Knee punishment

Woke up feeling ok today, had breakfast, shower and got to work at 9am on one crutch.

Heath came to talk to me and I told him about my surgery. A lot of people just think I went away for a holiday, lol. One interesting tidbit is that he did a list with Katie assisting on the day of my surgery, and when he was telling me about it, he said "I did the list with, what's her name" and pointed to her room. I let him struggle for a few moments before filling it in for him. I wonder if he truly had forgotten her name, in which case he doesn't perceive her to be as close as I thought, or if he was testing me because he knew something.

Lewis came in to join us, and I asked him about the list that I was supposed to have done if not for my surgery. The three of us got talking, and ended up talking about the company car and how it was hard to park in between the two poles. Then one of them said someone had dinged it pretty bad, and I said it was easier to get in if no other cars are parked next to it. Then Lewis said something like "geez that Jim has a shit car" LOL! Jim is pretty much the deputy head of the whole Sydney office, and he parks next to the company car, which is what I meant when I said it was easier to park if no car was next to it.

Heath saw the boss coming and tried to warn Lewis, but Lewis was like "huh? Jim!" AHAHAHAHAHAAHAH. The boss walked past, and I'm sure he would put two and two together that we were talking about that Jim. Fark me dead.

I was relieved when they both left, because I had work to do and would leave at around noon. Alanna had come in during the conversation to hand back a file, so I finished that and got it onto the system, and also sent one file back, so ended up getting 10 for the month. Not bad given I had taken two weeks off. Alanna seemed pretty excited, but I think she wanted me to get one more. I did have one more, but wrote a minute for it because the person was suicidal. She disagreed with me and allowed me a chance to change my mind. I knew what she was hinting: let it go and get 11.

I sat there and thought that this person's life was way more important than getting 11 for me, so I stood my ground and told Alanna I didn't want to change my views, and so now the minute is with Wendy.

At one point I was walking along the corridor near my door with my head down reading a document, and when I realised I was about to walk into someone, I looked up. It was Sarah, who had come to our floor from another floor. But I glanced naturally from her to the view ahead of me, and in the process saw Katie standing in Yoshi's room. She had been looking at me and slowly turned back to Yoshi after we made brief eye contact. Either it's a "I've disappeared for a long time" thing, or a sympathy thing since I'm still limping a bit. Eh.

I left work at just after noon to go to the hospital. I went home to change, and then caught the bus to the Wick. I found myself waiting in that same area that I had sat for almost three hours during a consultation prior to my surgery. This time I waited almost two hours.

I was playing with my phone when I heard my name being called by a nurse. She sounded agitated and told me to hurry up, since she had been calling for a while.

Hurry up?? Can't you see I'm on crutches???

She said I was sitting in the wrong section, and I told her that's where the lady told me to sit. Then I sat in that room and waited almost another hour. The only thing that entertained me was listening to the nurse trying to send back a patient that another hospital had sent, and they were close to getting the patient to travel in a taxi.

Finally, the registrar who did my surgery came in. He put on some gloves and, to my surprise, just ripped off the dressings on my knee. It didn't hurt, but that was unexpected. Then he said the nurse would come and take the stitches out. I asked if it would hurt, and he said no, and wondered why everyone asks.

So I laid on the bed and he got to see how flexible my knee was. He wasn't very impressed that it couldn't straighten. He said I had three weeks to straighten it or else I may never straighten it. That freaked me out. He left me for a while waiting for the nurse to come. I looked at my incisions and saw that my leg had been butchered. It was no different to seeing a piece of ham with a few strings sown in it. I was hoping it wouldn't be that rude nurse, but it was. I could picture her violently pulling out the stitches. But I think she just cut them?? So what's going to happen to the other stitches under my skin?

After that I had to see the reception to book a follow up appointment, and that lady seemed a bit rude as well.

I was sooo hungry by this stage and wanted to eat KFC, but it looked like it was going to rain so I caught the bus home, and then drove back to the Wick. My conscience won out and I ended up having a nice sandwich at Subway. I figured, I put premium petrol on my car, so why not my body?

After that I went to the gym to do my physio. This time I took my right shoe off so that my leg was able to straighten properly. I did the old exercises PLUS the new ones Jonathan showed me, three sets of each, which meant I was there for a LONG time. While I was doing it, one of the trainers (Andrew) came over and asked me what I was doing. He said he was wondering because he hadn't seen it before. I told him I was just doing post-surgery physio. At first I thought he had come over because I was doing something wrong or that I wasn't supposed to be there that long or there at all, and I tried to make chit chat trying to see what he really wanted, but each time he re-directed the conversation back to my exercises, so I figured he was just genuinely curious as to what exercises there are for ACL rehab.

As we talked, half of me was irritated that he had disrupted me, and half noticed how perfect his skin was. It made me want to perfect my own skin.

I swear, I was there for such a long time. Doing three sets of each is punishing on the knee. Halfway through, I really felt like I had done more harm than good to my knee. But the registrar said today not to "baby it". I'm a bit conflicted, because he's basically saying to push it, and Jonathan's saying not to push it.

By the end of my exercises I felt like I almost couldn't walk. I had indeed punished my knee. Both at the gym and back home, I managed to take the stairs normally, even though it looked forced.

Days 13 and 14 post surgery

Yesterday was the day - I was intending on seeing Inception. I checked the session times and decided on the 2pm session, so I bummed around at home on the computer until then. Maybe it's looking up at the monitor instead of looking eye level at my laptop, but reading things on the screen soon gave me a headache.

I headed out anyway at around 1pm, but stopped off first at the auto store nearby to look for a potential birthday present for Malay. I wanted to get him Honda brand steering wheel and seat belt covers, but they only had generic ones, so I left. I drove to the shopping centre near me, and since I still had some time, I checked out a few of the department stores but couldn't find any good steering wheel and seat belt covers. In hindsight, the white woolen ones at the auto store would match his car's interior fairly well.

I finally went to the cinema and bought a ticket to Inception, even though I had a slight headache. I just had this drive to do it mainly because I had been planning to for so long, it wasn't so much that I wanted to see the movie itself. I bought a medium popcorn and coke and headed (hobbled) in. I was actually curious to see how many, and what types of people would turn up for a movie at this time of day. Turns out they were middle aged and old people, some parents with kids. I felt like the odd one out. I felt unemployed.

Not long after the movie started, I began to forget about my headache and started enjoying the movie. Despite sitting at the middle, I still found it a bit blurry, grrrr.

The movie was pretty good. I've always thought about that before - dreaming about dreams. I liked the theory they put for the dreams, makes me wonder. The whole thing about stealing ideas and the rich guy having this huge hidden secret in the dream was a bit far-fetched, but you know what made it good? Leonardo DiCaprio. He was brilliant. I really like him, he's so versatile, he's so convincing in every role.

In the middle of the movie I felt a busting need to go to the toilet, so I went out, only to find out they were being cleaned. So I went back in, holding it. Ended up finishing the movie before relieving myself.

I thought I would have enough time after the movie to check out another auto store at Bondy, but it finished after 5ish so I decided it was close enough to head to the JB near my house. I drove there and got there a bit early for the 6pm sale, so sat in my car for a while before heading up.

I didn't think that many people would turn up for the sale, since there weren't that many cars parked in the car park. But when I got upstairs, I saw some people were sitting and waiting, and some were standing and waiting near the store. As I waited, more and more people came and gathered around the entrance to the store. They had closed it at 5pm, to re-open at 6pm for the sale. The amount of people there was beginning to freak me. Would I get trampled? What if they step on my knee? Would everyone dash inside as soon as the store opened? How many more would come? How could I get to the tv first when I hobbled?

But then I figured that not everyone was there to buy a tv. Besides, it was only 15% off, so no biggie. I messaged Malay to let him know, but found out afterwards he was sleeping.

When the store opened, everyone just walked in rather calmly with an eager bounce in their step. I went straight to the tv section, and told a guy I was looking for the one I was pointing to in the pamphlet. He showed it to me and asked if I wanted it. I thought I should ask some questions first, just so it didn't seem to easy, even though I was already intent on buying it.

It was a 42 inch LG LCD tv, which just blew me away. Taking 15% off wasn't much, but if I had to haggle 15% off at any other time, only Rod could do it, and I was no Rod.

I bought the tv, and he managed to sell me the extended warranty and a bloody surge protector which I thought was useless. How many electrical surges have we had since we lived here? None!

At the cash register, I was a bit scared the transaction wouldn't go through, since I had never done a transaction this big on my credit card. But when it went through, I was relieved. I must admit, I was hesitant in making such a large purchase, but then I thought "you think nothing of throwing $1000 onto the roulette table, so why hesitate when spending an equal amount for your family?"

Good point.

I had to drive my car to their pick up bay on the rooftop, which took me a while to find. Driving at night, in the rain, without my glasses had its problems. I found it eventually, and was greeted by a young guy who opened up the garage gates. I was expecting a big burly man to get the tv into my car. When I saw this guy, I wondered how he could carry it.

When he came back out with the tv, he asked me to help him, but I said I couldn't since I had knee surgery recently. He then lifted it up by himself and placed it in my backseat. Wow, he was stronger than he looked. He told me he also had his knee done, but it was the MCL.

I drove home, very excited that I had this huge ass tv in the back of my car. I was also to get a free 22" tv from LG! Wow, what a deal.

I called mom to see if she could help me get it up the stairs, but she said she was at the pokies and would come home. I went upstairs, but then couldn't wait. I drove the car back out and dragged the tv up the stairs all by myself. I could see how my surgeon and physio would disapprove this in all sorts of ways. Damnit I'm bad.

I spent the rest of the night unpacking and setting up the tv. The screws had me for a sec, but turns out that you just really need to push down hard while turning them.

It was a lot easier to set up, because it didn't involve the HD box, and we no longer needed the VCR (DVD killed the VCR star). When I turned it on, it was amazing. I couldn't believe it. We finally had a flat screen tv. It looked a bit too big for our lounge, but I think we can get used to it. But in all honesty, perhaps a 32" would've been more fitting.

