip Hamilton adn Steve Kerr. I thought Yung was a bit jealous, as he played fairly hard and I even copped his elbow in the nose at one stage, but I shook it off as an accident.

Also during a break, I managed to touch the ring!!! Sure, the ring was bent down a bit, but still, it wasn't bad for a surgically repaired knee.

At a few junctures during the games, when I was really tired, I kinda took a moment to enjoy the experience. I was having lots of fun, because Michael was funny, we were winning, and my shot was falling. This is what life, for me, is about. I wish I could do this everyday. Not only were we winning, but we were having so much fun doing it. A guy on the other team got pissed at his own team every time we scored, and it was kinda fun to see his frustration. Even though we had just me (apart from Damian) I felt we had good chemistry.

They all left for lunch, and then I headed home. I thought about how great of a time this was for me. I'd gone from red to black, I saw Naby last night, and I touched the ring today. Oh how my life has turned around since my gambling days.

From red...to black

2011-05-28T08:23:00.003+10:00

So Thursday finally marked the day where my assets exceeded my debts...by $19. Which means I've finally gone from red to black! If I were to sell all my shares, that together with the money I have in my savings would be enough to pay off my credit card debt - woohoo!

And I just checked my interest earned.

Financial year ending 2009 - $41.10
Financial year ending 2010 - $14.24
Financial year to date - $43.49

So as you can see, in 2009 my gambling problem hadn't really flurried, but by 2010 it obviously had. Now that I've been gamble free for more than 10 months, I've already surpassed my 2009 high, and there's still June to go!

I love you?

2011-05-27T21:44:00.009+10:00

Got to work at 8:30am, mainly because I had nothing better to do. I thought I could get a peaceful start by doing my banking, and finish writing up yesterday's files. I also decided to go 'farewell' Melanie, by taking a lemon tea drink to her.

I went to her room, gave it to her and asked her if she had found something else. She asked me to close the door because Paul sits next door and it was awkward. I felt a little privileged that she was willing to discuss with me something clandestine, but at the same time, I wondered how it would reflect on me if Paul saw us.

She asked if I had heard about the SLO round, and I said no. She said she made the e-list, and at first I thought that was good. But then she said she'd been in her position for three years, so to put her on the e-list now was basically demoting her. I understood. I also realised at that moment that she just wanted to let out some steam with me, rather than considering me a close friend to share a secret with.

I tried to play the good guy by asking if she should find something first before leaving. She said there was no law against it (which I thought was strange) and then said she had a roof over her head and could survive for about six months without work.

We then heard a knock on the door and it was Mary. She said she was after me, because Jacqueline had been looking for me. It sounded like trouble, but Mary has her way of being nice about everything. I said bye to Melanie and said I'd try to make her drinks tonight.

Mary said a fresh matter was in court today which was related to one of my matters. We had it sorted out, with the great help of Alex, and it was like a bomb defused, but in reality, Jacqueline had just made a fuss about nothing.

So it was a bit more peaceful after that, as I finished writing up yesterday's files and then I decided to go down to see Maria. I saw on the whiteboard that she was on level 7, presumably for her interview, but I figured it had been too long and she had just forgotten to change it.

So I went down with my last lemon tea and luckily she was in her room. First things I noticed were that her room was dark as a light had gone out, and her computer had been positioned closer to the door, but against the wall, which was unusual.

She seemed glad to see me as I gave her the lemon tea. She asked me how my list was and I said it was ok. I asked her how her matter was on Wednesday, and she said the court did open at 9:30am, but her def didn't show up. I asked if she hung around afterwards, and she was like "there's nothing to do there" lol.

She said she also had to get back as she had her interview today, and then asked me how mine went. I said I left thinking I could've answered some questions better. We were then interrupted by Junar, who said she was coming to my branch next week, instead of Yoshi. Wow, developments. She said she wondered who her supervisor would be, and I said we were running out as Sarah had left and now Melanie was leaving. She said maybe I could be her supervisor and I instinctively said "I hope not". They both laughed and Junar was like "you know, you say that so naturally".

That seemed like a good moment to leave, so I did. Hmmm.

For lunch, I really felt like KFC, and was this close to going, but in the end, I figured I might as well finish off the bread I had and save some money. So I stayed in the office and had my soup.

Earlier in the day, Bryony had seen me in my wasitcoat and said I looked smart in it. Then Mary said I looked "dapper". I didn't know what it meant but I took it as good. Bryony said I looked like a waiter and I laughed, thinking I resembled my dad too much. They joked about me putting a hat on, and I said I could be Oddjob, lol.

Trent had also made a comment about my wasitcoat, saying I looked good in it. I wasn't used to all the attention, but I guess this is the first time they'd seen me wear it, whereas level 10 was used to it.

I pretty much bludged for the rest of the day, doing minor things, not knowing what I should be doing. Something did come up at the end of the day, and it was unfortunate that neither Mary nor Imad were around, so I had to go ask Trent. To his credit, he did attempt to help me, and I started having a different view of him.

We all pretty much had an early day, as we are changing computers and had to shut off at 4pm. Ogre, Melanie, Christina, Bryony and I headed down to the pub for drinks.

Ogre bought me a lemonade, and then we all stood around talking. I ended up talking to Bryony and Ogre, and I found that Bryony seemed to have this thing where she liked to imitate little kids in a comedy show. Hmmm.

Odgen also arrived, and I ended up talking to her for a while. The good thing about her is that she can talk non-stop, so if I ever feel isolated in a group setting, I can just go to her.

Then I noticed Erin, Amy and Alanna also arrived, but they were at the other end of the table. I kept trying to think of an excuse to go talk to Alanna, since she was afterall my supervisor. Caroline then arrived, and I didn't want to leave straight away because it'd seem rude.

Ogre left, so it was just us three talking for a while before I excused myself saying I needed to get a drink. I spoke to Alanna at the bar where she had already bought her drinks, and she asked me to go over to her when I got my drink. I got my lemonade and joined her and Christina.

Initially we talked about her work and our work, then we talked about how to handle DS (stay out of his way, keep things short). Then they spent the rest of the time talking about weddings and stuff. I had been standing there during the night feeling a bit toey, and was mentally debating whether I should go to a shop, see Naby, or just get some KFC and go home.

I was glad when people suggested leaving at 6:30pm. I think some of them were heading to another venue, but Alanna and I went our own separate ways.

I found myself walking towards the bus stop where the bus to Naby's suburb could be caught. When I got there, I thought if a bus came right at that moment, I'd get on. The only thought going against me was the thought of leaving the shop and walking in the cold, feeling like they had just taken my money and chucked me out.

A few buses arrived, but they weren't the right ones. I paced back and forth, almost like I was back at the casino again, pondering whether to go gambling or not. I really felt like an addiction had taken over.

Soon, another bus came, which was the right one. I got on, telling myself that it wasn't too late - if Naby wasn't working, all bets were off.

When I got off the bus, I walked a short distance to get away from the crowd and made my call. I asked if Bibi was working tonight, and the usual guy said yes. I made a booking for an hour, saying I'd be there in 20 minutes.

About 10 minutes later, after having walked there and gone to the ATM, I arrived at the shop. I was careful not to look up at the camera, and earlier when going to the ATM, I had kept a lookout for surveillance.

The usual guy opened the door but didn't seem as happy as usual to see me. Well, not straight away anyway, but he seemed to warm up a bit and asked me how I was. I went to the counter and said I had a booking, and he said "Bibi?" and I said yeah, and was about to pay him but he directed me to the waiting room.

I went there and asked how much, and he said $270. I paid him then went to the bathroom. I heard him yell "Bibi working". I returned to the waiting room where I saw him sitting at the counter. He asked if I wanted a drink and I said no. I think I heard Naby's voice talking to him, and I think I heard my name being mentioned.

He then called for me and I stood up and walked out, to see Naby standing there. I nodded to her as she went to the bottom of the stairs and held my hand. As usual, she held it against her bum as she led me upstairs.

We didn't say much until we got into the room. I asked if she missed me, and she said something along the lines of yes. We pecked on the lips before she went out again. I sat on the bed and started taking off my shoes when she returned. I asked if she was tired, and she said no. Obviously she knew if she said yes, there'd be no sex.

As I was taking off my shoes, I was bent down and asked "did you get my message?" and she said yes, but she was sleeping. I thought that was a bit weak, but then again, she could've just lied and said no.

I touched her back and she said my hand was cold. I deliberately did it again and she playfully hit me, lol, but it was pretty hard.

I took off my clothes and she did the same. I held my hands close to the candle to warm them up, and she pretended to push them into the fire, before we went to the shower. It was a bit awkward to me, because it seemed like we hadn't done this for so long. While she was on her knees cleaning me, I was telling her how I'd just finished a big case, and thought about how weird it was that I was telling her that in the position that she was in. She had her hair tied up, and a grey ribbon hair clip, but I noticed that she actually wasn't really that good looking. Maybe having seen her for a year is making me 'bored'. We did kiss on the lips a bit, and towards the end of the shower, I played with her nipples and she pretended to cover them, then splashed me with water. I dried myself first, and then when she finished, I helped dry her back. She asked me if it was cold outside. I said no, it was hot. She was like "really?" and I said yeah, it was like a fire, and then she knew I was being sarcastic and laughed and said no.

She placed my hands on her breasts as I walked from behind and she led me to the bed. We both sat down and naturally fell lying down. I got on top of her and kissed her, then her breasts. She started moaning fairly loudly as I licked and sucked on her nipples. She really moaned a lot, and I was tempted to think that I was the cause of it.

I did that for a while and sometimes would lightly thrust towards her, wondering if she'd object to not using a condom. Her hand held me so I guess that was her way of preventing it.

I moved my kisses down her body and she giggled as I passed her tummy. I went down on her and spent a bit of time there. At first there were soft moans, but as I shifted and positioned myself better and got her to raise her hips, I got better access and made her moan louder. I noticed that when I sucked on it, she would squirm and squeeze her legs around my head.

After a while I moved back up. She put the condom on and pulled me in, but I kept teasing her by pulling back, until she realised what I was doing and made a face, then I entered her. We started doing it for a while as she moaned my name repeatedly, but I was a bit distracted. I think her ignoring my text really put me off. Otherwise, it was a pretty hot session and we both seemed to be into it, as she moaned my name again and again.

I asked if she wanted to switch, and she said yes. She got on top, and started sliding up and down, but then started grinding back and forth against me. She did this for a while, and seriously it started hurting me, but I thought I'd just put up with it. When she started bouncing again, I finished, and she did that thing where she stays on top for a while, pretending to enjoy my orgasm,, her eyes even rolled back into her head. She leaned down to kiss me and then got off me. She held the condom towards me, and I said "you", and she said "no you" and I said "I have lots" and she laughed.

She put it away and I shifted over and she laid beside me, placing a couple of towels on top of us to keep us warm. I looked in the mirror and thought it was actually quite a sexy sight to see how legs entangled like that. We held eachother for a bit, before she said she was now going to Korea on the 8th. I said to get my phone, and she got it for me. I opened it with her there, and went to the calendar. She indicated that she'd be working on the 4th of June, but then would have days off until she leaves on the 8th. I asked when she was returning, and she asked me to switch to July, and said maybe 9th or 10th. I repeated it, and she said she'd send me a message when she gets back.

I remember feeling the vibe that she was offering more information than necessary, and it made me feel dumb to be insecure about her not replying to my text. If anything, this was pretty good proof that she liked me. I also felt good in that we finally seemed to be able to get some conversation going, as I was afraid that all we had was sex.

I returned to the month of June, and went to the 11th, saying I'd come. She said she'd be away, before she realised what I meant. I said I'd come to shop, and she twisted my left nipple. I went to the 18th and repeated it, and she twisted my right nipple. I went to the 25th but then dropped my phone in between us as I laughed and inadvertently snorted, lol.

I said I was joking, and went through those Saturdays again and said I'd be a good boy for each of them.

I then went to my contacts and went to her name. I said I didn't like Bibi and asked what her name was. She spelt it for me as I typed - Hyejung. I was a little surprised at her having no reluctance in telling me.

I asked her if she had spoken to her mother and she said yes. I asked if she was well, and she said yes. I then remembered - I asked if she would get me a present in Korea because she was missing my birthday. She said yes.

I said she needed to eat more as she was way too skinny. I felt how skinny she was by rubbing her sides and looking at her legs (also, the other thing is, her implants have really ruined the feel of her breasts - on the side it's as hard as a rock, just so unnatural). She said she ate a lot but could not gain weight. I said I'd take her to Hungry Jacks and buy her 20 burgers and make her eat all of them. I then asked her to flex her arm and she did, lol.

She asked if my work had been hard, and I said yes. I laughed and told her about my case where the guy swallowed 160 balloons.

She said on Thursday she had slept from 9pm to 6am today. I wondered if she was trying to see if it was me who called her this morning. Or maybe she was trying to justify why she didn't reply to my message - which doesn't add up since I sent it before 9pm anyway.

I said at one stage (not sure when) that initially it wasn't supposed to be her. That I was shown a girl who was angry, and who the guy had to plead with to be shown. I of course didn't pick her and said I'd wait 15 minutes. She didn't really say anything in response, but asked why she was angry, and I said I didn't know.

She said when she returns from Korea, she might be studying on weekdays, and working maybe Wednesdays and weekends. I said it was good, but she said it was a maybe, and that she'd see. I wondered how much of that had to do with visa issues. I said I could teach her English, if she would teach me Korean. I pointed to the painting and said "painting", and she said it was the same in Korean (well done mate). I then said lemon was the same as well, and she said "ramon is noodles" and I had to say lemon, not ramon, and she understood. I asked her what she wanted to learn, and she said something in Korean, and I asked what that was. She said "I love you".

...................................

Did she mean that?

I drew on her back "I [heart] U", and then realised she was drawing on my back. It was short, maybe three letters like what I had done, but I wasn't sure what it was.

We then went to sleep facing eachother and with our legs tangled up. I wasn't asleep, but I think she was. She was initially feeling my face, then my ear, then I think she fell asleep when her finger dropped to my lips.

After a long time, I heard her buzzer go off, and then the room buzzer go. She didn't move. It was only after a while that she moved to turn off her buzzer. I heard the room buzzer go off again. I don't think I'd ever been given the second buzzer. She didn't seem to be in a hurry, and said she wanted to sleep. I told her to finish work, she said "go home?" and I said yes.

I went to the shower and began showering. I asked her to join in case the hot water ran out. Sure enough, it started going cold by the time she arrived. I felt bad for using up the hot water but she said it was just from time to time. She said it was cold, but then managed to get the hot water running. I said "sorry Naby" but she was ok. I got changed as she showered. I wondered if that was selfish of me and gave her the towel when she finished.

As I put my shoes on, I realised I was probably blocking her shoes even though she was busy with something else. I moved her shoes towards her and noticed they were Prada. Wow, so she obviously had money, but why spend it wearing it here?

I finished with my shoes and then stood up. She wanted to kiss and I pulled back a few times before finally going to kiss her. She thought that was it but I went in for more kisses. As she walked out, she asked if I was going home, and I muttered "next shop". Not sure if she heard but I didn't get a reaction, so I caught up to her and rubbed her sides saying "just joking", and she gigled out loud. As I walked down the stairs I heard a bunch of guys burst out laughing, and I did not like the thought of Naby having to go with them. I saw the other girls lined up ready to be shown. Naby said good night as I walked past the girls and out into the cold.

I went to get KFC in the city and brought it home to eat, although it got pretty much cold waiting for the friggin' bus to arrive.

Yeboseyo?

2011-05-27T06:43:00.003+10:00

I know I shouldn't have. But I rolled and mulled around in bed, telling myself I didn't hear my message tone all throughout the night. How could I know if I'd been sleeping? Yeah I know, but I just don't remember hearing it.

So I got out of bed, went to my landline, and called her mobile. Within a couple of rings, I heard her familiar voice.

Yeboseyo? Yeboseyo? Yeboseyo? Yeboseyo? Yeboseyo?

I didn't say anything. At that time, it was clear to me she had gotten my message.

But as I showered, I still told myself of other possibilities - maybe she didn't get it? Maybe she doesn't have credit? I doubt girls like her would be on a contract.

Part of me has said "fuck it, don't see her on Saturday and save some money", but I think I'll still go. Maybe I'll raise it, or maybe I'll see if she raises it. Maybe there's a good explanation.

But this should serve as a stern reminder: money is your only friend.

The Maitland list / movements and changes

2011-05-26T21:49:00.003+10:00

So I had the Maitland list today. Fortunately, I had enough willpower to get out of bed at 5:30am and get ready to leave. Plan was actually to leave at 5:30am because I needed to buy breakfast, but I figured I could get there by 10am at the latest.

I drove to Chinksford to withdraw money, then went to Macca's to get my usual breakfast combo. Still can't believe I'm paying $1.65 for a piece of fucking potato.

Then I started on my long road trip. I had my window up because it was cold/raining, which I usually don't do, to keep myself awake. But I guess the music was enough to keep me awake.

I had no problems during the trip, got there kinda early too, at like 8:40am, so in the car park I just rested my eyes and thought about the day ahead. At about 9:15am I went to the bathroom and then went back to my car to get the suitcase. I then headed off to court, thinking it was gonna start at 10am and I'd just sit around.

To my surprise, the doors were open when I got there, and there were people already inside. I calmly walked to the bar and jokingly asked the PP if I could "set up camp there". I opened up my suitcase and people started coming up to me for their matters. After a short while, the mag came on.

She did the AVO matters first, so I sat there for about 30 minutes with nothing to do, then knocked about eight of my matters down quickly, and then the rest steadily. At one point I thought I might be able to get away before lunch, but nope.

During lunch I went to get a hotdog which wasn't so good, and decided on a coke since I hadn't had one for ages. I sat on a bench in the mall looking at jewellery. After finishing the hot dog, I took a closer look to see if there was anything suitable for Naby. Nope. I remember seeing a nice silver bracelet for about $300 which I thought was a good idea - hope I can find that again.

I threw away the coke after a few sips. I found that I didn't really like it. Surprising.

I took a walk around and bought some lollies to take back to the office and put them in my car before returning to court.

I didn't even realise the mag was there as I approached the bar until she said my name. I apologised and she said it was ok, that she was early. We did a few of my matters, then she did some custodies, then finished off my matters where people hadn't attended. I was the only one left at the bar and it was kinda awkward. I mean, I couldn't really say "seeya" even though right at the end I ended up saying "see you" quietly - fucking idiot. I thought about saying what a pleasant list it was, but didn't want to sound corny. I'm sure she could tell I was just socially awkward.

