Goodbye Suns

This morning I left at around 8am and drove to Parra for a blood test. Got to the shopping centre just before 9am and was surprised most of the shops hadn't opened yet. This is really why our economy isn't as great as say, America or Hong Kong. People are too damn lazy.

Even the medical centre wasn't open by the time I got there, as I saw a bunch of people waiting outside. They opened about 10 minutes late, and I lined up to see the doctor.

I think the doctor I saw was the same one who said my knee was going to be ok. What's worse, when he asked me why I wanted a blood test, I made up a story about having been with a girl up until late last year and that I had heard things about her, and also seeing someone now, and then he chuckles.

HE CHUCKLED!!!

WTF?!?!?

Is having AIDS fucking funny??!?!

Anyway, I went to queue up at pathology, which was pretty packed for a Sunday start. I was expecting the lady I had last year, but it was a tall, slim Asian guy. He seemed gay. When it was my turn, I started questioning whether this guy was a newbie. I was already feeling a little nervous about the needle, and then seeing him look up something in the book gave me an image of him stabbing me repeatedly in the wrong places.

Luckily he did it no problemo, the only concern of his was whether the doctor required a urine sample. Just to be safe, he asked me to give one, so I did.

After that, I went to buy some cold tablets and some drinks, then drove back and got some petrol on the way. I got home and started watching Game 6 of the Suns-Lakers series. OMG it was SUCH a good game!! I was a bit disappointed with the Lakers lead at first, but after gay-ass Vujacic hit Dragic, the Suns made this huge run which got everyone going. AND THEN Kobe Bryant hit some daggers to keep the Suns at bay, oh my god, at that moment I loved and hated him at the same time. Alvin Gentry was right - there's nothing nobody in America can do about that.

After the game I went to the park for a jog. I told myself I could stop whenever I felt tired, so I started off really slowly (so slowly that two girls overtook me), but you know what? I did a whole lap without stopping. Now if I do this every day then I am sure I will get rid of that last bit of tummy fat.

I also watched The Talented Mr Ripley, which was pretty cool. I think I'm a fan of Matt Damon now, because he's such a versatile actor. I like versatile actors, like Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio.

Still feeling a little bit of the cold, with a stuffed nose and flem in the throat, but should be ok for work tomorrow.

Nabi...down

On Tuesday we had a branch meeting. Just before it I went to Karina's room. She somehow knew that I was there to pick her up for the meeting without me having to say anything. We went down together and were the first ones there. She went to get a cup of hot water and returned, and we sat down talking. When people arrived, someone said "you two are keen". I felt a bit embarassed.

Katie sat opposie me, and I avoided eye contact at all times, but because she was opposite me, it felt like sometimes she would look at me.

On Wednesday I was prepared to go to the gym, but received an email in the late morning from Karina saying she wasn't feeling well so she felt like eating bad food, like Macca's. So I skipped gym and went to Macca's with her. On our way we stopped by at a store to return a clothing item for Turk. We had a good time talking, I noticed that as we talked, she never really took her eyes off mine, whereas mine would sometimes flicker over to whoever was walking past. I wouldn't say it was a checking out thing, but I'm just used to it to see who it is.

After Macca's she had to buy some medicine from a pharmacy, so I went with her. It was cool talking and waiting. There was this thing on the counter used to determine if someone was overweight. She did it for herself and said she was in the slightly overweight section, then did it for me and said I was in the healthy section.

Apparently she considers herself around 165cm, but I'm taller than her, so maybe all this time I've been under-estimating my height?

On Thursday I felt sick but still went to work. I didn't talk to Karina or see her at all, because I didn't feel like it and I didn't want to pass any germs onto her. Alanna was at court so it felt like an empty day. I still went to the gym though, and even though I didn't feel like it, I felt that it really woke me up and refreshed me.

Same deal with Friday. I was feeling pretty bad, but not as bad as Thursday. I emailed Alanna and told her I was not well so I was trying to stay away from her. I went to the gym and that made me feel a lot better. Strange eh?

Alanna came to see me at the end of the day, and said she felt like banging her head against the wall because I didn't go home even when I was sick, and she started lightly banging her head against my cupboards. I felt like getting up and stopping her, and saying "I need you alive to mark my briefs", but restrained myself because 1) she was my supervisor and 2) I didn't want to get close to her. It was nice of her to stop by. I actually thought about it and didn't hold it against her if she didn't, so yeah, I appreciated it.

I also went to give Karina half my donut which I bought at lunch. She ended up returning it, cutely saying "no, I can't" because it was unhealthy. She had said she was trying to stay away from chocolate. At first I felt a bit of rejection, but then thought that 1) she didn't throw it away and 2) she didn't give it to someone else (like Emilee).

Turk came around and gave me a coupon book to take whatever coupon I wanted, lol, so I took some Easyway ones. At the end of the day, when I had changed for bball, I went to Karina's room to give her one of the coupons. Zena was there next door, and joined in the conversation. She said "you two" should go, hmmm. Karina said she didn't know what Easyway was. Earlier she had said she wasn't ready to go yet, I thought maybe it was a lie because she thought I wanted to leave with her, so to show her I wasn't interested, I took the coupon from her and gave it to Zena. Hmmm.

Zena said we should all go on Monday, since we had three coupons for the six of us. I said it was a good idea, and have already some plans mentally.

Anyway, I went to bball after work. I didn't feel like it because I had a light headache and my nose was runny, but once it got going I felt as lively as ever. I played a game with some guys who weren't very good, especially this guy who I thought looked like a gopher when he drove, and then Bo, Phillip and Nick came and we ended up on the same team.

Surprisingly, we didn't dominate and win as much as we should've. I think we rely too much on Nick, thinking that just because he's so tall that we can just give him the ball and he can do all the work. I kept trying to draw out his opponent to get him the ball, but he didn't bite. One time he did and I did a behind the back pass to Nick through two people which got people "ooo-ing" and "ahh-ing" but Nick failed to convert :(

Met a guy with the same name as me, who seems like will be joining our August team. He seems kinda young, and inexperienced. He kept shooting threes. Although he hit a few, he missed more than he hit, and when he missed they were usually airballs. I could picture myself getting frustrated at him during a competition game.

By the end of the night I was playing with these guys who were all friends with eachother. At first I didn't like them, probably due to my competitiveness, but then they were pretty friendly and made extra efforts to get me the ball.

I went back to the office afterwards to eat my two breadrolls I had left over from lunch, and then went home where I had a shower and went to bed.

Today, I went into the office in the morning to get my work clothes, and then went to get a haircut. I just trimmed the side and back because I felt it was getting too long and exaggerating my receding hairline.

I then bummed around at home until my parents came back, then drove to see Nabi. I stopped by in the city to check out Japan Store, which was at 50% off and only had two days left till closing down. I didn't buy anything though.

I got to the place right on time, went in, paid the guy my money, went to the toilet and waited. I had a Sunkist lolly while waiting. When I was called, Nabi was standing there with the guy checking what room to go to. It was just a casual feeling now. I didn't feel like she was neglecting me, but it showed how casual it had become now.

We went up to the highest level. She seemed a bit more relaxed than usual. She asked me whether I had had lunch, and I asked her the same. She said she had Thai food with her friend who had a day off today.

I asked her if she was happy and she said yes. I asked her why and she said maybe it was because of me.

We showered together in a smaller than usual shower. Our session was more passionate than ever. She seemed really into it today. We started off kissing, and she was trying to guess what flavour my lolly was. She didn't get it after two guesses and I had to tell her. I thought about giving her the lolly but then thought maybe not. When I was touching her down there, she guided my hand as to where to touch. I went down on her and she didn't stop me like she had done in previous occasions (twice I think). She was really, really into it. She was moaning and saying "yes" and "good", and one time when I looked up, her eyes were like she was having a seizure.

It felt like a long session but when we finished I realised it took probably only 20-25 minutes. I felt like hugging without talking, so that's what we did. She offered me water which I declined. She slept on my chest until my stupid cold started acting up which made me cough. I said I needed water and she handed me her bottle. I had a few sips of the chilled water which made me feel better. I was surprised she didn't go get a cup or anything - she was happy to share. I asked her why she used a baby bottle, lol, and she said she was a baby.

We slept again, this time she faced away from me. For the most part it was peaceful, interrupted only by the occasional cough from me.

When the buzzer went, she called me "jagiya" and said something about hours. I think she was saying how little slept she got. She helped me tie my shoelaces at the end, which I'm sure were good intentions, but I didn't like it because it made me feel like she was a slave.

We parted ways by me joking that I wouldn't come back, because she said "go" or something in Korean just before opening the door.

I finally made it in time to the Bra for some mini-donuts. When I got there, I actually didn't have the craving anymore, but still bought it because I was there and since it was closing time, it was only $5 for a box of 12.

I came home and watched the third Bourne movie, which I thought was the best. I really liked the early part where he was avoiding detection, that was so cool.

I think I'll lend Karina some movies in return.