Today, I went to the physio. It probably looked a bit weird to be carrying two crutches and hobbling, but eh. A school girl on the bus gave up her seat for me, lol. It actually wasn't a very good feeling. I'm not looking forward to getting old.

I mad eit to the hospital but once inside, I made a wrong turn, which meant I spent a long long time walking back to the right area. Told ya, when hobbling, making a wrong decision as to direction can be fatal.

Because of that, I was a bit late, so we had a short session today. I realised Jonathan looked a bit older than I had in mind. He measured how straight I could get my leg to be, and there was no improvement. I was disappointed. I did however have some improvement in bending my knee.

He showed me four new exercises: 1) push my knee down with my hands; 2) stand against a wall and slide up and down; 3) stand against a wall and push my knee against a balloon; and 4) have one foot in front of the other and just shift forwards and backwards.

He also got me onto a bike. I wasn't sure if I was ready for it yet, but I had to try anyway. I had a bit of trouble getting on, but once on it felt good. And then when I tried to cycle, it happened - I couldn't bring my leg to do one full cycle. I had to stop, then reverse, and stop, and go forward again. I swear I could've cried right there. It was so basic, yet I couldn't do it.

He left me to do that for a while, and I did it while listening to a female physio helping an old man with a walking stick. Listening to her, I wondered why I didn't get her. I reckon I would've fallen head over heels for her. The way she was helping the old man, was a demonstration of patience, personality and good intentions. I'm sure if she treated me like that, I would know both that she was acting professionally and that I would fall for her. So maybe it's good that I don't have her.

Jonathan found me a protocol and gave it to me before our session ended. He still wants me to use one crutch, so I left the other one there.

I used one crutch to go back home, and actually found I could walk faster with it.

I went home, and changed into my work clothes. I used one crutch to go to work, not sure about the look. Most people asked me about it, and I really didn't like the attention so I may have come off as rude/blunt to some (Maria) while to others who I needed to explan I was ok (Alanna, Erin).

Alanna said I was crazy for coming back to work early and I said I was going crazy staying at home. She laughed, but I think it was a fake laugh. Don't know why she spent time in my office. I just wanted to get cracking on the files placed on my desk. Wendy nearly didn't let me work, saying there was an OH & S issue.

Government jobs.

But Alanna was ok with it and said I didn't need to tell HR, lol. At one point Alanna came to my room to give me a file back, and said she could help me get anything I wanted. I said "anything?" as she was walking out. I thought she wasn't going to reply, but just before she walked out of sight she said "work related". I think she was taken back a bit and didn't know how to respond. I wondered if I had offended her, maybe she took it as sexual innuendo? But then later when she asked if I wanted her to bring over a file and I said yes, she jokingly said "you are SO lazy", so I took it as no :)

One time I walked out of my room and Katie was walking in front of me. I had my head down, but saw that she turned around to see me.

I think I got a lot done today, but I got tired pretty easily. Even though I got to work at 11am, I felt like going at on the dot at 5, but ended up leaving a bit after 6pm.

After work I caught the bus home and sat at the disabled seating again. The seating on these new red buses is really awkward, don't know who thought of it. If I turned my head to the left, I was staring into a woman's crotch. Ugh.

The lady sitting there kicked my left knee when she was getting ready to get off, and profusely apologised. I said it was ok, hoping she'd know that was my good knew.

When the bus came to my stop, I thought I'd get up before the bus came to a complete stop, but ended up hurting my knee very badly when it made a more sudden stop than expected. It was aching and ringing like a bell as I walked back home. Damn that really fucking hurt.

I got changed and went to the gym. I didn't want to look like a retward so forced myself to walk up the stairs normally. I did it, but using my right leg was really forced. I had to turn it sideways a bit, and even then it still looked awkward. But hey, I did it, so that must be an improvement, right?

I spent the whole time doing knee exercises. To most, I was just lying there or standing there, but I was working my knee so hard, it felt so tired afterwards. Again, I forced myself to walk down the stairs 'normally' afterwards.

Don't know how I'm going to do three sets of these exercises when I have work now.

Day 12 post surgery

Knee still in pain when I wake up, like it's rust, but feels better after some walking and the first round of exercises.

My plan today was to pick up my computer and then maybe catch Inception before meeting up with Malay and Shuing, but when I called the computer technician he wasn't answering. That meant a change in plans.

My modem had now completely stopped working, so I decided it was time for a new one. Seeing that the cheap store MSY was in my head, it was also a good time to go check it out. I checked out their catalogue online, wrote down what I needed and drove out.

Luckily I got a spot pretty much right outside their store. When I went in, I lined up behind one guy, and there was already a customer at the counter. He took a while but finally finished, and so the guy ahead of me got served. Another worker finished a phone call and served me, and I gave him my piece of paper wit the two items. I ended up buying the modem and webcam with no troubles, and walked out thinking it was a successful soup Nazi adventure, hehe.

As I walked back to my car, checking out the items in the bag, I walked up the stairs and subconsciously took two steps in a row natrually! Progress! But as soon as I realised that, I reverted back to one step at a time. I think it's not until you have a knee injury that you realise everything that goes into being able to walk up the stairs properly. First there's the need to be able to lift your leg up high enough (which is my problem now), and then once your foot is planted, your knee has to be strong enough to support your weight while your other leg gets off the ground. This isn't as much of a problem for me now because I've been (inadvertently) using my bad leg at times to walk up the little step in my room.

I then made a call to the computer guy but still no answer, so I drove to the Wick to return The Unborn. After chucking the DVD into the return chute, I made a call again but there was still no answer.

So I went home and washed the left front passenger door of my car because there were some stains on it that were beginning to irk me. I wasn't up to washing the whole car because of my knee, but I had enough strength to do one door.

I then went upstairs to check out my new modem and webcam, and was glad that they both worked. At about 1pm I called the computer guy again and this time he picked up. I told him I'd be there in 30 minutes to pick up my computer, so about half an hour later I drove there to pick it up.

I went inside and he turned on my computer to show me everything was working ok. He said it was just the power switch that had gone, but he'd installed a new one now. I noticed he had a lot of dandruff on his hair, and I kinda appreciated the fact that he didn't slick up like most sales people would do, because this gave a more trustworthy perception.

I paid and thanked him and took my computer back to my car. By now it was nearing 2pm, so I drove to Malay's place nearby and waited. He was a bit late, not sure if it was because he had just woken up or if I had parked too far away. Anyway, we went to pick up Shuing and then headed off to the SupaCentre.

It was strange that Shuing came out in his work clothes and a laptop bag. I asked him and he said he had to pretend to his parents he was still working. When I asked how that made sense if he left home at 2pm, he didn't say anything. I wonder what he's up to.

We checked out EB, Bing Lee and then Harvey Norman. It was pretty much the same as it had been back in high school, not much had changed. I actually couldn't believe they were still in business. Nothing was on sale, and everything was clearly a rip off. We supposed the only people who bought from there were old people who didn't understand much about computers and electronics.

After that Malay had to use the bathroom, so Shuing and I sat down at a table nearby to wait. I found that it was generally filled with silence. I couldn't really think of much to say to him. Maybe that 6:30am message still has me freaked out? He did ask me what I had been up to in my days off, which was probably an interrogation of me, and I just said I had been busy rehabbing. We also talked a bit about business and making money, and he revealed something about "sports-arbitrage".

When Malay came back we went upstairs to check out JB. Despite having only recently visited the one at the shopping centre near us, we nevertheless managed to entertain ourselves for a while just by browsing and checking things out. I ended up checking out the tvs, and thought about buying one which was going for $500. It seemed like a pretty good deal, but Malay wasn't very impressed. He had his eye on one of the really expensive ones. Of course that was good, but I wasn't exactly in a position to dish out $4000 for a tv. They advertised a 'crazy sale' on tomorrow, so maybe I will go check it out.

After that we went to Chinksford for lunch. We decided to pick a restaurant that we hadn't been to before, and ended up choosing one opposite Tea Inn. The food was alright, but I guess the 'meat' of the day was here in that our conversation turned to an analysis and basically bitching of others in our group. I find that this is what gets everyone going.

There was some movement towards criticising G for not bringing his girlfriend out with us, and also for being a tight ass. I could understand the first, because we were just a bunch of guys. I'm not so sure I'd bring a girl to an all guy event either. Second, although I have noticed G is a bit of a tight ass, he does actually volunteer to be the driver for most nights out, so in that way, he probably does his part.

We talked about people all the way through dinner and through our Easyway drinks we had afterwards. I observed that Malay is actually quite observant when it comes to who puts in money for things and who doesn't. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised that he notices, since it may be something everyone notices. Rather, I should be surprised that it irks him and that he's spitting it out now.

I felt conversation was going dry, my knee was playing up, and I wanted a chance to catch Inception, so I was glad when Malay said he needed to get home for dinner with his parents. I dropped Shuing off first, and I was pretty sure this was an issue in his mind - had he been dropped off first so Malay and I could talk about him behind his back?

No, we didn't. We just made small talk after dropping Shuing off. I went home, eager to set up my computer...and voila! I'm typing from it right now. So good to have it back. It's faster, and it has Photoshop, which I really miss.

I also missed Inception, which pisses me off a bit because it was tight ass Tuesday today. Oh well, might catch it tomorrow.

At times during today, I felt my knee aching in a fair amount of pain. I wonder if I'm doing too much with it. Maybe I should rest it more.

Day 11 post surgery

Woke up today feeling that the pain in my knee wasn't as bad, but it was still there.

As is usual with my days of bludging, I got off to a late start, but aware that my parents had gone out early to the doctor's. They would come pick me up at 10am for yum cha, so I just bummed around on the net and had a shower.

It was interesting sitting in the passenger seat of my car. I guess this is how my friends saw it. Maybe it was just me, but my dad's driving was pretty noticeable. And maybe I'm just a hooligan, but he drives way too slow, and in a careless "I don't give a F" way. Another thing that irked me was his braking at the last moment and also not slowing down enough at speed bumps. I cringed everytime my baby hit that bump hard.