Speaking of socially awkward, I saw Spawn yesterday when I went to get a Subway. He was with a work person or something. He seemed glad to see me, and seemed a bit more 'on to it' socially, which was good to see. But still, he was kinda boring and I said I'd "let him go" after a short chat.

Anyway, I went to the post office to pay a bill, then started the road trip back. I was going pretty fast, about 130km/h for the first half of the trip. I made good time, but all that was offset by being stuck in traffic once I got to the city. I filled the car up with petrol and arrived at the office at about 6:15pm.

I checked my emails and was surprised to see Melanie sent one around saying she had resigned and mid-June will be her final days. That was really surprising. To me, in her own quiet way, she seemed happy to be there, but who knows. I wonder why, and where she'll be going.

So there's going to be some "movements and changes" as DS likes to put it. Earlier this week we were informed that Yoshi and Clare B would be coming to our branch for two months (really, two months, why bother?), and now Melanie was leaving. That leaves two SLO positions vacant, and instead of doing the sensible thing of promoting Moira or I, they're gonna bring in someone who doesn't know anything about our job. Welcome to government jobs.

But at least, it shows that if I stay long enough, opportunities will arise, although I do wonder who the next to leave will be. I can't picture Christina leaving - she gets off on putting people in jail. Trent needs the protection of his daddy here. Melissa doesn't seem to mind the public service ways. Hmmm.

Anyway, I had promised myself that, this being three weeks since I last saw Naby, I'd treat myself by texting her, especially after such a long list day. It was my reward.

I texted the guys about a movie tomorrow, and then sent a text to Naby:

Me @ 18:54 - Naby...thinking of you...how are you?

Assuming she would reply, I'd planned to say that I'd see her on Saturday and would ask if she wanted me to bring her any food. She'd say no and I'd bring some chocolates anyway.

Needless to say, I thereafter checked my phone basically every five minutes, and everytime I saw nothing there, it hurt a little bit more.

Emotionally, it affected me. I had built up a fair bit of an appetite having driven for so long, but now I didn't feel like eating anything at all. I actually felt motivated to get depressed again and throw everything away at the casino.

But logically, I was telling myself that there could be a myriad of reasons why she didn't reply. Maybe she was working. Maybe she forgot her phone. Maybe she's out of credit. Maybe she's changed numbers. Should it really deter you from seeing her on Saturday? Last time it happened there was a perfectly good (and true) explanation. At the end of the day, I really can't see her just ignoring my message, she seems to treat me pretty nice. But I guess I'll see on Saturday.

The ever elusive question...

2011-05-25T08:13:00.001+10:00

So I found a new forum last night and just had a look at it now. I found the sub-forum for Naby's shop. I don't know whether I want to see a review on her or not. I don't because of natural instincts - I'd feel my blood boil. I do because I want to know whether the way she treats me is the same way she treats other guys.

There were a couple of threads where when I first started reading I thought "shit, this might be her", but nope. The first thread I realised was just after my surgery, and we know she went back to Korea just before my surgery (unless she was lying but don't know why she'd do this). The second thread, a guy said she gave such good gfe, that he and his two mates almost fell in love with her. Surely this must be her. But then later he says she has a tattoo on her lower back, and Naby has no tattoo.

So, the ever elusive question still cannot be answered...

Maria enters the room...

2011-05-24T21:49:00.002+10:00

Caught the bus to work today. Nothing to eat at home, so had to buy breakfast. It was close to 9am, and I didn't feel like Macca's or Breadtop anyway, so I ended up buying a loaf of bread and making toast in the office. Figured I'd save some money as well.

I spent the first half of the day sitting idly at my desk not knowing what to do. I didn't go out to lunch, but stayed in and had soup with bread. I know, I said I was bored of it, but today I found myself being bored of anything else I could think of. So boredom rules out boredom I suppose.

After lunch I decided I'd work on replying to a letter sent about 13 days ago, which required me to go through the whole brief, so that kept me busy. Whilst I was listening to and reading through the interview, several people came by to give me their files for Thursday's list.

One of them was Maria. I was kinda surprised. I guess I'd just figured she'd send it via the internal mail. She said I had made detailed notes on the file from last time. I took the file and had a look at it, and found on the back of the instructions sheet I had set out all the charges and how it was breached. Damn, this is one instance where hard work pays off.

She said "you are so Asian", pointing to the lemon tea drink I had on my desk and my lucky cats. She also noticed my certificates had been framed, and then talked about the plant on my desk.

I said I knew she was going to Maitland tomorrow with a slight grin on my face. She asked how I knew and I said I had my sources. I felt like telling her to learn to drive, but then figured it might sound kinda cruel, and I also kinda liked how she wasn't so skilled.

We talked a bit, and I noticed she had her arms crossed, so she either didn't like me or was nervous.

After she left, I kinda thought "did that really happen?" but then told myself not to over-think it. She's a colleague, and it wouldn't be worth it (see: Katie).

I also thought about the possibility that maybe she was just being nice to me because she saw me as being in a superior position. First, I'm not. Technically we're in the same position, but unofficially, everyone knows I've got more experience. Secondly, you know how sometimes you see people being real nice to their superiors? Maybe she was doing just that, and meant nothing more.

I stayed in the office until 6:30pm-ish going through the brief, although if I had started from the beginning of the day I would've finished it much earlier. DS came in at one stage to ask if I was applying for both LO positions, saying he had forgotten and joked how realiable that was. Hmmm.

When I left work it was raining, but luckily I wasn't wearing my nice suit so I didn't mind.

Naby
My current Naby status is...I'm not really missing her too much. I'm actually at that borderline point where I could picture myself envisaging not ever seeing her again. Read that again and notice how distant I made that thought process. It's deliberate. I'm not saying I'm envisaging not ever seeing her again - I'm just saying I could picture myself envisaging not ever seeing her again.

At the same time, I think I've come to the conclusion that she is being somewhat genuine with me. Or at the very least, she's not out to rip me off and take me for every cent. I mean, if she was like that, I reckon she'd be initiating messages asking me to see her more often or even asking for gifts.

But she only seems to reciprocate, as opposed to initiate. Sure, that may mean low interest, but again, at least she's not trying to rip you off. And having established that she's not trying to rip you off, the fact that she said she sometimes thinks about me, shows that it's genuine, since we've eliminated the possibility that she's trying to rip me off. Capisce?

Delusional

2011-05-23T21:20:00.004+10:00

I walked to work this morning, even though I left home at 8am, which was kinda late for my standards, but it's just so hard to wake up in winter. I always find these walks to be quite peaceful, but at the same time I'm listening to some really angry rap songs which pumps me up. So much anger flows through my veins.

My lack of work pretty much continued on from last week, although I did manage to keep myself occupied in the first half of the day by preparing instructions in some upcoming matters.

At lunch, I went to the gym. I had to go to the gay one because last week I went there to request a receipt so I can make a health benefit claim from work. Seeing as last time from the Wick it took about six weeks to get it, I wasn't very confident it'd be ready, but I thought I'd give it a try anyway.

I jogged to the gym and then did the incline bench, curls and then worked on my abs. I'm still trying to get back into it, so it was only a light workout. I just hope I don't wake up tomorrow with shoulder pain.

After I got my back from the locker room I went to the reception desk. It was a different guy this time, who appeared to be trying to print it off for me there and then, but after he while he asked if I was coming back today, and when I said Wednesday, he said he'd have it for me then.

Well, that's what the other guy said last Monday.

I just thanked him and left. How hard really is it to print off my records???

I bought a six pack of Chinese drinks and then a box of sushi for lunch. I think I'm a little tired of bread and soup.

Late in the day, I was watching a boring video in a matter when Mary knocked on my door and came in. She asked if I wanted a new matter to assess - it was one the nature of which was Naby's line of work. Like always, I said yes, but I was stirring my brain to think if this involved Naby's shop. I could only imagine the implications and complications if this was Naby's shop.

She emailed me the matter and I had a quick look at some of the documents. Luckily, it wasn't Naby's shop. Nevertheless, I was intrigued enough to stay back and read it. I noticed the boss was still in, so I thought it was a good way to make a positive impression.

Reading through the girls' experience, I kept relating it to Naby and wondered how similar her situation was to theirs. Was there debt bondage? Sexual servitude? Threats to her family? Or was she really just a girl who wanted to make some (lots) of easy money?

From reading the girls' experiences, I could see that they too had 'boyfriends' they met through work, who were initially their customers. So it definitely wasn't unusual. One even had a boyfriend overseas and a boyfriend she met as a customer. I wondered how close I was to becoming that person.

Also, I kept wondering how my current situaiton would involve my work, if ever. I'm pretty sure it's not illegal, yet at the same time, I'm pretty sure I'd get fired. Or at the very least, humiliated enough to quit. Was I getting too close? Too involved? Should I step away and forget about her? How will this end? Will this eventually come to light? How? Via the police?

I was torn inside. I wanted to message her because I felt so much sympathy for these working girls, yet my logical mind was telling me to minimise any records of whatever it is we have.

I had initially planned to walk home, but by 5:30pm it was already very dark. I left work at 5:50pm and went for a walk towards KFC. I bought three wicked wings and ate it, feeling somewhat isolated. Part of me craved for a 'normal' girlfriend, yet another larger part wanted Naby...I wanted her to be my normal girlfriend.

I remember earlier in the day, I had been in a conversation with Mary and Steve about a case Mary had, where a guy was obsessed with an internet model and thought he was going to marry her. Clearly delusional, he was.

Now I found myself questioning myself: was I delusional to think anything sensible could eventuate with Naby?

Knee
I haven't given a knee update in a very long time, which I suppose in itself is a good sign that everything's A-OK.

Sometimes when I'm sitting down typing my shoelace, I'll notice a white patch where my scar is supposed to be. It has healed so well that no scar is visible, however, the white seems to come from the skin being newly grown, and the hair there is very minute, so it clearly requires time to grow.

In terms of feeling, I have gotten a lot back, but the front part of my leg still lacks some feeling. It's pretty amazing to think I've been playing all this time without any feeling in that part of my leg.

I don't seem to have a problem with it during basketball, but sometimes after games, it does feel especially tired. I keep having nightmare visions of something causing my leg to snap sideways - it is a horrible thought.

Lately, I've noticed that sometimes when I get up from a seated position, my knee feels a bit wobbly and it needs to click back into place.

I would like to take it slow this season, and if I can go through this season without any incidents, then I will be more confident next season.

Newtown lunch

2011-05-22T20:51:00.004+10:00

On Saturday my plan was to go work on my threes before meeting the team at the courts at 10am for training. But alas, I couldn't wake up early enough, and I got to the courts at 9am.

I was just warming up when I saw a tall figure from a distance. I thought it might be Nick, and when he got closer I realised it was him. It was good to see he was enthusiastic enough to come to training early.

We talked a bit as we shot around, and then I got him to work on his post up hook shot, with me defending him. I had been a bit hesitant in taking this step, particularly since earlier he said he didn't like Phil telling him what to do, but I guess that was because Phil is the worst guy on the team and isn't really considered a 'proper' basketball player.

He also told me how he had spoken to Angelo after Wednesday, and Angelo was upset that Phil: 1) turned up late to the game; and 2) got fouled out. It was really only after the game that I wondered how Phil managed to get fouled out even after coming late. I think I picked up only two fouls.

By the way, for the last two games I've worn number eight wearing the bib, and I've played better, so maybe being reunited with my number is a good thing.

Anyway, back to training with Nick. I really tried to teach him my post up, drive to the middle with a jump stop and mini-hook shot move, which I think he got the hang of later. I indicated that at a later stage he should start working on his left, and he seemed to be against that.

Later Phil arrived. I felt kinda bad, because initially he said he didn't want to come due to his leg hurting from Wednesday, and I asked him to come anyway because we'd have quite a few people. Now, it was just us three.

I had Nick work on that post move against Phil, and made him do it ten times, then ten times against me. He said it felt better, and that he just needed repetition.

The three of us also went through the play that Colin taught us the first time we met. It seemed to work ok, I just wished the whole team was there to go through it. We also worked on fast breaks and the three man weave a bit.

Any was supposed to come, but he said he was coming from the markets or something. Then by 11am, we called it stumps and I messaged Any, and it sounded like from his reply he was still at home.

I walked off into the distance across the cricket field, somewhat glad that the three of us had at least a productive training session.

In the afternoon, I had intended to go vacuum the car and go out and buy some Pringles (since they were two for $5), but when I got to the car, I realised my dad had already taken it to the dealer for a wash, so I just went for a drive to the sea side, picturing taking Naby there one day, and then went to the Wick to get the Pringles.

Today
Plan was to get to the courts at 7am and finish off my threes then meet A for swimming.

Reality: I woke up at 7:45am, and figured I'd need to leave at 8:30am to meet A anyway, so scrapped that.

I met A as usual for swimming, and we talked about budgets and stuff. All lanes were full, so we had to split lanes. I went into one with a lady swimming up and down. I thought she was going at a fairly fast speed, but thought maybe I could sorta keep up. Although I kept pace for the first three to four laps, I needed a rest after that, and was remarkably slower from then on.

What made it worse was that towards the end, a third person entered, so now I had to keep up to speed with two people. I really thought about quitting, but struggled and finished my last two laps to complete my ten. I was so glad when I got out. I watched as A finished his laps, and we sat and talked a bit before going to change.

He drove me home as usual, and then after a short rest, I went out to the courts. I wanted to finish off my threes, but a lot of people were there, and the ring I was at meant that my shots either went into the grass, or onto someone else's court.

So instead of resuming from the spot where I had left off, I started shooting from around the top of the key. I had made about four threes when this guy came over and asked me to play. I was secretly hoping he had come from the court where there were two girls playing, but it wasn't my luck.

His name was Dave, and on our walk to the court, we passed that father and son duo who I had played with a couple of weeks ago. They wanted in too, so they joined. Once at the court, there was another father and son duo, a short but clearly older Asian guy, and a bald white guy who couldn't really play.

We played a game, but then the son of the second duo got corked in his leg or something and had to leave after we finished the game. I'm not sure if it was me, but if it was, I surely didn't feel anything.

I played alright in that game, hitting a few bank shots. Dave kept screening for me and smiled each time I hit one.

Then in the next three on three game, I was guarding him, and he seemed to pay particular attention to everything I did. He'd tell me to shoot it, and when I missed, he'd smile at me. WTF??

I was wearing my grey/red shoes, and nearly turned my ankle when playing D, so reminded myself not to play too hard. In the end, it was Dave who hurt himself, as he chased a loose ball and tripped over the father's foot, twisting his ankle. I didn't know how to feel - good if he was wishing for me to miss my shots, and bad if he was just trying to be friendly.

He sat out from then on, and we grabbed a few guys from another court and played two full court games. I was very conscious of my knee, and played like it. But I did enjoy the running.

I left after that, walking off feeling like avoiding an injury was an achievement.

I went home, had a shower, then drove my dad to the pool. I went to pick Malay up form his place. I called, sent a message, and called, but no response. He must've been sleeping. At one point I looked up and sat a guy in a mini-van looking at me. I looked at him and then looked away, thinking maybe he wanted my parking spot or something.

Then he called out my name. I looked again and it was George Papa! Wow, I got out of my car and went over to have a chat with him. It was a pleasant surprise to see him. He largely looked the same, but maybe just a little bit less hair at the front.

He said he'd been doing a lot of things over the years - he'd been a chef, a bartender, a real estate agent, and now he was a strata manager. He seemed to be doing alright, having an investment property near where I live. Again, it made me realise how much time and money I'd wasted by gambling.

After a while we parted, and then I decided to go pick Brain up instead. So I picked him up, and we talked about winning the lotto. Malay called so we picked him up, and we drove to Newtown.

They showed me a new way to get there, which in hindsight should be quicker due to less traffic congestion. We drove past Naby's shop, and I swear, it was a weird feeling. It was almost as if it'd be normal for me to go in. I was also conscious that maybe she'd be around (it was 2pm) and she'd see me driving.

We parked near Franklins and walked around a bit. We checked our lotto ticket, but didn't win anything. As Brain lined up, Malay waited outside. I initially went to wait with Brain, thinking what if we'd won but he decided not to tell us. Then I told myself to stop being so insecure and walked away leaving him there by himself.

We walked around a bit more before settling for an Indian restaurant. The food was quite nice, but I was very full afterwards. We talked about the usual stuff. I liked how Malay was able to guess who I was referring to in my fb status update which said "wow, one of my friends is really dumb" - referring to G, whose profile picture currently is of him lying down on the railway tracks.

We walked around a bit before returning to the car. I dropped Malay off as he had work, and then we went to pick up Shuing. G met us at Chinksford, and we ended up having coffee at Gloria Jeans.

I felt sorry for G, because from the start, it was like we had planned to interrogate him about Sally, when in fact Shuing just wanted to question him about her. It really did feel like cross-examination.

After that we talked about Ele, Amanda, Sally again, and basically anyone. I find it funny that Shuing can have such an interest in people who he has never met, or who he has met only once or twice.

Also, the vibe when Shuing around is suddenly tense. We all have to watch what we say, and he gets defensive very easily. It's like I have to avoid debating with him.

We stayed there until 7pm, when I suggested we leave. I dropped Shuing off first, then Brain. Then I went to the office to switch work shirts, and then went to get some petrol.

Ah, the weekend goes by too fast.

Naby
I can afford to see Naby this coming Saturday!!! I must admit, maybe it's because we haven't had sex for a while and so the chemical reaction isn't there, but I haven't missed her as much during this period of absence as the last period of absence. Even for a split second while I was driving home, I queried whether I should even continue seeing her, or whether I should start seeing someone else.

But now that I'm home, I've begun to wonder if I should text her. Now would be too soon, but maybe tomorrow? Or Thursday when I finish my list. Hmmm. I miss her.

2-4 / Wax!!!

2011-05-19T21:33:00.006+10:00

I haven't had court all this week and won't be tomorrow either, so work has been pretty cruisy. I've actually returned a bit to that "hmmm, what the hell can I do for the next 8 hours" state. Today I busied myself watching videos of interviews and CCTV footage.

Yesterday after work I was to meet Phil and Any at Town Hall. Where I waited there was a line of people waiting to go into the hall for something. The queue started covering me and I was sure neither Phil nor Any would be able to see me. There was a volunteer chick organising the queue who I thought was kinda cute, and she kinda looked at me a few times but I didn't say anything.

Phil called and said he had to finish something at work and that he'd meet me at the courts. Then Any called saying he was nearby, and then he saw me. Recently I'd been wondering, what if he actually didn't want to play with us, and that money was just an excuse? Doesn't that mean that by paying for him, we basically forced him to play for us? So I tried to detect any reluctance from him tonight.