I also looked up stuff on HIV since I realised you could get it by having oral sex, so planning to get tested tomorrow.

Nabi/Bibi = Nabi

On Tuesday after work I met up with some of the crew from the trial. I got to the address given to me by Rom Rom and it seemed like an apartment complex, but I waited at the doors anyway. I then remembered that her message said something about gates, so I walked around the block and then saw what looked like an outdoor cafe/restaurant, so I went to check it out, and sure enough, that was it.

I went to the front step and a waitress was serving people. There was a lady in front of me and she was served first, but the thing is, she told the waitress she wanted a table for two, so the waitress thought I was with her, lol, I thought that was pretty funny. When they walked in I just steered away and went to the table DC, Hayley and Rom Rom were sitting at.

I greeted all of them and gave DC the baby socks and gloves I bought at lunch earlier. It was the first I'd heard of his wife being pregnant, and this happened last year. He thought he had told me about it.

It was good to catch up, one of the first things that hit me like a deja vu experience was DC's ability to use a person's background knowledge and tie it in with whatever the current conversation topic is. For instance, we were talking about Kate's baby, and he said something about her running the ward (because she used to be a nurse). See? I never would've made that connection. He's brilliant I reckon.

We were sitting outdoors but under shelter, but since it was pouring rain we had to move inside because Rom Rom was getting cold. We got a table inside and I sat next to DC while the girls sat on the couch chair on the other side. I was starving and was glad when small side dishes came our way. I was being polite by waiting for everyone else to go first, but I swear I could've eaten everything all by myself.

We talked about DC's career a bit, Hayley's work, and Rom Rom's time off and recentl illness, and also a bit about my work. It got quite interesting when DC told us about how CW bumped into one of the jurors who told him "you have a best friend in me for life". WTF?? It was that hands guy too...weird.

We were all sort of waiting for Twish, and when it got a bit late, DC asked me to call her. He half joked that I'd not only have her number, but that it'd be the first option on my phone. Hmmm.

I pretended I didn't have her number so had to look it up on facebook. We had Hayley type it into her phone but she refused to call her, so I ended up calling her anyway. Fucking hell. Twish said she was there when I called, and asked me to go out to get her. I went out in the rain and saw her. She looked quite professional. We hugged eachother and headed inside.

When we all sat down at the table, you could feel the vibe changed. Before, Hayley felt she was the centre of attention but that was offset by a fair distribution of conversation amongst all of us, yet now Twish's dominance was clear, and you could feel Hayley's disdain.

I found it a bit awkward when DC went to the bathroom and the dynamics split into Hayley-Rom Rom and Twish-me. I found I had nothing really to talk to her about, even though she had just come back from a 6 month trip in South America and had started a job with the DDP in the same office as Shady.

We didn't stay long after Twish arrived. I could sense DC wanted to go and I had a hearing the next day. He finally suggested it and got the bill even though Rom Rom and I offered to pay.

Rom Rom offered me a lift back to the office since I needed the office car, and it was a bit awkward when we parted cause I didn't know if I should hug her or not in the car. Someone watching would get the wrong idea. I did try to make a move but she kept talking, so that was very awkward. I finally got out of there and was glad to be in the realm of the office car - vroom vroom!

Yesterday at work was quite funny. I was in Alanna's room and we were talking about an incompetent informant, and I said "is she bl...", and trailed off upon realising that Alanna was blonde. She knew what I was going to say, and said (in a joking way) "were you going to say 'is she blonde'?" I think she said "you hair-ist"? She then said "no, she's brunette, much closer to you!"

By this time I was already too embarassed to say anything so kept my mouth shut. When we returned to topic, as I was telling her about my matter, I broke into laughter a bit as I looked at her frizzled blonde hair and realising how stupid I had been. I could tell she was close to breaking into laughter too, but didn't. Ah she's so cool.

I've realised that the boss, even though he says almost everything in a negative sense, has quite a sense of humour. Because of the matter I had been talking to Alanna about, while I was at the kitchen with my soup, he said "I want you to withdraw all your matters", lol!

After work, I went to the courts. I got there before Bo, even though he said he'd be there at 6pm. I did see Paul, who greeted me when there was a pause in his game. He soon enlisted me in his team and we as a team won like four or five games in a row. I had a small cut on my left thumb which was annoying me a bit, but I thought I could play through it. I soon realised that it was bleeding and that, although it was a small cut, it was a deep one which was still open. It was more like a gash. I didn't know how it got there, but it was starting to put me off my shot.

Bo arrived with Phillip and Nick, and he asked me to join their team. I could feel the awkwardness of switching teams coming up, so when one game ended I said to Paul to find a replacement for me while I went to get a bandaid. After my bandaid I returned and talked to Bo while watching the game. When it ended Paul asked me to return to the team, but ultimately I chose Bo's team. I hope Paul didn't feel betrayed.

We won our first game, which coincidentally meant knocking out Paul's team. We fucked around with a young team which I felt tired us out, which also made me think led to us losing to the next team. Nick made a funny comment as we walked off the court: "I think I'm going to start calling fouls" - LOL!

My thumb was still bothering me, and by now the bandaid had come off. The blood had accumulated enough to dry and harden itself over the open wound.

We sat out for a long time because there were lots of teams, and never really found our groove again. I think we rely too much on Nick just because he is so tall.

I felt my defence was a bit better this time around. I was quicker on my feet and my instincts. I hope it all comes back to me.

They went for a beer after the games, but I didn't join them. Instead, I went to Macca's for a cheeseburger. There was a girl in the line behind me who I caught checking me out. If I wasn't dressed so daggy I might've considered saying something.

Today I went into work for about 2 hours, got a bit done and then cleaned out the clean dishes in the dishwasher. Alanna had obviously forgotten about it on Friday. I bought a box of chocolates and then went home.

I wasn't home for long before my parents came back. My dad told me he scratched the car. I went out to have a look, and it looks EXACTLY the same as how I scratched it the first time. He did it against the garage because the green paint was there. I got out my polish and started work on it. I kept my eye on the clock because I had planned to see Nabi/Bibi, but managed to finish it in time.

After I finished, I called to book for Nabi/Bibi, but was told she was available at 3:45pm. That meant someone had booked her at 3pm...

It stung me for a bit, but then reminded myself that she was a prostitute, and that I was clear from the beginning what I was in for. I can't stray away from those expectations.

So I had a bit of time to kill. I went to the Wick to get a pack of chips for later as I had planned to watch Bourne Identity. I felt like those mini donuts and thought about driving to the Bra to get them, but figured I didn't have time, so I went off to the place. I got there about half an hour early. I thought about going for a walk to look for food, but stayed inside my car and played around on my phone.

When it was time, I went in and was greeted by the guy as usual. He told me she had changed her name to Nabi. I gave a bit of a playfully annoyed look. I sat in the waiting room for a bit before being called.

When I went out, and when Nabi saw me, she started running to hug me, but I think my instant reaction was "whoa, I don't want these guys to think I'm seeing you outside of here" and I think she felt that, so she didn't. But she was definitely glad to see me. I could tell. Even as we walked up the stairs, she was happy. Had she thought that she'd never see me again?

She said she missed me when we got into the room. After she put her things down, I asked her to close her eyes. She thought I was going to kiss her, but I unwrapped one of the chocolates I had gotten earlier and fed it to her.

We kissed a bit before showering. This time was a bit funny. It was a combination of breaking routine and routine. We kissed and made our way to the bed, but she gave me the 'cold' treatment which is part of the routine.

After we did it, we hugged and talked a bit. I thought it was funny when she said there was a girl there who made Korean noodles too spiacy, lol. We talked a bit more before she asked me if I wanted coffee. Even though I said no a few times, she still went out and got me a cup of coffee. That's what I like about her - she seems to be able to read my mind. Even though I said no, she knew I was open to it.

As I sipped away, I asked her to get my phone for me. She did, and I opened noughts and crosses, and we played for a bit. She actually had a bit of fun with it, and I thought to myself, "never under-estimate the power of a simple game like this for girls". I actually beat her more times than she beat me, lol.

We finished with the game and talked a bit more, and then the buzzer sounded. She had started smoking a cigarette, and so I went for a shower first. We kissed a bit more before walking out the door. I noticed two things: 1) she never asked me where I was last week; and 2) she didn't say anything about next week.

Oh well, I was just glad I saw her.

I went to the Bra and ended up getting a big pineapple donut, which satisfied my craving temporarily. I went home and watched The Bourne Identity that Karina lent me. It was pretty good, but is it better than Bond as people say it is? Nope.

Alanna...wtf?

I had court today, got up at around 5am, left home at about 6am and drove the company car there. It was a bit tiring, but I was awake once I got there cause it was all so novel.

We sat around until noon-ish until the mag told us to come back another day. At least I found out what the defence is going to argue, so it wasn't a total waste of a day.

The drive back was really tiring. I thought about stopping and taking a nap, but kept going anyway. I swear on the last leg of the trip this old lady was racing me. Oh, and that was my first time driving a station wagon! It's pretty much the same, but you can really feel the drag of the longer vehicle.