We went to a Chinese restaurant in Hurstville. I bet everyone thought I was crippled since I was limping without a crutch. I really missed yum cha, it gave me the idea that maybe I should go with my friends next time.

I haven't been out with my parents in ages, and immediately I felt the 'inferior' feeling when with them. Mom irked my dad by pretty much going out to get something as soon as we got a table, lol. She's like that, the world has to wait for her, but she can never wait for anyone.

The food was pretty good, so many things I haven't had for a long time, I even forgot the name of one of them. Another thing I realised was how bloody expensive it was. I think it's much better to just have toast and orange juice for breakfast.

Afterwards mom went shopping, dad went to get stuff for work so I browsed through the shopping centre there. My main idea was to check out that store with the nice $10 ties, but they didn't have many on the rack. I also noticed that they were all quite large towards the bottom point, which seems kinda old fashioned now. Had my taste changed since my last visit here?

I pretty much walked through the rest of the shopping centre while waiting, and bought three packs of chuppa chups for $1 each at a discount store. I had so much time left I waited near my car at the car park, because I was worried someone might hit it and drive off, which looked a bit dodgy to those who walked by.

On the drive back, my dad asked if I wanted to go to Eastlakes with them. I asked if I could be dropped off at home first because I was feeling tired, and my mom said it would be on the way.

Then why ask me for???

At Eastlakes, I stayed in the car and had a bit of a nap while they shopped. It was a nice nap. I wanted to clean part of the car when we got home but it looked like it was going to rain.

I don't think I will need the crutches form hereon, but I still walk only one step at a time, especially up and down stairs. The actual pain inside the knee seems to have gone, but I am sure if someone banged my knee it would still be there. Hell, today when my dad stepped on my foot lightly I had a big reaction.

The pain from the wounds are still there, and the bruise at the foot seems to be getting smaller. The hamstring pain is still there, but I feel that maybe it's let me go a bit in terms of giving me more leg movement in range.

When I do the exercise with my knee pushing against the towel, I no longer have that 'shock' pain in my knee as I did when I first started them. That was pretty bad, but in a way, I miss it.

Day 10 post surgery

Had planned a lunch with the guys today so didn't really do much in the morning except bum around on the net and play GTA 3. In hindsight, I can't even believe I did that until 1pm.

Anyway, got ready for Malay to pick me up, but he hadn't called even at 1pm (because we were to meet at 1:30pm) and I started to panick a bit. I wondered if I should just drive there myself, but part of me knew he was pretty responsible for stuff like this so I waited downstairs.

I waited till 1:30pm and again got anxious because I didn't want G to think we were being late on purpose, but I suspected Malay had a reason behind it. I swear one bus tried to hit me. I was standing probably just under a metre from the kerb. This bus approached, and as it was full, it stopped after the bus stop, which was where I was standing, in front of my drive ways. The tyre actually came onto the kerb, and if I didn't step back, it would've hit me. What a fucker.

Anyway, Malay arrived and told me he had been with his dad, so that explained it. We headed off to the shopping centre near us, and I dreaded the walk to the foodcourt, mainly because it seems like I've been here too many times in the last few days, and also because I was limping without crutches.

G met us halfway at the carpark, and then we headed to the foodcourt. Deciding what to eat had to be an efficient decision - I did not want to walk all around the foodcourt and back. In the end, I settled on Indian food and they followed. Probably a bad choice with one of the curries because it was really really hot without the nan bread, but oh well, the lady did warn me.

The three of us caught up a bit, but I didn't want to get to any 'meaty' topics until Shuing arrived. We joked for a while about this one youtube video where a female game show host slaps a guy, lol, that was pretty funny.

After eating, Shuing still hadn't arrived, so we decided to check out JB. G and Malay were looking at something and I wandered off to have a look at the movies and video games. As I stood there, I felt some pain iny my knee. It just felt like I had been standing too much, and that I needed to sit down. Everywhere I walked, I was really careful not to have anyone bump into my knee. If anyone came close, I was ready to shove them away with two hands.

We were in there for quite a while, and when we got to the Anime section, Malay kept showing me stuff he liked which I had no interest in. Apart from Street Fighter, I'm not really much of an Anime fan.

We walked back out and sat down again, much to the relief of my knee. Malay and I got some drinks from Gloria Jeans and we waited for Shuing some more. He came at like 3pm, and was a bit rude when I joked about his lateness, saying he had better things to do.

He said he saw lemon and her boyfriend together, which was a bit freaky. Anytime there's talk of her it's a bit freaky.

After the initial awkwardness of Shuing's arrival, I felt we all got into a pretty good groove with the conversation, talking about others like Ele and Michael L. Shuing investigated a bit about what happened on Friday night, and I tried to be vague, but did tell him I found Michael L annoying when playing Jenga. Shuing reckons Ele doesn't like him just because he beats her at poker. I don't think so. He then hinted that I was biased in favour of her.

Anyway, we went back to JB because Malay wanted to buy Arrested Development, and my knee felt a bit better now.

We stood outside JB discussing what to do, until I said I just wanted to go home to rest my knee, which was true. Malay had told me earlier about The Unborn, and I thought that would be a good movie to watch, so after he dropped me home I dorve to the Wick to rent it.

As I walked from the car to the video store, I felt that I could almost get into a normal walking pattern, even if it was a bit slow and creepy. But when I tried too hard or too long, it would pull my hamstring.

Luckily it didn't take me long to find the video, and I rented it and got out. I was pretty sure I didn't need the crutches anymore. I felt like I had gotten much better between when I was with the guys and now. Sometimes it feels like just one round of exercises will make my knee feel a whole lot better.

I watched The Unborn when I got home, and it was a pretty ok movie, but that chick is seriously hot.

Day 9 post surgery

On Friday night, I headed out with one crutch and my car and drove to Chinksford. While I was looking for a parking space, I saw Michael L already standing outside the pizza place by himself. I tried to wave to him but he then checked his phone. He looked like a total dork and I just wondered even more what Eva saw in him.

I found a parking spot and crutched my way to the restaurant in the sprinkling rain. I was hoping that by the time I got there everyone else would've arrived, but as I passed the window I saw Michael L had taken a seat at the table by himself.

I went in and gave him the 'gangster nod' only to cause a bit of pain in my knee. Seating would be strategic as I wanted to sit next to May. Michael L had sat at one end of the table and I sat opposite him. Besides, it gave me leg room to stick my leg out.

We made general chit chat but at times I found the menu being more interesting. Sometimes it's just hard to talk to people who don't provide much response or initiate questions. I wonder if I'm like that.

I was pretty glad when I saw the rest of the group walk by outside, as I knew this would end my solo crusade to keep things interesting. Ele's husband sat down a seat away from me, and Ele and May were deciding where to sit. I was hoping May would sit next to me, but then Ele sat on Michael L's side and May followed. The guy housemate (I still don't know his name!) sat down next to me. When I found out Jessica had also been invited, I was glad she would be seated as far away from me as possible (although I was intrigued as to whether there'd be any effect on May).

Ele asked me where I had been earlier since I told her I wasn't at home and couldn't reply to her email, and I showed her the Jenga. She laughed and asked if I could return it, because they already had it. Ha, there goes the fun. She wanted Monopoly instead.

Ele's husband ordered a milkshake and spilled a bit onto the table. I might be wrong, but I thought I saw Ele give him one of those looks that mothers give to their kids when they're naughty. Ele also said she had been at V Club, and I told her that was expensive. She said it was $27 per week and I said FF was $20 per week. She then said not to talk about money when her husband was around.

THAT did it for me. I had suspected that she didn't marry rich (which I admire) but Shuing shot down my theory last time. But the following things have made me belief the dude has no money:

1. This is the third time I've seen him and all three times he was wearing the same white Adidas jacket. I know because the first time I saw it I thought it looked like my white Adidas training jersey on the front, so I kept it in mind.

2. She said he was so confident in his driving that he didn't buy insurance. Even the average Joe would buy car insurance.

3. The "don't talk about money" thing.

As much as I admired her for marrying the guy she liked instead of the guy with the biggest wallet (probably Bob?) I wondered if it would last. And if it didn't, would I be there for the interception?

I told Ele that this wasn't the restaurant I had in mind, as I meant the one near my place, since I couldn't go very far.

We ordered the entrees first and I chose the ones that Bush, HHH and Carry usually like, but I don't think they went down too well with them. Different tastes I suppose.

Then when we found out that Jessica wasn't coming (yes!) we ordered the pizzas.

Throughout the dinner, I noticed that Ele's husband and the guy housemate were playing Chinese chess on his iPhone. I put that down to him not being interested in whatever we were talking about (and maybe the language barrier) but I also started wondering if he didn't like me. Maybe he knew I had a thing for Ele in the past? But also, in hindsight, I recognised this as a demonstration of his social skills. Instead of talking, he preferred to play games on his phone.

It was good to have Michael L at the table in this way: he was an additional person who understood English so that shifted the balance slightly, which meant I was able to get involved more. It did trouble me, however, that he took the phone from Ele and spoke to Jessica and mentioned a rendezvous on Sunday. Not my problem I suppose.

I told them a bit about my surgery and stay at the hospital, and they seemed pretty interested. May also asked me a bit about my work when Ele told her what I did. I think May is an accountant, but she is definitely working because she mentioned something about a receptionist at her place.

I also kept an eye out to see if there'd be any eye contact with May during the dinner. My conclusion? I made more non-verbal eye contact with Ele than May. Things don't seem to have changed much. She still looks at me in the same way as before, which led me to mis-thinking things.

Also, the thing that started growing on me about May was that she seemed eerily similar to my sister. The way she laughed, the way she talked, and I swear at one point she sort of talked to herself the same way that my sister does. I'm not sure if I can go for a girl who reminds me of my sister.

After dinner I was surprised we didn't leave a tip. I asked Ele and she confirmed it. Oh well, as bad as I felt leaving without a tip, maybe they shouldn't have given us water with dandruff in it.