On the train there we talked a bit about his life so far in Sydney, the NBA and our basketball team. He seemed a bit quiet on the train, but was more talkative once we got off.

At the court, we saw Nick already there. He said white Mike wasn't coming because he was sick, and I just received a message from Abi saying he couldn't make it because he just finished work. Phil also called saying he was at Town Hall, but said he didn't have his shoes. Mike was also sick and Bo was at a work dinner.

So when game time started, it was Nick, Any, Angelo and me. Great, welcome back to the good ole' days of struggling to get five every night.

We played the Lizards, a team full of big tall but old guys. It was a sure win for us if we had a full team. But now, not so sure.

We started the game off ok, even though we were trailing by eight most of the time. When I saw Phil arrive, he was standing at the wrong bench. I pointed him to our bench, and he asked where everyone was. I didn't have time to explain, and pointed again to our bench. I called time out to give him time, but then he said he didn't have his shoes. Any said to give him my other pair which I had used to walk there.

I said to myself, this is why I don't like rookies now, because they make rookie mistakes, like forgetting to bring their shoes.

He put my shoes on and seemed to fiddle around with them. I was glad when he came on so we were at full strength - sorta.

Nick made some really good plays, most notable his numerous blocks. They were good, clean blocks made in mid-air, one which I caught from the best angle as he swatted it away with his left hand. The other team had a guy who was a sports journalist who was really dirty. I saw Nick fall to the floor, and the guy dropped on top of him and then thudded his elbow into Nick. Wow.

The shit thing was there was only one ref. I was pissed about that, because when we have duty and there's one ref, we have to provide a ref. So why was there only one ref now, when there were three guys at the duty table???

The ref made some pretty bad calls/non-calls, but I don't think it was because he was bad, he just couldn't see everything because he was the only ref.

I scored four points in the first half. I missed my first jumper, then hit my next. Then I got a fastbreak where I was running towards the basket. The fat guy was already by my side. I could tell a collision was coming, and my number one concern was my knee.

As I neared the basket, I ran into him with just enough force to absorb the hit yet protect my knee, and drew the foul. I quickly went to the line and did what Steve Nash always does - shoot the ball without the ball. I desperately wanted to hit them. I told myself two points right here could make a big difference. And I hit both.

At halftime, Angelo grouped us altogether and told us to stick together. I really liked that. But the second half was a totally different story. Nick yelled out "fuck!", got a tech, and that was his fifth foul. Far out.

Then after a while, Phil picked up

Beach touch footy with Ele

2011-05-17T20:01:00.003+10:00

On Sunday morning I met up with A for swimming as he had returned from America. As usual, he was seated at the table when I got there. After some minor banter I asked him about his trip, and that pretty much dominated our conversations for the rest of the time. He was so excited to talk about America, it made me want to go there.

We had to split lanes because every lane was taken. I shared a lane with a lady who I could tell wanted to stick close by behind me to avoid crossing eachother in the middle. The only problem with that was I stopped after every three laps due to tiredness. I ended up doing ten laps altogether. I didn't feel too bad or out of it, and the water was pretty warm for winter.

A and I sat at the pool side for a while after talking about America. Then we went in to change and he kept talking about then he drove me home.

I had planned to go straight to the courts, but wanted to eat something first, and ended up bumming around on the net for a while before I finally got off my lazy ass and got to the courts at about noon. I was so eager to do my threes, I started them even though I knew I wouldn't have much time.

I got the first ten done fairly easily and then struggled a bit with the second ten. I kept telling myself I'd be late for Ele's thing but I had to finish them before I left. Finally I made my 20 and left. It can be so sweet sometimes when you have perfect form and the ball goes in exactly the right way so that it automatically comes back to you.

I had planned to drop by the office first to pick up my clothes, but then I'd really be late, so I skipped that. I went home, had a shower, and then headed off to Coogee beach.

I found parking fairly easily, but that was probably because it was kinda far away from the main beach area. Ele had called just as I arrived and she said they were at Macca's, so I walked there. Being in thongs meant it was a bit of a slow walk, and when I got there, I found no one in Macca's.

I called her as I went outside and she said they were at a cafe near Macca's, and then I saw Young's friend Samuel waving at me.

Prick.

I walked up to him and shook his hand, and he led me to the table where they were sitting. There was Young and two girls I had never seen before. I waved, said hello, and they just smiled back.

Wow, tough crowd.

Young told me to introduce myself and I said my name, and they said their names were Sandra and I can't remember the other one. I saw Ele standing in the cafe ordering something. When she saw me, that familiar smile spread across her face and she waved. When she came over, she said Sandra was from her work and I can't remember where she said the other girl was from.

I noticed that they all managed to walk away, leaving Sandra and I sitting there. Sandra kept turning to look at them, as if asking for help with the one on one situaiton - something I would've done if I was nervous. I didn't find her attractive, so I was able to make small talk with her.

I was glad when everyone came back, and we waited for a guy called Bill to arrive. He turned out to be a bald guy in glasses. Looked a little familiar but I could not be sure. We then headed to Samuel's car to get the balls and then we walked to the beach.

I noticed everyone was wearing jeans or some form of pants. Hmmm. I guess G wasn't alone when he decided to wear jeans to the beach. I noticed Ele and Young were wearing socks on the sand. More hmmm.

We passed the footy around a bit before Ele had me teach everyone how to play touch footy. Given how no one knew anything about it, I think we did a pretty good job, even though everyone was offside and shit. We played that for a while, and everyone must've thought we were all tourists or something.

I was surprised to see Jenny later arrive, and more surprised with a guy. I mean, I don't exactly keep up with her at all, but I just sorta thought she felt she was too good for any guy. Ok, so I was surprised she turned up, and the guy was a bit of a boofhead. However, I could not decide whether he was a better choice than Brain or not.

We sat around for a break, and then we went over to a vacant volleyball net to play volleyball. We were there for about five minutes before some cunts came over and said they were part of the volleyball club so they had to take over. Cunts.

That made us play badminton for a while. I had one go at it then quit, finding it too hard. This is one of the rare occasions where I didn't give a sport a go.

I sat and stood around for a while before that Jenny girl came over and started talking to me. I think she did it because she noticed I felt left out, what with everyone either playing badminton or speaking Mandarin. We exchanged some pleasantries before everyone decided to finish up.

We went to the same cafe as before for a drink. I was pretty hungry so I ordered some wedges, being happy to share. I noticed Samuel got a fair bit though, hmmm. I was happy to share with everyone except him.

Ele would occasionally pick up that I was left out of the Mandarin dialogue and translate for me what they were talking about. I couldn't helop but stare at Bill's very receded hairline. Mine is bad, but I think his is worse. Damn receding hairline genes! Damn you!!!

I was kinda glad when someone suggested leaving, cause I was getting a bit bored. I had a $50 note, and it was no split bills, so I paid and everyone paid me their share. Jenny said she calculated it to be $7.50 each, so I just took whatever money people gave me. When I returned to my car, I realised that it was a lot more than I should have...$7.50 x 8 = $60. Hmmm.

I drove back home to drop off some stuff, then drove out to the city to pick up my suit from the office and swap it with another one, since I wanted to walk to work the next day. I also got some stuff from Coles and then went home.

Thai's baby

2011-05-15T21:28:00.004+10:00

On Saturday I went to shoot a bit of hoops in the morning before picking up Phil. To be honest, I wanted to work on my threes. Seeing how the last practice helped me shoot so efficiently on Wednesday night, I wanted more. I wanted more perfection.

But I hadn't given myself enough time, and so didn't get any threes done. I dropped my mom off at Wick and then drove out to pick up Phil. I had forgotten the route I always took when driving to uni, so I took the long path which really used up time.

I was about 10 minutes late picking him up, and then we had a bit of trouble finding the place because we didn't know the exact address, even though it was such a moumental location.

We got there and went into the basketball stadium. I was quite amazed once we were on the floor, even though it seemed like only 1/3 had been open for us. To play within an arena where there are so many seats surrounding it is pretty damn amazing. Just imagine if all the lights were on and the stadium was full.

We didn't know anyone who was shooting around so we just started shooting on one court. Soon, we started a full court game. I actually recognised one or two of the guys, but not sure if they recognised me.

After the first game, William arrived. I find him to be somewhat peculiar - he is so sociable and is always updating stuff on facebook, but it's actually quite hard to have a one on one conversation with him.

We won the first game and then lost the second. There was a guy wearing green shorts and glasses on our team who was a real fucking hog. He didn't have shooting form, so I could only assume he was shit, but he made a lot of shots. Given that, I didn't really care, but seriously, I don't think he passed it once.

After that, I switched teams because William sat out two games and I just let him take my spot. That meant I landed on another team. It was ok, at least there was a big guy. He had post up moves, but didn't really try much. The other guard was a bit of a prick. I was guarding him in earlier games and thought he looked like a girl. He was telling me where to go after I passed it to him, which I didn't understand because his English sucked.

At one point I got a steal and ran down the length of the court. The opposing guard wasn't far behind me when I got the ball and gave chase. I dashed down towards the basket, looked too many times behind at him, probably because I feared he'd catch up, but to my surprise, I out-ran him and made the layup. Wow. Maybe my legs are back.

The rest of the games were pretty ordinary. I really felt like getting another steal and running the length of the court, but never got the chance.

Afterwards, I dropped Phil back at his place. During the ride, he said I should lead the team. Hmmm. I was flattered, but I didn't want the responsibility again - maybe my selfish traits would come out again. I thought about it, which meant silence to his suggestions.

I then met Malay at his place. He came out a bit late because he was sleeping, so by then I told him I needed to give the car back to my dad by 4pm, and it was already 2pm, so we decided he'd drive. I went back to my place to park the car and changed into my pants, and then met him downstairs.

I called G and Shuing to see if they wanted to come out to get presents for Thai's baby. I was surprised that G would rather go to karaoke then see Thai's baby, but wasn't surprised he'd rather eat lunch at home than come out with us (to save money). Shuing just said he wasn't available. He's very reclusive and mysterious still, so I don't press him.

We went to pick up Brain, and then went to the shopping centre near me. We got some food from the fish and chips stall first before going to Pumpkin Patch to get something for Thai's baby. I don't know if Brain did it out of frugality or ordinary thinking, but he just got him bibs. Malay had earlier gotten him a bear suit. I got him matching gloves and shoes.

We then went to Thai's place. I swear as we went in, I was conscious of the issue as to whether we needed to take our shoes off or not, and I didn't see Brain take off his shoes, so I didn't either. But later as we were sitting there, Thai said to me to take off my shoes or else his wife would chuck a fit. Damn.

After watching some of Malay's computer files a bit too loudly, Thai's wife came out with the baby. I held it for a bit before it started crying. I noticed his wife had changed the same way Bush had changed - there was a lot of fat around the face, which aged her substantially. Damn.

She went back into her room later, returning us to more tv watching. We ended up watching a lot of movie trailers on youtube. I don't know if Thai was feeling bad about the comment he made about my hair the night before, or if it was true, but he pointed to a Chinese actor fighting and said I looked a bit like him. I could not see the resemblance, but I wish it were true. However, I also didn't see the resemblance when J once said I looked like Shawn Marion.

I was getting tired and was glad Malay suggested leaving. I could probably guess Thai's wife wasn't too impressed with us dropping by unexpectedly.

During this time, I kept thinking in my mind that I should avoid Thai's situaiton. I don't mean getting married and having a kid, but looking at him living in the back of his parents' place, in such a small room (which had now been sub-divided into three smaller rooms), I could imagine the stress it would place on his wife. I want to be financially comfortable when I start a family.

I walked home after that, thinking about it.

Job interview / Fast and Furious 5

2011-05-15T20:22:00.003+10:00

So on Thursday I had my job interview. I had it all planned out. I got there at 9am, starting working on my sentencing matter the next day. Then I'd stop at 11am and start preparing for my job interview. BUT, I ended up going over, mainly due to things popping up here and there, and only got to start preparing at about noon.

I would get tired of reading every now and then and take a break by walking somewhere and then back to my desk. At close to 1pm, I left and went downstairs for my interview. For some reason I suspected it may have been at 1:45pm, but I thought it'd be safer to go now.

I went down feeling nervous as shit. I couldn't believe this weird feeling - feeling nervous in my own building, going for a job with my own company, being interviewed by my own boss. Government jobs are strange.

I went down to the reception area and took a seat. There was an old man waiting there. The receptionist smiled at me. I sat there like a total newbie. After waiting for a while, I went to her and asked if my interview was at 1pm. She checked and said it was at 1:45pm, and that they had gone to lunch. She apologised for not telling me, saying she thought I was there for something else.

Great, now I'll be feeling nervous for the next 45 minutes.

It was Imad's birthday, and no one seemed to be getting him a cake. Deciding I had had enough of preparing, or studying, I went out to get him a cupcake. The damn girl wouldn't even sell me a box if I bought one, so I had to buy two.

I went back and put it on his chair and wrote him an email.

I then went down to the reception area. I said to her "I can't be wrong this time". Not funny.

I sat and waited again. She had said "one of them is already in there". I then saw Paul walk by, saying it wouldn't be long. Then DS came along and said "it's my fault" lol.

I waited a bit longer, picturing them talking about me before asking me to come in. Finally, Paul opened the door and led me inside. The setting was exactly the same as the one I had when I first applied. Everyone seated with sufficient space between them, water in exquisite glasses and containers, and not a speckle of dust in sight.

Paul said there'd be five questions, and he'd start. He said the first question was easy, and he'd even answer it for me, which was "did I know there is a pros policy", well duh, and he said yes. As I looked at him, I thought "damn Mary for calling him Mr Burns, now I can't get that out of my head!"

So the real first question he asked was why is there this pros policy. The second question he asked was what I understood prima facie case to mean.

Ellen then had the next two questions, which were problem based questions. The first was what would I do if I gave work to my PLO who didn't do it. I ended up answering it like a roleplay where Ellen was my PLO, and DS joked that they didn't expect that and laughed. I noticed Paul chipping in with some questions. I can't remember her other question.

DS asked the last question, which was what would I do if I was a list officer and in a ind matter, the defence came to me saying they had a once only offer to plead in the LC. I insisted I wouldn't proceed without instructions from the guy with carriage, but they seemed to push this example very far to make it difficult for me.

When it came to me asking questions, I asked how many positions there were, which they didn't really answer. Then I said something stupid like asking not to be transferred anytime soon because I wanted to fully learn an area before moving on. Damn.

It looked like, to me, DS was covering his mouth trying not to laugh at the end. Ellen was just looking at me. My insecurities tell me they were all thinking "wow, this guy turned out to be a bimbo". Hmmm.

I went back up afterwards, had a chat with Moira about it, then worked on my matter for sentence the next day. I stayed back pretty late, till about 7pm. Kim from finance was the last to leave before me. She came to my room and told me how their finance division would be moving. I was kinda like "yeah yeah, just let me do my work", but

2-3

2011-05-12T22:27:00.001+10:00

If there ever was a solid work day, Monday was it. I felt like I got a good variety of things done all in one day, topped off by preparing for my job interview at the end of the day. Well done.

On Tuesday I was in court for a matter. Mary had given it to me, so she had done all the negotiations beforehand. I'd heard from her and various other sources that the lady from the other side was a bit dodgy, so I was on the lookout.

I waited at court and when I saw her, I approached her and we went outside to have a chat. It became hostile as soon as I said I wasn't going to withdraw charges because she wasn't going to do what was agreed. We went back into court and our disagreement came up, only to have the mag send us back outside.

This is where it gets spicy. She started yelling at me about how unfair we were being, and I kept referring her to our letter which she had agreed to. Her eyes got wider and wider, and she said "I don't care what the letter says". I must admit, I was a bit shaken up, causing me to stutter profusely and avoid eye contact. Lucky I had my cop there. But on the other hand, I felt like punching her in the face.

We walked back into court and I thought calmly.

Wait a minute, she can do whatever she wants, but we'll just withdraw the charges she wanted and we'll be back to our original position.

So that's what we did. I was a bit quiet when the matter was mentioned, people probably thought I was still shaken up but I was just trying to think calmly and rationally.

After that I could sense the cop was trying to comfort me telling me she had yelled at him before too. When I went back to the office, Moira and Steve were in Mary's room talking. I walked in, smiling. Mary asked why I was smiling and Moira said something was up, lol.

I told them about it and we talked about it for the next 10 minutes or so. I was pretty much over it by that stage, but just couldn't believe how rude she was.

On Wednesday I was working away quietly when I got a message from Ele inviting me out to lunch. I had bought my bread and soup this week, but it was her, so I decided to go.

I went to our usual meeting spot at the corner of Woolies and looked around for her. I didn't have my glasses on, but was sure I'd recognise her anyway. I waited about 10 minutes, looking through the crowd each time the traffic lights changed for people to cross. Finally I saw her approaching the middle of the intersection, and gesturing if I wanted to go in another direction.

I met with her in the intersection and we walked to that building where we had previously had Japanese. She had asked earlier via text whether I wanted to go to touch footy on the beach on Sunday, so we talked about that a bit. We found the Japanese restaurant to be quite crowded, so we went upstairs to another Japanese restaurant. This one didn't have sushi, it was more like noodle based. She wanted sushi, but due to time constraints she settled for this.

I wrote my name down and took a number and we waited for a table. We waited about five minutes before we got a table by ourselves. She had curry chicken and rice and I had a ramen. We talked about work, the others, and a bit about life in general. She found out that I was only about 20 days younger than her - all this time she thougth I was a few years younger. I asked how old Young was and she avoided the topic by saying "he's a kid". Sometimes I wonder if the reason I didn't end up with Ele is because she had all these misapprehensions about me.

I said God saw an evil girl in her being born, so he had to create a good guy to defeat her, which was me, 20 days later. It made her laugh in that really cute way. Towards she end she asked if she was a difficult person. I said she wasn't, and if she was I wouldn't meet up with her.

She received a text on her phone and said she had to go (I had to go as well, since I was well over my one hour lunch break). She went to the cashier with a bit of initiative, and I suspected she was going to pay. When the girl said the cost, Ele paid and walked away. When I tried to give her my money, she refused to take it and said I was embarassing her. She said she was a VIP there and I was embarassing her, and that no one acknowledged her because they were all scared.

She kept asking if she was a difficult person as we traveled down the escalator. I said she wasn't, but couldn't really come up with a 'good' answer to put her concerns at ease. She seemed to think that I would think she was a difficult person last year because she was grumpy by not coming out as much. I said I just assumed she was busy.