I knew I wasn't going to be very productive going back to the office, so just walked around talking to people. I mainly talked to Alanna, until her phone rang and it was Wendy so she had to answer it. I went back to my room to do some work, talked to Turk and Genie, and then went back to ask Alanna a question.

Rat was there talking to her, but Alanna asked me to come in. Rat left, saying she was only there to get a jelly bean, as Alanna was holding a bag of it. She offered them to me but I declined, saying I was rather thirsty. After I asked her my question, I got up to leave, but she made a really girlish, playfully begging sound that girls do (and whores when they decide to give you the girlfriend experience), holding out the bag of jelly beans. I took one and she said "one?!" and I left.

I walked away thinking "what the fuck was that?"

It was weird to see something like that from Alanna. She's no tomboy, but...she's my supervisor and should always be ensuring that she remains the dominant one...but that sound really had a girlfriend-lish feel to it. Goddamn...

I went out to get a drink, and then came back to eat a snack, then decided to go talk to Karina since she had come back from the CLE. When I got to her room, Alanna was in there, and she asked if I wanted to see her or Karina. I said Karina and then embarassingly walked away, unable to explain why I wanted to see Karina. I wonder if things like this inadvertently make Alanna jealous...

You gotta see the baby!

Man, yesterday I was so out of it. And I don't know why!

I woke up with a huge headache, and felt like throwing up. I knew training was out of the question, but I had to meet Carry and HHH to see Bush. I drove to the office to pick up my suit, got a loaf of bread from the supermarket, and then went back home. I still hadn't received a reply about what the plans were so I decided a nap was the ideal course.

I woke up at about noon and had received a message from Carry at about 9:30am. They were obviously at Bush's place by now so I messaged them and asked for the address, had a shower and got on my way.

I had a bit of trouble getting there, because I don't go in that direction much. About 50 minutes later I got a somewhat angry call from Carry asking me where I was. I was close by, sort of, and said I was five minutes away. I stopped to ask a guy and he directed me in the right direction, but even then, it was a bit of an effort since I didn't have my glasses on and had to stop at every road to read the street sign.

The call from Carry put some pressure on me, and I knew it was my fault since I had woken up late.

I finally found the place, and was pretty impressed. It was a very nice place. Decent sized, nice grey modern colour and a garage that went downstairs. Wow. I pressed the bell and was greeted by her husband. I apologised for being late and when I said how nice of a place it was, it was then that it struck him that I had never been there before. Turns out part of the reason why they were upset at me was because they thought I knew where it was.

I went in and sat down on the couch next to Bush. Carry and HHH were sitting on stools at the kitchen bench. We all had a laugh about how I got lost, and then had a good chat about everything else, even though I was sure HHH and Carry had exhausted their conversations while waiting for me.

A few notes:
- I was sooo impressed and filled with envy. Bush is living the ideal life which I had always thought mine would turn out to be. You know, go to uni, get a good job, find a partner, start a family. She was living it. I'm like minus $5000 from even starting it.

- her husband did a really good job of fitting in with us, I didn't feel like he was 'trying' at all, he just came off as a really likeable guy.

- turns out her brother went to get a burger from Macca's for me, I felt bad for not paying for it, but was I supposed to just give him money for it??

- Bush noted, again, that I had been working out and said I was more "stylish" (I wore my favourite black sweater from Industrie)

- I got to hold her baby and take a photo! Woooooo! Even though I look like a balding idiot, I love that photo!!

- We stayed for about an hour before HHH suggested leaving, so I left with them, and although they invited me to dinner, I was pretty sure it was out of politeness, and because I still had a bit of a headache, I pretty much declined it by saying I'd let them know

I drove back home and filled the car up with petrol (cost bloody $60!) and went to the shopping centre near me to get a sponge. I was pretty damn thirsty so got a bottle of water too. After that I went to the Wick to look for a video to rent. I chose 'Flash of Genius' which I have started but not finished yet.

That blonde with the big forehead was there. She's sexy. We made eye contact a few times as she processed my thing. I think I'm paranoid, but the way our eyes met maybe showed something...

So anyway, I didn't see Nabi because of the day's events. I did think about her. I wonder how she felt not seeing me. Did she think maybe she had done something wrong last time? Did she miss me? Or maybe she didn't care? Does it make her want me more?

This morning I went to the courts and did my jump rope. Then I went to the gym. I went home and made some instant noodles for breakfast, and then went out to the markets for some fruit. Goddamn it, five apples and a bunch of bananas for $2.80!! This is what I call a successful budget. I wonder if I can do this until I pay off my credit card.

I washed my car in the afternoon, so it's all clean now :) I then met up with G and Shuing at Macca's for dinner. We had to change the venue at the last minute because I returned Michael L's call, and he said he was studying with Jessica at the uni and asked me to dinner.

Sly motherfucker.

I said I was going to dinner with friends. I don't know what that guy's up to.

Anyway, I picked Shuing up and met G there. We had the family meal, hehe. It really wasn't that much. We talked about the whole group gossip thing. Apparently Bob has his eyes on one of Michael L's friends, a girl called Sarah. G's going out with a girl called Amanda. We mainly talked about how Michael L was being sly behind Eva's back and how he was trying to set me up with Jessica.

We had a good time, I don't think I've seen them for a while now. I drove them back to their houses and am not really feeling ready for work!

New friend Paul?

Far out, have such a headache, and no reason why.

On Wednesday I had lunch with Karina - sort of. I had taken my tie off for the gym, but then thought I'd give it a try. I went to her office and asked if she had eaten. She said yes. I said I was going to ask her if she wanted to go to lunch. She said she was going up town to buy some books, so if I wanted I could go for a walk with her. I said yes. She asked what I'd do for lunch and I said I'd just grab a sushi on the way.

I then thought it'd be easier if I just heated up canned soup and had it before she came over, but Heath caught me in a conversation, and as we were talking, Karina arrived. We headed out, and on our way I stopped off at a shop to grab two sushi rolls. She said it wasn't enough.

I had remarked earlier about her jacket looking like a cowboy jacket (she said it had a European look) and then later said it looked like a motorcycle jacket. This prompted her to say "it's not a motorcycle jacket!" in a girlish-protest. Cute.

I was actually a bit more interested in talking about work, but we didn't talk about work at all other than the difference between Alanna and her new supervisor Erin. She told me a bit about why she was getting these books (they were for her heritage course), and talked a bit about heritage. It wasn't as boring as it sounded.

When we came to that big church area near the KFC we wondered if we could get to the town hall by going through it. At first she decided against it, but I said we had time, so might as well explore. It was a bit of fun doing that, and we did manage to find the town hall by going through it. It was funny, cause earlier we had been talking about stuffing your mouth so full of food that you couldn't even talk, so when we were at the town hall, I had to quickly finish my sushi and stuffed a big part of it into my mouth, disabling me from talking for a few moments.

We tried the lifts but they weren't for public access, so we went to ask the reception, and were directed to a counter around the corner. We went there and the lady showed Karina the books. She seemed pretty fascinated. I went away to get a bottle of water because I was coughing, presumably from the sushi.

We had to go upstairs to pay for it, and we were pretty amazed at the sight that greeted us - a model of the whole city was spread out in front of us. It was so friggin' cool! She went to pay for it while I checked the thing out. When she came back, she showed me where she used to live. She let it slip that it was a housing commission place, but I kinda liked the fact that she wasn't born with a silver spoon.

I had held her red bag earlier, but for the walk back she didn't allow me to hold anything, which I thought was a bit of a bad sign. When we passed the convenience store with the 30cm ice cream, I told her about it and then moments later she said she felt like an ice cream, so we went to Hungry Jack's where she bought me a cone. We sat down at the World Square and ate it while talking about movies. From what she was saying, I figured she liked action movies. She agreed, and also said she liked "rom-coms" but not horror. I admitted to liking Saw. She talked about the Bourne series and I said I hadn't watched it. She said she'd lend it to me. This reminded me about how I had lent Katie Meet Joe Black, and I went quiet for a few moments. She asked again if I wanted to borrow it and I said yes.

Lynette walked by and saw us sitting there eating ice cream. She stopped and asked what we were doing. I think to her, it looked like "something was going on". Maybe she was right. Or maybe she wasn't. I wonder if this will start rumours around the office. Karina didn't seem embarassed one bit. I did.

When we finished our ice cream we headed back to the office. I actually hadn't seen her at all the previous day, so maybe there was a bit of "missing him/her" involved. She said, just before we parted, that she was taking leave the next two days to do her assignment.

Thursday and Friday at work were kinda quiet. I was in reclusive mode.

On Thursday after work I went for a bit of a walk. I was gonna go to Myer but then was near JB Hi-Fi and thought I'd visit my the store that used to be a favourite. I was tempted to buy Bloodsport, but was conscious that I was now on a budget. I pictured watching the movie with my dad at dinner, because we had watched it like a decade ago and enjoyed it, so I thought it would be good for old times. But...budget. And then I remembered: why don't I just rent it?