I drove Michael L back to their place and they went in their own car. Ele and her husband waited for us to park while the other two had headed home. As we walked to their apartment, I joked that we could play Monopoly by downloading it. Ele turned around and smiled, and I just had a feeling that these were the type of jokes she liked.

When we got to their place we played many rounds of Jenga. I think everyone lost at least once. Michael L was a bit of a prick because: 1) he kept telling people what to do and predicting when it was going to fall; and 2) he never placed the blocks on top properly which really gave me the shits because I was after him.

There was one round where it was my turn and the whole thing was pretty unstable (thanks to Michael L and Ele's husband taking the blocks form the bottom at the beginning) and everytime I tried to move one Michael L was saying "it's going to fall". By now we had switched directions so he was after me, and I knew if I could pass my turn, then he would lose for sure.

As I carefully pulled out the blocks, I kept telling myself "careful, if you can do it, he'll lose".

I finally did it, and placed it on top like icing on the cake.

YES! YES! EAT IT!! SUCK SHIT!!!

And as it turned out, Michael L made it fall on his turn.

We also played one game of poker after Jenga. I got out somewhere around the middle, and watched on as there was only Ele, Michael L and her husband left. On one round everyone went all in, and I said "someone's got nothing" which I felt was really cool, and I was right, because Michael L was bluffing. Ele later repeated that remark, and I knew it had stuck in her mind.

Ele was pretty playful with her husband throughout the night, scruffing his hair and pushing him playfully. Again, I wondered: would he drop the ball? And if he did, would I catch it?

When we were going, Ele and May were standing at the door. I made eye contact with May a few times as we said bye to eachother and waved.

To my surprise, Michael L was not too annoying in the car, even though he was giving me directions to his place. Maybe he had learned?

I dropped him off and then returned home. The acrobats I have to do to get out of my car in the garage is tough and can be painful, but I think I'm getting better at it.

Yesterday I went into work on one crutch. I got there at about 10am. I was expecting to see a pile of files on my desk, but to my surprise there were only two. I also saw that Alanna had finished two for me, so now I had six on the system. Wow, she just gained a point in my book. But still, I wondered, would she throw me under a bus like Nom?

I mainly checked my 50 or so emails, and printed some stuff out for files. I also fixed the photocopier - couldn't believe no one could fix it without me.

It felt good to be back. Maybe I did need a break. I felt refreshed already. The constant walking between my room and Alanna's was a bit tough because it took so long to hobble. Hopefully that will get better when I get back next week.

As I was working and listening to Recovery on full blast, I heard a female voice say "you're kidding". It startled me, and my first reaction was that it was Wendy, but when I turned around I saw that it was Gonaz. She went on a bit about how unbelievable it was that I came into work, and joked that I could get SLO. I didn't know what to say.

I worked until noon and then left. I was deciding whether I should watch Inception or call up the guys to meet up for lunch. I called Malay and he said he was at the shopping centre near us, and I said I was going there to return something (Jenga) and he said he was going to a computer place later so he'd call me.

So I drove to the shopping centre near us and went to return Jenga. It was the same guy who was at the checkout when I bought it. I wonder if he recognised me. To my surprise it was no problem at all. He didn't even check the thing, just gave me a voucher since I told him I wanted to buy something else.

Also to my surprise was that all the normal Monopolies were gone! There were like full shelves of them the day before and now there was only one Disney version left along with some City versions. The City version looked pretty cool (and there was no way I was going to buy Disney) so I bought that.

As I neared home, Malay gave me a call and I said I was near his place so I'd go pick him up. I waited a few moments at his place before he appeared. We talked for a bit before Thai came. I thought we were going to a computer shop in Ultimo, but when we picked Brain up, he said he wanted to go to Auburn. So typical, if there are any chanes to plans, he doesn't bother to tell us. It's pretty inconsiderate.

Anyway, I didn't like the thought of wasting petrol to go all that way, but I was in the mood for a road trip, so I agreed. We were all there anyway.

During the drive, I felt a bit left out whenever they talked about some video game, but it was cool cause I went in and out of conversations as we talked about cars and computers. At one point, which I thought was funny, Malay was talking to Thai about something and Brain and I were talking about reverse sensors, and it was so hard to isolate the conversations, lol.

We got to the suburb and Brain said he would recognise the place if he saw it. He said he recognised it and so we drove into the car park of a small shopping centre. It was just all furniture and stuff, and I got a bit annoyed walking around because it was so much trouble on one crutch, and then we realised that the shop he was looking for was across the road. Grrr.

I had to drive to that car park because it would be too much work to cross the road and come back, and luckily it wasn't as busy so there were lots of parking spots. We went upstairs and Brain and Thai lined up in the shop, while Malay and I stood outside. I told him about how Shuing was freaking me out a bit because of the stuff I had been reading about depression in my book (Science of Happiness) and how Shuing seemed similar to one description given, and also about how I might cop some flack from Shuing for not hanging out with him while I was on leave. Malay seemed to agree with my sentiments, especially the bit about not reminiscing on the past too much.

Turned out that the stuff Brain wanted weren't in stock, so we had driven here all for nothing. We tried another place nearby but it was closed. I was pretty hungry by now since I hadn't had lunch, and I suggested lunch but Malay had to be home by 5pm.

We got caught in a bit of traffic, so that ruined any chance of even getting a quick bite.

I dropped Brain off, and waited to see if he thanked me since Malay said he had never been thanked, and he did, lol. I then dropped Malay and Thai off and went home.

I noticed yesterday that the bruising on my foot has gone away quite susbtantially, so that looks like a good sign.

The exercises seem to be getting a bit easier, but I find that I like to have the towel big and hard under my knee. If it's soft there's nothing to push against. I also find that the one where I have to push my knee against the towel makes my knee feel really good, like it's stretching it.

Day 8 post surgery

Woke up today with my knee feeling like absolute crap. It hurt without me having even to move it. It felt like it needed to be moved to give it some exercise, but that seemed to cause a bit of pain as well. Was not looking forward to getting out of bed and walking, but it had to be done.

After breakfast, I slowly got ready by having a shower and all that to go out. My plan? To drive out to get Jenga for games at Ele's place tonight, and buy a modem/router.

I hobbled down the stairs as usual and went to my car. It was a bit tough getting in, but I managed by sliding the seat back to get maximum leg room. It wasn't much of a problem thereafter, except for the constant seat adjustments.

I drove to a computer store near my house across the street. I limped out without my crutch, because it was just a few metres. I went in with one of my broken modems/routers and asked the guy if they had something like it. He showed me a wireless one for $99 and said he could order something similar to mine for $65. It was a bit more expensive than I had expected, so I said I would have a think about it.

I then drove to the shopping centre near me and parked around where I usually park on the level with cover. I used my crutch (yes, single crutch!) to go to Dick Smiths. I thought about asking them for help but I found the modem/router section pretty much immediately, and they were at least $89 so I decided to try my luck with Optus (where it's originally from) at a later date.

I dropped my modem back in my car and then went to Target. I usually don't ask for directions, but found myself taking advantage of the old bag checking lady at the entrance, asking her where the board games were. She pointed me to a general direction but said they were having a massive toys sale so toys were everywhere.

I found Jenga, and was glad that I had come at the time of the sale. The price was $27 but it was now only $13!!! Wow. I was close to buying a Monopoly board game but didn't want to spend that much, and besides, it seems to cause more trouble than fun when people play it.

I took a bit of a walk around the shopping centre, feeling the need to buy something...anything.

Check out the movies to watch Inception?

You can rent a movie.

Wanna rent a movie at the Wick?

Then why the hell did you buy Scrubs??

Maybe I can get something to eat?

There's food at home!

Buy a movie at JB?

You can watch Scrubs and Seinfeld at home!!

I finally resigned to the fact that I actually didn't need to buy anything. Everything I needed was already at home. I crutched my way back to my car and drove to the Wick. I bought some snacks from the Asian grocery store. I think their stuff might be cheaper than the one in the city! This demands investigation.

I went across to the other shopping centre to withdraw some money, and then crutched my way back to my car. It felt good driving again. I swear there's nothing like blasting Eminem in the car and driving. It soothes my mind. But to my surprise I wasn't really driving that fast. I knew I didn't have the proper reflexes, so I was a bit cautious. I was also a bit fearful that my surgeon and/or physio would catch me driving, since I wasn't supposed to. Which made me think - I seem to have this bit of rebellious nature in me. I mean, I was told to use crutches, yet I could be seen walking into the computer store. I'm told not to drive, and here I was driving.

I remembered what Jonathan told me about taking it too fast and ruining the future. It really becomes a mentality. He said it's hard for those who want to rush back to rehab, because they just don't have the patience. But if you're resigned to the fact that it's a slow process, then you'll be more patient.

While I'm here I might as well document the differences in pain I'm currently feeling.

First, there's the actual knee pain. When I trip (like last night, that was a big one) or kick something with my right foot, 10 billion nerves shoot pain from inside knee to brain saying "OUCH!". It's felt at the very heart of the surgery, the core of my knee, where the ligament has been replaced. It is also the bit that hurts when my knee isn't moved enough, or is moved too much. More of this pain is NOT good for my recovery.

Second, there's the pain associated with the wound where the incisions were made. I guess aggravating this just makes me bleed more, but probably doesn't damage the knee per se. Stretching and tripping can damage these wounds.

Third, there seems to be some sort of 'stretch' pain in my hamstring. According to my physio, this is where they took the graft (I didn't think they did because there's no incisions there, but he said they bring it through from the front). If the other two pains didn't exist, this feels like it would definitely stop me from doing any form of running. It prevents me from stretching my leg too far out. Sometimes it feels like it's missing a section there (which may be true) and it makes me wonder how I can return to sport if that part is missing.

Naby
Sometimes I look at my current credit card debt, and wonder how it could be about $1,500 less if I had never gone down the Naby path. Do I regret it? Nope. Why not? Because not only did I enjoy her company, but it was a solution to going mentally insane from the whole Katie thing after it happened. I needed a distraction, and I got it. Plus, I think I may have done something stupid with Karina if I didn't have my Naby experiences on the weekends.