We parted ways and I walked back hurriedly to my office.

After work I met with Phil to go to bball together. Because it was just us two, we got to find out about eachother a bit more on the train. I found it kinda odd that we both speak Cantonese, but we speak to eachother in English. However, I did find his accent to be a bit strong at times.

I showed him the shortcut from the station to the courts, which I vaguely remembered. We got to the courts first, then Nick came then Mike came. I started to warm up a bit by running around.

We had a 'small' team tonight because Bo was overseas, Any said he can't afford it, and the white Mike could only play the first 10 minutes as he had to play for his other team which only had four.

I started the game, and when I went around shaking hands with the other team, it was like all this was coming back to me. I hadn't done that for so long, I almost didn't know what to do. It almost felt odd.

Both teams scored back and forth at about the same rate, but we built up a small lead. I hit my first shot, when I was standing inside the three point line around the elbow, someone passed it to me and I quickly shot it, and was surprised it went in.

Later, I got another bucket by basically walking through the D and doing a little floater. We had a small lead by halftime.

In the second half, I missed a three, but then later I hit almost the same shot, with my toe on the line. I thought "hey damn, I'm on fire tonight". I took myself off for Phil after five minites, figuring I'd give him the unimportant time in case the game came close. Indeed, they caught up and took the lead. I went on for Phil with about six minutes to go. We couldn't get our offense going. Abi was cold from outside, and Nick missed about six free throws in total. Angelo started showing some signs by driving but it was too late. I hit a baseline jumper late in the game to end up with eight points.

It was a game we could've won, but didn't. Oh well.

Afterwards we had to do duty and ref, and Nick chucked a fit about paying and having to be a ref. I didn't want to do it so tried to get Mike to do it, but he was stubborn so I had to do it. I did an ok job, but after halftime another ref became free and he took over. But then later he had to go so I got back into the game. I thought I reffed pretty well throughout, EXCEPT the last call I made.

The blue team was down by three, and this guy stole the ball but I called a foul. Immediately I knew it was the wrong call but I couldn't reverse it. I was surprised he didn't chuck a psych. They ended up losing.

I caught the train back with Nick and Phil. They got something to eat at Macca's first. Nick was really persistent in offering me his chicken nuggets, and I declined. We came to an agreement whereby I'd split the cost of the 'extra' team fee because we lost the discount, and Any;s game fees.

I got off the train and went to buy a KFC burger, hehe.

The next Naby step

2011-05-08T21:12:00.001+10:00

Ever since Tuesday night when Naby actually told me she sometimes thought about me, my mind has been ramping. Why did she say that? She already said it in the message the night before. Did she feel the need to say it in person? Was my reaction the right one?

In any event, it feels to me like we've taken the next step. It seems like we've both admitted somewhat that we like eachother - kinda. I can't help but wonder where this will lead.

I was serious when I told her I wanted to take her to a hotel one day. Ever since, I've been fantasising about it in my mind. At first I pictured booking the casino hotel, but then didn't want to re-visit my gambling ways, and worst of all, I did not want to start her on such a filthy habit (imagine if she got addicted, oh god).

I figured it'd be safe to take her to one near by. I want a classy one, and am willing to pay. I want it to be special. I figure it'll be near the harbour, so I can take her to the aquarium, the zoo, bowling, pool, and have a nice dinner at night. The sex isn't too important.

I even had a dream about it - but it was just where I woke up to see her message on my phone, saying something like "I've gone home". :(

But I do think about the realities of it - will we be able to bond outside of the shop? Outside of the bedroom? What will we talk about? I mean, seriously, I've known her for more than a year now but I can honestly say, we don't really talk about anything substantive. We just have sex and cuddle. It's like the best part of any relationship. It's like we've managed to stretch out the honeymoon phase to a year. It's like we've managed to cut the best bit out of a cake/muffin/dish and focus on that.

But how will we act when out in public? Will we be affectionate? Awkward? Awkward silence? What if we have absolutely nothing to talk about?

Those are my greatest worries. But then at times I do think I can pull this off IF I can tell myself just to have fun and not take things too seriously. Let myself go.

That is the exact opposite of the natural me who tends to think more long term: is this a step towards something more serious? Could I end up marrying her? Would she ever leave her industry? Could she really forget about all that? I do want to talk to her about it, but fear that it then gets too serious.

Or hell, maybe I'm just thinking too much and she would never even consider going out with me.

One another thing I've felt - as good as it was for her to say that, a small part of me is asking "really? Do you really want her?" One might call it cold feet, others may call it something else. Maybe it's my "you like then when they like you, and they like you when you don't like them" syndrome, but a small part of me lost a small part of interest thinking that she may genuinely like me.

I think too much.

Dinner with Bush, Carry and HHH

2011-05-08T20:22:00.003+10:00

Yesterday's plan was to get to the courts early to finish those 55 shots, but I slept in a bit and got to the courts at 9ish. To my surprise, a lot of people were there, mainly young kids, and a lot of rings were turned around from netball. I walked through the courts, and didn't feel like joining in any of them so I kept on walking.

I was about to walk to Central, but then realised there were courts at the high school nearby that I've always thought about checking out. I didn't want to go to the ones right by the street as they were too visible, but I've previously noticed courts near the centre of the school.

I walked in, feeling like a trespasser, and saw a guy shooting around. He definitely looked older than a high school student, so I was glad I wasn't the only one there who shouldn't have been.

I warmed up just by shooting around, felt a bit silly doing suicides at an unfamiliar court, and got straight into my shots. The good thing about these courts was the lack of wind, since there were buildings around. The bad thing was the court was pretty dirty, making the ball dirty and slippery. Also, it didn't help that a lot of times the ball rolled off into the dirt.

I started off ok, then at around the 20-30th shot I felt like I got hot a bit and had a streak going. Then right in the middle of it to the latter part I felt tired and really had to mentally keep my form, and struggled a lot. Finally finished and was glad I completed the 55, making that 110 from two weeks ago (I decided to not count completely the ones I did last week).

I felt good about myself as I packed up and started walking home. My legs were a bit tired, and I could feel my abs got a bit of a workout from all that jumping. Also got that annoying flesh scratch on the back of my right heel caused by my shoe.

When I got home I checked my phone (I hadn't taken it to bball) and saw Phil had messaged me to come to bball and there was a missed call from Bo. I called Bo back and I could hear that he was at the courts. He asked if I wanted to come out to watch the playoffs, and I said yes. Phil's message was something like "get up and come to bball" which I found kinda funny - people seem to assume I sleep in (their version of 'sleep in') but it would surprise many that by 10am I've already done more exercise than they'd do in a day.

Anyway, I had a shower and headed out. I met them on the main street and we went to a pub on Park Street. They were showing the game on one of the small screens, but Bo asked and they switched it to one of the bigger tvs. I was starving as I hadn't had breakfast so I wanted to order something to eat. Phil already said he'd get drinks, and he covered the chips as well, so that was pretty nice of him. Need to remember to shout next time.

We watched Game 3 of the Dalls/LA series. Can't believe LA lost, now they're down 0-3. Kobe took a ridiculous shot late in the game, and they were leading. Peja came back to life. I thought he'd be good as dead, but he still had some life in him.

During the game, I noticed two things:

1. Bo definitely had a drinking problem. I think he had three drinks. Into his second or third drink, I made a joke about the triad, and then he put on a Vietnamese accent, talking about a guy called Tony Ma. I could see he was drunk, and he had this semi-aggressive state in his voice. It was not nice.

2. He mentioned somehting about cutting up his credit cards in the past, and Phil seemed to know about this. So maybe he has a spending problem or something.

It was nice to watch a game with them, but not so nice with drunk Bo. I was glad to get out of there as we parted at the train station. I thought about going to get some KFC to eat, but instead caught a bus home.

The car was home so I ended up driving to the Wick to get three wicked wings, and then went home to eat it with bread for lunch. Mmm, yum.

I wanted to take a nap, but only ended up bumming around and going to the gym before going to the dinner with the uni group.

This is the second time I've been to the gym at the Wick since they refurbished the locker rooms. It still feels unfamiliar to me. I did the bike, some basic weights and some abs. I really struggled with the abs, damn you long absences.

I went straight from there to the dinner. I really underestimated the drive time. I gave myself one hour to drive there and it took longer than that, thanks to the city traffic and lack of parking once I got there. I messaged Carry to keep her up to date - after that time when I was late to Bush's house, I've been scared of her ever since.

I had to park in a car park that was opposite the main car park since there was no room at all in the main one. When I got there I saw Carry, HHH and Bush. HHH seemed to be a bit chubbier, but I could be wrong. They told me Shady and Kylie cancelled, probably because they thought eachother was coming.

We ordered and had some nice talks during the night. We talked about work a lot, but in an informal funny kinda way. I found that Carry laughed at a lot of my jokes. I probably hadn't seen HHH for, what, two years? Damn. I sat next to Bush and noticed she had a few strands of hair covering her face. Ever since that night with Naby where I brushed back the hair from her face, I've been having that urge whenever I see it with other girls - got the same urge when I saw Ele on Friday.

After dinner we wanted to go to Max Brenna for dessert, but there was a long queue, so we went to the Coffee Club instead. HHH and Carry went to the bathroom, so Bush and I went in and ordered first. We made a bit of a joke about how the girl gave us take away and HHH and Carry eat-in.

I don't know why, but I felt more comfortable with this group now than before. Maybe because there was no awkward hugging.

At about 10:30pm Bush called it quits by playing the "if it takes you an hour to get home, then we should go" card, which I didn't realise at the time.

When I went to the car park, my heart froze. Both gates were closed. Uh-oh. I called Bush and asked her to wait around, and she was happy to (although probably a bit annoyed inside).

I found my way inside the shopping mall through a "no public access" entrance, and then went down into the car park. I got totally lost trying to find my car, I didn't know where I was heading. Bush had called and I could only tell her I was inside looking for my car. She suggested coming to pick me up so we could look together, but at that moment I spotted my car.

Thank god!

Now I just needed to find a way out. The important thing was finding my car. Worst case scenario is I'd just take a piss in the corner and sleep in my car. But I drove past a worker on a cigarette break and asked her how to get out. She said she'd show me the exit and started walking. I asked if she wanted to get in and she said it was alright. God I must've seemed like a stalker.

She showed me the exit and said the automatic gates would open once I got there. I thanked her and sped over, hoping she was right. Indeed, the gates did open up. I called Bush and said I was alright, and thanked her for waiting.

I drove peacefully back home, half looking to fill up with petrol, and half looking for a street race. I got neither as I arrived back home.

Today
Plan was to wash the car in the morning and then go into the office afterwards. I ended up driving to the supermarket in the morning to buy the weeks groceries, and then went back home to eat breakfast.

My parents took the car, so I thought I'd go to work and then come back to wash it, but bummed around home all day and then took a nap. When they came back, I finally washed it. It was so dirty, you could feel the layers of dust on it. It wasn't visibly dirty, but for my standards, I hadn't washed it for probably about a month, and thta's dirty for me.

I was quite proud to make it all shiny and new afterwards. It was peaceful to do too. I thought about Naby, and about my gambling past.

After that, I went back up and bummed around on the net. I thought about going to the office, even though it was about 4pm, but then decided to just leave it and go in early tomorrow. But then you know what, I read about and watched Rondo playing with a dislocated elbow, and thought, fuck that, if he can work so hard, then so should I.

And with that, I caught a bus out to the city. I went into the office and worked on my upcoming files for the week. Plan was to finish them and then read up on stuff for the interview this week, but by 6:30pm I had done most of them and figured I wanted to sleep on one of them, so I left and went home.

Dinner with G, Sally, Amanda and Karen

2011-05-07T16:46:00.004+10:00

On Wednesday I sat in for Mary in her CCA matter. I saw EO and Bengo there, and when I told them where I was working now, Bengo was like "why?" lol. It was also the same judge that I had in that two year job with Michael D. Wonder what he thought of me now working for the other side.

Not long into it, Mary tapped me on the shoulder to let me know she had arrived. I asked if she wanted to sit in but she wanted me to remain there. I must admit I felt a bit of pressure knowing I was being watched, even though really all I had to do was sit there and take notes. I did do one thing productive though, which was provide a date when the judge asked for it.

Afterwards Mary, WR, the cop and I went upstairs for a coffee. I just had an orange juice, courtesy of WR. It turned into an hour long session of WR and Mary gossiping back and forth about the past and others who remain in the profession today. From that I got quite a bit, but probably didn't know half the people they were talking about. I always figured lawyers would be decent, normal people. Apparently not.

As I sat there, I realised I must now start planning "one hour coffee breaks" into my work schedule if this was what it was going to be like. I was glad when the cop suggested leaving, even though we remained there for another 15 minutes.

I walked home that day after work, always finding it peaceful.

On Thursday I was in court, had Moira's matter and mine, which used to be Sarah's. They were in two different courtrooms, so I had to go between the different levels every now and then. I figured I'd do Moira's first but the other side didn't show up. Luckily I had the interpreter there to let me know when they'd arrive, so I went up to do my own.

Got absolutely blasted by the mag (who I recognised from a similar experience) for asking for more time, and so did the other side. Maybe I'm getting older now, but it didn't affect me much. I just stood there and took it, and then walked out of there thinking it was kinda funny. It was good at least to share something like this with the other side, as opposed to when both parties are going at you.

I was pretty glad when I got both matters done because it meant I'd have time to do other work back in the office. I've started to realise that sometimes there can be way too much court work in this branch. I'm still trying to adjust to that.

After work I was to meet with Amanda, her friend Karen and G for dinner. I only really suggested it because I felt sorry for Amanda. When she asked me for tennis, I just gave a short "yeah sure" which she may have seen as a rude brush off. I know it's wrong to 'mislead' someone, even though it's because I feel sorry for them, but yeah.

Anyway, G had 'entered a relationship' a few days ago with a girl called Sally. From what Shuing says, she's another Michelle. But on the day, G calls me and tells me he's bringing along Sally, which really fucked up the whole structure of the thing. I tried to get Shuing but he just got home and couldn't be arsed coming out unless someone drove him, and William was too tired (found that surprising for a guy who goes out nearly every night).

I was tempted to blame G's total lack of common sense, but I could picture Sally asking him what he was doing, him telling her truthfully, and then her demanding to go along with him. What's a guy to do in that situation?

So after work, I went to the Town Hall steps to wait for them. I waited for a bit before I spotted Amanda walking past. She didn't see me so I went up to her and called out to her. She seemed a bit 'hurried' and made a remark about me having hair (I had a shaved head back then). We talked a bit before she wanted to head off to pick up Karen.

G called me adn said he was meeting Sally at the cinemas, so I suggested we go to the cinema to meet them first since it'd be on the way to Karen. The familiarity of Amanda was coming back to me, but this time she did really seem to be in a bit more of a rush.

We walked past the cinema and I spotted Sally waiting there. I recognised her from facebook. We made brief eye contact but I pretended I didn't know her. I mean, I wasn't really going to walk up to her and tell her I recognised her from facebook. So Amanda and I stood around talking a bit, I made the mistake of bringing up movies only to remember she wasn't into movies.

G then arrived and introduced us to Sally, and we all shook hands. I found her to be fairly attractive with her business attire on. We walked down the main street to pick up Karen, and when we met her, Amanda proceeded to re-introduce me, only to forget my name momentarily. Sally picked up on that and made a big deal out of it. When Amanda wasn't looking, she said to me "she forgot your name!" like I gave a shit. Obviously G had told her I liked her (which was wrong).

We walked up the main street to the Korean restaurant, and Amanda and Karen were walking together. Sally made a deal about me not walking with Amanda, which made me feel really uncomfortable.

G complimented me on my suit, probably because I was wearing the grey one when he was always used to me wearing my black one. Sally asked why I liked black since I was dark already.

When we got to the Korean restaurant, we went upstairs and were led to a table. Sally's friend was coming too (talk about a crash) so we were to have six. As I looked around, I realised how much shit I'd be in if Naby saw me. God that would be so bad. And therein lies a hypocrisy which is another example of my screwed up life - she could sleep with anyone who paid, yet I was feeling guilty about being seen with girls who I wasn't even attracted to.

If I needed a sign with merit that Amanda wasn't right for me, I got a few tonight. When we got the menus, she went through them and basically decided what to eat all by herself. I don't know, maybe it's just the way I'm used to doing it with the guys, but we just order a dish each, whereas Amanda was basically choosing everything for us. I had to actively give a menu to Sally and G and ask them to choose what they wanted.

Sally's friend, Linda, arrived. She wasn't very attractive, but she was pretty friendly. She was nice enough to just forgo the menu selecting experience and going with whatever had been chosen prior to her arrival.

The next sign came when the dishes arrived. The waitresses (one of them was pretty hot) started delivering the mains, and Amanda was like "where are the entrees?" I was like "don't worry I'm sure they'll come" but she got even more agitated when the second main was delivered. She got so upset she said she wanted to make a complaint.

They're just entrees for god's sakes!!!

Another sign was that during the dinner, there seemed to be somewhat of a barrier between G's group and Amanda and Karen. I was happy to talk to either, but I noticed Amanda had resorted to speaking to Karen in Cantonese - pretty rude in my book to start talking in another language at a table when not everyone understands it.

After dinner we decided to go for desserts at Capitol. Linda didn't join us as she had to go home. The strains felt throughout the night only exacerbated then - Sally was telling everyone how it was hard for her to gain weight and easy to lose weight. Obviously for someone like Amanda who admittedly used to be fat, this did not come off very well.

Although on one view Sally came off as 'nice', I also sensed an egotistical side to her, one that would not be good company with many other girls, and this was where I saw the similarity with Michelle as per Shuing's analysis (god sometimes that guy is so right, it's freaky). If that's true, then she wouldn't have many girl friends, and would prefer to be the centre of attention amongst guys.

Having thought about it today, I wondered how long she would last with G. She's currently "in between jobs" and G is a tight arse - deathly formula? If you thought G suffered bad when he broke up with his other girlfriend Amanda, this girl Sally will totally destroy him.

G drove Sally back home, while I walked Amanda and Karen to the train station, and then parted. I got the feeling Amanda wasn't as interested in me this time round. Maybe it was the presence of Sally. Or maybe I looked worse with hair (she did say I looked better with a shaved head). But either way, I guess it's a good escape.

Yesterday I had a whole office day, and got two minutes done in that internet cafe matter, which is really starting to get dated. Glad I got it done.

