$6.38

Yesterday was raining, so bball training with Bo was cancelled. Instead, I went into the office to get some work done. Ogre was there too. I finished my minute and finished off some forms, then made sure everything else was in order so that I would have all of Tuesday off. It felt good.

I didn't really feel like gym even though I had brought my gear. My legs, abs and ribs were sore from doing the 55 shots. I kinda wanted to walk home, but it was raining so I caught a bus.

I hadn't had lunch yet, and wanting to save money, I decided to eat at home. The only thing I could really make was a hot dog, but everything was too dirty. I did start cleaing one of the pans, but discovered that it had somehow been soaked in oil. It was too hard to get off so I went out to get something. At first my plan was to get Macca's, but then figured that'd cost $7 or so, so I went to the supermarket where I bought two packs of pies and a pizza, all for $11.

I had checked earlier in the day, that the interest I have earned in my high interest bearing savings account for this month is $6.38, which is the highest since...I don't know. And there's a few days to go in the month as well, so I should pop $7. It also looks like I will eclipse the amount of interest I earned two financial years ago, which means I am slowly getting back on track financially.

I am still kinda in 'awe' I guess, that I have started turning things around. Instead of paying $250 in interest on my credit card per month, I'm not earning $7 in interest per month. On my calculations, I will repay the debt by the end of the year, maybe November if I'm lucky. But also, I will BREAK into the positives in my net worth in the upcoming fortnight or month, so it's close. I can almost smell it. That effectively means, if I wanted to, I could just sell all the shares I currently have and use it to pay back my credit card debt.

I must say, to get to this stage, it not only took the stopping of gambling (which was a huge effort in itself), but also the stop use of my credit card. It was so easy to use it - I think the mentality was that it wasn't really my money, so it was kinda like getting something for free. Only to be hit back with the bill a month later - with interest.

I'm still undecided right now as to whether I'll see Naby this coming weekend. I just don't know how I'm going to pay for it, even if I get really frugal. The only thing that makes me want to go is I'm afraid if I don't see her for five weeks, we'll lose that 'connection', and she might have moved shops or something.

Anyway, so it rained earlier today, and has been cloudy ever since midday, so bball was cancelled today as well. I remmeber thinking when responding to training yesterday, that I actually wanted to practice by myself rather than with anyone else.

But then this was what led to the downfall of the Pandas right? My selfishness meant I'd rather train by myself than with the team, meaning lack of team work and understanding. Was I going down this same path again?

Like Ray Ray

Yesterday I pretty much bummed around at home all day. It was raining so I couldn't ball, and I didn't have the car so I couldn't go into the office (didn't feel like using up two bus trips). Although when my parents returned in the afternoon I did go out to the shopping centre near me to get some sausages and bread. All the normal white bread had been sold out which was annoying, so I had to settle for hot dog buns.

Today, I got to the courts at 8am and worked on my threes after warming up with suicides. I did what I used to do, moving around the key. I first intended to do 110 shots, but at the beginning my right knee was clicking a bit and didn't feel too good, but when I started it was alright.

At first my shot felt awkward, but as I went on, it felt better. Sometimes I'd feel like I was shooting out of form, like I was bending too much for my jump, or jumping too far forward, so I'd picture how Ray Allen shoots it and imitate it in my mind. To my surprise, it worked - I found myself jumping straight up, my elbows at the right angle, and my wrist flicking the ball, creating a swish. It all seemed too easy. Ray Allen has a sweet sweet shot.

I ended up making only 55 shots because I could feel myself getting tired, and I didn't see the point of forcing myself to shoot in bad tired form. I will do the rest tomorrow. But it felt so good to be out there, just so peaceful. All alone (although there was a group playing on the next court).

Did I mention that on Thursday Amanda texted me? I remember being in the toilet that day, going through my contacts to see who I could invite to the zoo, and seeing Amanda's name, I wondered if I should delete her. Then later on in the day, she sent me this:

"Hey [insert name here]! How's it going? Hope you're well. Have a great Easter. Let's try to play tennis with G and Shuing soon. Ok?"

I kinda felt sorry for her, and couldn't bear rejecting her again, so I just replied with "Sure ok, sounds good".

So I thought about that a bit while I was shooting. Maybe I'm a little bit more ready than before. But at the same time, I'm pretty sure I'm not willing to give up Naby.

Speaking of which, the original plan was to see her next weekend. Although over the past few days I have been tempted to see her. Hell, after work on Thursday I was thinking of seeing her - the only thing that stopped me was lack of a car. I thought about seeing her today after I did a bit of work in the office. I wonder, can I really go through this extra long weekend without seeing her?

Also, I may not be able to see her next weekend either. I have to pay for my bball comp fees, and so I don't know where I'm going to get the momey to see her from. That would mean like going five weeks without her...dang.

Anyway, to stop myself from wasting money after work (I did consider the casino) I messaged Shuing, Malay and G to see if they were up for drinks. Shuing was, Malay had just come back from camping, and G didn't reply.

So I went home to have a hot dog before going to Chinksford to meet Shuing. We went to a supermarket first because he needed to buy shaving cream, and I bought some Pringles. We put them in our respective cars and then went to that Malaysian dessert place.

I told him what I was going to have and pointed it to the menu, hoping he'd know that you had to order at the counter, but he looked at the price and said "times have changed", even though that wasn't what I meant.

We talked about Patrick's email and G mainly. I deliberately omitted the zoo thing, not wanting him to talk about me liking Ele. I said I feared I had rubbed G the wrong way by comparing him to William Hung when he told me he got rejected from The X Factor, and Shuing seemed to suggest that G was decent. I don't know, I mean, he's obviously the best out of all of us, but decent enough to make the cut for The X Factor?? Are you serious? Sometimes I think you gotta stop your friends from humiliating themselves.

I've also begun finding holes in Shuing's arguments and theories. I find he likes to compare and use storylines in Seinfeld (or whatever is his flavour of the month) with us. Like he said G hated himself, and then said the guys in our group all hated themselves. I said Bobby didn't, and that he even previously called Bobby a narcissist. He thought about it, feeling a little trapped, and then said something like Bobby likes himself so much that he hated himself, and linked it to the Seinfeld episode where Jerry finds the girl who is exactly like him.

Afterwards, we ended up driving to G's house in my car, because Shuing said he was sure he'd be home. He knocked on the door and G's mom opened it, telling him G had gone outside of Sydney with Bobby. I was surprised even Shuing wasn't in on this. He said he must've been excluded from the emails about this because Bobby didn't like him poking fun at him.

We drove back and I dropped him off at his car, before I went for a drive to the seaside.

Over these holidays, I've realised that our group has separated somewhat, due in large part to Shuing and I. I say Shuing because he's so attached to the high school days, that I feel he's the one who excludes others from the group. He prevents us from meeting others. If he had let Ele in, then she could've brought in more people, but his theory is that she doesn't like him.

I also say I contributed to this because ever since I switched credit cards, it's meant that I have to stick with my repayment plans, which means limited funds to spend. And so in trying to save as much money as possible, I've decided one of the best ways is to cut down on going out, so I haven't organised that many outings since. And in the meantime, G has gone off with Bobby and Malay has gone camping with his other group. I won't sweat it I suppose, I can always turn it back on after I've repaid this debt.

Taronga Zoo

Thursday
Started the day out in Penrith for a matter which belongs to Genie. She took the whole week off, so that's why I was asked to do it. I've slowly begun to realise she's a bit of a bludger. Sure, she had her teeth taken out last week, and she took two days off for that, but did she really need to take the next week off as well? Oh well, doesn't matter to me.

I sat at court waiting to be approached by the other side, but then the courtroom opened so I went in. I sat on the side and kept waiting for someone to approach. There were only a few lawyers there, and judging by their conversations, they weren't in my matter. I went out at one stage to make a call to the firm to see if anyone was showing up, and was told they should be there already but they had several other matters at the same court. So that explained it, and I went back in to wait.

Finally I see this tall, kinda bald guy come in with an old fella, who I suspected was the pedo in the matter. He didn't even look around for me and sat at the bar table. He mentioned my matter when it was his turn, so I went next to him to announce my appearance. Amongst other things, he said he'd be making a costs app!!!

Whaaaaat?!

Luckily it was reserved, and I got out of there thinking "what a cunt!". I hadn't had breakfast so I went to the shopping centre to look for Macca's, couldn't find it, and figured I might as well get back since it was already close to 11am and it'd be lunch upon my return anyway.

I caught the train back and fell asleep a bit before it started getting cramped and two old ladies sat next to me. Before that, there was a guy sitting nearby who answered his phone with "What do you mean cunt you're not coming? I made you a fucking feed, and now you're doing this to me? Oh yeah, like it's a coincidence I got all calls except yours eh cunt?" This went on for a while and the little girls sitting in front of me kept turning back, shocked at the language they were hearing. It made me think - although at their young age now they were shocked and abhorred by the language, they'll soon grow up to like guys like that. I wonder what changes girls go through to make that transformation.

I went back to the office and told Trent what had happened. He reacted the same way by calling the guy a cunt, lol. While we were talking, Moira came and told us (Trent) about her bail app, and I got stuck in that conversation when I just wanted to go to lunch. Finally I got out of there. I ended up going to KFC for lunch. While I was eating, a guy came in, rummaged through the rubbish bins, pulled out some discarded boxes and started eating from them. That was pretty damn gross man. I felt like buying something for him, but then I didn't have much cash on me either.

When I got back to the office I saw Imad in the corridor and ended up telling him about what had happened. We somehow got into talking about sex with animals with Moira.

I pretty much tanked it for the rest of the day, looking forward to the upcoming five day break. I think that was the general atmosphere on the floor - most people had already taken the day, if not the day prior as well, off to get an even longer break. Welcome to the public service.

Ele had messaged me the night before asking if I wanted to go to Taronga Zoo, so she was now messaging me about the logistics of it. I asked if she wanted to meet after work so we did. I went to grab a fruit salad (hadn't had fruit for a long time) at Woolies before meeting her at QVB. I couldn't find her at first, but that was because I was on the wrong floor, and she made fun of me when I finally found her.

I gave her a piece of fruit and we walked down the main street, talking about the zoo trip. During our walk, I bumped into Erin and Claire C, and they must've thought Ele was my girlfriend, or something along those lines. I was actually proud of being seen with Ele - if only it were true.