Also, I noticed that during the Naby period, I wasn't as angry as before, or even as often. I don't know why, but anger didn't appeal to me as much, and although I stayed motivated at work, it wasn't really anger. I kinda just mellowed out. Maybe it was all just sexual frustration?

The other thing is, if I start looking at things like that, then it could go on forever, like "if I didn't buy that suit, then I'd be x dollars richer", but life isn't as mathematically simple as that. Perhaps if I didn't spend money on that, it would've been spent elsewhere.

Do I miss Naby? Kinda, but not in a sad, heart breaking way. I guess because all along in the back of my mind it was accepted that it would be temorary, so it didn't hit me as hard when it happened. Sometimes I do wonder if she'll come back, and then I wonder if I'll see her even if she does. I do not intend to be a long time punter.

Day 7 post surgery

Physio.

I woke up with an alarm for the first time in what seems like a long time. I had breakfast and was then quickly driven off by my dad to the hospital. I needed to find the bathroom first, and after that I got lost a bit. When I was healthy, getting lost in a place like a hospital wasn't much of a problem, because I could walk so fast, but now that I was walking at one step at a time, it seemed like going in the wrong direction could be a matter of life and death.

I ended up choosing the right direction and found the physio section. There was a girl talking to the lady at the desk. I presumed she worked there because they were talking about what music they had in their computers. When she left I approached. Turns out the lady was Tina, the same lady who called me to make the appointment.

I took a seat and waited. I secretly hoped that there would be some patients there for physio who also had ACL surgery, but it was just a guy in a suit and a lady, both with no observable overt problems. I also secretly hoped that my physio would be that Karen girl who taught me how to use crutches when I was in hospital, but alas, Tina had already written the name 'Jonathan' on my card.

Jonathan turned out to be a tall black dude. With a shaved head, he looked younger than he was. I observed the balding pattern and figured he was quite aged. It made me feel good because it meant he had experience, and he also reminded me of my basketball coach in the clinic back when I was in high school.

When he asked me to follow him, I started limping off without using my crutches (like I had done when exploring the hospital earlier). He said I might want to use them, so I did. I said I thought it was best the sooner I got off the crutches, and he said it was best the sooner I got off the crutches and could walk properly.

It annoyed me a bit that he walked so far ahead of me as I limped slowly behind. But oh well. He led me to a large room with a lot of beds with curtains around them. He led me to one and closed the curtains and asked me to take a seat on the chair.

He started off by asking me some background questions, like when did I injure myself, when my surgery was and all that.

Have you had surgery before? No.

Do you have any heart conditions? No.

Do you have any other medical illnesses? No.

Do you have diabetes? No.

Am I a gambling addict? Yes.

He said he was missing the 'protocol', which apparently was the surgeon's rules to follow during recovery.

After all that I got onto the bed and showed me some exercises to do. They were similar to the ones Karen had showed me which I had been doing, but the only difference was I had to hold it for 10 seconds, and to do 20 reps.

He told me a bit about the overall rehabbing process. He basically said to forget about those people (ala AFL players) who come back after a few weeks, because: 1) their clubs pay them so they want them back on the field asap without care for their future; and 2) what you don't see is a few years down the track and how it's ruined their long term prospects. That made me think about Brandon Roy and what he had down to his future (although I note his wasn't ACL).

Then he got a machine and stuck some suckers with wet sponges on them onto my knee area. He said it would reduce the swelling in my knee. It was good to listen to him to learn about my knee, like how there was fluid inside and fluid could not be compressed, the only way out is osmosis which takes time. I also asked him about the lack of feeling in my leg, and he said that was because the nerves had been cut off, but they would grow back.

We made an appointment for next Thursday at 8:45am, and on the way out I think I heard Karen with another patient.

I limped my way out of the hospital on two crutches, even though he said I could only use one from now on. I bumped into my mom on the way to the bus stop, and then caught the bus home.

As the bus was nearing my stop, I tried to get up as it was slowing down. Bad mistake. I tumbled forward a bit and nearly hit my knee against the seat. That would've really hurt.

I went home, glad that I got to go outdoors and exercise my knee a bit. I pretty much stayed at home for the rest of the day playing GTA 3 and surfing the net.

Day 6 post surgery

Man, waking up today my knee felt like shit! It was so locked up it wasn't funny. I felt like I needed to walk a long distance to walk it off, but after the morning sets of rehab exercises it felt a bit better.

After breakfast and showering, I decided to go out for a walk. I felt like I really needed it. It was looking gloomy, but I was determined to get out there before it rained. I knew that if I didn't go before it rained then I would regret it.

I got changed and headed down and out on my crutches. I didn't want to cross any roads so I went around the block behind my house. But when I got just past the stairs behind my house, it started raining. I stood there for a few moments trying to think whether I should continue on, but then turned around and headed back home. The stairs down were a bit hard given the rain and wet railings, but I made it. By the time I got back to my gate, I told myself how it was worth it even though I didn't get to walk the whole block. Just going out and getting some sun and fresh air made everything worthwhile.

After that I found out that I didn't really need the crutches around home anymore. Sure, I hobbled, but my balance was now much better. I think all I need is a walking stick now, instead of two crutches. At one stage, my cat was walking in front of me, and I felt like chasing it. My knee wouldn't let me, but my mind was confident. That, my friend, was a sign of change.

I am still somewhat worried about my inability to straighten my leg fully, but I guess it just takes time.

Also, after sitting down for a long time, it still feels like it's locked up/frozen again. I guess the hardest times are when I go to sleep (because I try to straighten my leg) and when I wake up.

Days 4 and 5 post surgery

Yesterday I stayed all day at home, so boring, but I noticed a bit more improvement in the knee. As I was doing the exercise where I push my knee down against a towel, I found I could, with a LOT of effort, lift my leg up. However, how much of that is credited to my quad I do not know.

I've decided that starting from today, I am going to do five sets of exercises instead of three. I will do my fifth after this entry.

I went out briefly today to the petrol station to withdraw some money and buy some cordial. I was pretty excited to go out, lol. Putting my pants on is still a struggle. Going down those stairs is also a struggle. But once I got down to the street, I was pretty ok on the crutches. I was slow, but I enjoyed being out and moving my knee. I crossed the road at the lights and found that it took longer than the allowed time to cross, lol.

Going in and out, I had people hold the door open for me, which was nice of them.

After the servo, I actually wanted to do more walking, but didn't want to do it holding the cordial, so I returned home, a little disappointed that my day out had ended so quickly.

Sitting on the bed with my legs straight out, I can now also lift my leg up quite a bit, but also with a bit of effort and pain. What I also realised after the walk was that I could now hobble without crutches. The threat of pain is still there, but going without crutches is an improvement. Towards the end of my trip I had gotten into a rhythm with the crutches. I think going out for a walk is a good thing, it's much better than being cooped up in this house and not moving my knee much. I might go out tomorrow if it doesn't rain.

The thing I do fear right now is my inability to straighten my leg. Sometimes I wonder if it will be like this forever. Maybe something went wrong? Or is this normal? Also, I still cannot feel my knee area, but that is not a big of a deal as straightening it.

Ok, starting my fifth set now.

Day 3 post surgery

I just remembered something. On Wednesday, in the morning, Alanna came to my office and we ended up having a chat mainly about our careers. I didn't really know why she came over. Maybe she wanted to have a bit of a farewell chat since it was my last day before surgery. Maybe she was bored. I don't know. All I know is that during the conversation I kept wondering what she was trying to get to. She thinks I'm eventually going to the bar. My plan is to stay here and live a safe and stable life. She's really into studying, and told me a bit about her life, how she's moving and about her boyfriend's career, and I told her I admired how set up her life seemed to be. I told her I was more aimless, which may have been too much information. Must remember that I cannot be friends with her. She is my supervisor.

I woke up at about 4:30am to go to the bathroom. The first little change I noticed was how less painful it was to get my leg out of bed. Yes, that's how sensitive it was. A little toe caught on the blanket with pressure pulling on the leg out of the bed would normally cause me screaming, but today I could do it, and I immediately knew it was a little bit of improvement.

I went back to sleep, then woke up to have breakfast, got a message from Malay saying he couldn't make lunch today and basically went back to sleep at around 11am. I got up at 1pm when G messaged saying he would be late, and that's when I totally realised I had forgotten about it. I texted Shuing asking for a ride, then went to have a shower.

As much as I want to stay clean by having a shower a day, I'm not sure how feasible that's going to be. It's like the most dangerous activity of the day for me. I slipped the other day in the shower a bit and stretched my right quad, which absolutely fucking killed me.

I didn't slip today, but it was enough trouble trying to get my leg into the shower and then back out.

I did some rehab exercises on the bed while waiting for Shuing. I noticed two things for the first time: 1) there is a bruise on the inner side of my foot; and 2) I have no feeling or sensation on my right knee. Nothing. I put the mobile phone on it and could not feel the cold, smooth metal. That is a little disturbing.

Shuing picked me up and we went to Chinksford to meet G for lunch. We had good convo during the ride, but I felt that when he met G there wasn't much talk. Once we sat down, G asked him about his trip, and he basically gave a one word answer. Maybe he was spent from telling me and Malay about it, but I thought that was pretty rude to G.

We spent lunch talking about the usual stuff, like Michael L, lemon, G and his new girlfriend and that. Shuing did ask me, however, a serious question: if Eva did not end up with Michal L, would I have gone for her? I don't know why, but I answered it honestly, and it was this: I have a tendency to want things I can't have, and having seen Eva demostrate that she was willing to settle down with Michael L may have made me want that, but if that didn't happen, I'm not sure if I would've seen Eva in the same way.

Anyway, when we left G had to go first because he aws meeting up with his girlfriend, so Shuing and I slowly walked back to his car. We didn't say much, not even in the car. I felt there was something up with him, and I didn't realise until the cold encounter he had with G. Hmmm.