In the afternoon, I just felt like it and messaged Elel asking her if she'd like to meet up after work. She said yes, and that she had ice cream and mentioned something about me being noticed now, insinuating that I was there to carry the ice cream for her.

I was actually quite busy even towards the end of the day, but when it was obvious that I'd be a bit late, I dropped everything, went to change into my gym gear and left the office.

I bought a watermelon fruit salad and then went to meet her. I couldn't help but feel there was so much chemistry between us. When we texted, she said "usual time?" and I said "usual place?" - neither of us had to specify and we knew.

I went to Woolies and saw her come up to me. She asked if I wanted to go to dinner with Jessica and Shira and then eyed me up and down. She said she couldn't go because the minute prior to their invitation, she had told her husband she'd be going home.

I was glad I was in my gym gear, because it allowed me to say I couldn't go. She pushed for me to get changed in the office and I just said no. She kept asking me why I didn't want to go. I just pictured myself sitting there blandly with Shira and Jessica. No thanks.

I offered her a piece of watermelon but she was no go. She showed me the ice cream, which was just two small tubs, didn't know why I needed to carry them. I offered to hold them but she said no. We started our way down the main street.

I asked if she'd met G's girlfriend. She had, but at the time they hadn't hooked up together yet. She said she thought Sally was dating another guy. I told her a bit about the impression Sally made at dinner, and she said she didn't notice it, but other girls had called her a 'narcissist'. I liked how she had difficulty pronouncing that word but wanted to learn it anyway. It was cute.

A monk approached her and we just ignored it, but she told me how in China they come up to you and tell you how you will have good luck and yada yada yada and then they ask you for money. I said I had an Indian guy do that with me, giving me a nut and then asking me $15 for it. Ele added that I should've cut the nut in half and only paid $7.50 - this was my first conscious realisation that she had added to my joke, which only confirmed my earlier thoughts about chemistry.

When we got to the train station, I told her how it reminded me of a current case I have where a guy tried to meet a young girl here for sex. She had stopped in her tracks and I asked her why she wasn't going into the train station. She opened the plastic bag and said she was going to give me one of the ice creams. I said no, but she insisted. She took a tub out, then gave me the one in the plastic bag. She said it was expiring tomorrow, but the actualy gesture itself made me appreciate it more.

Whenever people give me things that I've said I don't want, it kinda makes me feel appreciated and wanted.

I walked home after that, with the ice cream in my bag.

Naby contact!

2011-05-03T20:45:00.009+10:00

Yesterday I had to drive out to Muswellbrook - this time I left a bit earlierdriving off at about 5:50am. I didn't take my GPS this time, trusting the google map I had printed out. I took the early turn which my GPS recommended last time. I went through a very nice scenic drive. It was some curvy roads around a mountain, small bridges that looked like it could collapse, dirt and straight roads through farms. The heavy fog was a nice extra bonus.

I actually got there earlier than expected, maybe because I sped through a lot of the roads. I got my matter dealt with relatively easy. The mag was nice, and the other side was nice, although judging by his attempt to control the situation when it was mentioned, I got the feeling he was trying to prove something. Or maybe I'm just used to controlling the situation now.

It was a bit odd, because everyone there were locals, and I was obviously the stranger, the city boy. It's not really a nice feeling, but what can you do.

Afterwards I went in search of a toilet. The one in the court building was a bit dirty. On the drive there, I had felt my stomach do that awful type of grumble where you get an indication of what's going to happen. I didn't stress too much though, figuring if I really needed to go, I'd just pull over, jump into the bushes behind the trees, pull my pants down and do it, using leaves as toilet paper. Sure, someone might see me, but hey, it's an emergency.

I ended up finding the shopping centre and used the bathroom there. I took a walk around and then headed back to the car. I filled up with petrol, and drove back to the office.

I was seriously tired by the time I got back, but I knew I had heaps of work to do. I went to buy some bread and canned soup for the week, and then went back to the office. I got a lot of work done for someone who had just driven seven hours in the day.

Even though I'd organised dinner with Amanda on Thursday, I felt like messaging Naby when I was at home. I just felt like I hadn't seen her for too long, and I needed to get some contact with her, to keep in touch with her. So I decided to do it. I figured if she didn't reply, it'd give me more reason not to see her and save money. I also realised that being ignored by her was actually one of my worst fears. I mean, why hadn't I messaged her earlier? Because I feared she wouldn't reply. Why was that fear so great?

Me @ 22:11 - Naby, I miss you!

I was prepared for silence. Utter silence. I'd go to bed, at least satisfied that I had tried and now know the result. At least I knew. But then, to my very surprise, I heard my phone click to signal receipt of a message.

Naby @ 22:13 - Me too.. What a u doing?

Oh my fucking god!!!

Me @ 22:13 - I'm at home...how about you?

Naby @ 22:15 - Work.. How's u been? Did u have dinner?

Me @ I've been good, just busy with work...and thinking about you :) had dinner already...how have you been?

Naby @ 22:20 - Yeah.. Just I'm so so..Always work too hard.. I sometimes thinking of u:)

Me @ 22:21 - Only sometimes?? :p why are you only so so? I want you to be happy :) :) :)

That was the exchange, I didn't get a reply, but I can tell you, I went to bed one happy man. I got that swooning feeling all over again...

Today
I got to work just before 8am, because I had some things to do for court today. Turned out to be not as hectic as I first thought, due to the way some things unfolded.

But the last couple of days have been a bit stressful, I actually can't believe it's only Tuesday. I feel like I need the weekend to recharge already!

When I finished in court in the afternoon, I started thinking about the possibility of seeing Naby. But my main obstacle was having bball tonight - I had planned to change at work today to walk home, and then walk back to work tomorrow in my bball gear. Going home in my work clothes would screw the whole thing up.

And then it happened - Nick sent me a message saying bball tomorrow had been cancelled. Apparently the other team has pulled out of the comp.

At the end of the day, I called the shop. She was working. I booked for 7pm, even though it was only a little after 5pm.

As I walked out of the office, I hoped I wouldn't bump into Alanna, as she was having her farewell drinks tonight. I'd given her a present, so figured she wouldn't be too offended if I didn't show up. She knows I don't like those type of events.

I went to withdraw some cash, and then went to check out the cupcake store. I looked, and then figured I should maybe just get her a dessert at the breadshop. I didn't want to hold a big cupcake box which I couldn't hide going into the shop. I walked away from the cupcake store and then changed my mind - it's an Asian breadshop, so I was sure she would've tried those desserts.

I turned around and went back to the cupcake shop. I bought lemon and rocky road cupcakes. It had started to rain, quite heavily at one stage so I had to run a bit to get under shelter, only to realise I had jolted the box, causing the lemon on the cupcake to fall off.

I went to the bus stop and waited for a bus. It didn't take long before the right bus came along. I sat on the seat with my cupcake box, realising I'd be pretty early. I also thought about how tonight could be a reward for getting a job interview (yes, I got the call today, it's interview for both LO1 and 2 positions).

I also figured I could just skip the next planned visit, so I'd bring the money forward from that. Easy peasy.

My plan was just to talk tonight. Although I was more than open to sex, I just felt like being a nice guy and giving her a bit of a break since she was complaining in the messages that she was working too hard. I pictured lying on the bed in our clothes, holding eachother.

The bus took me to a certain point and then turned off. I waited before getting off at the second next stop, figuring I had too much time so could use a walk. Lucky it wasn't raining.

I walked there, my excitement building up bit by bit as I got closer. Finally got there at 6:30pm. The usual guy opened the door and greeted me with that sense of familiarity. He asked if I had booked for Bibi and I said yes and asked for my name. I said I was a bit early and asked if I had to wait and he said no. He didn't really have any rooms for me to wait in as they were full, but led me to the main 'lounge' area which was open and asked me to take a seat.

There was a guy on his ipad, and he got up and left. I figured he worked there. I went to the toilet and then returned. A customer then arrived and sat to my right. It was a bit awkward, and I felt a bit silly holding my goddamn cupcake, but eh.

Then it got even more awkward as another customer came to sit on my left. I actually wanted to crack a joke and say thank you to him because I heard him say he didn't have a booking, which meant he'd get a line up.

The guy to my right got called for a girl and left. The guy on the ipad came to show the customer to my left a girl. I can't remember her name. She was ok looking, and I noticed how she looked at me twice. The guy picked her and left.

I began wondering when I'd see Naby. Was she with a customer? Then I saw her walk across, place her bag on the counter and go down to the bathroom area, followed by a guy. I heard her say something, then she came back up, got her bag and went out of sight, followed by the guy. Not sure if she saw me or not, but if she did, she obviously had chosen to ignore me.

My blood started boiling, thinking the guy was her customer. All sorts of thoughts started running through my mind, and I suddenly got slapped in the face by reality - here I was, being nice to a hooker, some girl who was having sex with other guys. I felt immensely stupid, only to realise later that the guy worked there, so he wasn't a customer. I didn't feel so bad after all.

He came around to tell me Naby was ready. So even though I booked for 7pm, she was free at 6:30pm which meant no one had booked or was with her. Also, since only one girl was shown to the other guy, I figured the shop was busy, yet Naby was still available. Was she considered not as attractive as the other girls? It made me feel a bit better if that was true.

I saw Naby waiting at the stairs as usual. She smiled and said hello. Just as she was about to walk up the stairs, a couple came walking down. We let them down first before we started walking up the stairs. I was already holding her hand as we stood there waiting.

As we walked up the stairs, she said long time no see. When we were walking to the room, I said "who's that girl? What's her name? She's pretty". We were holding hands, and she turned around to give me a 'look'. It was a look to express a bit of upset. A bit more serious than playful. Almost a dirty look. I said "just joking!" and went to hug her as we cornered near the nigthstand. I said I brought her a present and showed her the cupcakes. She said she'd sometimes been thinking about me, like she said in her message. I said "chincha?" and she said "chincha".

I said I'd been thinking about her, then jokingly added, for one day, and different girls for other days, and she laughed. Then I said I was just joking and that I thought of her everyday.

She went out to get the towels and said she'd be back. I took the time to place my belongings on the nightstand, deliberately placing my work ID card face down underneath my phone, since I did not want her to see it. I had realised the dangers of her knowing too much about me.

When she came back, she started moving my belongings to the second compartment of the night stand. She moved them one by one, inspecting them. She took my glasses case and asked what it was and opened it, and then said "glasses". When she got to my ID card, I figured she might just move it without looking, to respect my privacy. Instead, she flipped it over and studied it. Like, she looked at it for a very long time. I just jokingly asked "who's that?" I also noticed she was wearing her badge number, and I flipped it a bit to see the number - she was wearing number three.

She said she was going to Korea for a holiday to see her mother in June. I asked when. She said 12th June. I asked for how long, and she said a month. I said "oh, that is my birthday" and told her the date. She said her mother's birthday was 18th June. I asked if she was coming back for sure, and she said yes.

I asked her to bring her mother over, and she said something about no. It was a stupid thing for me to say.

Hey mom, look at me, I'm a prostitute!

I asked her if she just wanted to talk, and she said no. I asked her if she was tired and she said a little, and I said we could just talk if she was tired, and she acquiesced. I invited her to have the cupcakes. She held the box and pointed to the spilled lemon cream, but didn't open it, even though I urged once more.

I asked her if she'd been busy and she said a bit. She saw that I hadn't made a move to undress, and we ended up lying on the bed. At first we held eachother, but then she asked if I had had dinner, and I said no, pointing to the cupcakes saying that was my dinner.

She grabbed the box and opened it. I said I'd have the lemon one since it had fallen off. So I took that one and she took the rocky road. She took a marshmellow off it and fed it to me.

BEST. MARSHMELLOW. EVER!

Mmm.

As I ate my cupcake, she would occasionally feed me pieces of her rocky road, mainly the nuts. I sait it was good for "gotch" and she laughed and said no. She was lying on her tummy so it was easy for her to eat it. I was lying on my back and had to eventually sit up to finish mine. I had my left arm stuck out on the bed, and noticed she had left crumbs on my sleeve. She started picking them off bit by bit, before realising it was futile, and then just brushed it onto the bed.

I placed mine back into the box and saw she was still eating hers. I watched as she ate, taking in the wonderful sight of her eating something I had bought. There was a special feeling to it. She did look at me looking at her at first, and then focused on her cupcake.

I dipped my right index finger into the spilled lemon and offered it to her. To my surprise, she opened her mouth and I inserted my finger. She sucked it off and said sweet. I sucked off the rest and asked her what lemon was in Korean. She said it was the same - 'lemon'.

When she finished she put the box away and turned around to lie with me. She laid on my left arm and we kissed eachother a few times. It was more than a peck, but not exactly french kissing. I then gave her lots of quick kisses, saying I had missed her.

We held eachother and talked a bit, but then started just closing our eyes and sleeping. I noticed she had her leg over mine, so that was a good sign. There were a few more kisses here and there, but largely we just tried to sleep. I did feel tired, but I knew it'd take pretty long for me to actually fall asleep. I could hear her breathing, but wasn't sure if she was actually trying to sleep or just closing her eyes to pass time.

I asked her how long it'd been since my last visit. She said three weeks. I said "no...more" and she said "four weeks?" and I said about that. Looking back, I realised she was right - it was three weeks. How did she know??

I told her I wasn't going to come today, because I was very busy at work, but after I got her messages, I wanted to see her. I told her I was very happy when I got her messages.

At one point we rubbed our noses against eachother, like eskimo kisses. She did it side to side and I did it up and down. Then when she tried to kiss me I playfully backed away, and she opened her eyes doing that playful glare. Then I finally let her kiss me. Then at another point, I sucked my lips in and kissed her that way, and she did the same. I just feel that we have a bit of non-verbal chemistry going at times.

I brought up the topic of her holiday again and said something about the number of girls I could see in that time. She sounded playfully angry again and said "do you want to try?" lol.

I asked her if she was sick of the music that plays, and she said no. I asked if Tuesday used to be school uniform days, and she said it was Mondays, a long time ago. She said she didn't like it and I said I knew.

She shifted positions a bit, now placing her head more fully on my outstretched left arm. I had wrapped my leg around hers now. I must admit I was pretty aroused. Then it shifted again where my left arm was curled up a bit. All this time she'd been rubbing my back and I'd been rubbing hers. Now she was sliding her hand up my pants and playing with my leg just above my socks.

I couldn't help but feel her breasts from time to time, and she didn't seem to mind. I said one day I wanted to take her to a holiday and have her all day. She made a noise which seemed to show she was open to the idea. Then it was followed by my mental silence thinking "oh my god, say something, say something so it seems more casual".

I brushed her hair back away from her face as she had her eyes closed. I was pretty sure she wasn't fully asleep. I played with her hairline and studied her face.

We held eachother for a long time until her buzzer started going off. I said "an-dei" which she had said earlier, meaning no. She laughed and we kept holding eachother as the buzzer sounded. She then turned her back to me, saying she was "choor" and grabbed a towel to cover herself for warmth. I removed my right arm which was holding her temporarily, and she asked for me to hold her with it again. I asked if she wanted my jacket and she said no.

I told her I wanted to hold her all night.

We held eachother like that until the room buzzer sounded, and then some more. Finally we got up. I said her head was heavy and pretended I couldn't move my arm. I joked and said "shower" and she laughed. I saw some coins placed under and around a candle and asked her why there was money there. She said she didn't know and asked if I wanted it. I shook my head and said no.

Geez, I hope this doesn't mean she's figured out I'm a cheapskate.

We kissed a bit before I grabbed my stuff and put on my jacket. She made a gesture with her arms out and above her head, hands pointing down to her head while I was standing there was my glasses. My guess was she was imitating the dancers on tv. I asked her if she was happy and gestured for her to smile.

We walked out and down the stairs and I turned and smiled as usual, and she smiled back. I walked out of there feeling sooooo happy, even though there hadn't been any sex.

Getting my legs back

2011-05-01T20:05:00.003+10:00

Yesterday I drove out to the KGC courts at 10am to meet Phil and Bo. I found the perfect parking spot because it was right on 10am. I got out and started walking to the courts when I saw Phil. At first I didn't know it was him, but when I walked past he called out to me.

We went into the courts. There was a full court game on court two and some guys shooting around on court one. Pretty much as soon as we started shooting around, these two guys asked us to play two on two. One of them I recognised, but not too sure if it was from basketball or elsewhere. I remember him wearing dark thick framed glasses, and was a bit of a funny guy.

Phil and I worked on our one-two a bit, which has made me realise even more that one of my main flaws is not moving after I pass the ball. I seem to pass it off and think "well, it's your problem now" and dust off my hands. Bad habit.

That game didn't last too long before the other two guys left. Then some other guys came shooting around, and we played three on three. I may have come off as a bit of a hog, but what I was working on was shooting quickly. That is, taking a quick dribble or drive, and shooting with a defender in my face to get my quickness going again. I wanted in-game situations.

During a break, I could feel my legs building up their 'super' and I touched the backboard, which was a decent height. When Phil was working on his free throws, I had this physical urge to rebound, like really jump high up into the hair and slam the ball with from hand to hand. I could feel my legs are back.

Bo came late, probably because he went out drinking the night before. It was already 11:30am and I had to go. I sat around for a while talking to Bo, but left at about 11:50am.

I drove home, picked up the petrol discount receipt, went to fill up with some petrol, then picked Malay up. It was then that I realised I had made a mistake - I told Trevor to meet us at 12 for lunch, but I had actually meant 1pm; I would pick Malay up at noon.

So I sent him a message saying we'd get there at 1:30pm. It was good to see Malay - a combination of me going back to bball and him going out with Frank have meant we haven't seen eachother for a while. We started talking like there hadn't been an absence. He returned my car vacuum cleaner and lent me a Kiyosaki book.

We talked about how weird these messages from Trevor and his brother were. It was like we were kids and his brother wanted to make sure we'd all meet up and have a fun time. I guess that's the main thing that turned me off this lunch - I felt like I was being forced to do it.

It was raining pretty heavily by the time we got to his place (also had been raining during bball) and when I called him he invited us up. I swear if I was by myself I would've been a bit freaked out to go up. He came down to get us, and he looked even more worn out and aged since the last time we saw him (if that was possible). He took us up to his place, apparently he was staying with his parents. He gave us a quick tour and showed us his laptop. In particular, he really wanted to show us google map for some reason??

Anyway, we decided to go to Burwood to eat. Luckily, as the driver, I could focus on driving, and luckily for Malay being there, he kept Trevor entertained. At times I would notice how Trevor would say really odd and irrelevant things, and at other times Malay and I fell into a conversation about things which Trevor was not privy to.