She had me hold her bag for her as I walked her to Central. She thought I'd be catching the train with her, so she was a bit surprised when I stopped. She gave me a hug and we parted. I caught the bus back home and had a quiet night in.

Friday
I went out to the courts in the morning for a shoot around. Because I'd only be there for a short time, I wanted to work on my running. I thought I could've really improved my fastbreaks on Wednesday nights. I did a bit of that, and there was a guy shooting around on the next court. At one point his ball hit my drink bottle and he apologised, and then went somewhere else to sit. He started shooting on a basket that had been turned around the wrong way, he did that for a while before leaving. I wondered if he thought I didn't like it so he went away.

I went back home, had a shower and a pie and then got changed. I hadn't even really decided what to wear. It'd be a warm day, so couldn't wear long sleeve, and I wanted to wear something I hadn't worn recently for want of being accused of wearing the same thing over and over. I ended up wearing my gorilla shirt, thinking it was appropriate for the occasion, even though I wore this on my farewell with Ele before I went up to Lismore.

Anyway, caught the bus out to the city, knew I was a bit late but was still making good time, got a call from Ele about 10:10am asking me where I was. When I got to the Quay they were nowhere to be found, so I called and turns out they were at Gloria Jeans or something. Finally met up with them, and saw Ele, Evonne, Shira, and Jessica standing there. I was a bit unsure about Evonne as she seems to have gone quiet on me on MSN, but she seemed fairly happy to see me.

I asked her how the semi-final went and she said no to talk about it, so I took it she didn't get through, lol. We went to a wharf and lined up for the tickets. It was $50, which I expected, so so far my budget was going ok.

We got some seats at the top level of the ferry, and even though it wasn't our first choice, we were lucky because it got packed and heaps of people had to stand. Ele yelped out at someone and I was thinking "oh great, she's bumped into someone nobody knows and it's going to be an awkward ferry trip", but turned out to be Colin, who said he'd be meeting us there. I was glad he came because I didn't want to be the only guy. In fact, when Ele told me only the girls were coming, it was me who suggested asking Colin.

But I soon found sitting next to Colin to be a bit too much. He's a nice guy and I like having him around, but I find he talks way too much for my liking when it becomes a one on one situation, as he was sitting next to me.

The trip wasn't as long as I thought, as we soon arrived. As we walked towards the stairs where everyone was lined up for the sky rail thingy, there was talk about the email Patrick had recently sent saying he had made up with Linda and inviting everyone to their one year anniversary barbeque. Colin was apparently in the know-how as Patrick had called him and he had spoken to Linda as well.

The sky rail thingy was kinda fun, but scary at the same time. Luckily it could fit all six of us. There was a running joke throughout the day, because of my gorilla shirt, that the gorillas were my family, and that tired out a bit but I went along with it.

I can't recall every single thing we did because it was a pretty big day out (photos will show it anyway) but it was lots of fun. We walked a lot so my legs at least got pretty tired (as I knew they would, and not sure if shooting around earlier had anything to do with it). I really wanted to see the big animals, like the elephants, tigers and bears. I wasn't too interested in seeing lizards and that.

Seeing all the animals really made me wonder what really were the differences between a zoo and a jail. Were we really doing them good by keeping them there? Imagine being stuck in a small area for the rest of your life, while everyday people come and stare at you. I reckon they'd prefer living in the wild, even if it means not eating everyday and the possibility of being hunted by predators.

We had a relatively expensive lunch, as predicted, since these places will rape you while you're there. $14 for a burger meal?? I settled for the $10.80 kids meal, and so did Ele. The burger tasted like shit as well.

I remember talking to Ele about why she didn't want to go to the eastershow instead, and she said she had been the last few years and always spent $200 each time, and that it all adds up. So from this, I could tell she was fairly careful about money as well.

I had to line up for Chira and Ele as Chira was the one holding the table for us. Ele lined up with me later on to help with carrying the food. I paid for them first, and figured I was still within my budget. Ever since I'd read that Poor Dad Rich Dad book I've found myself to be more careful with money.

There was more talk about Patrick during lunch, and we all joked about how psychotic he might be. I actually wouldn't be surprised if he did something really dramatic.

The best part of the day was probably seeing the gorillas. I was amazed at how human-like they were. The baby actually walked upright like humans, while the big father had his back turned to us as he was eating, as if to say "I don't like any of you". The other amazing sight was seeing the lions, although it wasn't as good because they were mainly just sleeping. I said they should take away their beds so they can't sleep, lol.

We ended up staying there till near closing time, as Colin said he was a cheapskate and wanted to make the most out of it. Towards the end we checked out the Australian wildlife and farms area, and at one stage as we were walking down a footpath, Colin said "look up" and Evonne and I looked up to see heaps of spiders hanging above us in their webs. I was like "fuck you!" and Evonna got pretty scared, and we decided not to talk down that path, lol. I had also made a turkey joke when we saw turkeys roaming around, and Colin was like "yeah steal my joke eh?" and I was like "I didn't know you said that?" and I was pretty sure I had just tossed over my mind whatever turkey he had made, that it somehow went back into my consciousness and I thought it was mine. Sorry Colin.

At the end we were deciding what to do, and they asked if I wanted to go for dinner. I can't remember what I said, but it bordered on a "no" and Colin said "stop playing hard to get" and I thought that it was true - I had this play hard to get thing about me. There was talk about seeing a movie, but Ele said she and Evonne wouldn't be watching it.

We also managed to get some last photos of some of us sitting in a big koala in the gifts shop before we left. The ferry trip back was packed, so we had to sit apart. When we got back to the Quay, we ended up having dinner/dessert at Guylian. The menu was out of my price range so I just had a $17 dessert. More talk about Patrick ensued. At the end there was talk again about a movie. Elle said again she and Evonne wouldn't be watching it, but then later I got the indication that they were so I said I'd go along. Also found out she and her husband had gone to see Sex and Zen.

When we finished, they walked around to the exit while I just slipped between two poles and jumped out. I saw the manager then fixed up the pole to make it closer and asked one of the waitresses to move the heater thing to block anyone doing what I just did. Pffff...fuck them. That's why I hate snobby asses.

They hung out in the chocolate store for a while, and Ele bought us all a chocolate easter egg each, and we took a photo of it in our hands.

Then as we walked back, Ele and Evonne parted to catch the train home. We had some spare money jointly from the change, so we said we'd go to KFC. Colin and I wanted to walk, while the girls wanted to catch a bus, so we said we'd race them there. Colin and I speed-walked to KFC, fearing that they'd beat us there. But when we finally made it, we discovered that we had beaten them, so we went inside to sit down and wait.

There was a girl sitting by herself eating. Well, she was more like a lady. She looked young from the back, but her face showed she was probably late 30's or even early 40's. She was dressed young though, and as I watched her, I thought about what the future held for Naby. Would she be like that, eating by herself, still dressing to look young, trying desperately to lure customers? Or would she end up marrying a decent guy and settling down for a family?

Jessica finally arrived, saying Shira went home to get a jacket. I lined up to get the food and then ate sitting next to Colin while Jessica ate with Shira. Colin and I were talking about this girl who looked crazy - she was dressed in a light blue short skirt with her hair tied into two ponytails like a 12 year old. Colin thought she was a prostitute, I thought she was just crazy. Apparently Shira and Jessica were also talking about her too.

When we finished, Jessica wanted me to go to the movies, and so did Colin, but I didn't really want to go anymore. Colin asked me not to ditch him, but I didn't want to spend anymore money. As I parted from them in front of the cinema, Colin had this helpless look on his face, and I felt really bad. I'll try to make it up to him. Jessica kept pleading, and Shira said "don't force people" which I really appreciated.

I checked out Giordano's next door and ended up buying two long sleeve tee's for $25. I've had my eye on them for a while now, but they've always been $40 for two, and now they were cheap, I was gonna get them.

I caught the bus home, pretty glad I didn't end up seeing the movie.

2nd loss...

On Wednesday I was at Court for some mentions. I got the ones at DCLC done and then went over to Central. I thought it was one where we were going to cop it, and I didn't want a repeat of what happened last week so I thought I'd better cop it instead of the list officer. I went there and took the file off him, telling him I'd do it.

Turned out to be no problem at all, but I hope he appreciated at least that I was willing to do it.

Also in the morning I got received a message from Any confirming he'd meet me at 7pm, so I was pretty excited. When he said he'd call, I just assumed it was a nice way of saying no, and I got really discouraged at that stage, mainly because I was disappointed in people in general. The Sunny incident has taught me that people can be really unreliable.

I hadn't brought my gear anyway, so I needed to go home. I went home, bummed around a bit before getting changed. At 6:50pm I headed off to meet Any, bringing him a bottle of Powerade because I was just happy to have him. I figured he was going to be the saviour of the team - the guy we could just pass the ball to who would score at will, and I'd just be laughing from the bench.

I waited at his bus stop for a short period before I heard a ball bouncing towards me. I looked and saw him, thinking I remembered him to look a bit different. We caught the bus together, and I told him a bit about Sydney. I felt like the hometown teammate showing the new guy around.

We got off the bus and walked to Town Hall where Bo was already waiting. I introduced them to eachother and knew Bo would have no problems connecting because he was just the type of guy who could get along with anyone. But what I didn't expect was how exlcuded I would feel - Bo started talking about some sort of Angolan martial arts/dance and I didn't know what the hell it was so I just stood there as we waited for Phil.

Bo called Phil and found out he was waiting for us at the platform, so we went down to get a train ticket and meet Phil. It was the first time Any would be catching a train.

We met Phil on the platform and we exchanged numbers. He said he had gone to morning basketball on Tuesday, and I said I didn't know he was going, otherwise I would've gone.

We hopped onto the next train and made funny conversation during the trip. The train was packed, but it was fun to feel like a group of guys in a team joking around. The other good thing was that we were so multicultural - a black guy, a white guy and two Asian guys.

When we got to the station we walked to the courts. As we approached the building and the sounds of the whistles, I silently felt like I had proved to Any that I wasn't lying about the whole bball comp thing - I mean, I guess if I really wanted to, I could've asked him to meet a bunch of guys and rob him or something.