So I quickly went home, got the car and went to the video store in Wick (unfortunately it was just the guy working there). I eagerly looked through their Action titles and was amazed it wasn't there. I even asked the guy to look it up and they didn't have it. I went around the corner to the other video store, thinking I'd create an account if they had it, but they too didn't have it! Goddamn it, this was a classic! How could they not have it??

So then I drove to the shopping centre near me and bought it at that JB H-Fi. Realise how it seems that everything I do is inefficient? I could've bought it in the city and saved all that time and petrol. Oh well.

So yeah, I got home just at dinner time and watched it as a family. After we finished dinner my dad and I watched it to the end. I could tell he enjoyed it, hehe. Good times.

On Friday, Therese had her farewell lunch. I didn't go because I thought only a small group was going, and I forgot to ask Heath whether he'd be going. So I went to the gym, and when I came back, only Lisa, Heath and Yoshi were in the office. Everyone else had gone to the lunch! Fark, now I'd look like a bad guy.

At the afternoon tea, that did come up a bit when Grace asked where Heath and I were. Heath said he had work to do but managed to say that I went to the gym. Thanks.

Katie had her first hearing on that day too, but I overhead someone talking that it turned into a plea. What really happened was that the person hadn't turned up, so she wasn't exactly right in saying it was a plea. I really didn't know how to feel about it. Part of me wished she would really stuff up. But another part of me told myself that she was getting good experience - this part of me made living easier. It's easier to live without hate and vengeance.

But in the end, I think I figured what was wrong with me - I didn't like the fact that she was getting the attention. I wanted to be in the spotlight. But, I suppose, I was yesterday's news already. My big win was last month, and the fact that I got 14 files last month was never really praised other than by Alanna. But it's ok I suppose, I can't always be in the spotlight. I'll just have to accept that. I'll have to be content with being the quiet achiever. The consistent one. If you think about it, even at Nom's firm, she had favourites month in and month out, but at the end of the day, she always knew I was the reliable one. I was the go-to guy.

After work, I went to bball at 5pm. No one else wanted to go so I went by myself. I had actually gotten a bit depressed at work earlier. I saw something funny but didn't have anyone to show it to. I showed it to Zena, but she didn't seem all that welcoming. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I sense she's changed a bit ever since she found out that I reached 12 files last month (I didn't even say 14!).

I showed it to Heath, but I think I had approached him too many times that day (that was perhaps the second or third occasion?) and he greeted me with a "what's up mate?"

After that I sat in my office with the door closed, half working and half feeling alone. The fact that no one wanted to go to ball with me just added to it. Also, I had asked a couple of times on facebook and by SMS HHH about where and when I was going to meet them the next day, and got no reply. So alone...

But anyway, I left work and bought a new ball since the old one was getting pretty old and ruining the skin on my hands. I got to the courts so early that on the second court, there were only a few guys shooting around. I marked my trade mark hand print on my ball so it wouldn't get stolen, put on my knee brace and stretched for a bit before shooting around.

A few guys came onto the court and they were talking about moves and plays, and were working on them a bit, so I assumed they were on a team or something. I kept shooting around, and then these two guys who may be Russian came onto the court and started shooting around with me. The shorter one had a very weird style of shooting, it was like a hook shot from the side. His friend was a bit bulkier. They both didn't have the fundamentals, but for some reason could hit shots.

The smaller one said to me we'd be on the same team, and when more guys came, we made a team consisting of us and a guy wearing a green Pierce jersey. We didn't do too bad. If I recall correctly, we won our first game. I didn't get the ball much, but remember hitting the game winner for the first two games we won. I was content being Big Shot Rob.

In one game, the other team's big guy hit two threes and we were ousted in about 120 seconds, lol. World record. We were joking about putting it up on youtube, haha.

In our next game, it got a bit heated. There was an argument about the score. I actually think we were wrong, but the two Russian guys were saying we were up.

Great, so I'm on a team of cheaters now.

I had the ball and asked "so is it a tie now?" and one of the guys from the other team just pushed me aside and checked it to continue playing. I thought about shoving him back and starting something but then realised I didn't have any back up. We won the game anyway, so he can suck balls.

The next game was kinda heated as well, for me anyway. I was marking this kid, who beat me off the dribble for an easy lay-up. I started guarding him tighter, and once when he tried to cut past me, my finger got caught in his jersey, causing it to pull against his neck. He thought it was deliberate. I didn't apologise because it wasn't deliberate. I just thought it would've been pretty amazing if I had intended on doing that.

What also motivated me more was that when he had the ball another time, someone in the crowd said "take him off the dribble". I wouldn't have none of that. Sure, he was quicker than me, but I'm confident that with more training, I'll be up to speed again. I do, however, sometimes worry if I'm putting on too much muscles which will slow me down.

My defense is slowly coming back. A guy drove to my left, and I waited till he stopped his dribble and went for the jump shot. A left handed Karl Malone-like swipe came down hard, stripped the ball by hitting his hand, causing him to writhe and shake his hand a bit as if it really hurt him. I think these guys need to learn that hand's part of the ball.

Also, on another occasion, some guy was gonna rebound and alley-oop it, but I managed to just nick it, sending it off course, and causing him to say afterwards "blocked". That's one block per visit now in the last two occasions there. There was another occasion where a tall guy drove, and I jumped to block him and hit his hand just beneath the ball, but someone else fouled him. I knew I was this close to blocking that shit. I slapped my hands in frustration.

All of a sudden the rings started being raised up, and we knew it was time up, even though it was earlier than usual. The guy in the green Celtics jersey and I started talking. He had just missed his ferry and would have to wait an hour for the next one, so I guess he had time. We talked about the heated up games at first, and then our injuries. We talked about comps, and because I said I had taken a year off, I had to reveal my injury. It was cool though, I don't think he's the type to use information like that, and he was pretty open about his own injuries (which included ligaments in the shoulder from cycling).

We then talked about the NBA, and then about work. Apparently he works at Telstra, near me. He said he thinks he's seen me around before, which was a bit surprising. Do I look recognizable? Maybe I look so odd that people recognise me? Either extremely odd, or somewhat good looking. Maybe it's the former.

we talked for ages, found out his name was Paul, until the lady kicked us out. I walked back to the office because I was so hungry. I had half a box of rice left from lunch, so heated it up and ate it in the shopping centre nearby. I was on my way to the bus stop when I realised my ticket was in my suit, so had to go back to the office again to get it. Sheesh, that must look suss.

Ligament Anniversary

Well, today marks the one year anniversay of my torn ligament. It's actually pretty hard to believe, and somewhat remarkable, to see how much progress I've made. Who would've thought, that even a few months ago, I'd be today jumping around high enough to backboard tap it? I mean, really, I haven't lost any of my hops. The only thing that's different now is the constant fear of re-injuring myself which would render me a cripple.

Yes, big difference.

Today also marks the end of my probation period. I have officially been at this job for longer than my old job. It seems like it's been so much longer.

Today Alanna came in, but was sick so she left only after a short while. I swear I feel so lost without her. It's like my whole workload stops when she's not around.

I went to talk to Karina a couple of times. I think maybe it's starting to be too much. It hasn't reached that stage yet, but just the beginning. I'll wait for her to come over next.

Heath came over a few times, and I went over a few times, mainly to ask him questions, but it always turns into a bit of a chat. I feel he's finally opening up to me. Today he commented on how he was earning only $59k and how that was a problem with his in-laws.

I got to work at like 7:45am today, and to my surprise Yoshi wasn't there. Instead, Amy was working in the dark, preparing for court. I finished work at about 7pm, so put in some good hours today.

Dubbo / Bibi / Date Night

On Wednesday night at the office, as I was packing my trolley, I found a woman's lipstick in one of the compartments. I had seen Yoshi and Katie with this bag recently, so I figured it belonged to one of them. I drafted an email to everyone on our floor which was a bit funny, saying whose ever it was could pick it up from my desk. I had Karina check it before I sent it, which may be a bad move if I was really into her, because it may show some insecurity.

I walked Karina to the train station. I find that I'm always asking her questions which have been previously answered, or it's things I should already know about. I guess that's what happens when you're only so-so interested in a girl, you hear some things and not others, whereas when Katie talked I listened to every drop there was. And yet ironically, that's unattractive, but forgetting (or being "aloof") is attractive. Go figure.

My dad knew I had an early flight and so woke me up at about 4am, which was pretty good of him since had I woken up at the time which I had set my alarm for, I probably would've missed my flight.

I caught a taxi and went to the airport. Everything was pretty exciting. I had no troubles getting onto the flight, and in fact everything went pretty smoothly. I had planned to do some reading on the plane but decided it was better to sleep. When I got there I got into a cab and had a bit of a chat with the driver.

It was a small town, and it kinda reminded me of Lismore, only less farms. I got there at like 7:30am so walked around for a bit before waiting at court.