We got there and found parking in the shopping centre. We had to go to the bathroom first and Malay also needed to use the ATM. We were deciding where to eat, and I had planned to shout, so I was kinda hoping for food court, but also, I hadn't even had breakfast and was starving, so I felt like The Double (KFC). But I said to let Trevor pick, and he wanted a restaurant, so we ended up at a Chinese restaurant on the main road.

We ordered individual dishes, I was kinda glad because I didn't really feel like sharing with Trevor. He was weird in that he would just cut someone off when talking to bring up a totally irrelevant topic. I think Malay and I found it a bit hard to talk to him, although the 'back in primary school' topics seemed to favour everyone and get things smoothly. But I wondered, how much can we really reminisce about the past? It's nice, but you can't keep doing it.

When we finished, we went to the counter to pay, and I just paid the whole bill when she asked if we wanted to pay together or separate. I told Malay he could buy me a coffee since he had brought it up earlier.

Because the parking was limited, I suggested we go get coffee near Trevor's place. So we drove back, and while I was parallel parking in a spot, I managed to nick the pick up in front. When I got out to check, I realised I had hit his towing thing so it caused me a bit more of a scratch then to him.

We went to a coffee shop at the bottom of an apartment complex. It had a nice view of the water. Trevor felt bad about us paying for everything, so he bought two ice cream bars - one for him and one for either Malay or me. I was really really full, but Malay had ordered cake, so it had to be me (Malay later thanked me for taking one for the team).

We talked about video games and some more about primary school. What struck me was Trevor's memory of the past was very clear. So much better than mine. I'm not sure if he had a diary and had just read up on it before meeting us, but damn. That was one reason why I held back on some thoughts, for fear that he may bring it up in whatever context and circumstances some 10 years later.

I was glad when Malay suggested finishing up, because I was kinda tired. I drove Trevor back to his place and dropped him off. One thing Malay immediately noted, and which I had thought of throughout the day, was that Trevor and Shuing both shared this element of reminiscing about the past, about thinking how that was the best time of their lives and how it seemed nothing could get better from then on. I wondered if that was a form of mental illness.

I dropped Malay off at his place and we agreed to go out sometme to buy some presents for Thai's new baby. I swear I had the biggest urge to go drive to see Naby. It was like the old gambling addiction days where I'd find myself with the car, free to go anywhere and do whatever I wanted. But I resisted. My logic won out:

Where are you going to get $150? It has to come from somewhere.

I didn't really want to have sex with her, but I just missed her so much I wanted to talk. That's why it'd be $150, for half an hour. I wonder how she is. I have this fear that she'd change shops and I'd never see her again.

Today
I woke up late today, got to the courts at 10am, intent on finishing my 55 three pointers. It was a bit windy, but I got 15 done when I was asked to play. Grrr. I played three on three and then four on four with these guys for a long time. My legs were really tired. At times I'd jump up for rebounds or blocks, and in the air I'd be like "oh god please don't land on someone's foot!"

There was a father and son playing (I had thought they were brothers at first). The father was always giving tips to his son, but I think his son took it as criticism and felt like he was being nagged. I wish I could do that with my son one day.

Finally I left, went home, had a shower and something to eat, before catching the bus out to the office. Ogre and Melissa were there. I worked for about two hours preparing for tomorrow and Tuesday, before tkaing the office car home.

Sarah's last days

2011-05-01T18:34:00.003+10:00

On Thursday I had court in the city, and that was my main focus, but in the back of my mind I knew Sarah was returning from leave, and it'd also be her second last day. I could hear people going to say farewell to her and all that, so I just stayed in my office, prepped, and walked out to court.

I went to court and saw Ross there, who was on the other side. He came over to start talking to me, first about the matter and then just about work in general. I found him to be quite friendly and funny, but I had my suspicions he was doing it just to get on my good side.

When court started, it was so packed I sat at the back. The OIC came and she sat there playing with her phone. Had to wait until after morning tea, at which point I went to pay my phone bill and quickly ducked into the office. I bumped into Sarah, who was wearing this light blue dress which looked like a trench coat. I thought it was kinda cute.

We had a quick chat and then I went back to court. We got flicked to a different mag, who pretty much directed most of his questions at me. Soon, it became obvious he was going to make a decision in their favour. Oh well.

At lunch I went to that Japanese bookstore in the city to get Alanna a present. I ended up getting her a little cat statue to bring good luck. The girl who wrapped it for me was kinda cute. I talked to her a bit about her wrapping, and felt like chatting her up more, but then felt like a sleaze doing it.

After work I wanted to go check out Myer, but on the way I thought I'd stop at JB Hi-Fi. I found Wolverine going for $12.99, so I bought it. When I got to the cash register, she scanned it and said it was actually $10.40. I had a $10 and $5 note, and was pretty happy, but for some reason I thought the amount she said was under $10 so I just gave her the $10 note. She paused, and then asked if I had 40 cents. I said I had 50 cents and she was like "that'll do". I got 10 cents change and thought "that was kinda weird..." and it was only when I walked out that I realised $10.40 > $10...I'm a fucking idiot.

So because I already had a DVD with me, I didn't want to walk into Myer with it, so I just went straight home.

Friday
I was looking forward to a full office day to actually get substantive things done. However, I then figured since it was Sarah's last day, there'd probably be a lot of time wasting.

Indeed, I was right. In the morning, Mary suggested coffee and took Moira and me along. Steve and Ogre were out in court. Mary was joking that it was my shout because Sarah was my supervisor, and I thought it wasn't a bad idea so I agreed, but still wasn't sure if she was joking.

We went to a cafeteria in another building, and seriously sat for an hour talking about weird past cases, tv shows they watched, which both seemed to touch on sex a bit, which made it a bit awkward with me being the only guy there. When it was time to leave, my worst fear came true - there was a sweat mark on my seat (like back in the uni days) and I think Sarah saw it.

Ohhh god, so embarassing!

I paid for coffee, even though everyone wanted to shove their money at me, but I just said it was ok. As we headed back, I was still red faced about the sweat mark.

I could hear more people going to Sarah's office throughout the day to say their farewells. I knew she was busy so I wanted to leave her alone, but I wondered how it would end.

At lunch I decided to go get Sarah a present - I thought Rich Dad Poor Dad would be a good idea, since I got the vibe she wasn't so good with her money. Luckily the bookstore near me had it, so I got it and had it wrapped.

I picked a good moment to give it to her, when neither Mary nor Moira were around (I think). I told her I used to be bad with money, and she nodded as if to say "so am I".

I knew it!

I gave her the book, she unwrapped it and took it out. She said she'd heard of it but had never read it. Good.

In the afternoon we had an afternoon tea for Sarah. She mentioned the book I gave to her, lol. Michael came down to give a bit of a speech. Two things I noticed: 1) Mary immediately lights up and gets to cracking her usual jokes when Michael is around, there's just a different vibe about her; 2) I found it kinda strange/odd/weird that Michael was here giving the speech instead of DS. Don't get me wrong, I think Michael is the perfect person because he was the boss for most of Sarah's time here, but it was strangely coincidental that DS was at an all day training thing. It worked out well I guess.

Anyway, I worked until 6pm and we were the only ones left. When I packed up to leave, I went to her room. I told her she'd been a cool supervisor and all that, but I got the feeling she wanted to return to whatever she was doing (she said she was getting rid of her personal emails).

And with that, I left. I was now supervisor-less.

1st win!!! (1-2)

2011-05-01T13:26:00.005+10:00

So it was back to work on Wednesday. Even though I had been into work during the holidays, I still woke up with that "oh god, I don't want the holidays to end, I don't want to go back to work" feeling.

I basically couldn't wait to get out of work that day. Don't get me wrong, I kept myself busy, but I was intent on leaving a bit early because I was to meet Any at 6:15pm. I ended leaving just after 5pm.

I went home, changed and then met up with him. He was already at the bus stop waiting. We had to stand on the bus because it was crowded. At one stage, he was holding his basketball so he couldn't hold onto the railing, and lost his footing a bit and accidentally hit a girl sitting down gently. He patted her asking if she was alright. I thought that was a really soft gesture, and wondered how I could do that myself without feeling like a sleaze.

We went to Town Hall to wait for Bo. We had talked about the NBA and him looking for work. I really hope he finds work soon. He said he had been calculating how much longer his money can last him.

We ended up going down to the platform to meet Bo. He told us what carriage he was in, and when the train came we saw him standing at the door, lol. We managed to get a three seater and it was fun as we joked about various random things.

When we got to the court, Mike was already there, strapping up. One by one the other guys came. Any had a camera and I took some shots of the team shooting around during a break.

When the game before ours ended, we started shooting around. It's always a bit hard and a bit of a flurry to get everything ready before the game. We had to wear bibs again, this time I wore 6. I'm sure I've worn 6 before in my younger years, but can't remember for which team.

I ended up starting the game, mainly because we were a bit disorganised in settling the starting five. The only rule I had suggested was not playing Bo and Mike at the same time, because they're similar players and both get tired very easily.

I couldn't believe it, but we were leading the game. Wanting to keep the lead made me play a bit harder. I wondered how much starting me had to do with the lead, but I guess probably nothing. At one point a guy drove in, head faked, I fell for it but jumped to the side, and as I was landing he jumped into me to shoot, drawing the foul. I already knew it was too late to avoid contact and just let it happen. But the thing was, he was a lot bigger than me, yet him jumping into me didn't hurt at all. Instead, he probably took a bigger bump than me.

"And that's why I benchpress" I thought.

Once, while on defence, someone shot the ball and I found myself in the middle of the key. I watched as the shot went up.

Please god don't let this come to me, please.

It hit the back rim and went high up into the air. It seemed like no one was around me. I didn't want to, but felt forced to. I jumped high off the ground and grabbed it with two hands, fearing for my life I'd land on someone's foot. But nothing. I came down with the rebound and snuggled it with my chest to protect it.

Also, at one point Nick went for a drive but got pulled down from behind. He seemed to pause a bit before getting up quickly to confront the guy. People tried to pull him back and I was there to tell the referee he was walking away, to ensure he wasn't hit with a T.

I had to take myself off because no one was making a move, and I was kinda glad to come off only to see guys like Abi and Any come on. Damn we have a deep team.

I sat out for the rest of the first half as I watched as Abi hit some threes to keep the lead.

I started the second half, but didn't play much and sat out the rest of the game. At one point I had a semi-fast break, but was more focused on drawing a foul on a guy trailing me than running full speed ahead. I heard a voice from my team say "don't worry about it" - and he was right, I should've just bolted down the court.

I was content with being on the bench, even though Nick told me to go on. We were winning. Angelo was playing very well - I can see him being our main guy who drives, kinda like a version of Fat Pat.

Bo fell at one point, rolled, then got up to confront the guy. I was laughing because it was funny to see him roll, lol. But then I realised I probably shouldn't be laughing if I wanted us to be a team that others feared.

We had the lead for the whole game and won it fairly easily, even though we were on a scoring drought in the last five minutes. Mike played well, hitting some shots early on. I felt bad for Phil because he got even less time than me.

I was so happy that we won (our first win!!!) that I organised to have a team photo taken. I couldn't wait to see the photo - I already knew I'd use it as my fb photo no matter what.

We had duty afterwards - Bo had to ref, while Mike and Nick did the bench. Any, Phil and I stayed to watch the game. I told Any he had the quickest first step of anyone on the court so he should drive it more. I wanted to tell him to put more arc in his shot, but didn't want to be seen as laying too many criticsms. I also gave Phil pointers, and everytime he turned to look at me it started like from his peripheral version, but it looked more like a glare, and I wondered if he was being defensive.

Afterwards everyone except Mike caught the train back to the city (because he was being picked up). Any wanted to go to KFC, lol, so I went with him. He was buying dinner to take home. I was pretty damn hungry, but had to save money and knew there was food at home, so when he asked if I wanted anything I politely declined.

It was raining a bit as we waited for the bus which was annoying. But I was still happy about the win. Winning feels so good...

$6.38

2011-04-26T15:34:00.003+10:00

Yesterday was raining, so bball training with Bo was cancelled. Instead, I went into the office to get some work done. Ogre was there too. I finished my minute and finished off some forms, then made sure everything else was in order so that I would have all of Tuesday off. It felt good.

I didn't really feel like gym even though I had brought my gear. My legs, abs and ribs were sore from doing the 55 shots. I kinda wanted to walk home, but it was raining so I caught a bus.

I hadn't had lunch yet, and wanting to save money, I decided to eat at home. The only thing I could really make was a hot dog, but everything was too dirty. I did start cleaing one of the pans, but discovered that it had somehow been soaked in oil. It was too hard to get off so I went out to get something. At first my plan was to get Macca's, but then figured that'd cost $7 or so, so I went to the supermarket where I bought two packs of pies and a pizza, all for $11.

I had checked earlier in the day, that the interest I have earned in my high interest bearing savings account for this month is $6.38, which is the highest since...I don't know. And there's a few days to go in the month as well, so I should pop $7. It also looks like I will eclipse the amount of interest I earned two financial years ago, which means I am slowly getting back on track financially.

I am still kinda in 'awe' I guess, that I have started turning things around. Instead of paying $250 in interest on my credit card per month, I'm not earning $7 in interest per month. On my calculations, I will repay the debt by the end of the year, maybe November if I'm lucky. But also, I will BREAK into the positives in my net worth in the upcoming fortnight or month, so it's close. I can almost smell it. That effectively means, if I wanted to, I could just sell all the shares I currently have and use it to pay back my credit card debt.

I must say, to get to this stage, it not only took the stopping of gambling (which was a huge effort in itself), but also the stop use of my credit card. It was so easy to use it - I think the mentality was that it wasn't really my money, so it was kinda like getting something for free. Only to be hit back with the bill a month later - with interest.

I'm still undecided right now as to whether I'll see Naby this coming weekend. I just don't know how I'm going to pay for it, even if I get really frugal. The only thing that makes me want to go is I'm afraid if I don't see her for five weeks, we'll lose that 'connection', and she might have moved shops or something.

Anyway, so it rained earlier today, and has been cloudy ever since midday, so bball was cancelled today as well. I remmeber thinking when responding to training yesterday, that I actually wanted to practice by myself rather than with anyone else.

But then this was what led to the downfall of the Pandas right? My selfishness meant I'd rather train by myself than with the team, meaning lack of team work and understanding. Was I going down this same path again?

Like Ray Ray

2011-04-24T22:07:00.003+10:00

Yesterday I pretty much bummed around at home all day. It was raining so I couldn't ball, and I didn't have the car so I couldn't go into the office (didn't feel like using up two bus trips). Although when my parents returned in the afternoon I did go out to the shopping centre near me to get some sausages and bread. All the normal white bread had been sold out which was annoying, so I had to settle for hot dog buns.

Today, I got to the courts at 8am and worked on my threes after warming up with suicides. I did what I used to do, moving around the key. I first intended to do 110 shots, but at the beginning my right knee was clicking a bit and didn't feel too good, but when I started it was alright.

At first my shot felt awkward, but as I went on, it felt better. Sometimes I'd feel like I was shooting out of form, like I was bending too much for my jump, or jumping too far forward, so I'd picture how Ray Allen shoots it and imitate it in my mind. To my surprise, it worked - I found myself jumping straight up, my elbows at the right angle, and my wrist flicking the ball, creating a swish. It all seemed too easy. Ray Allen has a sweet sweet shot.

I ended up making only 55 shots because I could feel myself getting tired, and I didn't see the point of forcing myself to shoot in bad tired form. I will do the rest tomorrow. But it felt so good to be out there, just so peaceful. All alone (although there was a group playing on the next court).

Did I mention that on Thursday Amanda texted me? I remember being in the toilet that day, going through my contacts to see who I could invite to the zoo, and seeing Amanda's name, I wondered if I should delete her. Then later on in the day, she sent me this:

"Hey [insert name here]! How's it going? Hope you're well. Have a great Easter. Let's try to play tennis with G and Shuing soon. Ok?"

I kinda felt sorry for her, and couldn't bear rejecting her again, so I just replied with "Sure ok, sounds good".

So I thought about that a bit while I was shooting. Maybe I'm a little bit more ready than before. But at the same time, I'm pretty sure I'm not willing to give up Naby.

Speaking of which, the original plan was to see her next weekend. Although over the past few days I have been tempted to see her. Hell, after work on Thursday I was thinking of seeing her - the only thing that stopped me was lack of a car. I thought about seeing her today after I did a bit of work in the office. I wonder, can I really go through this extra long weekend without seeing her?

Also, I may not be able to see her next weekend either. I have to pay for my bball comp fees, and so I don't know where I'm going to get the momey to see her from. That would mean like going five weeks without her...dang.

Anyway, to stop myself from wasting money after work (I did consider the casino) I messaged Shuing, Malay and G to see if they were up for drinks. Shuing was, Malay had just come back from camping, and G didn't reply.

So I went home to have a hot dog before going to Chinksford to meet Shuing. We went to a supermarket first because he needed to buy shaving cream, and I bought some Pringles. We put them in our respective cars and then went to that Malaysian dessert place.

I told him what I was going to have and pointed it to the menu, hoping he'd know that you had to order at the counter, but he looked at the price and said "times have changed", even though that wasn't what I meant.

We talked about Patrick's email and G mainly. I deliberately omitted the zoo thing, not wanting him to talk about me liking Ele. I said I feared I had rubbed G the wrong way by comparing him to William Hung when he told me he got rejected from The X Factor, and Shuing seemed to suggest that G was decent. I don't know, I mean, he's obviously the best out of all of us, but decent enough to make the cut for The X Factor?? Are you serious? Sometimes I think you gotta stop your friends from humiliating themselves.

I've also begun finding holes in Shuing's arguments and theories. I find he likes to compare and use storylines in Seinfeld (or whatever is his flavour of the month) with us. Like he said G hated himself, and then said the guys in our group all hated themselves. I said Bobby didn't, and that he even previously called Bobby a narcissist. He thought about it, feeling a little trapped, and then said something like Bobby likes himself so much that he hated himself, and linked it to the Seinfeld episode where Jerry finds the girl who is exactly like him.

Afterwards, we ended up driving to G's house in my car, because Shuing said he was sure he'd be home. He knocked on the door and G's mom opened it, telling him G had gone outside of Sydney with Bobby. I was surprised even Shuing wasn't in on this. He said he must've been excluded from the emails about this because Bobby didn't like him poking fun at him.

We drove back and I dropped him off at his car, before I went for a drive to the seaside.

Over these holidays, I've realised that our group has separated somewhat, due in large part to Shuing and I. I say Shuing because he's so attached to the high school days, that I feel he's the one who excludes others from the group. He prevents us from meeting others. If he had let Ele in, then she could've brought in more people, but his theory is that she doesn't like him.

