November 2003

I was at the gym earlier. I had done three sets of the flat bench press, went to do three sets of sit ups, and then returned to do three sets of incline bench press.

In between sets, I found myself sitting there, looking at the ground and thinking. You know what I was thinking?

My mind had returned to November 2003, the last day of exams, after I had finished my exam, standing in the library, right in front of NTM. I could feel my heart break again. I saw myself trying to manage a weak smile. I saw myself turning around and walking away.

I swear, I SWEAR TO GOD I heard her say "no..." in the softest, most regretful voice as I walked away, as if her 'no' was not what I had interpreted it to mean.

Why can I still feel this way even to this day?

I began thinking: maybe everything in my life goes back to that date.