I knew Mot was working around here, and maybe hoped that he would be around the courts. When the building opened I went in and checked out the few courtrooms. I stood in the lobby waiting and then saw a man come out of one of them, talking on his phone. I looked at him and thought it was Mot. He looked at me and then walked back inside. I followed and confirmed that it was Mot.

I walked towards him and said "Mr [insert his last name here]". I didn't quite get the reaction I was hoping for. He remembered my name and we shook hands. Maybe it was cause he was busy, but he didn't seem all that excited to see me. We had a catch up chat between him trying to make a phone call and getting the AVL to work.

He had matured so much. He was a very good specimen to compare me against - we had both started our TLP at pretty much the same time at Nom's firm, so it was interesting to see how we had progressed through our different paths. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a very nice fitting suit. I watched him do his matter and he was very calm with a steady voice. He had definitely matured a lot, both professionally and seemingly personally.

Me? I stayed with Nom for two years, learning by humiliation, stayed off my feet for more than a year instructing in that trial, and am now in a graduate position with the CDDP, where one could say people like Yoshi and Katie are on my level. Hmmm.

After his matter finished, we continued talking and I suggested meeting up for a coffee after finishing my matter, and we swapped numbers.

My matter was easier than I expected. The def turned up by herself and I felt bad that I was going to have to ask for her to go to jail. Of course, she didn't, because the judge was a bit of a softy. I felt fairly confident during my matter, even though we were both confused as to how the Cth law works.

After it finished I immediately went out to call Alanna because I wasn't sure if the judge was allowed to do what he did. Luckily, he was. Alanna had Therese call me to organise an earlier flight back, which I appreciated. Sometimes I really do feel like James Bond with everyone working back at the office for him.

I called Mot and we organised to have lunch at noon, so I walked around and bought a Nike dri-fit long sleeve shirt for $50, which I thought was pretty good, seeing that you can't get that for $50 anywhere in Sydney.

I waited outside the court building for Mot and after a while saw him crossing the road towards me. He seemed a bit unsure as to where to go for lunch and then chose the cafe across the road. As we ate, we talked about the old times at Nom's office, my trial, and his work out there. He had been transferred there as part of a promotion. As we sat there, I found him to be a little bit cocky, but only due to him not taking off his suit or even bothering to undo the buttons. But I watched him and thought that maybe I should mature myself a bit like him as well.

After lunch I walked him back to his office part way and then said our goodbyes. I had like four hours before my flight and had decided to watch some matters in court, but they finished early, so I had a bit of a walk around and then took a nap on a bench outside the court building. It was just such a nice day. I lifted the trolley handle up, hung my suit on it, and lied down on the bench facing the sun, closed my eyes and dozed off. When I woke up, I was a bit scared that I had missed my flight or that someone had taken something, but neither was the case.

I walked around a bit more before catching a taxi to the airport. It was a bit of a wait at the airport, but I just sat there and listened to my music. I was kinda hoping I'd get back in time to see Karina, figuring she may be staying back late since she had a hearing the next date, but as the plane neared Sydney I knew it was kinda fanciful.

By the time I got off the plane I was pretty exhausted. I can't believe I was so tired just from all the waiting and travelling. It took a while to just wait for a taxi, since the queue was so long. I had a good chat with the driver about speed cameras and that, with him trying to point out the ones in the tunnel for me.

I was expecting that the lipstick I had placed on my desk would be gone. The only question was, if it was Katie's, would she send me an email thanking me?

To my surprise, it was still there. A little disappointed. Maybe she had too much pride to take it.

Only Zena was there, and she was getting ready to leave. We gossiped a bit, and I found out that Tim was kinda disliked when he was on our level, and he's being disliked now on his new level. As we talked I realised she kinda had a hot body, and found out that we were the same age. But still, I proceeded on the basis that she had a boyfriend.

I walked her to the train station, and then went to the foot court below Myer to have a Subway sandwich, only because I hadn't had one in such a long time. And then I did the unthinkable: I went to the casino.

I was playing (and losing) at a table when I spotted Chris, my next door neighbour, playing at an opposite table. I wasn't sure if he saw me, but after trying to meet eyes a few times I gave up. He eventually came over and talked to me a bit. I was kinda quiet because I didn't really know what to say. I was pretty embarassed. I would've preferred that he caught me in a brothel.

He could sense that I was uncomfortable so he left. I lost $600. I know I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

NEVER FUCKING GAMBLING AGAIN!!!

As I walked back towards the main part of the city, I wondered why he gambled. He seemed like such a nice guy, and had a bloody hot girlfriend. Why do I gamble? Because I'm depressed and feel that I have nothing going for me. I don't have any financial responsibilities, so money to me is very much tangible. But for him, he had a girlfriend, and a mortgage. Why would he put that at risk? But then again, maybe he didn't have a gambling problem, because if he did, he probably would've been too ashamed to come talk to me.

On Friday I had a bit of a headache and felt tired from the day before. Nevertheless, I still got a bit of work done and managed to go to the gym. I found that work actually made me happier. I probably spent a quarter of the day talking to everyone I didn't see for a whole day, lol.

At first I saw Linda about my plane ticket, and Alanna came over and had a chat, which ended up being her talking about how a mag made her cry once. I was so sad to hear it, because to me she is such a strong person, but I've seen this mag before and she is pretty horrible. I wanted to talk to her alone about my day in court, so I was kinda quiet, waiting for her to go back to her room.

Next I went to tell Rat that the judge mentioned her matter a bit, which inevitably turned into a 20 minute conversation.

Finally I got around to Alanna, using as an excuse the need for her to sign my petty cash thing. I almost feel like it's kinda wrong if I have court and not report to her about it. I find it cute how she always pushes up the left side of her glasses when we're talking.

I hadn't seen Heath for a while because he had a few days of leave, so I had a chat with him too, and so I really felt like I had to tell every single person about it, lol.

During lunch I ran to the gym, did sit ups and then ran to the KGV courts. On my way back I grabbed a box of sushi and a can of coke, and they were handing out free drinks on the street so I grabbed a bottle. Back at the office, I saw Turk and just gave her the drink, lol.

I was wearing my new Nike dri-fit I had gotten the day before, and saw that both Alanna and Katie were near the bathroom and saw me in it. Money well spent, hehe.

At one point I was walking along the corridor and sensed someone walking in my direction, so I looked up and smiled only to realise it was Katie. She had been looking at me but looked down as soon as I looked at her.

Speaking of her, I feel that Yoshi has tried to step up her game recently. As always, she's been getting into the office at about 7:20am, but she's now seemingly not going out to lunch with Katie anymore, instead opting to stay in the office to work. Maybe Katie gets her lunch, I don't know. But I wonder if she has found out that I did 14 files last month and so wants to match me. I'm onto her. She's not as she appears. She tries to come off as a soft, nice, innocent little girl, but I know they call themselves sly and shifty for a reason. She's competitive as fuck.

I went to Alanna during the day again to have another talk. Maybe it's me, but I get the feeling that she gets a bit lonely sometimes and so welcomes the chat. I remember when I told her that I was glad she remained my supervisor, she said she was too, and added that I was "low maintenance". Funny, Nom said the same thing (kinda), when she said that I "don't annoy her".

At the end of the day, I was taking a folder to Alanna to talk to her about (but she had gone) and passed Rat's room. She was talking to Erin, and said something to me, I can't remember what. But what I do remember is her teasingly saying "so how many are you going to do this month? 20? Why don't you just make us all look bad?"

I didn't know how to respond and just laughed as I continued walking.

God, word really gets around!!

I stayed at work till 7pm, because I discovered a file that was really urgent. Katie was the second last to leave, at 6pm. When it was just the two of us in the office, a small part of me hoped she would at least say goodbye. She didn't. In hindsight, you may want to consider leaving, because she could make all sorts of allegations against you when you two are alone.

I organised to meet up with Malay for some KFC in the Wick. I picked him up and we drove there, only to find out he had invited Gurang as well. I can tolerate him I suppose. We ate and talked about rubbish really. Malay and I did express some concern about the change in Shuing ever since he left his job. Like I said, I had respect for the guy before, but now, I'm not so sure. I mean, he left his job so he could gamble on sports???

Throughout the meal, Gurang kept wanting to go out to a club or a bar, probably to pick up girls. Malay didn't seem that interested, and neither did I. Gurang wanted to do something. I didn't want to do anything. Not with him anyway. So afterwards I drove Malay home and that was that. Well, for them anyway. I went on a bit of a drive to the sea side and back, but in reality I was looking for a street race. Couldn't find any, so went home disappointed.

On Saturday morning I went to the courts and did my jump rope wearing my Nike dri-fit :) I felt like Dwayne Wade (or is it Chris Paul?) in that Break to Build commercial.

After that I went home, had a shower, and changed to go to work. I got to the office at around 11am and did a bit of work on that urgent file, until I realised it was futile because the informant had fucked it up. I didn't feel tempted to go into Katie's room at all, and it was good because when I walked out of my room at one stage to go to the photocopier, Gonaz had just arrived.