I also say I contributed to this because ever since I switched credit cards, it's meant that I have to stick with my repayment plans, which means limited funds to spend. And so in trying to save as much money as possible, I've decided one of the best ways is to cut down on going out, so I haven't organised that many outings since. And in the meantime, G has gone off with Bobby and Malay has gone camping with his other group. I won't sweat it I suppose, I can always turn it back on after I've repaid this debt.

Taronga Zoo

2011-04-24T11:37:00.003+10:00

Thursday
Started the day out in Penrith for a matter which belongs to Genie. She took the whole week off, so that's why I was asked to do it. I've slowly begun to realise she's a bit of a bludger. Sure, she had her teeth taken out last week, and she took two days off for that, but did she really need to take the next week off as well? Oh well, doesn't matter to me.

I sat at court waiting to be approached by the other side, but then the courtroom opened so I went in. I sat on the side and kept waiting for someone to approach. There were only a few lawyers there, and judging by their conversations, they weren't in my matter. I went out at one stage to make a call to the firm to see if anyone was showing up, and was told they should be there already but they had several other matters at the same court. So that explained it, and I went back in to wait.

Finally I see this tall, kinda bald guy come in with an old fella, who I suspected was the pedo in the matter. He didn't even look around for me and sat at the bar table. He mentioned my matter when it was his turn, so I went next to him to announce my appearance. Amongst other things, he said he'd be making a costs app!!!

Whaaaaat?!

Luckily it was reserved, and I got out of there thinking "what a cunt!". I hadn't had breakfast so I went to the shopping centre to look for Macca's, couldn't find it, and figured I might as well get back since it was already close to 11am and it'd be lunch upon my return anyway.

I caught the train back and fell asleep a bit before it started getting cramped and two old ladies sat next to me. Before that, there was a guy sitting nearby who answered his phone with "What do you mean cunt you're not coming? I made you a fucking feed, and now you're doing this to me? Oh yeah, like it's a coincidence I got all calls except yours eh cunt?" This went on for a while and the little girls sitting in front of me kept turning back, shocked at the language they were hearing. It made me think - although at their young age now they were shocked and abhorred by the language, they'll soon grow up to like guys like that. I wonder what changes girls go through to make that transformation.

I went back to the office and told Trent what had happened. He reacted the same way by calling the guy a cunt, lol. While we were talking, Moira came and told us (Trent) about her bail app, and I got stuck in that conversation when I just wanted to go to lunch. Finally I got out of there. I ended up going to KFC for lunch. While I was eating, a guy came in, rummaged through the rubbish bins, pulled out some discarded boxes and started eating from them. That was pretty damn gross man. I felt like buying something for him, but then I didn't have much cash on me either.

When I got back to the office I saw Imad in the corridor and ended up telling him about what had happened. We somehow got into talking about sex with animals with Moira.

I pretty much tanked it for the rest of the day, looking forward to the upcoming five day break. I think that was the general atmosphere on the floor - most people had already taken the day, if not the day prior as well, off to get an even longer break. Welcome to the public service.

Ele had messaged me the night before asking if I wanted to go to Taronga Zoo, so she was now messaging me about the logistics of it. I asked if she wanted to meet after work so we did. I went to grab a fruit salad (hadn't had fruit for a long time) at Woolies before meeting her at QVB. I couldn't find her at first, but that was because I was on the wrong floor, and she made fun of me when I finally found her.

I gave her a piece of fruit and we walked down the main street, talking about the zoo trip. During our walk, I bumped into Erin and Claire C, and they must've thought Ele was my girlfriend, or something along those lines. I was actually proud of being seen with Ele - if only it were true.

She had me hold her bag for her as I walked her to Central. She thought I'd be catching the train with her, so she was a bit surprised when I stopped. She gave me a hug and we parted. I caught the bus back home and had a quiet night in.

Friday
I went out to the courts in the morning for a shoot around. Because I'd only be there for a short time, I wanted to work on my running. I thought I could've really improved my fastbreaks on Wednesday nights. I did a bit of that, and there was a guy shooting around on the next court. At one point his ball hit my drink bottle and he apologised, and then went somewhere else to sit. He started shooting on a basket that had been turned around the wrong way, he did that for a while before leaving. I wondered if he thought I didn't like it so he went away.

I went back home, had a shower and a pie and then got changed. I hadn't even really decided what to wear. It'd be a warm day, so couldn't wear long sleeve, and I wanted to wear something I hadn't worn recently for want of being accused of wearing the same thing over and over. I ended up wearing my gorilla shirt, thinking it was appropriate for the occasion, even though I wore this on my farewell with Ele before I went up to Lismore.

Anyway, caught the bus out to the city, knew I was a bit late but was still making good time, got a call from Ele about 10:10am asking me where I was. When I got to the Quay they were nowhere to be found, so I called and turns out they were at Gloria Jeans or something. Finally met up with them, and saw Ele, Evonne, Shira, and Jessica standing there. I was a bit unsure about Evonne as she seems to have gone quiet on me on MSN, but she seemed fairly happy to see me.

I asked her how the semi-final went and she said no to talk about it, so I took it she didn't get through, lol. We went to a wharf and lined up for the tickets. It was $50, which I expected, so so far my budget was going ok.

We got some seats at the top level of the ferry, and even though it wasn't our first choice, we were lucky because it got packed and heaps of people had to stand. Ele yelped out at someone and I was thinking "oh great, she's bumped into someone nobody knows and it's going to be an awkward ferry trip", but turned out to be Colin, who said he'd be meeting us there. I was glad he came because I didn't want to be the only guy. In fact, when Ele told me only the girls were coming, it was me who suggested asking Colin.

But I soon found sitting next to Colin to be a bit too much. He's a nice guy and I like having him around, but I find he talks way too much for my liking when it becomes a one on one situation, as he was sitting next to me.

The trip wasn't as long as I thought, as we soon arrived. As we walked towards the stairs where everyone was lined up for the sky rail thingy, there was talk about the email Patrick had recently sent saying he had made up with Linda and inviting everyone to their one year anniversary barbeque. Colin was apparently in the know-how as Patrick had called him and he had spoken to Linda as well.

The sky rail thingy was kinda fun, but scary at the same time. Luckily it could fit all six of us. There was a running joke throughout the day, because of my gorilla shirt, that the gorillas were my family, and that tired out a bit but I went along with it.

I can't recall every single thing we did because it was a pretty big day out (photos will show it anyway) but it was lots of fun. We walked a lot so my legs at least got pretty tired (as I knew they would, and not sure if shooting around earlier had anything to do with it). I really wanted to see the big animals, like the elephants, tigers and bears. I wasn't too interested in seeing lizards and that.

Seeing all the animals really made me wonder what really were the differences between a zoo and a jail. Were we really doing them good by keeping them there? Imagine being stuck in a small area for the rest of your life, while everyday people come and stare at you. I reckon they'd prefer living in the wild, even if it means not eating everyday and the possibility of being hunted by predators.

We had a relatively expensive lunch, as predicted, since these places will rape you while you're there. $14 for a burger meal?? I settled for the $10.80 kids meal, and so did Ele. The burger tasted like shit as well.

I remember talking to Ele about why she didn't want to go to the eastershow instead, and she said she had been the last few years and always spent $200 each time, and that it all adds up. So from this, I could tell she was fairly careful about money as well.

I had to line up for Chira and Ele as Chira was the one holding the table for us. Ele lined up with me later on to help with carrying the food. I paid for them first, and figured I was still within my budget. Ever since I'd read that Poor Dad Rich Dad book I've found myself to be more careful with money.

There was more talk about Patrick during lunch, and we all joked about how psychotic he might be. I actually wouldn't be surprised if he did something really dramatic.

The best part of the day was probably seeing the gorillas. I was amazed at how human-like they were. The baby actually walked upright like humans, while the big father had his back turned to us as he was eating, as if to say "I don't like any of you". The other amazing sight was seeing the lions, although it wasn't as good because they were mainly just sleeping. I said they should take away their beds so they can't sleep, lol.

We ended up staying there till near closing time, as Colin said he was a cheapskate and wanted to make the most out of it. Towards the end we checked out the Australian wildlife and farms area, and at one stage as we were walking down a footpath, Colin said "look up" and Evonne and I looked up to see heaps of spiders hanging above us in their webs. I was like "fuck you!" and Evonna got pretty scared, and we decided not to talk down that path, lol. I had also made a turkey joke when we saw turkeys roaming around, and Colin was like "yeah steal my joke eh?" and I was like "I didn't know you said that?" and I was pretty sure I had just tossed over my mind whatever turkey he had made, that it somehow went back into my consciousness and I thought it was mine. Sorry Colin.

At the end we were deciding what to do, and they asked if I wanted to go for dinner. I can't remember what I said, but it bordered on a "no" and Colin said "stop playing hard to get" and I thought that it was true - I had this play hard to get thing about me. There was talk about seeing a movie, but Ele said she and Evonne wouldn't be watching it.

We also managed to get some last photos of some of us sitting in a big koala in the gifts shop before we left. The ferry trip back was packed, so we had to sit apart. When we got back to the Quay, we ended up having dinner/dessert at Guylian. The menu was out of my price range so I just had a $17 dessert. More talk about Patrick ensued. At the end there was talk again about a movie. Elle said again she and Evonne wouldn't be watching it, but then later I got the indication that they were so I said I'd go along. Also found out she and her husband had gone to see Sex and Zen.

When we finished, they walked around to the exit while I just slipped between two poles and jumped out. I saw the manager then fixed up the pole to make it closer and asked one of the waitresses to move the heater thing to block anyone doing what I just did. Pffff...fuck them. That's why I hate snobby asses.

They hung out in the chocolate store for a while, and Ele bought us all a chocolate easter egg each, and we took a photo of it in our hands.

Then as we walked back, Ele and Evonne parted to catch the train home. We had some spare money jointly from the change, so we said we'd go to KFC. Colin and I wanted to walk, while the girls wanted to catch a bus, so we said we'd race them there. Colin and I speed-walked to KFC, fearing that they'd beat us there. But when we finally made it, we discovered that we had beaten them, so we went inside to sit down and wait.

There was a girl sitting by herself eating. Well, she was more like a lady. She looked young from the back, but her face showed she was probably late 30's or even early 40's. She was dressed young though, and as I watched her, I thought about what the future held for Naby. Would she be like that, eating by herself, still dressing to look young, trying desperately to lure customers? Or would she end up marrying a decent guy and settling down for a family?

Jessica finally arrived, saying Shira went home to get a jacket. I lined up to get the food and then ate sitting next to Colin while Jessica ate with Shira. Colin and I were talking about this girl who looked crazy - she was dressed in a light blue short skirt with her hair tied into two ponytails like a 12 year old. Colin thought she was a prostitute, I thought she was just crazy. Apparently Shira and Jessica were also talking about her too.

When we finished, Jessica wanted me to go to the movies, and so did Colin, but I didn't really want to go anymore. Colin asked me not to ditch him, but I didn't want to spend anymore money. As I parted from them in front of the cinema, Colin had this helpless look on his face, and I felt really bad. I'll try to make it up to him. Jessica kept pleading, and Shira said "don't force people" which I really appreciated.

I checked out Giordano's next door and ended up buying two long sleeve tee's for $25. I've had my eye on them for a while now, but they've always been $40 for two, and now they were cheap, I was gonna get them.

I caught the bus home, pretty glad I didn't end up seeing the movie.

2nd loss...

2011-04-21T21:34:00.003+10:00

On Wednesday I was at Court for some mentions. I got the ones at DCLC done and then went over to Central. I thought it was one where we were going to cop it, and I didn't want a repeat of what happened last week so I thought I'd better cop it instead of the list officer. I went there and took the file off him, telling him I'd do it.

Turned out to be no problem at all, but I hope he appreciated at least that I was willing to do it.

Also in the morning I got received a message from Any confirming he'd meet me at 7pm, so I was pretty excited. When he said he'd call, I just assumed it was a nice way of saying no, and I got really discouraged at that stage, mainly because I was disappointed in people in general. The Sunny incident has taught me that people can be really unreliable.

I hadn't brought my gear anyway, so I needed to go home. I went home, bummed around a bit before getting changed. At 6:50pm I headed off to meet Any, bringing him a bottle of Powerade because I was just happy to have him. I figured he was going to be the saviour of the team - the guy we could just pass the ball to who would score at will, and I'd just be laughing from the bench.

I waited at his bus stop for a short period before I heard a ball bouncing towards me. I looked and saw him, thinking I remembered him to look a bit different. We caught the bus together, and I told him a bit about Sydney. I felt like the hometown teammate showing the new guy around.

We got off the bus and walked to Town Hall where Bo was already waiting. I introduced them to eachother and knew Bo would have no problems connecting because he was just the type of guy who could get along with anyone. But what I didn't expect was how exlcuded I would feel - Bo started talking about some sort of Angolan martial arts/dance and I didn't know what the hell it was so I just stood there as we waited for Phil.

Bo called Phil and found out he was waiting for us at the platform, so we went down to get a train ticket and meet Phil. It was the first time Any would be catching a train.

We met Phil on the platform and we exchanged numbers. He said he had gone to morning basketball on Tuesday, and I said I didn't know he was going, otherwise I would've gone.

We hopped onto the next train and made funny conversation during the trip. The train was packed, but it was fun to feel like a group of guys in a team joking around. The other good thing was that we were so multicultural - a black guy, a white guy and two Asian guys.

When we got to the station we walked to the courts. As we approached the building and the sounds of the whistles, I silently felt like I had proved to Any that I wasn't lying about the whole bball comp thing - I mean, I guess if I really wanted to, I could've asked him to meet a bunch of guys and rob him or something.

We went into the courts, and Mike and Abi were already there, so they got to meet Any. I felt like so far I haven't had much time to reacquaint myself with Mike and Abi on a genuine basis. Maybe as the season goes on I will.

When Nick arrived, he met Any. He wanted to get his name right from me first, lol. We got there kinda early, so I started stretching and doing light jogging. I was wearing my long sleeve black jersey, to finish off the look to match with my long black socks. It kinda suited the black bib we got too. I wore number 10, because they were randomly given out and seven was taken - I wanted to keep the same number for bibs, don't know why, even though eight was available.

We watched as this team with two really small young guards played. I was relishing the time we'd meet them. I reckon I'd just post up on their small ass.

We also met two other guys who had signed up through the comp, unfortunately they were guards. So we had nine, which didn't really worry me at first because I figured it was good to be safe and stay on the bench.

When I saw the other team I didn't think much of them. They just seemed like a bunch of skinny white guys. I started on the bench and watched on as th went on a 9-0 run. I was actually pretty worried at that stage. It looked like we weren't going to score at all.

It was Any's first game, so I'll give him that, but he didn't really live up to my fantasies of dunking over everyone. And he was a lot skinnier than I thought. Hell, he was skinnier than Abi (although more ripped).

I finally got on at about 10 minutes and found myself running quite a bit already because the other team just kept the speed up. In the beginning we saw they only had five so we figured we could outrun them, but they actually outran us.

We were beaten up pretty badly by halftime. They outscored us, out-rebounded us, out-played us, and out-hustled us. This was a well oiled team against a team of newbies.

I started on the bench again on the second half, and went on again at about ten minutes. This time I was more aggressive. I had told myself to be more aggressive offensively before the game, because I figured I actually needed to step up if we were going to achieve anything, instead of sitting on my lazy ass.

I got so pissed we were losing I felt like starting a fight. I felt like smashing them. I could just picture us talking about a fight afterwards, and how those two new guys would be surprised a fight broke out in their first game. I couldn't believe how angry I was. It was like I just felt like bashing anything. I felt out of control. I can't recall feeling this way when losing with the Pandas?

I played defense more aggressively, slapping a guy in the face. Also, at one stage, a guy drove, did a jump stop, and I heard everyone call a travel except the referee, and I hit him in the arm trying to swipe the ball, and a foul was called by that little shit of a referee. I started walking towards him angrily saying "why don't you call the travel?!" and Abi pulled me back.

Then on offense I tried to draw the foul when taking it up by running into them, but I must admit they were playing good D. I accidentally grabbed a guy in the balls too.

There was a small stretch where I shot it, we got the rebound, passed back to me, I shot it, we got the rebound, it came back to me, and I shot it, and we got the rebound and scored, lol. Can't believe I missed three quick shots in a row, but that shows the aggressive mentality I was in. All three shots looked good, so I was surprised they didn't fall.

I took a three later on as well, and it was too strong. Then in the waning minutes, someone passed it out to me for a three which I knocked down. I was surprised, because I wasn't really feeling the three. Oh well, I'll take whatever I can get at this stage. Also got two assists finding the open man.

We were pretty shattered after that loss, but came to the realisation we had just played an experienced team. We had a short debriefing session afterwards before Abi said he had to go. Nick found out about Mike's "use seven sentences to say one thing" syndrome, lol. We all walked to the train station, and I was glad to see Any have so much input about the game, because to me it was a sign he wanted to play, and I really think he could help this team. The other two guys were good, especially the white guy, but we have way too many guards.

It was a bit of a sober feeling on that train, as we mostly just listened to Bo and Nick talk about wrapping their ankles. Phil was funny in that he had diarrhea, lol. I would've hated to be him, haha. He had to get off at Town Hall with Any and I to use the bathroom, and the even funnier thing was Bo's female friend got onto the train and started talking to them, haha. I'm sure Phil was thinking "screw all this, I just wanna goooooo!!"

Any and I caught the bus back home. It was a packed bus so we stood near the front, talking about the game and a bit about surgeries and injuries.

Ah well, let's hope we win next game.

Taste of work without Sarah

2011-04-18T20:20:00.003+10:00

Caught a bus to work today, got there later than I wanted. I wanted to get there really early to get a head start on things, but sometimes it's just hard to leave the house.

I had a fairly productive day, got miscellaneous things done as they popped up throughout the day, and got a minute done at the end of the day as well. I still have to respond to those dumb reps though *sigh*.

So today was really my first taste of what it was going to be like without Sarah. It's kinda funny, because I was with Alanna for so much longer, I still feel 'new' with Sarah, but we just kinda seemed to slide into sync with eachother, whereas with Alanna I felt like things had to develop over a longer period of time.

I found that Mary was my go-to person more for my questions, but I wonder how long that will last since she seems so busy all the time. I know she gets frustrated but she always keeps a smile on her face.