We went into the courts, and Mike and Abi were already there, so they got to meet Any. I felt like so far I haven't had much time to reacquaint myself with Mike and Abi on a genuine basis. Maybe as the season goes on I will.

When Nick arrived, he met Any. He wanted to get his name right from me first, lol. We got there kinda early, so I started stretching and doing light jogging. I was wearing my long sleeve black jersey, to finish off the look to match with my long black socks. It kinda suited the black bib we got too. I wore number 10, because they were randomly given out and seven was taken - I wanted to keep the same number for bibs, don't know why, even though eight was available.

We watched as this team with two really small young guards played. I was relishing the time we'd meet them. I reckon I'd just post up on their small ass.

We also met two other guys who had signed up through the comp, unfortunately they were guards. So we had nine, which didn't really worry me at first because I figured it was good to be safe and stay on the bench.

When I saw the other team I didn't think much of them. They just seemed like a bunch of skinny white guys. I started on the bench and watched on as th went on a 9-0 run. I was actually pretty worried at that stage. It looked like we weren't going to score at all.

It was Any's first game, so I'll give him that, but he didn't really live up to my fantasies of dunking over everyone. And he was a lot skinnier than I thought. Hell, he was skinnier than Abi (although more ripped).

I finally got on at about 10 minutes and found myself running quite a bit already because the other team just kept the speed up. In the beginning we saw they only had five so we figured we could outrun them, but they actually outran us.

We were beaten up pretty badly by halftime. They outscored us, out-rebounded us, out-played us, and out-hustled us. This was a well oiled team against a team of newbies.

I started on the bench again on the second half, and went on again at about ten minutes. This time I was more aggressive. I had told myself to be more aggressive offensively before the game, because I figured I actually needed to step up if we were going to achieve anything, instead of sitting on my lazy ass.

I got so pissed we were losing I felt like starting a fight. I felt like smashing them. I could just picture us talking about a fight afterwards, and how those two new guys would be surprised a fight broke out in their first game. I couldn't believe how angry I was. It was like I just felt like bashing anything. I felt out of control. I can't recall feeling this way when losing with the Pandas?

I played defense more aggressively, slapping a guy in the face. Also, at one stage, a guy drove, did a jump stop, and I heard everyone call a travel except the referee, and I hit him in the arm trying to swipe the ball, and a foul was called by that little shit of a referee. I started walking towards him angrily saying "why don't you call the travel?!" and Abi pulled me back.

Then on offense I tried to draw the foul when taking it up by running into them, but I must admit they were playing good D. I accidentally grabbed a guy in the balls too.

There was a small stretch where I shot it, we got the rebound, passed back to me, I shot it, we got the rebound, it came back to me, and I shot it, and we got the rebound and scored, lol. Can't believe I missed three quick shots in a row, but that shows the aggressive mentality I was in. All three shots looked good, so I was surprised they didn't fall.

I took a three later on as well, and it was too strong. Then in the waning minutes, someone passed it out to me for a three which I knocked down. I was surprised, because I wasn't really feeling the three. Oh well, I'll take whatever I can get at this stage. Also got two assists finding the open man.

We were pretty shattered after that loss, but came to the realisation we had just played an experienced team. We had a short debriefing session afterwards before Abi said he had to go. Nick found out about Mike's "use seven sentences to say one thing" syndrome, lol. We all walked to the train station, and I was glad to see Any have so much input about the game, because to me it was a sign he wanted to play, and I really think he could help this team. The other two guys were good, especially the white guy, but we have way too many guards.

It was a bit of a sober feeling on that train, as we mostly just listened to Bo and Nick talk about wrapping their ankles. Phil was funny in that he had diarrhea, lol. I would've hated to be him, haha. He had to get off at Town Hall with Any and I to use the bathroom, and the even funnier thing was Bo's female friend got onto the train and started talking to them, haha. I'm sure Phil was thinking "screw all this, I just wanna goooooo!!"

Any and I caught the bus back home. It was a packed bus so we stood near the front, talking about the game and a bit about surgeries and injuries.

Ah well, let's hope we win next game.

Taste of work without Sarah

Caught a bus to work today, got there later than I wanted. I wanted to get there really early to get a head start on things, but sometimes it's just hard to leave the house.

I had a fairly productive day, got miscellaneous things done as they popped up throughout the day, and got a minute done at the end of the day as well. I still have to respond to those dumb reps though *sigh*.

So today was really my first taste of what it was going to be like without Sarah. It's kinda funny, because I was with Alanna for so much longer, I still feel 'new' with Sarah, but we just kinda seemed to slide into sync with eachother, whereas with Alanna I felt like things had to develop over a longer period of time.

I found that Mary was my go-to person more for my questions, but I wonder how long that will last since she seems so busy all the time. I know she gets frustrated but she always keeps a smile on her face.

Anyway, a new guy started in our branch today. He's on secondment from another agency, which I have some interest in going to. He's going to find this to be a big change. At first I thought it wouldn't affect me at all, BUT I found out that Christina will be his supervisor, SO that means she can't be mine =)

Now, the question still remains: who will be my supervisor?

At lunch I went to the gym to do some cycling. On the way I stopped off at a Korean grocery store to get a pack of drinks for the week. I chose this odd looking drink, turned out to be not so good tasting soy stuff, but eh. The chick at the store was kinda cute, and gave me a nice smile and eye contact when she gave me the change. Still, I found myself half looking for Naby as I walked the streets.

Speaking of Naby, I found this forum on the net about brothels. It's more of a Caucasian based forum, but there is a 13 page thread on Naby's shop. The posts aren't dated, and according to the forum that means they're at least two years old. There's some mention of names similar to Naby and Bibi, but I can't be sure if they refer to her because: 1) it's stated that they keep the same names for different girls; and 2) there really isn't much of a physical description of them.

Over the past few days I've been mentally debating (again) how genuine Naby's interest in me is. I have this plan to half jokingly say to her I want to take her to a hotel so we can make love all day. I wonder what her reaction will be.

I...touch...BOARD!!!

Had loose plans to go into the office today which never eventuated.

A picked me up from my place at 7:50am to go swimming, we talked about his upcoming trip to the US. I was deciding whether I should ask him to get me something, but then didn't really know what I wanted, and also figured I should save some money. I need to remind myself that from now until I pay off my debts (estimated November-December) I need to be extremely frugal. I can breathe once that period is over.

We got to the pool and were surprised to see that the barrier in the middle had been removed - the pool was now one long stretch of 50 metres. I was kinda looking forward to it, because stopping and turning around at 25m was kinda annoying. However, the only downside was that there were now only eight lanes to share, as opposed to 16, which meant all lanes had at least one person in it by now.

We split lanes, and off I went. It did feel nice, but tiring, to go all the way to the end and then back. It was a bit like a marathon. Definitely takes some getting used to.

I actually got confused as to how much we needed to do to complete our normal 10 laps. We had said before we started that it just needed to be five laps, so I went up three times and back three times, which was six - one more than required. I got out and waited for A, and was trying to figure it out since it felt like I had short-changed myself.

A saw me and then came out to sit next to me. We sat there for the next five minutes discussing and trying to figure out how many laps we needed to do to fill our usual quota, lol. It was such a simple thing, but yet we confused ourselves so much. The mistake I had made was assuming we only needed to do five up and down, whereas we needed to do five going each way. I felt like we were a couple of old men discussing useless things, lol.

He drove me home, and I wished him well for his trip to the US. I'm not sure if I'll be going swimming without him.

I had planned to watch the Orlando-Atlanta playoff game, but it wasn't being shown by One. Instead, they were showing soccer...grrr. Oh well, it made my decision to go for a shootaround easier.

I went to the courts, intending to work on my threes. Most baskets had been turned around for netball, but my usual court was still available. I wamred up with suicides, then started shooting around the world to warm up my shot. As I was finishing, a guy came up to me and asked to shoot around. He was dressed in white shirt, white pants, and I thought he was one of the cricket players wanting some shots before his game. I asked if he played cricket and he said no, he just dressed like that.

He started changing, and when I finally looked I was surprised to see a well built guy. He had game. His show was a bit funny, but god could he jump! He took a few lazy steps and nearly dunked it. We were shooting around talking, turns out he's only been here for a month. I was thinking bout asking him to join my team but waited.

He asked me to play one on one. I was quite surprised, because I was sure he was gonna whoop my ass, and also I wasn't sure if I'd have the energy for it. I agreed anyway, figuring I'd just give it a go.

I relied on my outside shot for points, but at times I did force myself to drive, even though I couldn't get past him for crap. I don't know if I had a slow step or if he was just quick, but he didn't budge at all. I then realised maybe I could post up on him, since he was doing the same. I got my shot off, but it was definitely harder than when you practicing by yourself. That needs to be refined.

To my surprise, it was a game up to seven and I actually took him to 8-8 before I got tired and basically gave up. He was tired too, which was surpsising. I couldn't believe I was duking it out with this built-as-a-motherfucker guy.

After the game we sat and talked a bit. I told him about our team and he was pretty keen on joining, saying he had been looking for a comp.

Wow, perfect. This solves the Sunny problem.

We talked more about ball, turns out he played pro-ball in Angola. I couldn't fucking believe I went to 8-8 with a pro-baller.

After a while more people came, and so I got up and starting shooting around. The guys on the other court asked us to join them, so we played three on three.

At one stage, I was trying to dribble past a guy and had my back to him. His leg got caught on mine as I spun, and he went to the ground crutching his knee. He was in heaps of pain, and I asked if he twisted it. He told me it was his ACL.

Oh shit.

I told him I had it too. He said he was supposed to have surgery but was waiting for the 12 month period.

He rested on the baseline for a while, and I went to talk to him about the ACL stuff. After a while he got up, went to strap up his knee and resumed playing. Wow. I totally wouldn't have done that. I told him to be careful, and after that I never really bothered to guard him.

We actually played for quite a while after that, and during breaks I felt like touching the backboard. On my first go, I actually touched a lot of it, which really surprised me. On the second go I got the same amount. Have my hops come back? Or was this backboard somehow lower than the one I'm usually on? Even if it was, it was still pretty impressive.

I ended up walking home with that guy from Angola, because he lives only a few blocks from me. I said I'd message him with the game details, and he still seemed pretty keen, although obviously by now I was cautious after the whole Sunny thing.