I left at 1pm and went home to get the car. I drove to the Wick to get two chocolate strawberries to see Nabi. I then drove to see Nabi, and as always, arrived right on time.

I didn't have to wait as long this time, but I was always careful about not squishing the strawberries. The guy who let me in told me that she had changed her name to Bibi. Hmmm. That should ring some alarm bells. But what exactly?

When we walked up into the room, it was like the usual, and I gave her the strawberries. Once again, she didn't really look at it but just said thanks and placed it on the table. I had hoped that she would've gotten the message from last time and share it with me this time.

I asked her why she changed her name and she didn't really answer. Once again, we didn't follow routine as we started kissing after the shower. Although I was on top for the first half of our session, she got on top later and I felt like she really wanted to control things. I remember sitting up at one stage and usually she falls back down but this time she remained in control.

Afterwards she held onto me. I tried to introduce my phone (and hopefully the concept of her phone number) by showing her where Dubbo was, but the stupid google thing wasn't working properly, so that was the end of that. She seemed more interested in just holding me and sleeping.

I tried to tickle her at one stage but she said something in Korean. I asked her what that meant and she said she didn't like being tickled. We laid there some more and I noticed she had really drifted off to sleep. When the buzzer went, she said something in Korean and I asked her what that meant. She said "don't go".

Progress?

She held onto me for a bit more before finally getting up. I tried to say "darling" in Korean but got it wrong and she didn't know what I was talking about. When I told her, she corrected me and then kept repeating it.

I asked her if she was working tomorrow (yes) and Monday (no), and then said I'd come on Monday. She said something about me going on a Monday as I was tying my shoelace. Then she tapped me on the shoulder and when I looked up she had balled up her fist and said something about me seeing other girls. The message I suppose was she'd hit me if I saw any other girls. I'm sure she was half joking, but I'm also sure she was half serious.

So now I'm in this situation where if I ask for her number she'll lose interest, but yet she holds enough interest in me to not want me to see any other girls. Only me. Only my life. Only my fucked up life.

I contemplated telling her that I wouldn't be able to see her next week (because I wanted to save money), but figured I shouldn't because: 1) it would keep up the mystery aspect of myself; and 2) it would leave open the option of going to see her if I felt like it.

It was only after I left that I realised I had agreed to meet up with Carry, HHH, Kylie and Shady next Saturday to see Bush's baby, so I'd be missing Nabi anyway. The question then is, do I see her on the Sunday or just skip the week in total?

After that I drove to Broadway and caught Date Night just in time, hehe. I bought myself a coke and popcorn and really enjoyed it. I not only enjoyed the movie, but I enjoyed the time BY MYSELF! I don't know why, but it just feels like I hadn't had that for such a long time.

I swear it was the funniest thing I had seen in a long time. Funny bits I loved (and can remember):

- Mark Wahlbery always opening his door without a shirt on, with Carell finally telling him "for the love of God can you please put on a fucking shirt!!", haha

- when they got the car stuck with the taxi, haha, the taxi driver was hilarious! I actually laughed so awkwardly and unexpectedly it was kinda embarassing, lol.

- the bit where Carell answers the intercom and is like "I am having the sex now" in a strong accent, and Wahlberg's like "is that supposed to be me?" haha, funny shit

Goddamn I enjoyed that movie so much, haha.

After that I didn't want to go home, because I was getting bored of having dinner with the family every night, so I filled up the car with $15 worth of petrol and went for a bit of a drive to, once again, look for a street race. I couldn't find one and ended up at the Wick, renting a video. I rented Mississippi Burning. The two hot blondes were there, I felt a bit nervous as I approached. The one with the kinder face served me with a smile, but I told myself that she was just being friendly. I overheard her talking to some guys earlier and considered that she was just a friendly person.

I couldn't tell which one was hotter.

Today, I went to the courts a bit late, mainly because I was looking for a game. Everyone seemed settled into their own, so I just worked on a few moves. I had a dream last night that I was playing one on one with someone and scored 10 points on them in a row, including two left handed hook shots. I also nearly dunked it, and by that I mean I got high enough to grab the ring, but lost the ball in the process (although it still went in). So naturally, I felt like I could do that today and tried, and although I got pretty high, it was no donut.

After that, I went to the gym. I donated a couple of my old t-shirts at Vinnies on the way. The way the guy thanked me was just so...genuine. Damn it made me feel good. I get more closet room and I'm doing a good deed.

I hurt my shoulder last week when no benchpresses were available so I decided to use barbells instead. I picked up the 19kg ones which were too heavy, but my ego wouldn't let me take them back so I fought through three hard sets with them, and immediately knew I had hurt my shoulder. So today I did the benchpress with no weights, and worked on my arms and abs.

After that I went home and had a shower, then went out to the city to get some apples and a present for mother's day. I went to Paddy's market, bought five green apples and a plant for my mom. I then went upstairs to the foodcourt for lunch, and while waiting, I was trying to take a sip of my drink while holding everything, and it was like the drink exploded and I dropped everything, only that I was still holding the bottle and the plant. I picked up my apples and a lady picked one up nearby for me. I think the drink exploded onto the lady in front of me, lol, so fucking embarassing.

Hungry Jacks with Karina

Today was the first day I saw Alanna since the news about the change in supervisors, because on Monday I was at court and she left early because she had court yesterday.

She got in before 9am and sent me an email asking me to go see her about a matter after she finished her coffee. I was finishing something else off first and then planned to read up on the matter before seeing her as I had forgotten about it. As I was pulling it out she came to my room and sat down.

She asked me about court on Monday and I started telling her. I thought about asking her about her court yesterday, but then Rat stopped by and asked, only to have Alanna tell her she would tell her later. This is the second time I've noticed Alanna do something out of 'efficiency'. Once Rat was in her room telling her about a case, and when I approached Rat started telling me about it from the beginning, and Alanna said that if she was going to re-tell it, then she should do it away from her room. Maybe this is kinda like a flaw?

Anyway, for some stupid reason I got a bit nervous talking to her. I said I'd go see her after she had her chat with Rat, and when she left, I started thinking "do I have a crush on her?" Maybe it's just admiration? Although she's attractive, I can't see myself being attracted to her. I just don't think of her in that type of way. Maybe it's due to our supervisor-employee relationship.

Although I had planned to spend a whole day preparing for tomorrow's sev appeal, I ended up finishing off a brief in the first half of the day. I figured I worked on matters like these better under stress, and there's no better stress than a time limit, so I'd give myself the second half of the day to prepare my sev appeal, keeping in mind that there was a CLE at the end of the day.

I thought about asking Karina out to lunch, but since we went yesterday, it was probably too soon to go again. Besides, I had brought my gym gear and wanted to go to the gym.

Speaking of yesterday's lunch, it was a bit odd. I asked her in the morning, and she said it would be a good idea because she had a matter where she wanted to "bounce ideas". When I went to get her at lunch time, she had her door closed and I looked in. She was standing behind the door, looking into the mirror and applying her lipstick.

I waited for a while but her door never opened, so I walked back to my room. She sent me an email asking if I wanted to wait at the lifts. I heard someone go to the lifts and I went, thinking it was her. It was the boss. It was a bit awkward so I caught the lift down with him and then went back up, lol.

When I went to get Karina from her room, she said she had already eaten her sandwich but would come with me anyway. I thought that was a bit weird. I said I had a craving for Hungry Jack's and she suggested eating at the park. Stupidly, after I got my food (also bought her a coke), I said I wanted to sit downstairs. After talking about work for a while, I thought "shit, she said she wanted to go to the park". I guess that's what happens when you're not that interested in a girl. I thought, if this was Katie, I would've definitely kept that in mind.

So I quickly finished my food and then suggested going for a walk in the park. We both held our Cokes as we walked, and in the park we saw Genie, Turk and Evissa sitting on the grass, so we joined them. I wonder if they thought anything of us.

We talked for a while, mainly it was Turk telling us her clumsy stories. As I listened, I realised what a friendly person Turk was. She was the type you could feel easy about opening up to, and was approachable.

Anyway, back to today. As I was walking to my room, I heard a voice say hi. I turned around and it was Karina. She was heading out for a walk. I didn't say anything about lunch, and instead went to change and ran to the gym, did sit ups, then ran to The Rocks.

I ran back, bought a pack of gummi bears for the office, and a sushi box for lunch.

In the late afternoon, Dugon, Zena, Karina and I went to the CLE thing together. Dugon and I joked as we walked to the lifts, and I just really appreciated, at that moment anyway, having some female friends. Maybe I just wanted to prove I could get along with women even though they were taken?

I sat next to Karina in the CLE, and Katie sat a few seats down. I answered one question, but Karina really seemed to be answering all of them. I think she must've been really smart at uni.

When the thing finished, I waited while Karina filled in the feedback form. Katie was nearby and getting ready to leave. I noticed she looked at me, maybe to see if I was looking at her.