Anyway, a new guy started in our branch today. He's on secondment from another agency, which I have some interest in going to. He's going to find this to be a big change. At first I thought it wouldn't affect me at all, BUT I found out that Christina will be his supervisor, SO that means she can't be mine =)

Now, the question still remains: who will be my supervisor?

At lunch I went to the gym to do some cycling. On the way I stopped off at a Korean grocery store to get a pack of drinks for the week. I chose this odd looking drink, turned out to be not so good tasting soy stuff, but eh. The chick at the store was kinda cute, and gave me a nice smile and eye contact when she gave me the change. Still, I found myself half looking for Naby as I walked the streets.

Speaking of Naby, I found this forum on the net about brothels. It's more of a Caucasian based forum, but there is a 13 page thread on Naby's shop. The posts aren't dated, and according to the forum that means they're at least two years old. There's some mention of names similar to Naby and Bibi, but I can't be sure if they refer to her because: 1) it's stated that they keep the same names for different girls; and 2) there really isn't much of a physical description of them.

Over the past few days I've been mentally debating (again) how genuine Naby's interest in me is. I have this plan to half jokingly say to her I want to take her to a hotel so we can make love all day. I wonder what her reaction will be.

I...touch...BOARD!!!

2011-04-17T21:03:00.002+10:00

Had loose plans to go into the office today which never eventuated.

A picked me up from my place at 7:50am to go swimming, we talked about his upcoming trip to the US. I was deciding whether I should ask him to get me something, but then didn't really know what I wanted, and also figured I should save some money. I need to remind myself that from now until I pay off my debts (estimated November-December) I need to be extremely frugal. I can breathe once that period is over.

We got to the pool and were surprised to see that the barrier in the middle had been removed - the pool was now one long stretch of 50 metres. I was kinda looking forward to it, because stopping and turning around at 25m was kinda annoying. However, the only downside was that there were now only eight lanes to share, as opposed to 16, which meant all lanes had at least one person in it by now.

We split lanes, and off I went. It did feel nice, but tiring, to go all the way to the end and then back. It was a bit like a marathon. Definitely takes some getting used to.

I actually got confused as to how much we needed to do to complete our normal 10 laps. We had said before we started that it just needed to be five laps, so I went up three times and back three times, which was six - one more than required. I got out and waited for A, and was trying to figure it out since it felt like I had short-changed myself.

A saw me and then came out to sit next to me. We sat there for the next five minutes discussing and trying to figure out how many laps we needed to do to fill our usual quota, lol. It was such a simple thing, but yet we confused ourselves so much. The mistake I had made was assuming we only needed to do five up and down, whereas we needed to do five going each way. I felt like we were a couple of old men discussing useless things, lol.

He drove me home, and I wished him well for his trip to the US. I'm not sure if I'll be going swimming without him.

I had planned to watch the Orlando-Atlanta playoff game, but it wasn't being shown by One. Instead, they were showing soccer...grrr. Oh well, it made my decision to go for a shootaround easier.

I went to the courts, intending to work on my threes. Most baskets had been turned around for netball, but my usual court was still available. I wamred up with suicides, then started shooting around the world to warm up my shot. As I was finishing, a guy came up to me and asked to shoot around. He was dressed in white shirt, white pants, and I thought he was one of the cricket players wanting some shots before his game. I asked if he played cricket and he said no, he just dressed like that.

He started changing, and when I finally looked I was surprised to see a well built guy. He had game. His show was a bit funny, but god could he jump! He took a few lazy steps and nearly dunked it. We were shooting around talking, turns out he's only been here for a month. I was thinking bout asking him to join my team but waited.

He asked me to play one on one. I was quite surprised, because I was sure he was gonna whoop my ass, and also I wasn't sure if I'd have the energy for it. I agreed anyway, figuring I'd just give it a go.

I relied on my outside shot for points, but at times I did force myself to drive, even though I couldn't get past him for crap. I don't know if I had a slow step or if he was just quick, but he didn't budge at all. I then realised maybe I could post up on him, since he was doing the same. I got my shot off, but it was definitely harder than when you practicing by yourself. That needs to be refined.

To my surprise, it was a game up to seven and I actually took him to 8-8 before I got tired and basically gave up. He was tired too, which was surpsising. I couldn't believe I was duking it out with this built-as-a-motherfucker guy.

After the game we sat and talked a bit. I told him about our team and he was pretty keen on joining, saying he had been looking for a comp.

Wow, perfect. This solves the Sunny problem.

We talked more about ball, turns out he played pro-ball in Angola. I couldn't fucking believe I went to 8-8 with a pro-baller.

After a while more people came, and so I got up and starting shooting around. The guys on the other court asked us to join them, so we played three on three.

At one stage, I was trying to dribble past a guy and had my back to him. His leg got caught on mine as I spun, and he went to the ground crutching his knee. He was in heaps of pain, and I asked if he twisted it. He told me it was his ACL.

Oh shit.

I told him I had it too. He said he was supposed to have surgery but was waiting for the 12 month period.

He rested on the baseline for a while, and I went to talk to him about the ACL stuff. After a while he got up, went to strap up his knee and resumed playing. Wow. I totally wouldn't have done that. I told him to be careful, and after that I never really bothered to guard him.

We actually played for quite a while after that, and during breaks I felt like touching the backboard. On my first go, I actually touched a lot of it, which really surprised me. On the second go I got the same amount. Have my hops come back? Or was this backboard somehow lower than the one I'm usually on? Even if it was, it was still pretty impressive.

I ended up walking home with that guy from Angola, because he lives only a few blocks from me. I said I'd message him with the game details, and he still seemed pretty keen, although obviously by now I was cautious after the whole Sunny thing.

I went home, had a shower, bummed around and then went to the shopping centre near me to look for Rudy. I couldn't find it, but came very close to buying Mortal Kombat 1 and 2 for $10 each. In the end, I figured that'd be $20 not working for me, so I didn't bother, since I'd probably only watch it once anyway.

I bought some food and checked out some jewellery stores, to get an early idea of what I could get for Naby. Some stores were too expensive, and some stores were too cheap. I didn't want to get her cheapo stuff this time. I want to get her something decent. My plan is to get it for her on my birthday. I'm thinking a silver bracelet.

My first game as a Shohoku

2011-04-16T20:47:00.004+10:00

Wednesday
I woke up at 5am and left home at just after 6am, which meant I'd be a little bit late. I took my GPS and the music CD I made the night before, and got into the office car parked across the road. I was ready for my long journey to Muswellbrook.

The drive wasn't too bad. I was in the sportswagon this time, so I had the power. I had to stop before midway at a petrol station on the freeway to use the bathroom and to make sure I hadn't already passed the exit. I swear there were supposed to be signs pointing to Muswellbrook, but perhaps they came later on. So for now, I was relying on a print out I got the night before, because my GPS kept telling me to go off on early exits.

Unsure of where I was really heading, I finally saw the exit that I was supposed to take according to my print out. I then guessed the direction of a turn-off and just kept going. I hoped to God I was going in the right direction. I was starting to run out of time. My only sign was that I was heading towards Maitland, which I had to pass anyway, so that was a good thing.

Finally I started seeing signs pointing to Muswellbrook. I was relieved, but the distance worried me. I started driving faster. I aimed to get there by 9:30am, which was the time I told the cop to be there by, and I wasn't going to make it. By that time, I called him. His phone was busy at first, and I figured he was probably calling to try to track my number down.

When I got through to him, he asked me "have you spoken to anyone?". I was like "what do you mean?". He said "have you spoken to Mary?" When I said no, he told me he was at court, and the matter was at Central.

I pulled over, and just kept repeating "you're kidding me". I told him I was 10 minutes away, and he said he was just leaving. I pulled into a petrol station just up ahead, and then called Mary. She had printed out the instructions I had made for myself and given it to the list officer, Adam.

Lucky I had made instructions for myself. Gee, this should score a point for preparedness.

She asked me to contact the other side, which I did, and left a message on their voice mail. I didn't really know what to do. I mean, I knew I had to turn back, but...now? I tried to go into the KFC but it wasn't open yet. I filled the car up with petrol, and while standing at the cash register, I figured I might as well start driving back.

I got into the car and started my journey...again. I thought it'd be faster this time, but it actually seemed longer. When I finally got back to the office and wrote up the log book, I saw that it had really been the same each way - 3.5 hours. Fark, I had been driving for seven hours!

Of course, there was a laugh and a giggle when I got back, but I was just tired. Sarah was out at Gosford for a hearing, and I wondered how she was doing. I really was too tired to do any other work, and I would've left before 5pm if I didn't have a game that night. So instead, I stayed till 6:30pm starting my job application for the LO positions.

I was actually going to stay till 7:30pm because that was when I was supposed to meet Bo to go to the game together, but I just wanted to get away from the computer screen. I went for a walk in the city. I thought about getting the KFC 'The Double', but didn't think it'd be a good idea before the game. Instead, I just bought a sushi roll.

I ended up sitting at the Town Hall steps waiting for Bo. I browseed the net on my phone. A few drops of rain came down, but that was it. Finally at around 7:45pm Bo turned up. I was both glad and excited to see him. This was it, I was heading to my first game back.

We talked about Colin being indecisive about playing with us. He said he was coming tonight only to see how we would do, meaning he'd play with us if we were good, but not if we weren't. Both Bo and I thought we'd just be better off without him.

On the train, Bo asked me a very surprising question: "why don't you have a girlfriend?" I think Jim having a girlfriend sort of brought this up, but at the same time, he asked it in a way that sounded like it had been on his mind for some time, and maybe even something he had talked about with others. I just said I had seen too many bad experiences and that I liked being single. He told me he has been married and divorced, adding that she took everything, leaving him the chair she threw at him, lol.

When we got to the station, we saw Nick who was walking through to the gates. We called out to him, and he ended up getting something to eat first. We started walking to the courts, and I was like "don't we have to wait for Phil?" and we all laughed and turned back around. We were all pretty excited about the night. It was our debut.

After a while Phil showed up and we all headed to the courts. I was pretty excited and wanted to talk about everything with Nick, and then realised I must've seemed like I was ignoring Phil. The walk to the courts was slightly familiar - Nick led us along the main road, whereas I remember with Jimmy we always walked along the smaller roads.

At last, we arrived at the building. It was very familiar indeed. But when we went in, I had forgotten that we had to walk up the stairs. I nearly went the wrong way. I went to look for Abdi and Sunny and found them, then took them to meet the rest of the guys out in the lobby area. We all completed our registration details. I had to use my credit card to pay for Sunny because he didn't have any money, which was fine.

We went to sit and watch a game. The teams we were watching were so big, so athletic, so well oiled. I was seriously getting scared. My knee WOULD NOT hold up against guys like that. How the hell was I going to survive one game, let alone the season?

Then I found out that it wasn't our division.

Phew.

Our division was playing on another court which I had seen and said I wished we were in. That was much more do-able.

Nick started handing out the bibs, since our jerseys haven't been ordered yet as the comp only gave us a week's notice. He gave me number seven. I kinda liked it, as a substitute number. I thought it was kinda cool that we were wearing temporary jerseys and numbers, like it was a cool change from the norm.

It was also the closest thing to eight since there was no eight. But then later I realised that it was Fat Pat's number - could someone with close knowledge of me think that I was trying to usurp Fat Pat's presence?

We went to watch the game in our division, and just hung around. Phil and I passed a ball back and forth to eachother as warm up. I was getting a bit frustrated with Mike because he was texting and calling me saying he couldn't find the place - we had been playing here for a few seasons. Finally he showed up and I introduced him to everyone.

Nick organised the starting lineup, and I volunteered to start on the bench. This was going to be my role for the season. I told myself to be happy to be a back up. The starting lineup was Colin, Mike, Bo, Sunny and Abdi. Phil, Nick and I started on the bench, even though I thought Nick should've started.

It was pretty exciting, even if I was only watching from the bench. I think both teams got off to a slow start, but we were obviously the more un-coordinated team. Even with Colin there, we sucked at rebounding. They owned us on the boards. But even then, they really hadn't scored that many points.

I went on about five minutes into the game, nervous as hell, yet experience had me on auto-pilot. I wasn't confident, but I knew what to do. One of my first possessions was running a fast break, where I stuffed up a pass to Abdi. In hindsight I should've just stopped for a shot.

My defence was pretty crap, but also in hindsight, the floor was kinda slippery. I came off after 10 minutes, glad I hadn't hurt myself, lol.

I watched as Bo got called for a foul. The guy had put up a shot next to the basket, and Bo did what pretty much any player with bad habits did, which was to just stick his palms out a little, looking like he had pushed him in the back. As the ref was walking to the scorer's table, Bo asked her "should I just push him?"

It made me laugh as I watched the ref let out a smile, and it was that very moment where I thought "damn, this is why I'm in it, it feels great to be part of a team". But at the same time, I thought to myself "I need to be more serious instead of looking for humour opportunities".

I watched as we made a late run in the first half, with Abdi hitting a buzzer beater three to make it 10-9 at the half (their way).

In the second half we were a bit more organised, but they still pulled away, no thanks to some really shit calls by the refs. There is this ref who is like a little kid, couldn't be more than 15 years old, who made some really outrageous calls. One time Nick was just taking the ball up and the kid called a carry. WTF??

I felt like smashing him.

I did score a basket on a fastbreak when Abdi passed it to me under the basket. I made it 15-19 but don't think we ever came closer than that. I sat out the last five minutes, and even though Abdi and Sunny scored for us and showed really good chemistry, it wasn't enough as we watched our first game go down as a loss. The competitive side of me started firing up and I really felt like going on, or smashing the referee. But I told myself to just sit on the bench and be content.

After the game, and after shaking hands with the other team, Colin left almost immediately. He claimed to have a migraine, but I (even though I am very naive) saw right through him. I knew we wouldn't see him again.

We hung around a bit after, just talking about jerseys and the money aspect of things. I had a slight suspicion that Sunny would back out, but he seemed ok when Nick talked money, so maybe I was wrong.

I caught the train with Nick, Bo and Phil. Nick spent the trip trying to call someone about picking up an Xbox or something, while the rest of us just talked about the game.

After I got off, I went to KFC and bought some chips. I was pretty damn hungry. I didn't get to sleep until past midnight since it was a late game.

Thursday
Having slept so late, I had the equivalent of a headache. I went to work and seriously did nothing. I thought I was really going to spend the whole day doing nothing. The only bright side was that it was pay day, so I was doing stuff on my finances.

I was so unmotivated because of my headache...until Adam called. He basically told me off for not giving him enough information in one of the matters yesterday as he was the list officer. I did say that there were certain things we couldn't say, but he just repeated that there wasn't enough information. It really pissed me off. At that stage and for the rest of the day I thought I was wrong, but thinking about it, what more could I have put?

He seems like a nice guy, but I reckon if I was in a higher position than him then he wouldn't have made that call. Fucking hell.

That motivated me to get some work done. I felt bad, pissed off and motivated.

I left work at 5pm, wanting to clear my head and headache. I went to Myer to get my mom a $100 gift card for her birthday. I then went to get the KFC 'The Double' and ate it as I walked home. It wasn't as bad or fatty as I thought, but it definitely was unhealthy. I wouldn't recommend it even once a week, for someone who exercises as much as me.

Friday
I was glad I didn't have to wake up with a headache, but as usual for the last week or so, I woke up with that annoying pain in my left shoulder. It's started to make me wonder if I should see a doctor because it might be serious.

I walked to work then got changed as I had to go instruct CO in court. I met him there at just before 10am and we went in as he mentioned his matter. One party was late, and when they finally arrived we agreed on a date, and then both he and CO left me to mention it by myself. So I sat outside the courtroom waiting, playing on my phone when DC called my name out, lol. He had a matter there too, and when he checked the court he said it might be a good opportunity for me to go in and do my mention, so I went in.

The judge looked at me but I was waiting for an invitation. He didn't budge, so I just watched as the trial went on until 11:30am. I finally did the mention. It felt pretty good to stand there behind a lectern in my suit before a judge.

I went back to the office, half looking forward to getting a cheap lunch, when I saw Mary talking with Sarah in her room. Mary asked if I wanted to go for lunch. I was a bit startled because I didn't know of any previous plans so was wondering if I was invited. I looked at Sarah and she nodded, so I said yes.

I grabbed my stuff and we also dragged Ogre out at the last minute. We met Michael and Claire B downstairs, and walked some distance away to the restaurant. It turned out to be that place that I met with DC, Hayley and Twish one night after the trial.

It was cool to have lunch with them, and it was even cooler to see Mary being happy by bantering with and teasting Michael. I just ordered a sandwich which cost bloody $18, but then at the end they wanted dessert and I shared with Ogre so that was an additional $7.

Claire B left shortly after the desserts, saying she wanted to make a good impression because the LO job applications were soon (ie. today) and I thought about going with her but didn't think it'd be appropriate since she was the only one who wasn't really in our branch.

So we stayed there longer, even though I was beginning to feel uncomfortable about taking a two hour lunch. It was sorta for Sarah's farewell I suppose.

When we returned to the office, there was a bit of panic as one of Ogre's matter had been urgently listed. She had gone off to the supermarket and her phone was off. Mary asked me to go mention it which I happily obliged. But by the time I was ready to go, Ogre had returned. During this time, Mary and Bryony had a bit of an exchange. I think Mary didn't like the fact that everyone panicked. She later came to thank me for being calm and willing to do it, and told me she didn't like how Bryony panicked and told DS.

I had received a message from Nick saying he got a weird message from Sunny. I asked him to forward it to me, and it basically said he didn't think he could afford playing in the comp. I was disappointed, because we all liked him, and I had paid for his rego already.

I had planned to walk home after work, but because I was finalising my job application and writing up the files for the day, I ended up staying till about 6:30pm. Only Sarah, Caroline and I were left. I went to say goodbye to Sarah, and gave her a pack of lollies I had bought last time I bought her something, since I wasn't going to eat it anyway. She said not to because she was going to eat it, and I said she didn't have to eat it now, but she was already opening it, lol. I wondered if that was a sign of her self control. I've picked up the vibe from her that she doesn't have that much money saved up, which is pretty surprising given how much she'd be making. I wonder what she spends her money on?

She mentioned she'd come into work tomorrow and I said I would too (because I would be meeting Bo and Phil and Sunny for ball anyway), and she said she'd see me tomorrow.

I caught the bus home and had a quiet night, although I would've gone for a drive if the car was home. In particular, I read an article that said the movie Rudy had changed Kobe's life, so I wanted to go look for it.

Today
Didn't end up going to work because it was raining and I just got lazy. Basically spent the whole day at home, and only went out at night when the car was back, to get some chips and check out Borders at Bondy.