I went home, had a shower, bummed around and then went to the shopping centre near me to look for Rudy. I couldn't find it, but came very close to buying Mortal Kombat 1 and 2 for $10 each. In the end, I figured that'd be $20 not working for me, so I didn't bother, since I'd probably only watch it once anyway.

I bought some food and checked out some jewellery stores, to get an early idea of what I could get for Naby. Some stores were too expensive, and some stores were too cheap. I didn't want to get her cheapo stuff this time. I want to get her something decent. My plan is to get it for her on my birthday. I'm thinking a silver bracelet.

My first game as a Shohoku

Wednesday
I woke up at 5am and left home at just after 6am, which meant I'd be a little bit late. I took my GPS and the music CD I made the night before, and got into the office car parked across the road. I was ready for my long journey to Muswellbrook.

The drive wasn't too bad. I was in the sportswagon this time, so I had the power. I had to stop before midway at a petrol station on the freeway to use the bathroom and to make sure I hadn't already passed the exit. I swear there were supposed to be signs pointing to Muswellbrook, but perhaps they came later on. So for now, I was relying on a print out I got the night before, because my GPS kept telling me to go off on early exits.

Unsure of where I was really heading, I finally saw the exit that I was supposed to take according to my print out. I then guessed the direction of a turn-off and just kept going. I hoped to God I was going in the right direction. I was starting to run out of time. My only sign was that I was heading towards Maitland, which I had to pass anyway, so that was a good thing.

Finally I started seeing signs pointing to Muswellbrook. I was relieved, but the distance worried me. I started driving faster. I aimed to get there by 9:30am, which was the time I told the cop to be there by, and I wasn't going to make it. By that time, I called him. His phone was busy at first, and I figured he was probably calling to try to track my number down.

When I got through to him, he asked me "have you spoken to anyone?". I was like "what do you mean?". He said "have you spoken to Mary?" When I said no, he told me he was at court, and the matter was at Central.

I pulled over, and just kept repeating "you're kidding me". I told him I was 10 minutes away, and he said he was just leaving. I pulled into a petrol station just up ahead, and then called Mary. She had printed out the instructions I had made for myself and given it to the list officer, Adam.

Lucky I had made instructions for myself. Gee, this should score a point for preparedness.

She asked me to contact the other side, which I did, and left a message on their voice mail. I didn't really know what to do. I mean, I knew I had to turn back, but...now? I tried to go into the KFC but it wasn't open yet. I filled the car up with petrol, and while standing at the cash register, I figured I might as well start driving back.

I got into the car and started my journey...again. I thought it'd be faster this time, but it actually seemed longer. When I finally got back to the office and wrote up the log book, I saw that it had really been the same each way - 3.5 hours. Fark, I had been driving for seven hours!

Of course, there was a laugh and a giggle when I got back, but I was just tired. Sarah was out at Gosford for a hearing, and I wondered how she was doing. I really was too tired to do any other work, and I would've left before 5pm if I didn't have a game that night. So instead, I stayed till 6:30pm starting my job application for the LO positions.

I was actually going to stay till 7:30pm because that was when I was supposed to meet Bo to go to the game together, but I just wanted to get away from the computer screen. I went for a walk in the city. I thought about getting the KFC 'The Double', but didn't think it'd be a good idea before the game. Instead, I just bought a sushi roll.

I ended up sitting at the Town Hall steps waiting for Bo. I browseed the net on my phone. A few drops of rain came down, but that was it. Finally at around 7:45pm Bo turned up. I was both glad and excited to see him. This was it, I was heading to my first game back.

We talked about Colin being indecisive about playing with us. He said he was coming tonight only to see how we would do, meaning he'd play with us if we were good, but not if we weren't. Both Bo and I thought we'd just be better off without him.

On the train, Bo asked me a very surprising question: "why don't you have a girlfriend?" I think Jim having a girlfriend sort of brought this up, but at the same time, he asked it in a way that sounded like it had been on his mind for some time, and maybe even something he had talked about with others. I just said I had seen too many bad experiences and that I liked being single. He told me he has been married and divorced, adding that she took everything, leaving him the chair she threw at him, lol.

When we got to the station, we saw Nick who was walking through to the gates. We called out to him, and he ended up getting something to eat first. We started walking to the courts, and I was like "don't we have to wait for Phil?" and we all laughed and turned back around. We were all pretty excited about the night. It was our debut.

After a while Phil showed up and we all headed to the courts. I was pretty excited and wanted to talk about everything with Nick, and then realised I must've seemed like I was ignoring Phil. The walk to the courts was slightly familiar - Nick led us along the main road, whereas I remember with Jimmy we always walked along the smaller roads.

At last, we arrived at the building. It was very familiar indeed. But when we went in, I had forgotten that we had to walk up the stairs. I nearly went the wrong way. I went to look for Abdi and Sunny and found them, then took them to meet the rest of the guys out in the lobby area. We all completed our registration details. I had to use my credit card to pay for Sunny because he didn't have any money, which was fine.

We went to sit and watch a game. The teams we were watching were so big, so athletic, so well oiled. I was seriously getting scared. My knee WOULD NOT hold up against guys like that. How the hell was I going to survive one game, let alone the season?

Then I found out that it wasn't our division.

Phew.

Our division was playing on another court which I had seen and said I wished we were in. That was much more do-able.

Nick started handing out the bibs, since our jerseys haven't been ordered yet as the comp only gave us a week's notice. He gave me number seven. I kinda liked it, as a substitute number. I thought it was kinda cool that we were wearing temporary jerseys and numbers, like it was a cool change from the norm.

It was also the closest thing to eight since there was no eight. But then later I realised that it was Fat Pat's number - could someone with close knowledge of me think that I was trying to usurp Fat Pat's presence?

We went to watch the game in our division, and just hung around. Phil and I passed a ball back and forth to eachother as warm up. I was getting a bit frustrated with Mike because he was texting and calling me saying he couldn't find the place - we had been playing here for a few seasons. Finally he showed up and I introduced him to everyone.

Nick organised the starting lineup, and I volunteered to start on the bench. This was going to be my role for the season. I told myself to be happy to be a back up. The starting lineup was Colin, Mike, Bo, Sunny and Abdi. Phil, Nick and I started on the bench, even though I thought Nick should've started.

It was pretty exciting, even if I was only watching from the bench. I think both teams got off to a slow start, but we were obviously the more un-coordinated team. Even with Colin there, we sucked at rebounding. They owned us on the boards. But even then, they really hadn't scored that many points.

I went on about five minutes into the game, nervous as hell, yet experience had me on auto-pilot. I wasn't confident, but I knew what to do. One of my first possessions was running a fast break, where I stuffed up a pass to Abdi. In hindsight I should've just stopped for a shot.

My defence was pretty crap, but also in hindsight, the floor was kinda slippery. I came off after 10 minutes, glad I hadn't hurt myself, lol.

I watched as Bo got called for a foul. The guy had put up a shot next to the basket, and Bo did what pretty much any player with bad habits did, which was to just stick his palms out a little, looking like he had pushed him in the back. As the ref was walking to the scorer's table, Bo asked her "should I just push him?"

It made me laugh as I watched the ref let out a smile, and it was that very moment where I thought "damn, this is why I'm in it, it feels great to be part of a team". But at the same time, I thought to myself "I need to be more serious instead of looking for humour opportunities".

I watched as we made a late run in the first half, with Abdi hitting a buzzer beater three to make it 10-9 at the half (their way).

In the second half we were a bit more organised, but they still pulled away, no thanks to some really shit calls by the refs. There is this ref who is like a little kid, couldn't be more than 15 years old, who made some really outrageous calls. One time Nick was just taking the ball up and the kid called a carry. WTF??

I felt like smashing him.

I did score a basket on a fastbreak when Abdi passed it to me under the basket. I made it 15-19 but don't think we ever came closer than that. I sat out the last five minutes, and even though Abdi and Sunny scored for us and showed really good chemistry, it wasn't enough as we watched our first game go down as a loss. The competitive side of me started firing up and I really felt like going on, or smashing the referee. But I told myself to just sit on the bench and be content.

After the game, and after shaking hands with the other team, Colin left almost immediately. He claimed to have a migraine, but I (even though I am very naive) saw right through him. I knew we wouldn't see him again.

We hung around a bit after, just talking about jerseys and the money aspect of things. I had a slight suspicion that Sunny would back out, but he seemed ok when Nick talked money, so maybe I was wrong.

I caught the train with Nick, Bo and Phil. Nick spent the trip trying to call someone about picking up an Xbox or something, while the rest of us just talked about the game.

After I got off, I went to KFC and bought some chips. I was pretty damn hungry. I didn't get to sleep until past midnight since it was a late game.

Thursday
Having slept so late, I had the equivalent of a headache. I went to work and seriously did nothing. I thought I was really going to spend the whole day doing nothing. The only bright side was that it was pay day, so I was doing stuff on my finances.

I was so unmotivated because of my headache...until Adam called. He basically told me off for not giving him enough information in one of the matters yesterday as he was the list officer. I did say that there were certain things we couldn't say, but he just repeated that there wasn't enough information. It really pissed me off. At that stage and for the rest of the day I thought I was wrong, but thinking about it, what more could I have put?

He seems like a nice guy, but I reckon if I was in a higher position than him then he wouldn't have made that call. Fucking hell.

That motivated me to get some work done. I felt bad, pissed off and motivated.

I left work at 5pm, wanting to clear my head and headache. I went to Myer to get my mom a $100 gift card for her birthday. I then went to get the KFC 'The Double' and ate it as I walked home. It wasn't as bad or fatty as I thought, but it definitely was unhealthy. I wouldn't recommend it even once a week, for someone who exercises as much as me.

Friday
I was glad I didn't have to wake up with a headache, but as usual for the last week or so, I woke up with that annoying pain in my left shoulder. It's started to make me wonder if I should see a doctor because it might be serious.

I walked to work then got changed as I had to go instruct CO in court. I met him there at just before 10am and we went in as he mentioned his matter. One party was late, and when they finally arrived we agreed on a date, and then both he and CO left me to mention it by myself. So I sat outside the courtroom waiting, playing on my phone when DC called my name out, lol. He had a matter there too, and when he checked the court he said it might be a good opportunity for me to go in and do my mention, so I went in.