Maybe I'm paranoid, but I'm beginning to feel that this is where the 'turn around point' is. By that, I mean this: before, she probably felt like I was the aggressor. That assumption lasted even after I stopped talking to her. Now, it's like she's beginning to realise, "wait a minute, I don't think he's going after me anymore", which later changes to a "hmmmm" and even later changes to a "maybe I'll try to get his attention".

You watch. Girls are like that. The more you ignore them, the more they like you.

Alanna!

I had court today, went straight to Parra. It was eerily reminiscent of the good old days when I travelled there everyday. Nothing much had changed really. Even the sheriffs are still the same.

The dude in my matter was unrepresented, so I had to wait for all the lawyers to do their matters first. Fucking hell. He turned up at like 10:20am, and then we waited till 1pm. When the judge saw how many documents he wanted to hand up, he broke for lunch.

I took the file with me to Macca's and thought about it over lunch. I had a good counter argument, but when we resumed in court, the judge told me he was "minded" to vary the bail.

Fuck!! No!!!

I wasted the entire day and this is the result I get. I hated this defendant. He was annoying, and I could tell he was prone to getting me into trouble. Made me waste my whole day.

I quickly left and caught the train back to the office. I wanted to tell Alanna first but couldn't find her. Turns out she had left early for court tomorrow. I told Karina and Turk about it, then went with Zena to the dessert place and told her about it.

When I was in her room, I asked her if I should collect the others, and she said no. When we were in the lift, she said she didn't want to because the boss had talked to her about going to get coffee as a group. She took me to this Thai restaurant which was selling dessert pieces outside. They looked nice, but I think I'll stick to my random confectionary buying ways.

She told me a bit about how her brother in law was staying and how that meant they had to go out a lot and spent lots of money. I don't know why she was telling me this. I have started thinking back to the conversation where I thought she had mentioned her boyfriend, but in hindsight, could it be that she was just talking about an informant?? What if she was single? What if she thought I was interested because I gave her food??

Anyway, I shouted her the desserts and we made our way back to the office. I told Wendy about my matter in court and she basically had a "that's un-fucking-believable" reaction.

Heath came into my room for a chat, and after telling him about my matter, I asked whether it was his choice to transfer to another section. I pretty much knew the answer, because Genie had told me, but I guess I wanted to somehow see if Heath leaving had anything to do with me (which was pure sillyness, but still).

This led to him telling me that his son was actually being tested for autism, and that a few months ago he had asked the boss for a transfer because he wanted less stressful work (funnily enough, the boss said yes, yet the same work kept coming through), and that was how he got the transfer.

I didn't know what to say or how to react, so I didn't. But I did feel for him, poor guy. He doesn't deserve something like that.

I checked my emails and the boss had sent one about changes in supervisory arrangements. I eagerly looked at the attachment and saw that...I WAS STILL WITH ALANNA!!!

I had a mental "YES!!" and felt like high-fiving Alanna but she wasn't there. The only person in our team now is Genie. I wonder if Alanna had a say in who to keep.

I had a talk to Karina, she didn't seem too happy about leaving Alanna and going to Erin.

At one point I was standing at my office door talking to Paul and Lisa, when Katie came out of the photocopying room and saw me. Her reaction was akin to that of someone getting home, switching on the lights and seeing a wolf sitting in the middle of a lounge room. She stopped dead in her tracks before walking again, and glanced up at Paul as she passed by us.

I'm actually pretty worried now. What on earth have I done to provoke such a reaction??? My main concern is this: what if people notice it and start wondering if I'd done anything to her?? All she needs to do is accuse me of something and then my reputation will be gone.

I got so paranoid that I was determined not to be the last one to leave (not wanting the opportunity for her to accuse me of going into her room). When I realised Wendy had left and that I was the only one there, I quickly left too, even though I felt like doing some work.

I went home, and stupidly went to the casino. I drove there, withdrew $400, and found myself playing on the table with that smartass dealer. I didn't like him at all. There was another guy laying chips all over the table, who seemed to keep winning. I even followed him on a couple of spins, but didn't win as much as he did. I eventually lost my $400.

I went to withdraw another $400, even though losing this meant there would be no Nabi on Saturday. That's what gambling does to you. You just don't care.

I picked a dealer which, as Shuing pointed out, looked like he could be a good friend. He was a bit of an Asian chump. I think even his manager was having a bit of a go at him. I managed to slowly win my $400 back plus another $100 on top, so that was a $100 gain. Just before I reached that mark, a really old Asian lady squeezed in between me and this other man, causing the man to say "there's plent of space on the other side", but as if she gave a crap. I generally don't like old ladies like this. I feel that they're bad luck. So I quickly cashed in and was happy to leave with a gain of $100 instead of a loss of $800.

I couldn't get home fast enough to enjoy dinner with my family.

Breaking the routine with Nabi

I figured my legs would be tired on Saturday morning after Friday night's scrimage, so I hadn't planned on going to the courts in the morning. I did, however, get up at around 7am to drive to the office to pick up my gym bag and suit. Quickly in and out, like a ninja.

I went back home and ended up having a nap. I didn't even plan on doing any work in the office because I felt like I deserved a little break (on a Saturday!).

I basically bummed around at home, waiting for the car and for 2pm to arrive so I could go see Nabi. I had turned down the day before an invitation from Thai to the movies. They wanted to see Iron Man 2, and I wasn't really feeling it, even though the trailer looked ok. Malay messaged me asking if I wanted to go clothes shopping with him, Brain and Scope. It didn't sound like a bad idea, until I pictured Brain being indecisive and standing around trying to decide whether he should go into a particular shop or not. I much preferred seeing Nabi.

My plan was to break out of the routine, like with Emily/Jenny. That was a good indication that they felt closer to you and liked you. I figured that if I got the routine treatment everytime, she was just treating me strictly as a customer. But as the clock drew closer, I decided against it. I figured she'd break out of the routine when she was ready. I didn't want to force anything onto her.

When my dad came back I took a shower and got changed. I drove to the factory outlets near Shuing first to check out some clothes. I was seeing if there were any long sleeve training shirts I could get cheaply. I checked out Puma and New Balance, and they didn't have anything I liked. I then went to a suits store and didn't find anything too appealing either so I left.

I thought it was too early to go and the thought of going to the casino flashed across my mind repeatedly, but as I got closer to the city I could see that the timing was about right. I called the place up and made a booking. I did get to the area about 10 minutes early, so had a bit of a walkaround and went into a grocery store to see if there was any small candy I could get for her, but couldn't find anything unique enough.

I finally went into the place, got the usual greeting by the guy, paid my money, went to the toilet and sat in the waiting room above the stairs. Some chubby chump walked in after me and waited in the other room. I could tell from the conversation that he had booked a girl called Nana or something. He got called first, and then me after a few minutes.

When I walked out from the waiting room, I saw Nabi standing there, smiling and she had already started making her way up the stairs. Everytime I see her at first, I always wonder why I've stuck with her. There are better looking girls at this place.

When we made our way up to the next level, we headed towards a room at the end, passing the room which the chump and his girl had walked into. Nabi was holding my hand and happily told me a couple of times that that girl was her room mate. I just thought it was a bit awkward/funny. She said it so casually, lol. I almost felt obliged to stop and shake her room mate's hand but for the surrounding circumstances. I thought about making a joke about seeing her room mate next time but thought the better of it.

I closed the door after us but she went back out to get the towels as usual. I did get a more relaxed feel at the start when I asked her if she had changed her hair (because I thought she had), and when she said no, I acted like I didn't believe her and asked her if she was the real Nabi.

We had a shower as normal, and I thought it was going to be another routine session. Since I finished the shower first, I had walked to the bed, and then she came over when she finished. Here's where the routine broke. She stood in front of me and we started kissing. In my mind, I knew we had progressed to another level.

We kissed and eventually ended up on the bed where we kissed some more. I decided to see if she was genuine by feeling her down there, and could feel that she was wet. Maybe she was genuine? There was a LOT of tongue action this time during our session.

Afterwards, I felt that she wasn't really in the mood to sleep, even though I kinda was. I asked her what she'd do if she won the lotto. She said she'd buy a house, a car, and open up a clothing store. I asked her if she meant here or in Korea. She said here.

I asked her what she was thinking and she said nothing.

We held eachother for a while before she rolled over to get a cigarette. I asked her how much she smoked and she said a pack a day.

She said she was hungry and we got talking about KFC. She said she really wanted KFC and playfully whinged for it after I told her that I was going to have some when I left. I said I'd bring her some next time, but in hindsight I wonder whether I should've said I'd take her.

As I held her, she kept kissing my cheek and playing with my ear and my light fuzz of a beard. She remarked that I hadn't shaved. I said I shaved the day before.

The buzzer went earlier than I thought. As we dressed after our showers, she called me "ja-gi-yah". She called me this last time. She said it means "darling". Two things:

1. I don't think she knows my name. She probably knew it the first time we met, but forgot about it thinking she'd never see me again. Since then she's probably been too embarassed to ask.