My leg is feeling a bit numb right now. Earlier when I was sitting down and watching 60 Minutes, I found out I could lift my leg up a bit off the floor with a bit of pain. I still can't do it while sitting on the bed though.

Surgery

On Tuesday after work I decided to have one more go at winning some money, and ended up losing $1000. My biggest one night loss ever. God I felt awful. No point in saying anything now, I'll only have a right to even remotely suggest something if I can manage a month without gambling.

On Wednesday work was a bit of a rush because of all the things I had to finish off before taking leave for my surgery. The most annoying thing was at 3pm I had this telephone training thing which really wasted my time. Number one, why do we need new phones, and number two, why do we need to be trained to use a phone???

I went and in a group of about eight people I was the only guy. I bet you they were all taken though. Rat was there and started talking to me about her case, even though there was an Asian girl between us who I wouldn't have minded talking to.

After work I decided to enjoy my last day of physical freedom by going whoring. I went to a place I had never been to before, it was an apartment in the city. Price was cheap enough, and the girl was friendly enough, but during the entire episode, I just thought that it wasn't Naby.

On Thursday morning my dad and I were woken up by my sister because I had to get to the hospital by 6:30am. I wasn't in that much of a rush, since waiting two hours last time I figured they would make us wait more so 6:30am was really just a loose approximation time.

Anyway, my dad drove us there and we got there on time. We went into the admissions room where most people had already arrived. After sitting and watching a few more people arrive, I was surprised to be like the third person they called because I thought they were processing us in order of arrivals. So we went to the lady's desk and did the paperwork before she led us into a larger room with portable seats where apparently we all were eventually led.

I did think during this time how routine and factory-like it was for them. They were just churning us in and out, while for us, it was our livelihood. Kinda like court I guess.

Another nurse saw me and confirmed my details and asked me to change, so I changed into the gown and was now fully dressed as a patient. My dad left soon after, and then an anaesthetist called Julie came and spoke with me about the process, and then the nurse came back and took me to another room where I took my shoes off and got onto the bed. There was another lady on a bed diagonally across from me, and I wondered what she was in for.

Julie came back around and I was pushed by some guy into the operating theatre. There, a ocuple more anaesthetists started talking to me, and Julie had inserted this plastic tube into my left forearm. I remember being pushed further into the theatre and was asked to get onto the operating table. The last thing I remember was saying how much colder it was.

The next thing that I remember? A different nurse was telling me to open my eyes and to wake up. I was lost as fuck. My vision was blurry, and I was just trying to figure out where I was. Some nurse on my left was asking me if I was in pain, and I said five out of ten. She asked me again and I said the same thing, and I heard her say to another nurse she wanted less than five out of ten. After that, I could swinging my head from side to side trying to figure out the time and where I was. It was close to noon, so I had been in the operating theatre close to about four hours.

I can't remember being taken back to my room, so I must've fallen asleep again. I remember waking up and finding a ham and cheese sandwich in a palstic container. I opened it and took a bite. I was starving and felt like I could eat the whole sandwich in one bite, but after that bite I didn't really feel like eating, even though I was still hungry. I napped off a few times and in between slowly finished off the sandwich. I remember a nurse coming in and I said something like "maybe it's because I'm hungry, but that was the best sandwich I've ever had". She asked if I wanted another one and I said "no thanks" and drifted off again.

I remember my surgeon coming in and I greeted him happily. But all I remember is him telling me I'd be in a lot more pain over the next few days and then I went to sleep again.

Having the drip connected to me wasn't fun. It meant I wasn't allowed to go walk abouts. And when I wanted to go to the toilet, I had to do it in a bottle. I used that about three times. I felt bad that the nurses had to collect it, so I tried not to use it as much.

I was seen by a physio, first a guy who gave me the crutches, and then a girl who showed me some exercises, but I was still pretty in and out of things. About 5pm dinner arrived, and I was starving, but just before I was about to eat, I threw up in my cup of water. Not a good feeling.

I waited a few minutes before eating, and could only eat the chicken with gravy. I wanted to eat the peas and mashed potato, but that made me want to throw up. The broccoli wasn't very nice.

I reckon it was about 6-7pm before I felt like I was truly awake again. I spent the time listening to music, reading my book, and checking the internet on my phone. Ele messaged me asking if I was up for dinner and card games the next night, but I told her I wasn't since I was in hospital. She called twice but I didn't answer, and texted me asking which hospital I was in. I decided I would text her back the next day.

I didn't really sleep much. Not comprehensive sleep anyway. I reckon I napped for an hour, figeted around for another hour, napped another hour and so on. All the sleep I needed had been obtained from throughout the day. I waited for 5am to roll around before I went out to the toilet and for a walk to the vending machine (I had been waiting for the vending machine trip for a while, but was on the drip, luckily the nightshift nurse disconnected me before I went to sleep).

It was a long walk to the vending machine. There were two guys there re-stocking it when I got there. lucky too, since it didn't take notes so they gave me the change. I bought a large cookie and a block of chocolates, but in hindsight I should've gotten a pack of chips as well.

I happily trotted back to my bed on crutches ready to explore my supa cookie. It wasn't as great as I thought. The first few bites were good, but it really makes you thirsty.

I waited a long time for breakfast to come, and it was a bit disappointing, but I ate everything in earnest. It was weet bix, orange juice with bread and butter. I guess I was hoping for some hot food.

The surgeon came around to see me just to see how I was doing, and before I knew it, the daytime nurses were back on. There was one who may have been designated to me, her name was Jodie. Really nice. She helped me do the finishing off so that I could get out of there. I got new dressing on my wounds done by her. Lesson here: never look at your wounds. Someone on a forum said you look like Frankenstien after surgery - they are right. I had two noticeable gashes in my leg, just stitched together simply and unsophisticated. It made me cringe to see my own leg like that.

After that the physio came and put a new stretchy skin thing on to reduce the swelling. This time I asked her a lot more questions, and I think I caught a look of annoyance on her face. Oh well. Don't think people like that will enjoy their job much if they find questions annoying, but I guess she was friendly enough.

I got changed and hobbled my way to the tv waiting room to wait for my medical certificate and prescription.

After I got that and had a bit of a chat with the registrar (I think?) I left, and walked towards the street that I had agreed to meet Malay on. To my surprise, as I neared the exit, he was already walking in. We walked to his car and I asked him to drive me home and then to work.

I grabbed my work pass from home, it was a bit of a journey up and down those stairs, don't think I'll go out unless absolutely necessary for a while. Then he drove me to work where I went in to photocopy my medical certificate.

I managed to quietly get by without the admin ladies seeing me. I didn't feel like explaining myself. But when I got out of the photocopy room, Yoshi was there and was like "oh my god are you alright?". I was a bit caught off by her response given how 'distant' we are to eachother since the Katie thing happened. She offered to help with the door but I politely declined and said I was going to see Alanna.

I saw that Darrell was at Wendy's door talking to her. I quietly, but slowly, trudged past them. I sensed a moment of silence, lol, they must've stopped talking, watched me hobble and thought "wtf?" haha.

Just as I approached Alanna's door she opened it, which scared me a bit. I gave her the medical certificate and she asked me briefly about how the surgery went. She opened the door for me to get back out and I went down to meet with Malay.

We went to the Wick for some hot and spicy KFC, and then Shuing returned my call so we met up at the shopping centre and sat down for a catch up over some drinks. It was probably a mistake of my behalf to sit down for that long because it felt like my knee had frozen up.

I was also glad to go home to get some proper rest, but found it hard to sleep with my leg straight on the bed, yet I don't recall this being a problem in hospital. Being unable to straighten my leg scares the hell outta me.

Before surgery, I was kinda expecting something along the lines of when my injury occurred, but it's much more painful than that. It's like every single nerve in my knee is now hyper-sensitive. I've also come to the realisation that I cannot use my knee. If I want to lift my leg up, it'll have to be from my quads or hips. No knee. The slightest use of my knee sends a million pain nerves shooting through to my brain.

I stayed at home all day today playing video games and intermittently doing the rehab exercises. I don't know how Brandon Roy came back eight days after surgery. Even playing NBA 2K9, I could not possibly imagine myself playing basketball. The fear of hurting my knee further is too great.

Could Elleon be the answer?

On Friday night I went to Ele's place for poker. It was the same gang minus Sterling, plus lemon and her new boyfriend Patrick.

I brought some snacks like Asian brand chips and that, and when I got there it was basically just the ones living there playing this card game. They tried to teach me and I was slowly learning, but the language barrier probably was too great, and they switched to poker when they finished the round they were playing.

I noticed May didn't have any make up on and was wearing glasses, so she looked different, but you could still see the potential there.

We played a few games of poker before lemon and Patrick arrived. I had been sitting on the couch with that guy whose name I still don't know, and with May on my right. When Ele and her husband had gotten up for a walk about and May returned from her room, she sat in the seat opposite me. I was a bit disappointed that she actually moved away from me, but then thought maybe she wanted to do the feet thing again since it was hard to do sitting perpendicular to me, but alas, no feet.

Anyway. when lemon and Patrick arrived, Ele said to quickly take May's old seat so that lemon and Patrick would share the couch with the guy whose name I don't know. So I quickly did it and caused some stiffled laughs. I felt a bit weird seeing lemon given all the times I had rejected seeing her, only to be here now because I was somewhat interested in May. Patrick greeted me, and I swear I saw him gloat in a "guess who ended up with the girl? ME! THAT'S WHO!! I BEAT YOU!!!" way.

Ummm...you can have her dude.

Throughout the rest of the night, I kept an eye on them. He was hideous. That made them a perfect match. I did shudder though when he tried to force a kiss with her. Ugh.

I got knocked out after a while, and I felt like I hadn't interacted with May enough, so I tried to get a look at her cards and she showed them to me. I did that about twice, in an attempt to build camaraderie. I just felt like I was supposed to do something, but couldn't, mainly due to the language barrier. She would speak in Mandarin to them but would switch to English whenever communicating with me. It was just all too odd.