The judge looked at me but I was waiting for an invitation. He didn't budge, so I just watched as the trial went on until 11:30am. I finally did the mention. It felt pretty good to stand there behind a lectern in my suit before a judge.

I went back to the office, half looking forward to getting a cheap lunch, when I saw Mary talking with Sarah in her room. Mary asked if I wanted to go for lunch. I was a bit startled because I didn't know of any previous plans so was wondering if I was invited. I looked at Sarah and she nodded, so I said yes.

I grabbed my stuff and we also dragged Ogre out at the last minute. We met Michael and Claire B downstairs, and walked some distance away to the restaurant. It turned out to be that place that I met with DC, Hayley and Twish one night after the trial.

It was cool to have lunch with them, and it was even cooler to see Mary being happy by bantering with and teasting Michael. I just ordered a sandwich which cost bloody $18, but then at the end they wanted dessert and I shared with Ogre so that was an additional $7.

Claire B left shortly after the desserts, saying she wanted to make a good impression because the LO job applications were soon (ie. today) and I thought about going with her but didn't think it'd be appropriate since she was the only one who wasn't really in our branch.

So we stayed there longer, even though I was beginning to feel uncomfortable about taking a two hour lunch. It was sorta for Sarah's farewell I suppose.

When we returned to the office, there was a bit of panic as one of Ogre's matter had been urgently listed. She had gone off to the supermarket and her phone was off. Mary asked me to go mention it which I happily obliged. But by the time I was ready to go, Ogre had returned. During this time, Mary and Bryony had a bit of an exchange. I think Mary didn't like the fact that everyone panicked. She later came to thank me for being calm and willing to do it, and told me she didn't like how Bryony panicked and told DS.

I had received a message from Nick saying he got a weird message from Sunny. I asked him to forward it to me, and it basically said he didn't think he could afford playing in the comp. I was disappointed, because we all liked him, and I had paid for his rego already.

I had planned to walk home after work, but because I was finalising my job application and writing up the files for the day, I ended up staying till about 6:30pm. Only Sarah, Caroline and I were left. I went to say goodbye to Sarah, and gave her a pack of lollies I had bought last time I bought her something, since I wasn't going to eat it anyway. She said not to because she was going to eat it, and I said she didn't have to eat it now, but she was already opening it, lol. I wondered if that was a sign of her self control. I've picked up the vibe from her that she doesn't have that much money saved up, which is pretty surprising given how much she'd be making. I wonder what she spends her money on?

She mentioned she'd come into work tomorrow and I said I would too (because I would be meeting Bo and Phil and Sunny for ball anyway), and she said she'd see me tomorrow.

I caught the bus home and had a quiet night, although I would've gone for a drive if the car was home. In particular, I read an article that said the movie Rudy had changed Kobe's life, so I wanted to go look for it.

Today
Didn't end up going to work because it was raining and I just got lazy. Basically spent the whole day at home, and only went out at night when the car was back, to get some chips and check out Borders at Bondy.

Sarah laughs

Got to work at about 8:40am today. Sarah hadn't arrived yet. Mary hadn't even arrived yet. Where the hell was everybody? I wondered.

I started doing some instructions for tomorrow's matters. Had a sense of urgency because I didn't want the guy doing the list to think I was being slack, although I had to wait until the late afternoon in one of the matters for the cops to get back to me.

At lunch I went to the gym and cycled for 15 minutes. It really was last minute stuff, considering my first game back will be tomorrow night. I then went to get a pide and took it back to the office to eat. It wasn't anything like the ones I used to have in high school, but it was pretty good. Only thing I didn't like was that hot oil seemed to leak out towards the end when you bit it.

I had Sarah sign a ROP for me, and then I had to have her sign another one because there was a mistake on the first. She said I could sign it, but whoever printed it had printed her name, so that's why I had her sign it. I said "there's already a pair of women's shoes in my room, I'm not going to start signing things as [insert her full name here], circumstantial case". I walked away and heard her laugh. That was pretty funny, hehe.

I stayed back till pretty late preparing for my matter tomorrow, and so did Sarah and Ogre. I went to the library to photocopy something and when I came back up I saw Sarah in the photocopying room. I went to her and told her how during lunch I saw someone sitting on the street with a dog and a sign saying "dog just came out from vet", which made her go "awwww" and she said she would've given him money had she seen him. I then showed her the results of my research which proved exactly the point I need to make at court tomorrow.

I went back to my room to work but moments later had to photocopy something. I went to the photocopying room and she was still there. I decided I had talked enough so wanted to silently photocopy my things and get out. Then she said "so...Muswellbrook eh?" and that got us talking about our trips tomorrow. I said we were headed in the same direction, and that if we saw eachother on the road we should race. She laughed louder than expected, and said not to, because she only had one point left. I had walked out of the room and laughed loudly, and Ogre was at the internet computer and I wondered if she could feel I was starting to get interested in Sarah. I also realised I had an annoying laugh. Never laugh like that again.

I worked away in my room for the rest of the night. It was just Sarah and I now. I went to ask her a question but that was the extent of it. When she left, she said goodbye and left. I wasn't expecting anything else.

So I sent a text to Naby earlier. Don't know why really. I guess I'm dangerous when idle. I had typed the message already and was thinking about pressing send. I guess I'm not really expecting a reply, but it basically came down to this: I have in my mind how eager she seemed to give me her new number - that was a positive sign. But then maybe if she ignores my text, then I can add further evidence to the case that she doesn't really like me, hence it will encourage me to see her less. Also, it goes to show that although she was eager to give you her number, she didn't do it because she likes you.

The message was as follows:

"Bibi, it is starting to get cold, don't forget to wear lots of warm clothes!"

No reply as yet. Who knows. Maybe she's working. Maybe she left her phone at home. Or maybe she's ignored you.

In da CCA!

Got to work at 8am today, half expecting Sarah to be there. Don't know why, but I just assumed she'd come to work first, then take her dog to the vet, then come back to work, then go pick up her dog.

Instead, I saw a huge mountain of folders and paper on my chair and on the whiteboard that she had taken leave for the day. She had left the stuff on my chair for the matter today.

I spent some time reading up on the matter, with half my mind on meeting LC. I finally had reception notify me and I went down to meet him. He seemed pretty cool at first, we had a brief chat about what we were going to do for the day and he told me what he needed, and I went back up to prepare.

After a while I went back down to meet him and we left for court together. On the walk there, we got along fairly easily. The only thing I didn't understand was why we had to walk through the park. Maybe he enjoyed the shade. Maybe it was the shortest route. But the stairs spread out sporadically throughout the park meant I had to carry my suitcase up and down, which wasn't exactly light.

When we got to court, we went in and waited. Our matter was mentioned and got a marking not before 11:15am. The cofficer there was the one from the Parra trial. Although I tried to catch her eye to say hi, she never looked up. RP was also on the other side, but seeing as he was never really in the Parra trial for long, I don't know him too well.

LC and I walked back out of the courtroom to some seats down the corridor. He told me he had to go see WA and asked me to wait there. I wondered why he wanted me to wait out here instead of in court, just in case our matter was called, or maybe even some observation would be helpful? Anyway, I saw him talking to that lady in the Parra trial who used to work at my current office, and I didn't really feel like talking so I walked back to around the door to the courtroom.

I sat down and started reading something, and then looked up to see a lady talking to an old couple. The lady was Faye. I couldn't believe it. She must've thought I deliberately sat in her line of vision hoping she'd come talk to me. God, that would be so sad. I couldn't leave immediately, so I read a bit more before moving back to my original area.

I got my head around the matter by the time LC came back, but it was morning tea anyway so we went upstairs for a coffee. He bought me a short black, and we talked over coffee, mainly about his ipad and one of my current matters.

After coffee we went back to court. Our matter started after watching the one before ours. I was pretty much still in awe with the whole surroundings with three judges and all that. I was so nervous I totally wasn't ready to provide help if LC asked for it. Indeed, he asked me for something and I fumbled a few times before getting it for him.

As I listened to the other side and LC liaise with the judges, I pretty much realised I'd never be as good as they were, no matter how much I wanted it. It basically wasn't even English, I couldn't understand where they were going or what they were talking about. I thought LC did a really good job. He seems so young, yet so talented. He's an inspiration. I wish I could be like him.

We didn't finish by lunch, so I went back to the office. LC invited me to lunch but I said I wanted to go back. It probably wasn't much of a good idea, since it took me 15 minutes to walk back (I underestimated the distance). I microwaved my lunch, ate it while checking my emails and voice mail messages, as well as looking something up for LC in our current matter. Before I knew it, I had to go. I ran to the toilet and back and then hurried back to court. I got there just in time. LC was already at the bar table, and moments after I sat down, the judges came in.

I was kinda glad the judges didn't give anyone, especially LC, a hard time, since that meant less work for me. Less questions is good, especially in a matter which I had just picked up on the day.

I was pretty relieved when we finished. LC and I walked back to our office and I went to his old room to work on something together. I was quite exhausted and just felt like tanking it, but he kept on working looking stuff up. Don't know how he did it. I didn't even have to say anything in court and I was tired.

After that I went back up to my floor and caught up to all the emails and missed calls that had happened. I worked till about 7:30pm before going to level 10. I saw on the whiteboard that Junar was still there, so I figured it'd be a good time to go look for a while in Wendy F's room just so someone knew what I was doing.

I spooked her as I walked to her room as she thought everyone had left. Just as I was beginning to tell her what I was doing her phone rang, and I went to search for my file anyway. I was so sure I'd find it in Wendy F's room, but alas, it wasn't there. I looked everywhere else in the para bay while Junar was on the phone.

When she got off the phone, she helped me look and then we just stood around talking, mainly about the recruiting process here. We talked for a while before her phone rang again, and I took the opportunity to leave.

After I left work, I went to the gym. I really wanted to get on a bike to strengthen my knee in time for Wednesday. I rode the bike for 15 minutes before leaving. I went to buy a bus ticket and then some KFC chips. Mmm yum.

One Year Naby

I left home at about 7:40am today to meet A for swimming. As I was walking along the main road listening to my mp3 player, I saw his car pull over in front. So I got in and he drove the rest of the way.