2. I looked it up on the internet just to make sure it wasn't a swear word, and apparently it means "babe", "honey" or "darling" when used by boyfriend or girlfriend. I wonder if she's just saying this because she doesn't know my name, or if it has some deeper meaning, like she actually wants me to be her boyfriend.

When we were about to walk out the door, she said "see you next week" and I said "Monday", which made her laugh because I had joked earlier that I wanted to see her on Monday because it was school uniform day, although she doesn't work Mondays because she doesn't like to wear it.

I drove to the shopping centre near me, wanting to watch Date Night. It started in about an hour's time and I didn't want to wait, so I ate some KFC and then went to the Wick to rent a movie to watch. It was a tough choice between Hit and Run, and Red Cliff, but in the end I just felt like a brainless movie where I didn't have to think.

I went home and watched it with a pack of chips. I did think about Red Cliff, but I also did enjoy the movie. I was just kinda disappointed that the chick never went topless, yet at the same time I was disgusted by how she showed cleavage in every scene, cheapening the entire movie.

Today, I went to the courts in the morning and did my jump rope exercises, then went home and had breakfast and went to the office. I got there at about 11:30, saw that the lights were green and had a good idea that Genie was in. She was, and so was Livak. I had a chat to both of them, they had a hearing tomorrow so that's why they were in on a Sunday.

I noticed Katie's door was now wide open.

Had she been in on the weekend?

When my computer loaded up, I saw that neither Yoshi nor Katie had logged in on the weekend. Of course, this doesn't mean that they couldn't have just come in to get something and left straight away, like I did on Saturday morning. But on Saturday morning I remember clearly that her door was still mostly closed. Who had swung her door open like that?

This actually got me a bit paranoid for the rest of the day as I read up on tomorrow's file. What if someone else had done it, and she thinks it was me? Did she leave the door closed like that because she had already suspected me of something? Maybe one day I had walked in and my shoes left grass on her floor?

I kept telling myself to deny everything if confronted.

Ummm...but you really didn't open her door.

I know, I know, but once an allegation is made, that's it, that's the end of a guy's career. It doesn't even matter if he wins, or if the allegation is pure nonsense. The allegation itself is enough to destroy a career. This was more the reason to avoid her. Moreover, it made me re-think about things with Karina (and Zena, who on Friday had asked me to check out a dessert place with her).

Just when things were going so good, this was gonna pop up and ruin me. Alanna probably thinks I'm the perfect employee, and when this happens, she and everyone else is going to think "I knew he was too good to be true".

I was just hoping that either Genie or Livak would remember that Katie's door was open BEFORE I got to the office. Hell, I hope it was one of them who opened it. It still baffles me - who the hell opened her door?!?

After I finished reading up on the file I went to the gym, but found out it was closing in 20 minutes, so went back to work to pack my stuff. I left the office, went home and washed my car. I hadn't done it for about two weeks I think, and I was really looking forward to it, lol. It's such a peaceful thing to do.

After washing the car, I drove it to the gym. I did my usual stuff, and returned Hit and Run. That cute blonde was working tonight!! I walked in and dropped off the DVD in the return box. I looked at her, hoping she'd look up. She did, and smiled. I smiled back and she looked back down. Damn she's cute.

But I've been thinking...I kinda like what I have going with Nabi now. Sure, it's not financially viable in the long run, but I figure that as long as this replaces gambling then it can't be as bad. Besides, it gives me something to look forward to every week, and it doesn't make me 'want' other women as much when I talk to them. I feel like I'm starting to develop that "I don't need you" attitude which supposedly attracts girls. I know I don't need them because I'm going to see Nabi at the end of the week.

Right now, I'm just trying to work as hard as I can so hopefully I can get a promotion (like Alanna did, but no way in hell in 6 months like she did, she's just amazing) so I can earn more money and pay off my credit card debt faster.

My month of April

My plan on Friday was to work until 4pm-ish and then go off to bball. I deserved it, and I was ahead with my work anyway. I was thinking about a sev appeal next week which I have in Dubbo, and thinking about Mot who works there. Then my phone rings and the lady from reception says (or so I thought) "Mot, reception".

I thought Mot had called, and I was saying "hello?" repeatedly on the phone, but there was nothing. I hung up and thought about the possibility that the lady meant Mot was at reception. But what the hell would Mot be doing here? Visiting me??

I went down to level 7 and looked at the lobby area. I saw a lady and an Indian man. I looked at the receptionist, who nodded towards the Indian man. I looked at him again and he stood up and introduced himself as one of the defs in my matter!

I asked if he had a lawyer, he said no but wanted to talk to me. I told him to wait while I went back up to level 10. I knocked on Alanna's door, and in the RB tone of voice said "[defendant's name] has arrived on level 7". This was probably the most I had seen Alanna panic. She scrambled out of her seat and said we had to go tell Wendy. We told Wendy and Wendy and I went down to talk to the guy to tell him that we couldn't talk to him.

We went back up. I admired how Wendy handled the situation. I seriously didn't know what to do. I told Alanna about it later and we had a bt of a chat about it.

I went to the gay gym at lunch and then bought some Hungry Jack's for lunch on the way back. I had decided to tank it for the rest of the day, holding my coke and going around to talk to Karina. While on this note, I forgot to mention that on Tuesday I told her about my misadventure on the bus with the new suit, and she smartly asked "so what's the moral of the story?" which made me say "don't let my mom look after my clothes". She wanted an independent man.

Anyway, after that I was strolling back to my room when Wendy saw me and signalled to me. She said the defendant earlier had lodged a bail variation for Monday. She went into panic mode and started going through the file. Since it wasn't anything due anytime soon, I never really read it, and she sensed this, so we ended up taking the file to Alanna, who had done it originally.

Alanna could sense Wendy's panic and managed to get her out of the room so we could both work on it. She offered me her pack of jelly beans.

Yes! I'm in! I'M IN!!!

But, sure enough, I managed to fuck it up because I'm a clutz. I spilled a few jelly beans which made her laugh. I started picking them off the floor, but there was one which fell under her table. I got up and crawled under, and at that very moment realised she was wearing a skirt (but she hadn't been facing my way anyway) and thought "fuck, I shouldn't have done this".

CLASS-SY.

She now thinsk you're either a moron or a pervert. Well done.

So I my plans to go to bball early were demolished with the new events, as I sat there reading up on the file. I was planning to finish up at about 5:30 or 6. I had asked Jim and Bo if they were up for bball, but Jim said no and Bo never replied. I got a bit more depressed and no longer felt like going to bball. Instead, I wanted to go watch Date Night by myself.

Just as I was packing up, Bo called me and asked if I was still going to bball. I happily said yes, and went to change into my gear immediately, hehe. That was enough to cheer me up.

I went to the courts and watched the more expert guys play full court. It was so rough, yet I knew that was the shape I needed to be in if I wanted to make a return.

Bo came about 10 minutes later with Philo, and we ended up playing four on four with these foreign guys. I didn't score as much this time, but made some nifty passes, but also threw a few lobs that went too high. I feel that Bo and I are still getting the feel for eachother as our pick and rolls never fully connected. I'm still a bit slow in terms of in-your-face defence, but I did get one block from behind, so at least that's some improvement. I need to stop praising myself during games, because it makes me complacent.

One guy on our team stopped playing and went to another court, so we were missing a player. We met Andrew there, who had done his TLP with John, and we chatted a bit and exchanged numbers. He told me he applied for the DDP, and I instantly found a distaste for him - someone who wanted the good job without putting in the hard yards first.

We never got another game going, as the foreigners left after shooting around for a while. Bo, Philo and I shot around lazily when they left. I felt some jump in my legs and started touching the backboard (which is a decent height by the way), and eve backboard tapped it. I had my knee brace on and everything was feeling fine. I could jump as high as before I guess. Even though I was tired and hungry, I couldn't stop jumping. I wanted this to last forever.

Later some guy had to put up volley ball nets so we left. Philo went his own way and Bo and I talked as we made our way down the main street because he wanted to buy a wok. The place was closed, so then we went to a pho restaurant. We had a good talk pretty much about everything as we ate.

As I got off the bus and walked home, I knew it was about time to tell Mike my decision. It would be a no. I wasn't ready. I feel like I need a bit more time before being ready to be thrown into competition again. Hopefully a few more months will prepare my knee a bit better.

I was reading a Bill Simmons article, in which he described different levels of a player taking over a game, and one of them was this:

"The Eff You" -- When a star destroys a team with particular zeal. My personal favorite: Bird in Game 6 of the 1986 Finals. The best example: Jordan's Game 4 versus the '93 Knicks (54 points and at least 10 eff you moments).

I felt like that was me this month in achieving our target of 12. In a way, I should thank Katie for providing me with the motivation to do such a thing. After what happened, it was like I said "fuck you" and just dominated everyone else on the floor. Damn, I must be one of the best guys to rebound from tough situations. But the downside is, if everything is rosy, then I'm not motivated to do much.

This was my month of April.