When lemon and Patrick suggested leaving, I took the opportunity to leave as well, since I didn't want to feel like a burden given that I was the only one there who didn't live there. When I got up to leave, May said she liked my chips, and we had a brief convo about that. I said I would get her more next time.

On Saturday I polished and waxed the left hand side passenger door of my car, hehe, despite the swirls, I thought it was a good job. I then went to the shopping centre near me to buy a portable vacuum cleaner for my car, and then watched Predators.

I couldn't believe it. First, it was that guy from King Kong and The Pianist! And then there was the guy from That 70's Show!! Two very nerdy guys you would never expect to be in a movie like this!!!

I thought it was a good movie, I was in the mood for something that didn't require too much thinking. It was only tonight that I realised the title of the movie probably didn't refer to the actual predators themselves, but the people that were caught and thrown onto that planet, since they were the predators on earth.

On Sunday I had the gambling bug, and spent the whole day fighting it off, and was nearly successful until at night when I ended up going and won $300.

Yesterday I went after work and won $100 after a long and hard fought battle.

Today I assisted Frank in the list at the court near our office. When I met the guy on Friday, he struck me as a bit of an asshole. The type who didn't care who I was and thought he was above me. Alanna said he was a nice guy, so I thought he was probably an asshole who catered to attractive women. But Heath said the same thing, so I figured it was just me, and this guy was really a nice guy.

But even after today, I still can't change my views. He basically sent me off in the morning to push the trolley myself, which was a bit hard because of my knee, and then made me wait at court while he stayed in the office doing other things. I stressed a bit because I feared all the lawyers would start coming up to me, and what if court started before he arrived?

Anyway, he arrived before court started, and we started the list. It was a bit of good stress to try to keep up with the speed of the court, the type of stress I ironically miss.

A girl who is Jim's assistant watched us do the list. I watched as she cheerfully skipped to someone else from our office for a chat, and figured she was the suck up type. She did come offer me help during the list, which I politely declined.

At morning tea, the three of us went to the coffee shop but ended up just sitting there and talking since Frank didn't think we'd have enough time for a coffee. I noticed, and this was pretty damn apparent, that whenever he talked, he would only talk to her. Not once did he even look at me whenever he spoke. She, on the other hand, tried to talk to both of us.

At lunch, I grabbed a sushi box on the way back to the office and went to Alanna's room for a chat (read: show off my slim suit) and then went to talk to Turk. She asked me if I wanted to go grab a kebab with her and so we went off to get a kebab.

At the kebab shop, I asked her if she had spoken to Karina and she said she had, although I'm not sure if this was more recent than the last time I asked her. I only brought it up to lead to my request for Karina's phone number. I thought it was pretty shitty of me to not make any attempts to contact her while she's sick for three weeks.

I actually asked twice and she said yeah but never gave it to me. I don't know if that's because she didn't really want to, or if it was just because she thought she'd do it later but forgot (she is quite forgetful). Anyway, I thought "oh well, I tried" so if Karina ever questions my lack of effort, I can at least say I asked Turk but she didn't give it to me.

Oh yeah, and at court in the morning, I saw Elleon. She had a mention, and came over to speak to me, and I asked her what matter she had, so she probably thought I was just treating her like anyone else. After her mention, she came up to me again and asked "are you [insert name here]?" and I said yeah and we chatted a bit before she had to leave. As she did, she said "we'll do lunch" or something like that.

So I've been thinking: could Elleon be the answer to my eternal quest to find the right girl for me? Granted, she smokes and that was the reason why I never felt much for her in the first place. But since then, I've been with so many Asian girls I think I kinda prefer them now (this is another topic for another day). Also, if you were willing to go for Naby (who smoked), then why not Elleon?

Besides, she would solve the language barrier thing as well. She would actually understand you!

So maybe I should initiate lunch or something...

Anyway, after we finished our list, Frank spent the next 30 minutes sitting with me outside the courtroom going through every file I had written up to check for mistakes. Like, seriously, I felt so insulted. And it was just little things like where I had written 'S' but he wanted me to write 'sentence'. Geez, I think anyone in the office would figure that one out.

I told myself to "yun" and put up with it. It was the end of the day anyway. I went back to the office, angry, but relieved it was all over. Then Lisa came in and gave me a bit of a spiel about how the finished files I handed in didn't have photocopies of the rops, which the other paras are supposed to do anyway!

This was not making me feel good.

Despite that, I spent until 6:30pm writing up a handover note to Livak.

I then went to the casino, thinking I'd just win $100 and leave. I don't think I was ever up. I got smashed by the gambling gods, and lost $1,000.

Fuck. Now I feel like shit.

When Lebron James signed with the Miami Heat...

Man, I haven't had much time to blog this week. I'll see how much I can remember.

On Monday I wore my new slim fit suit for the first time, thinking that Karina would be back at work and I'd walk in to see if she noticed any difference. But unfortunately I found out she would be sick for the rest of the week. So it kinda felt like there was no one to share the joy of my new suit with, and I had worn it for nothing.

On Tuesday or Wednesday, I was walking to the kitcen at work and heard the microwave going. I didn't know if anyone was in the kitchen, but as I got closer to the door, Alanna suddenly stuck her head out and I came so close to it that it kinda freaked me out and I ended up trying not to laugh as I stood in the kitchen fixing up some miso soup. She tried to make conversation but I was too busy trying not to laugh at what had happened. I don't even know why it was so funny, I guess I was just laughing at myself being such a scaredy cat, lol.

Also, on one of those days (or was it yesterday?) I was in my room with the door closed eating an orange. I had finished and went to get a paper towel from my drawer. As I was wiping my mouth walking back to my big desk Katie walked past and looked at me, and immediately looked down when we made eye contact. I'm not saying it means anything, cause it's a common reaction to just look into people's rooms when you walk past.

On Wednesday I finally cracked and went to the casino. On Monday night had somewhat of a nightmare where I kept telling myself:

Just do it, just withdraw $1,000 and play like you normally do, you're bound to win something.

I resisted on Tuesday but on Wednesday I had talked myself into it during the day in the office. When you're addicted, anything becomes an excuse: Naby, money, family, depression, anything your mind can think of, it somehow can be related to gambling. I had told myself to aim for a $100 gain and leave. I'd put that gain into repaying the credit card debt.

I withdrew $600 from the city and headed off after work. Following Shuing's general rule of choosing a dealer who looks like they could be a good friend, I picked an innocent looking girl. She looked like she was from New Zealand, and she was obviously a beginner, because it took her a while to calculate chips in her head. The thing I noticed from her was that the sectors she threw varied quite easily, so I got some satisfaction from that that there wouldn't be long streaks of favouring one section.

I bought $400 worth of chips and got off to a somewhat bad start. I found myself looking down at $200 left of chips and threw in $200 for more chips. At the time, I felt that if I lost it all, I would go punting. It was another night of financial suicide which I could turn back some time in the future.

But, true to her patterns, her sectors varied and I managed to profit from that. The big turning point probably came when she had thrown twice in the same sector and I reckoned she wouldn't make a third, so I placed lots of chips on the other section and got it right, with the ball landing on '1' on which I had three chips. She was pretty consistent in throwing varying sectors, and although at times I found myself up $100, I told myself that maybe I could make more from her.

And I did. I slowly crept up to a $270 gain and found myself thinking about whether I should try to win an extra $30 to round it off. I played a safe bet and got lucky, winning $30. I cashed in and left. As I walked down the steps and out of the casino, I told myself it would be the last time I gambled. This was probably the first time I had said that after a win. Usually it's said after a huge loss. Oh, and I didn't go punting.

Yesterday after work I had dinner with Twish and Evisa. It all started when I bumped into Jacky the day before at the bottom of our building, and just to make convo I asked if she had seen Twish since she came back, and she said no but she was going to meet her for lunch or dinner on Thursday or Friday. One of us suggested that I join, can't remember who, and so on Wednesday I texted Twish, and she seemed pretty excited.

I didn't really want to see Twish, but I thought Jacky might be a good connection for meeting other girls, especially since she was hot. However, I was disappointed on Thursday night when I made it to the restaurant only to see Twish and Evisa.

Anyhoo, we went to a Korean restaurant near our office for dinner. I swear, Twish talked soooooooo much that we sat there for about 15 minutes before ordering. I swear, I reckon about 90% of the night was just her talking. I understood that she had just come back from an amazing trip overseas with super duper adventures and experiences, so I let that go, but towards the end of the night when she talked about work, it came down to one premise: how good she was and how dumb everyone else is.

I could see why Evisa was her close friend, because she's probably equally as crazy, but obviously not as selfish, but I could also see how other girls would conflict with Twish - Twish wants the spotlight to be on her and on her only. Everyone else exists to hear her story.

Throughout the night I watched her and thought "maybe a relationship could work", but then by the end of it I was just glad I wasn't attached to her. Also towards the end of the night, sometimes when she laughed uncontrollably, she would completely fall onto my left shoulder/arm. At first I was like "ummm ok", and even the second time I was willing to forgo it, but the third time was just too much.

And towards the end, I really needed to go to the toilet (and also to end the night) so I kept looking at my watch and looking for a break in her talking so I could suggest we leave, but there wasn't a break! I just held it in as she went on and on and on. I thinK Evisa caught my body language eventually and suggested we leave. I was so fucking glad! I went back to my office to use the bathroom and pick up the Recovery album I had bought earlier in the day.

I went for a drive to get petrol and listened to it. It is soooooooooooo much better pumping out of a car than in a controlled environment like the office. I looooove this album!!

Today I had a bit of a bludgy day at work. I've already handed in 12 files to Alanna, so I only need one more to get my 13, and this is really only the first full week of the month! I got to the office at about 9am, made breakfast, did a bit of work, then made some miso soup at around noon. I left at about 12:30pm to go to the hospital for my pre-admission appointment.

On the day Lebron James signed with the Miami Heat, the rest of the world was also up to something. Maybe even something important. For me, it was going to the hospital for my knee. I had a lot of thoughts about nothing. I tried to think up questions I should ask the doctor but couldn't really apart from the basic ones.