We talked a bit about shoulder pain, and he said he has had it before, although he got it from sleeping. He also told me he had suspended his gym account as he was taking a break until after his holidays in the US. He told me he was taking a break because he just felt tired of it, and asked if I ever felt the same. I said I did, although my breaks were usually started by injuries.

Anyway, he had problems with his card as he had suspended his gym account which also inadvertently suspended his swimming account. So I went in first and did a couple of laps before he arrived.

It didn't hurt my shoulders today, although I did feel a bit of strain in my right arm/shoulder when I grabbed the wall at the deep end, and I didn't seem to really be affected by missing out last week as my stroke seemed fairly smooth. The only thing was my cold. On one lap I nearly went into a coughing fit and was glad when I reached the end to let out a really phlemy cough. Ugh.

During a stoppage (and we had quite a few today since we got there early enough for it not to be packed) I told him about the new bball comp coming up and asked if he was interested. He did say yes, but then when he found out it starts next week he said he'd wait for the next one as he didn't want to miss any weeks. Fair enough, but I felt bad for asking him at the last minute, especially since I really only did it because we're low on numbers, and I wasn't going to tell him about it had the original plan gone ahead.

We eventually did about 11 laps each, although I'm not sure how that worked since I had a two lap headstart. Maybe I counted wrong, I don't know.

When we were leaving, we came across that old man who talks really loud. He stopped us in our tracks as he asked A where he was from. A was startled and told him Lebanon. The man then rambled on about Lebanon, and the lifeguard and I exchanged glances like "this old guy is crazy". I thought I was lucky to not be in the firing range but then the old guy turned to me to ask me where I was from, and then started telling me about Mao swimming or something. We slowly walked away.

A drove me home, where I had a shower and breakfast. My plan was to go work on my threes in preparation for the season and then meet Bo at 3pm. I bummed around on the net a bit and Sarah called. She told me her dog had been hit by a car so she needed to take it to the vet tomorrow, and asked if I could sit in in one of her court matters. I said it wasn't a problem, and then went to take a nap.

I woke up to find a missed call from Bo and a message from Sarah. She wrote a long message asking if it was really ok and I just replied with "totally ok!". In hindsight, I could've been a bit more elegant and funny. Hmmm.

I called Bo and he asked if I wanted to meet earlier at 2pm, and I said yes. It was already 1pm and I planned ot walk out, so I got ready and left home at about 1:30pm. On the way I stopped at Coles to buy some sports drinks, and as I neared the courts, I could feel a few drops of rain.

I saw Bo shooting around with a few Asian guys who dispersed as I arrived. Bo was wearing a USA Jordan jersey. We talked about guys suddenly going quiet on the team now that things were getting serious, and figured we'd have seven for Wednesday night IF Colin plays, which I don't think he will since he hasn't posted in the fb group since Nick asked for people to pay for the jerseys.

We just shot around and talked. He annoyed me a bit because he kept trying to show me these stupid 'spin' shots saying he was going to do them in games. I just wished he would take this a little more serious.

I started out thinking we'd have all these big guys so I could take a backseat to winning a chip. Now, we're in B grade with Nick as the only tall guy. We're going to get smashed, and I'm going to have to play a bigger role than I anticipated and would've liked.

It started raining lightly, and some guys came over and asked if we wanted to play a game. We ended up playing four on four. The ground was already slippery, and the rain was slowly getting heavier. Guys were telling eachother to go at a slow pace - something I didn't really need to be told. There was no fucking way I was going to risk anything in this condition.

Maybe I'm just scared, but in the last few weeks I keep picturing hurting my right knee, but in a more freakish way than a twist. I keep imagining it somehow being stepped on or crushed from the side so that my whole knee snaps sideways. It's not pretty, but it's the image in my head.

One guy on our team, a really tall lanky guy, was playing pretty hard for wet weather. He nearly tipped in a dunk on my shot which went in. I told myself to suggest to Bo afterwards to ask if he wanted in on our team, but when the game finished Bo just gave an open invitation to everyone, lol.

I was the one who suggested to end the game when the rain got too heavy for my liking. I just said "last point?" even though the tall lanky guy wanted to keep playing. I really didn't need to slip and hurt myself before the season has even started.

As Bo and I walked off, he invited me to his place as he had cooked some curry. I didn't really want to go, so just said no, lol. I walked to the bus stop in the rain and caught a bus home.

One Year Naby
So I've been 'seeing' Naby for a year now. I must admit, during the last session in March, I remember looking at her at one stage and having a feeling of boredom. It was like "this is it?"

I got a bit of that same feeling yesterday. I wonder if this is what being in a relationship is like. Will I get bored of a relationship after a year? Am I starting to lose interest in Naby? Between my March visit and yesterday, I think a bit of reality has slipped in - I've sort of realised how unrealistic it would be to actually go out with Naby. There's a huge communication barrier given our different languages, we may not even have anything to talk about over dinner, and she might not have that intellectual aspect that I desire in a girl.

However, a large part of me still fantasises about a future with her...

Mini-team lunch/Naby

On Friday I was a bit relieved - I saw a slight dark shadow on my chest where the pain was. Looks like a bruise after all.

I walked to work, found it to be quite peaceful. By 9am I sat that Sarah still hadn't signed in, and was beginning to wonder if she had really gotten a bad case of my flu. I thought about texting her but decided to wait a bit more. She arrived a few minutes later.

I resumed work on that extradition stuff, and at noon was called out by Mary for the min-team lunch. She called me by my Chinese name, but I think it was more of a joke. I noticed Sarah seemed to have forgotten about it.

Anyway, Steve and Ogre were in court, so Moira, Mary, Sarah and I headed off. I half thought we were going at 1pm, so was kinda taken by surprise. So I didn't know whether I should take my jacket or not, or put my watch on. In the end, I just went without a tie, in my white shirt, watchless. Kinda plain really.

On the way there we managed to stay in a four person conversation (three really because I didn't say much), even though I was hoping it'd break into two groups of two so it'd be easier for me to talk.

I didn't really know where we were going, but ended up at that new restaurant next to KFC - the one we tried to go to with Brain, Malay and G but it was packed. We went in and were given a table. Surprisingly it wasn't too packed for lunch.

Sarah and Mary had the couch side, while Moira and I sat on seats, with me opposite Sarah. We checked out the menus, and me being me, didn't really order anything and just went with whatever. Mary said I was easy to please.

Mary made a comment to Moira about it not being too bad to be single. At that stage I really began to wonder what it meant to be single for women, since I remember Moira telling me she went to Bali for holidays with her boyfriend.

I found the servings to be a bit small, but they seemed to like it. It was a women thing I suppose. There was talk about organising Sarah's farewell, and Mary saying everyone would have to chip in more because it was a smaller group. At that point I thought about chipping in $50. Sarah also mentioned that now was a good time for change, because she didn't have anything, in the sense she wasn't committed to anything. I wondered if she meant she was single.

There was also talk about DS, and I think we were careful about it, saying he's a nice guy 'but' he was the type who had been here too long. I suddenly realised we were talking about the boss behind his back, lol. We also talked about Moira and I not getting an interview for the SLO position. I said it was a bit awkward now seeing Paul around, and Moira still couldn't believe that they gave her the "you don't have enough experience" line.

I mainly just sat there and laughed along, although sometimes I think Mary was thinking "what's he laughing at".

I think there was a point where my eyes remained on Sarah's breasts a bit too long - hope no one saw it. God I'd be so embarassed if anyone caught it. It was more like I was thinking and my eyes just rested there.

After a while, I began to think that it was time to get back to the office, but then Ogre arrived. We had pretty much finished eating, so she ordered her own dish and drink.

When it came time to pay, I only had a $50 note, and so did Sarah. She said I could pay her back afterwards. It gave me a feeling of Sarah taking on this role of looking after me socially. It was like she could tell I wasn't socially adept in sizeable social situations and she'd always try to help me get a foot in.

We walked back in a group of four as well (since Ogre left early cause she had to return to court). I remember Sarah was talking about something when we all noticed some guy wearing a purple trenchcoat with purple pants, which strayed our attention for a bit, and I felt sorry for Sarah as she kept on talking. Mary smoothed things out by laughing and saying "we're still paying attention but..."

When we got back to the office, I was relieved, finally glad to be back from a two hour lunch. I always feel guilty about these things. But then in the corridor, they stopped and talked about kids and make up, which lasted like another 15-20 minutes. Far out. I just stood there smiling, since it really was about girls stuff. Sarah, again being the social caretaker for me, noticed my silence and asked if I had a sister. I said yes but she didn't put make up on me when I was young like they were talking about.

Although if you really knew...

Finally the group conversation ended and I could get back to my work. I was conscious of paying Sarah back, so in the late afternoon I went out to buy something to break up the note. I bought a pack of candy.

When I returned, I took a $20 note and a piece of candy and placed it on her desk. She saw it and said she'd give me change. I said not to worry about it and walked back to my room, but she chased me down and gave me $5. I said it was more than $15 and she said it was less than $20, lol. I wonder if this is because she thinks I'm a cheapskate (legitimate claim).

However, I was a bit saddened at the end of the day when I heard her leave and say goodbye to Mary without saying bye to me =(

I stayed till around 5:30pm doing my work and then giving it to Mary. Then I went to talk to Genie for a bit and then got changed as I decided to walk home. Caught the lift with Trent even though I really didn't want to.

It was a nice walk home, however, once I got home I found myself to be a bit frustrated. I think it had to do with me not getting the car for what seems like a long time. I just wanted the freedom to go out and do my own thing, but now without the car I was pretty much limited to home. On the bright side I did save some money.

Today
I went to the courts at about 7:30am. As usual, there was a group of people doing runs on the field. I reckon I could never do that. They're not running slow either, it's quite fast paced.

Anyway, I warmed up with suicides, then did three sets of jump rope, dribbling drills and this new exercise where I jump forward on two feet three times before running off. I saw it on one of those youtube clips of HBO's Hard Knocks. In between I'd shoot around, and noticed my free throws were on today, shooting 9/10 at one stage.

It was actually quite hard to complete the exercises because I could feel my asthma was starting up. If this is what it's going to be like on Wednesday, then I'm going to struggle, especially if we're only going to have four or five people.