I got to the hospital almost an hour early, but I needed it because I got lost a bit. As I wandered through the corridors, I wondered how I would be limping through all this after my surgery.

After finally asking the enquiries desk, which was located at where I had started, I got pointed in the right direction and found the place. When I told the nurse of my arrival for the appointment, I was about 10 minutes early. I then sat there and waited for about the next 90 minutes. No joke.

Shortly after I had arrived, a guy in a wheelchair and his friend arrived, and the wheelchair guy started complaining after about 45 minutes. I wasn't being impatient, I just thought this must've been what the public sector was like.

Anyway, I kept hearing the wheelchair guy say to his friend that his appointment was at 1:30pm, and mine was 1:40pm, so I had a fair idea that he was going to be seen before me. But when it did happen, I couldn't help but feel a little shunted since I did, after all, arrive earlier than him.

I was sort of glad he took so long to come out because I figured it must've meant it was a detailed and comprehensive appointment. But when I was called in by a young girl who introduced herself as Charlotte, I was a little disappointed. She said they couldn't find my file and so she asked me to start from the beginning, like, they didn't even know what was wrong with me! A little disconcerting.

She took down notes of what I said and told me the doctor would see me soon. I figured her job was to take down notes to save the doctor from having to do it, and asked if she was a registrar. She said no, that she was a resident. I asked her if she would have anything to do with my surgery and she said no. Hmmm. Then she went out to get the doctor and I sat there waiting for about 10-15 minutes.

So this is why wheelchair guy was in here for so long - waiting!

When the doctor finally came in, I told him briefly about my knee and he got me to lay on the table to check it out. He started flexing my leg back and forth and said that it was definitely a torn ACL because of how loose it was. I told him I may have torn another one recently and he started twisting it a different way and said he didn't think so. Oh well, good...I guess.

He started telling me about the surgery and I asked him about the risks. He said there was a 10-15% of tearing it again. Oh dear. He was relatively young for a doctor, maybe early to mid-30's. I noticed he had a red left eye. I wonder how he got that.

After that he gave me his website for more info and then left. The girl then stayed with me until I packed my things and left.

I walked out of the place feeling a bit weird. I mean, it was real now. The surgery was going to happen. This is it. It's so close.

I caught the bus back home, and it was also weird to be at home so early, but I did sort of enjoy the 'early mark'.

May

Yesterday I just bummed around at home. Sleeping at like 2am and waking up at 10am meant I had pretty much screwed up my day. I wanted to go to the gym but never got around to it.

While I was on the net, I got a call from Ele. I didn't answer, wondering what she wanted. Was it another attempt to set me up with Jessica? I had no intentions of returning the call, but then started feeling guilty about ignoring her. Here she was trying to make some initiative to be nice, and you treat her like garbage.

I called back but there was no answer. Then she called back moments later. She asked if I had any plans for dinner. I told her no. She asked if I wanted to go to hot pot with her and her friends. I asked who was going, and she couldn't name anyone I knew except to say she tried to call Michael L but he wasn't answering.

I was pretty much trapped. I had said I didn't have any plans, so what reason could I have for not going? I agreed to go, thinking that I had just done a social thing on Friday with people I didn't know, so doing this where I knew at least Ele couldn't be that hard.

I had a bit of a nap before taking a shower and getting ready. I felt like a bum all day and this was the cleansing process.

I drove to the Wick to return Red Cliff first, and then headed out to the city. It was a restaurant next to the one where Michael L had his wedding. I got there on time, but difficulty finding a parking spot made me a bit late. I finally found a spot on a quiet street about two blocks away, parking behind a silver car.

Ele called me and asked me where I was, saying everyone was waiting for me. I said I had just parked and was five minutes away, as I started walking towards the restaurant.

I found the restaurant and walked in, and took me a few moments to find them as they were at a table right at the back end of the restaurant. I recognised Ele and then saw the guy who was her husband. She greeted me and asked me where I wanted to sit: the seat closest to where I was already was for the chilli pot, and the one at the head of the table had the normal pot. There were two girls at the chilli pot and two guys at the normal pot. I chose the normal pot.

Ele started introducing everyone on the table to me. The guy to my left was Sterling, who seemed pretty approachable. I shook his hand and then looked at the guy on my right, who had his head down. I think Ele saw me hesitate, and then introduced him to me, and prompted him to say his name when he didn't. The guy next to Sterling looked like a bit of a computer nerd, and his girlfriend was next to him. She wasn't attractive or anything, but I wondered what he had that I didn't.

Her husband looked exactly like he did in photos, which I suppose isn't very surprising. There was a girl sitting next to him who he was talking to a lot. If I was a stranger I would've thought they were the couple.

It was a bit awkward at first, probably due to the fact that everyone there spoke Mandarin except me, but as the night went along I got to talk to Sterling a bit more and a bit with the other guy, who preferred to speak Cantonese.

The spicy food didn't really help, since I had a bit of a blocked nose which then made it all runny. I soon realised that the girl sitting next to Ele's husband was quite attractive. I tried to catch her eyes but failed. Not once did I see her looking at me. Oh well, I thought.

One thing I discovered about Ele that night was that she is very keen to keep everyone pleased. I think she was worried about me not fitting in, so she always kept an eye on me and tried to make sure I wasn't left out of conversations for too long. When I said I had eaten a tofu that wasn't ready, she said she noticed. Wow.

She talked about how she went to the temple, trying to see whether she should change jobs. She said it told her that it was a good time to change, but that change wasn't exactly necessary.

I told her about how Shuing was currently overseas watching the World Cup, and also told her that I was going to have surgery, since the topic of basketball came up. She said something about them going to the hospital and everyone holding one finger of mine. A joke, I presumed.

I was kinda glad when the dinner was over, because I had reached full capacity about 20 minutes before that and the food was just too goddamn spicy. Lucky I avoided those peppers. Ain't falling for that again.

I thought it was pretty expensive, we each had to pay like $40. Far out. Lucky I got some cash out from the ATM beforehand. I was only expecting it to be about $20 each.

After dinner we walked to our cars to go to their place for card games. Ele's husband and the guy who would only speak Cantonese to me walked ahead. Sterling took the couple to his car, so I walked with Ele and May. I made a joke about those prediction sticks you use at temples, which got a laugh out of May. I thought maybe she was being receptive to me, but then hearing her laugh twice just about the fact that I had parked right behind Ele's husband's car made me think twice. Ele told May that she used to tell me about all her problems, which was like dumping rubbish onto me and how I was her best friend. I appreciated the compliments, but best friend??

I secretly wished May would come into my car, but I knew it wasn't going to happen.

I followed their car back to their place, losing them a couple of times due to traffic and an ambulance.

It was actually Tracy's old place, they had just taken over the lease. Which made me think about that time I went with Ele to Tracy's place and saw her flatmates...was May there?

We set about playing poker and May sat next to me. I kept a peripheral vision on her body language and it seemed ok. At times she was blatantly looking at me. Like when Ele kept asking me about which hands were superior, and it was like her and May were waiting for my expertise on the subject.

Ummm...I'm not very good at poker.

When I won a hand based on the last card coming out, I almost couldn't believe it, because to everyone else it seemed like it was planned all along. I felt May was looking at me but I was shaking at all the attention. Oh, and it was cold.

Later on when there were fewer people at the table, May moved over so she was sitting perpendicular to me, but facing me. We were all wearing socks, and then I felt her feet touch mine. At first I just thought it was incidental, but then it became a bit more blatant. I was too scared to do anything so I didn't. I wondered if she knew that it was my feet she was touching.

Her feet pressed closer to mine, and then it stroked mine a little.

........

I didn't do anything, but I didn't pull away either. I just acted like nothing was happening.

She sometimes asked me questions about poker, and then asked me how often I used to play it with Ele. I appreciated that she used English to speak to me, but it had a bit of an accent to it, which was very reminiscent of my sister's accent. That could be a potential problem.

When the soccer started we all moved to the lounge to watch it. May sat near Ele and her husband, and I sat with Sterling. Everyone seemed to be going for Argentina but I was secretly going for Germany, lol. I tried to see if May would look over, but she never did. She did, however, during poker, offer me one of the glasses of tea she had made for us in the kitchen, so I drank that during the game. It wasn't exactly my thing, but when it's made by someone you like, it has a whole different flavour to it.

At halftime we played a bit more poker before returning to the second half. As we watched the game, I wondered if I would gain any points with May if she knew I was at least half as athletic as these soccer players.

I hadn't worn anything fancy, just that black hoodie I got recently, but I wondered if she could tell I worked out. Maybe not. My belly was probably sticking out cause I needed to go to the toilet.

I was kinda glad when the game was over, because that meant I could go home and go to the toilet, but I was sad that I was leaving May. When I was tying my shoes, I waved goodbye to May and Ele who were standing there bidding goodbye to Sterling and I. I deliberately made eye contact with May as I waved goodbye. Then when Sterling and I walked out the door, they walked to the door as well, and I made eye contact with May and smiled. It was like my way of showing interest, but I wondered if she received it.

Today I slept in a bit, waited for my parents to come back with the car and then headed out at 2pm to pick up my pants from alteration. They were nicely altered and I paid the good man his money and left. I then went to the gym. The darndest thing happened. I was in the change room and was taking off my hoodie when I felt my left shoulder out-stretched and caused some pain. It was enough to make me make a sound, causing the guy next to me to wonder what was happening.

I thought I could just shake it off, but it was quite painful. It was the exact same type of pain I have had in my shoulder blades/neck in the past. Just like that, I had taken myself out of the gym. No weight lifting. It made me wonder what would've happened if I didn't do it while taking my hoodie off. Would my shoulder have popped out on the benchpress?

Anyway, so I just used the bike and worked on some abs, then left. I rented Wolverine, and had KFC for lunch because hot and spicy was back. I really need to remind myself that that stuff is disgusting towards the end of the meal.

Hmmm Chloe just sent me a message on the social site. Now that I've met May, Chloe seems a spot below the rest.