I probably spent an hour there and then went home to have a shower and breakfast. After that I got changed and drove out to the office. I probably would've walked if I didn't have the car, but luckily my parents came back early. I found that I hadn't driven the car for so long, it almost seemed foreign to me. I found that I really missed driving and listening to my Eminem music.

I parked and bought a parking ticket to 1:30pm. I knew it'd take longer than that to finish my work but didn't want to spend too much. So I went in and was glad no one was there. I did a fair bit of work in the time and then at 1:30pm I went to the supermarket to get some bread, sausages and Pringles.

I went back to the car, intent on getting some fuel, and started thinking about seeing Naby. She would've returned from holidays on Thursday. I went to that 'cheap' petrol station which wasn't really cheap. I had to wait, and when there was a spot, I drove up, but a lady who had been in one of the parking bays started reversing. I wondered if she wanted my spot, and so I kept looking at her. She half turned her head several times and I wondered if I should ask her if she wanted my spot so I'd reverse, but she never really looked at me. Then she said 'hi' in a "what are you looking at" manner, which distracted me and made me use the expensive fuel pump. Argh.

I had pretty much decided on going to see Naby. The clincher? She had just returned from Hong Kong and I wanted to be there to talk about it while it was still 'fresh'. If I go to see her next weekend as planned, then the story isn't as 'fresh' anymore. I wanted to be there to hear her stories. However, my plan for the time being was to go home first as I wanted to put the sausages in the freezer, and then I'd call up. For all I know, she might not even be working today.

By the time I got to my garage, I made the call. She was working today. I made a booking for 3pm. I quickly went upstairs to put the sausages in the fridge and then went back down.

It was only about 2pm-ish, but I figured it was better to be early than late. Strangely, I also seemed to miss being at the actual shop, you know, sitting there waiting. It was kinda comforting. So maybe I'd just sit there for a while if I was early.

Turns out there was a bit of traffic, so I got there and parked at about 2:45pm. I went to withdraw cash from my credit card (figured them fixing up shortchanging me will more than enough cover it) and while waiting I noticed a new bakery shop selling unique cookies. After I got my cash I went in there and bought two small chicken designed cookies.

I went to the shop and saw that it had been renovated on the outside. There was now a HUGE number of the shop.

Great, as if I needed more attention going in...

I went in and was greeted by the usual guy who gave me that "you're a regular" smile. I paid him and he asked if I had anything smaller and I said no. I went to the bathroom and then sat in the waiting room, and after a while he came in and gave me the change.

After flicking through a car magazine, I heard him yell "Bibi working!". I waited a bit more before the door finally opened (by the guy). I walked out to see Naby smiling. I said "hey".

We walked up the stairs and she held my hand close to her bottom as usual. She said long time no see. I just said yeah. When we went into the room, I noticed it had been renovated somewhat - the shower was now an open shower along one whole side of the wall. I told her the outside had been renovated with a big number and she said yeah. She went out to get her stuff and I sat down taking off my shoes.

When she came back, she said she hadn't seen me in a long time. I finally said "you were in Hong Kong". Then she said she didn't go because her friend cancelled. I was like "huh?" and said "so you were here all the time?" and she said yes, that she has been working nearly everyday. I joked that if I knew I'd see her everyday.

I got the brown paper bag and took out one of the cookies. I fed it to her and she took a bite, then gave the rest to her. I took the other one to show her, and she said it was "cute" with a genuine tone. I then ate my one.

I placed the paper bag on the stand and she took care of it, putting it elsewhere. That's what I like about her. She seems to pay attention to small things like these. When I took off my shirt, I couldn't find a place to put it and she took it and put it on the hook behind the door.

I told her it was proof I was a good boy, in that I hadn't been to the shop while I thought she was away. We headed to the shower, and I finally brought it up - I asked her if she received my messages (still in the context of me not knowing her holiday had been cancelled). She said she had gotten a new number. I asked her to give me her new number later, and carefully looked at her to notice her response. Was there any reluctance? Awwkwardness? Hesitation? Nope. She just said ok.

While showering, I felt her face and she made a playful growl. She tried to kiss me and I leaned away playfully. Then when I did want to kiss, she would just come within inches from my lips and make a kissing sound without contact and then back off.

I dried myself first while she was still showering, and then I handed her the towel when she finished. She was drying quite a bit and I began holding her from behind, but still felt how wet her back and sides were, so I started helping her dry. I held her boobs and started kissing her back as she fiddled with things on the night stand.

Then she started stroking me as I kissed her. Finally, she turned around and pecked me on the lips before kissing my body, going lower and lower until she went down on her knees. There seemed to be a sense of eagerness in her today as she gave head, and I wondered if it had anything to do with me being away for so long.

She then got up and told me to lie on the bed, so I laid there on my back. She got onto the bed and started kissing my body again and went down on me again. We held hands briefly as she went down on me, and then she put on the condom and got on top of me.

After a bit, I sat up and started sucking her breasts. She seemed to enjoy it, and would sometimes try to pull me forward, like she wanted to fall back as she usually does, but I held on, which caused her to rock back and forth a bit.

Finally she fell back and I got on top of her. I kissed her breasts, but when I tried to kiss her neck she said it tickled (in Korean). I was really in the mood for 'making love' which turned me on even more. I felt she was into it too, even though I noticed she had used a bit of lube before she got on top of me. I felt her clenching down there, and her moans were almost perfect - they weren't too loud to be fake, but they were in sync with my thrusts which made it more real.

I couldn't last very long and finished. I got off her and laid on my back, then she laid next to me and we held eachother. She asked if it was a bit hot and I said it was, and she went out and came back, saying the air conditioning was now on.

We resumed holding eachother, and moments later, she asked where my phone was and turned around to get it. I watched as she struggled a bit to get it out of the case, and then I pulled up the dial buttons for her. She put in her number, and then I had her put in her name. I was hoping she'd put in her real name, and I thought about asking for it, but didn't want to push it. She put her name as 'Bibi'. I thought it was a good sign that she volunteered her number like that - I had planned to ask for it again at the end of the session. I asked if it was really her number, or maybe it was the number of an old man, and imitated the voice of an old man, which made her laugh a bit.

We held eachother again, and I noticed that her hips were a bit far from mine, so I thought maybe she felt distanced from me given the period of absence. But then I wrapped my legs around her tigher and she moved in closer, and so now we were really body to body.

We talked a bit at times. I could hear her heavy breathing, but I felt like talking. She asked me "so how have you been?", and I said "good, wait, not good" and then told her about my shoulder pains (my left shoulder is really aching right now). I said I thought she would be in HK shopping, and she said something like she really wanted to. I told her about HK giving away money and how my mother wanted me to go to get $1,000 even though the ticket would cost $1,600. She laughed.

I told her I'd be playing basketball on Wednesday nights, and she made a "no" sound, saying something about my leg. I said I'd be careful. I was a little surprised she remembered.

In between silences and talks, we'd play with eachother's hands, and faces. She had her hand in a weird position on my chin. At first I playfully bit her fingers, then she felt my slight fuzz of a beard, then just rested her hand there. She also did that "kiss from an inch" thing again when I kissed her. I started writing on her back- 'Bibi' which she got. Then she wrote something on my back which I didn't get the first few times, and then figured out it was 'Babo'. She wrote something else and told me what it was, but I didn't really get it. I held her tightly and called her "chagiya" and she called me "handsome", lol?

I rubbed her arm up and down and said she had to eat more. She said something about fat and I said she wasn't. I asked her if she had seen the new KFC burger and she hadn't.

Finally, I thought I'd just let her sleep and listened to her heavy breathing inches from my face. I thought it'd be uncomfortable to sleep this close face to face but it really wasn't. Sometimes I'd open my eyes and watch the tv, and sometimes I'd just rest my eyes. Finally, I'd start drifting off, but remaining conscious.

It seemed like a long time, but then her alarm went off. She didn't move at first, and then said she didn't like. She covered my ears so I wouldn't hear it, and then finally the alarm stopped. I joked that it worked. She said "gotch" and pointed to my crotch. I asked her what that meant and she pointed again to my crotch. She pointed to that and then to her mouth. I said "next time" and then said "you're dirty". She laughed and said she wasn't. Then she finally got out of bed. She went to the shower and turned on the water, then went to the nightstand. I went to the shower and started showering, then she came over and showered me. She said the water was hot and I asked her how to say hot in Korean. She told me, but it seemed like a complex word with three syllables so I can't remember it.

When I was drying myself, I asked if there was a backdoor to the shop. She didn't understand at first, and so I asked if there were two doors. She said yes, and I asked if the other was for customers and she said no. She asked why and I said I didn't like the main entrance as there were too many people.

We got dressed and as she was opening the door, she told me to be careful in basketball. We walked down the stairs. As usual, she stopped at the bottom and we both said bye as I walked past and out. As I went to my car, I checked the number she gave me. Usually I only look at the last three digits, and I noticed that they were the same. I began to think that she gave me the same number, which meant she was lying, but then realised that the first seven digits were different.

Stupid insecure me.

Invisible bruise?

Woke up today feeling the pain in my shoulder, however, it's not as bad as yesterday. I remember yesterday I had trouble putting a folder back into the cupboards. HOWEVER, I discovered just before leaving home that my right CHEST was hurting. It is right about where the nipple is, and it feels like a bruise.

I had changed for work already but had to go into the toilet to take my shirt off to see if there was a bruise there. There wasn't. That worried me. At the bus stop, I googled 'invisible bruise' and one of the results was cancer. Great. I figured maybe I took a hit yesterday in basketball or something. It was too coincidental for cancer to start hurting the day after. It did, also make me think about how long I'd been out of the sport. I think usually I'd take these hits better, but now it really hurts - a lot.

I got to work and then went to court across the road later. I was expecting to see Fab, but while sitting in court I saw the barista JP he always uses. I went up to him to introduce myself even though we had met a long time ago, and just moments into our conversation, some lady pushed me away saying she was talking to someone across from me. I moved away but that was enough - I had her on my radar for the rest of her time there. I had just created an enemy.

That, and watching all the people before me, made me want to 'make it' in this field even more. I wanted to be someone. I wanted to make money. I wanted to be known to be making money. I can do it. I know there's a niche in Chinese clients. I just know it. Maybe one day I'll be able to tell this job to shove it and go make the big money.

I had to wait half the day there before JP wasn't there most of the time, far out. When I finished, I went back to the office, checked my emails, and then went out to get some sushi for lunch. As I walked back into the building, I could see Sarah walking in from the other entrance. I met her at the lifts, calling her counsel, and she said she thinks she "contracted" my flu. I made a joke in the lifts about it not being intentional, but maybe reckless, and she laughed.

Later I went to ask her a question and stood at her door saying "can I ask you a question from this distance...", it took her a split second to get it, but when she did she laughed.

I was a bit tired from all the waiting at court, so didn't work on that stuff Mary had given me to do. Instead, I chose to pass time by watching some videos in a matter. I kinda laughed at first, I know it's cruel but I saw the humour in it, lol. I even ate two packs of chips as I watched.

At the end of the day, when I was leaving, I saw Mary in Sarah's room and just wanted to walk by and say bye. But Mary joked that I was going to her room to give her a minute, and then got talking about how DS and I have the same name so it was a bit confusing. I said in my last job there were two people with the same name as me so they called me by my Chinese name. I was just making convo, but they seemed to like the idea. Sarah said she liked that name as she was twirling her hair. Then she told us about how once Muprhy accidentally gave her a job and then took it back from the wrong person, lol.

Anyway, so they said they'd start calling me that, although I don't know how serious they were. I left and walked up the city, wanting to go check out Myer. I didn't have any money, but just wanted a look at things. However, once I got near it, I changed my mind and just caught the bus home.

That pain in my chest is really hurting when I press it, but I guess I'll wait to see how it is tomorrow.

Not ready

Went to 7am ball at KGV today. I got to work at 6:30am to change and then walked to the courts. My left shoulder pain was back! I seriously don't know how this has happened. I mean, sure, it all started when I went too hard at the gym, but then my left shoulder stopped hurting and my right shoulder started hurting. Now my right shoulder is good and I woke up this morning with left shoulder pain??? Maybe it's the way I sleep?

I went in and sat down next to a row of guys seemingly waiting for the next game. In my flu-padded voice I asked the guy next to me if they were waiting for next. He said he just got there but assumed so. When the game was over a bunch of people went on, and I quickly jumped on seeing that they needed one more. I don't think I usually express that much initiative, but today I wanted a run.

I noticed they weren't playing zone, so we had to man up. I was left with guarding a fairly big guy. In the first two seconds of starting I swear he elbowed me in the head twice. So that set the tone of physicality of the game.

I didn't mind a bit of a rough and tough game, I thought it'd be a good way to harden up for the comp. But the funny thing was, this big guy was calling very soft fouls. One time, he was shooting in the lane and all I did was stand there with my arms up and he called a foul. Wtf?!?!

After the first game, in which I didn't even shoot, I saw Nick as he jumped on in the second game. I watched on, glad to get a breather. In the first game there was a moment where I had to take a deep breath like never before, just to make sure I could survive.

After the second game I went to talk to Nick, as last night he told us that the comp starts next Wednesday (!!!). After that we got onto the same team and played a couple of games. It was good to run, I think I'm at a stage where I'm fit enough to play say half the game. Maybe even a full game by struggling. But I would like to get to my old form where I could comfortably play two games.

I rarely shot in the games, so it was no surprise that when I did shoot I missed. I tried to focus on defence a bit but on a few occasions gave up some very easy baskets.

The other thing I need to work on is my timing. It's like I have no sense of it now. I think I'm slower than I am. I dribbled away from a guy and then passed it off, only to realise I was so far from him that I would've had years to shoot it.

As we were sitting down during a break, Nick asked me if I was single. I said yes, and he pointed out a girl to me, who was shooting around on the other court. I couldn't even see that it was a girl as I didn't have my glasses on, but he said it'd be cool to have a girl who could shoot around. I silently agreed.

We played one more game after that before finishing up. He went to shower, I gave him the $80 for the jersey and walked to work.

I worked on my matter tomorrow and then spent the rest of the day doing the stuff for Mary. I found it to be a bit lonely without Sarah and her supervision. However, later in the day she came into my room and told me her matter had pleaded, so she'd be free for the rest of the week. I was pretty happy, hehe.

For lunch, I decided to treat myself by getting hot chips and a potato pie from the supermarket. It turned out to be too much, as I felt stuffed by the end of it.

I finished work at close to six, and bumped into Imad at the lifts. I said how I hadn't seen him for ages even though we were on the same floor. I felt we got along really well as we walked to Central together, talking about surfing. After we parted I then walked home.

I swear my shoulder hurt so much today and even now. I can't turn my head without needing to turn the rest of my body. What the hell is this?!?!?!?

Soooo different

Made some 'hot dogs' for breakfast today, very proud, because I was thinking I'd just go buy something for breakfast in the city, so managed to save myself a bit of money.

Got to work at about 8:20am and started working on those matters that came in the night before. I spoke to one of the cops and told him I'd adj it because it might be referred to another agency, and he just paused. Later on, Mary came to me and said he had called her, and basically said (in her nice friendly way) that these matters don't get referred, we keep them ourselves. I could tell the message was "you're wrong", and tried not to take it too hard. But afterwards, I felt like crawling into a corner and hiding. I was so blatantly wrong that this cop had to go behind my back to call my supervisor and tell her. Fark. I felt like scratching my face off. I felt like hiding away from work. This error had made me feel so bad about myself. How could I be so wrong???

I went to give the files to Erin and then went to look for Alanna. She had sent me an email saying she got engaged over the weekend so I wanted to congratulate her. She wasn't in her room so I went to talk to Lewis a bit, he seemed really happy to see me. I think he's very lonely there. Anyway, I then went to see Alanna and congratulated her. She showed me her ring which was pretty huge. Made me think of the day I'd have to finally afford one.

I spent the rest of the day working on some extradition thing Mary had given me to do. I swear it took so long, because I was at pains to make sure there weren't any errors. I could tell that I was starting to look 'green' to Mary, and now I needed to prove my worth. At this stage, the fact that I went for an SLO must be a joke.

I went out to get a $5.80 sushi box for lunch and ate it back in the office. While eating, I read this really cool article from one of my favourite writers. I like it so much I want to keep it, so I'll just re-post it here.

Ever thought you're just a little different to the people around you? Maybe just a touch smarter, a tad more "enlightened"; you're sensitive and creative and surely feel and think things other people don't.

Well, I reckon it's a delusion, a myth - and this widely-held fantasy of "I'm different" is a smoking crack in the earth that routinely swallows human empathy.

"I'm different to them," we think as we put distance between ourselves and other races, religions, our countrymen, neighbours, even family.

Queues always remind me how much alike we are - as we line up for beer, coffee, iPads, nightclubs, music gigs, half-price sales, medical assistance.

Eat, drink, poop, pee, laugh, cry, come, someone please tell me I'm wonderful. Repeat until death. These are the things that consume us ...

I reckon we'd be astonished if we could slot another person's brain into our skulls and experience their thoughts, fears and desires. We'd soon realise just how similar we all are; bogan and snob, refugee and racist, terrorist and banker, geek and wanker.

But, no, you're different? You care about the environment? You have a cool tattoo? You've been to Vietnam four times? Please, join the beer queue, or some other queue at some other event where your "kind" goes for sensory excitement because ... you're different!

The thing is, while we're told and sold this fraud - that we're unique - by advertisers, parents and Oprah, it's just one finger on a fist of narcissistic mantras flexing inside people nowadays.

And with such fundamental deception informing so many people's behaviour, how can we ever progress?

If you believe the world is flat, you won't discover new lands because you're afraid of falling off the earth, so I reckon we need to flush out some commonly espoused fantasies, such as:

You're an individual: You're not. You wear jeans, use legal tender and eat the same food groups as the rest of us. True individuals don't describe themselves as such on Facebook. They ain't on Facebook.

And don't give me the "I'm an artist/hippie/gangster/goth" line either. You're just conforming to another archetype, like the rest of your herd.

You can do anything: You cannot. You can't any more do brain surgery than most surgeons can correctly roast coffee beans, manufacture opium or spear a kangaroo with a fire-hardened stick.

"Just believing in yourself" will not make it happen either, no matter what the sports star who visited your school said. Work out one thing you like doing. If you're lucky, you can get good at it and make a living.

You're the most important person in the world: Wrong again. I'm sure even Barack Obama doesn't believe this, but there are store assistants at Surf Dive 'n' Ski absolutely convinced of it.

There's a line in the latest Ben Affleck film The Company Men, in which a high-powered character who's lost his job because of the GFC states the obvious:

"You know the worst part? The world didn't stop. The newspapers still came every morning, the automatic sprinklers shut off at six and Geoff next door still washed his car every Sunday. My life ended and nobody noticed," he says.

Ever been to a funeral? Life goes on afterwards doesn't it? Even without you and yours.

There's someone for everybody: There sure are a lot of everybodies dying alone in hospitals.

The myth of the ideal stranger has ruined more relationships than alcohol. People think "they" are out there, when they're actually right next to them, snoring. Most of us just need to pull our heads in, examine our faults, make it work.

Just be yourself: What if you're a dickhead? For many people, being themselves seems to equate to being thoughtless. As US writer and philosopher Eric Hoffer said: "Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength."

Just say what's on your mind: See above.

You can have it all: No you can't. You decide what what's important in life, then work towards that. If you're fortunate, that is what you can have.

The one thing that ties these modern mantras together is their lack of humility. I'd argue if you believe the opposite of these maxims, you'll be happier than following them.

We all need to accept we're but one of many sharing a planet, that we're not important, we have very real limits as to what we can achieve and, yes, we could well end up alone.

However, if you're thoughtful and concerned with others and have realistic goals, one day you might deservedly get what you've worked for.

And wouldn't that be different?

I remember thinking something along these lines a few years back, and wanted to make a post about it but never got around to it. But this guy seems to have managed to put it better than I ever could. Basically what I was going to say was that we aren't really that special - we are just another ant on the planet. So why is there a need for us to feel special? I guess because it keeps us alive. If we all didn't think much of ourselves, no one would ever have any drive to do anything. It's what keeps the rat race going I suppose.